Cuddling confidence

[Deleted User]jdmy (deleted user)
in General

My cuddle buddy would like me to be more confident and better at expressing what I want. Any suggestions?
I'm slightly autistic.

I had a few ideas, but they might not be very good ones. One was that by getting to know each better and exchanging more messages, confidence would increase. (However, I may have overdone it somewhat by writing out my life story, which I suspect was a bad idea.) The second idea I've had is that if I host next time, this may help because it should be easier to be comfortable on home territory. The third idea I've had involves downing some beer shortly before our next meet up; I'm an infrequent drinker and I'm not talking about sacrificing self-control here, just thinking in terms of liquid courage.

Another idea is the one my buddy suggested, trying cuddling with another cuddler. No one else in my region has expressed any interest, though I could try travelling further afield.

Comments

  • cuddlebugTMcuddlebugTM

    I think on your home if possible could help if you tend to be comfortable with oeople there . Also maybe before cuddling writing down the types of cuddles that make you feel the best , most healing and connected . You can give to your cuddle buddy before .

  • JasonCuddlesJasonCuddles
    edited February 2018

    What exactly is the issue? Are you not expressing yourself well or are you unable to speak up about what you want? Is it caused by you feeling embarrassed or?

    Since I don't really know the situation super well I kinda have to guess at what might help but often times writing what you want down on paper before you even meet up may help if you're simply shy or bad at expressing yourself. It's a lot easier to give someone some paper than it is to say it out loud.

    edit------

    haha @cuddlebugTM yes exactly. Sorry I wrote my reply without reading yours. I think you've given good advice.

  • [Deleted User]jdmy (deleted user)

    These are good suggestions. Thank you for taking the time to comment and to give me your thoughts, @cuddlebugTM and @JasonCuddles.

  • LovelightLovelight

    I think it's okay to get to know each other too if that you need to feel comfortable and hopefully they can understand and go at each other's pace. The other suggestions are good too! Always look for and go with healthy methods. :)

  • happybearhappybear

    here's my loose change...

    • definitely don't drink, it could only make the situation worse
    • if cuddling is new to you, research positions that may be interesting, online there is the cuddling sutra, gives several cool positions.
    • pay for a professional cuddler, small investment, find one who seems really passionate about it, they will help the session go smoothly, ask for feedback
    • before cuddling, do something that you enjoy, it will give you more momentum in a positive way
    • cuddling like anything in life takes practice, comfort comes with lots of practice
    • be sincere why you are doing this, and explain that
    • don't be so hard on yourself, we are all on own worst enemy, this is suppost to be a respite..
    • this is a great community, its here for you

    be healthy

  • ScarletteScarlette

    @happybear. You're exactly right! @jdmy how many times have you cuddled with your cuddle partner? Perhaps, she's not the best fit for you. I would question her actually telling you that you should be more confudent and better expressing what you want, especially if she knows that could be a challenge for you. Positive reinforcement goes A LONG way and use use it with EVERY cuddle. "I love the way that you express your need to change positions" or "I love how you ask my permission to touch in different areas" or "Thank you for being so concerned with my comfort". It's my job as a professional cuddler to help you achieve emotional and physical comfort without even letting you know. We do that by open, gentle communication, some exercises to teach communication such as, open ended questions and a friendly, welcoming demeanor. I start my cuddles with a little talk about appropriate communication and I encourage it throughout the session. Sometimes, it just takes time.

  • [Deleted User]jdmy (deleted user)

    Thank you very much for your detailed suggestions, @happybear and @Scarlette. I really appreciate it. (I have only met this cuddle partner once.) :)

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