I know most people see "massage" and automatically think "sex," but ...

FitSmartCuddlerFitSmartCuddler
edited September 2023 in General

I enjoy giving massages--I'm not certified, but I've studied and have gotten positive feedback on my skills. Besides being relaxing and health-promoting, massage can be a good way to get touching needs met. To me, it's a little less "intimate" than cuddling, so I just added to my profile that I'm open to a massage exchange, thinking it might be a little less scary for some women than cuddling. I explicitly put "non-sexual" but I know that, especially for women, "massage" is code for "sex" or "sexual." (At least, they think men think this way.)

What are your thoughts--is this good marketing, or is the massage/sex association too strong, making me sound even "scarier" than before?

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Comments

  • PixiePassionsPixiePassions

    How do you think I feel, I strictly call them "body rubs" because I'm not a licensed massage therapist and want to properly convey that, so you can imagine how nervous I get. 😂

  • [Deleted User]ArtdoctorMartin (deleted user)

    I'm not aware of anyone mistaking my mention of massage for a request for sex. I've never had to justify it or explain it.

  • TxTomTxTom

    @FitSmartCuddler
    If you believe it's controversial or a "scary" subject, then why mention it in your profile? Instead, bring it up only after you've gotten to know the women and they gotten to know you better. Wouldn't that be easier?

  • FitSmartCuddlerFitSmartCuddler
    edited September 2023

    @TxTom said: "If you believe it's controversial or a "scary" subject, then why mention it in your profile? Instead, bring it up only after you've gotten to know the women and they gotten to know you better. Wouldn't that be easier?"

    I don't think it's scary, but I'm not sure if women will. I'm bringing it up in my profile because the point is to make it something that might stir interest up enough to motivate someone to want to meet me in the first place. You know--"marketing." :-)

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    I don't think the massage/sex correlation exists anymore except for those who explicitly use it for a euphemism. The rest of us moved on a long time ago, and a massage is just a massage. That said, many pro cuddlers will avoid putting it in their profiles because of state and local restrictions on paid massage services without massage therapist license.

  • TheGentleReinaTheGentleReina

    I actually get a lot of requests for massages. I don't know if that's because My rate is lower than a professional massage by a LMT or what, but I have had to send clients elsewhere because they really want a traditional 60 minute massage.

    Also, in My experience, any word is sexual if that is the intent of the person reading. Someone looking for non-platonic touch will interpret everything through the lens of getting what they want.

    But, to answer your question, I see nothing that would concern Me as a Cuddle Provider. :)

    Good luck!

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    If you really want to mention it, add the word "clothed".

    Remember that the site terms of service require everybody to remain clothed at all times. So, for example, a conventional back massage on the skin with oil - no matter how platonic - is not permitted because it involves the removal of clothes.

  • [Deleted User]QueensCurryPuff (deleted user)

    I am happy to give massages, I generally only let people I've met at least once massage me.

    I have found it becomes a conversation to lament they can't get their technique right because I have a shirt on -_-

  • Bella_SeraBella_Sera
    edited September 2023

    Kudos to you, @FitSmartCuddler, for asking earnest and vulnerable questions with the goal of making your cuddle partners feel safer.

    I think that the way you discuss massage in your profile is open and respectful and not at all scary--you've struck a good balance between sharing an interest/desire without overstressing its importance to the point that it starts to feel "creepy."

    All that said, when other pro cuddlers ask me about clients who offer to give them massages, my advice is ALWAYS AVOID.

    I don't think massage is inherently sexual and I would LOVE to receive a free massage as much as the next person, but every single time I have consented to receive a massage from a client, they have attempted to assault me (usually by putting fingers where they don't belong). Even with clothes on, this can happen very quickly and quite unexpectedly

    I'm NOT saying that this is your goal or that all men who offer massage have bad intentions, I'm just saying that, for me, it is no longer worth the risk.

    So, tldr: it isn't bad to mention massage in your profile, but it might cause some cuddlers to reject you before the first message is sent. To me, that's ok--it's more efficient to lay it out early--not everyone has to be our cuddle partner. If you're finding that you're not getting as many replies as you want, then it may be time to adjust your expectations and jyour profile.

  • BonnieTBonnieT

    Sorry so long-winded but I'm very passionate about education! 🥰

    License massage therapist here 🙋‍♀️. Should rubs and fully clothed is not a big deal (you still have to maintain the CC guidelines), but getting paid to give someone massage without being properly licensed is illegal in the US. We go through extensive training and education, rigorous background checks, fingerprinting, licensing under the board of health, human trafficking and domestic violence training, etc in order to be professionals in this field. We also have to go through law, ethics and continuing education training every 2 years to keep our licenses. We are also have special insurance either individually or through our employer in the event of injury to the client. It's surprisingly easy to seriously injure someone for whom massage is contraindicated either by illness, medication, and chronic condition. Example: you can quite literally push chemo or radiation away into areas it was not supposed to go with massage if you have not been trained in oncology massage. You can also tank someone's blood pressure or blood sugar by massaging at the eorng time or pressure. You can dislodge blood clots. The list goes on.
    I have a whole degree and a ton of certifications for my career and i take my professional boundaries amd responsibilities extremely seriously. CC clients are able to book massages with me, but it is an entirely separate service from a cuddle session. They can be booked back to back, though.

    Now that introductions are out of the way, sex and massage are still very much associated, which is why we have so many rules, regulations and training for it. There are still many places that offer "happy endings" if the right palms are being greased. It makes my job really dangerous to do outside of a normal spa setting. I am extremely selective about housecall clients for this reason and I always have many safety measures in place, even when I'm going to a referred client. It's the very sad reality of massage and it applies to both male and a female therapists. I don't know a single massage therapist that hasn't been sexually harrassment or even groped by a client at least once. I'm quite literally writing a memoir of my spa stories, both good and bad to publish after i retire and omg the amount of stories I have from just 8 years and I don't plan to retire for another 20+!

  • Bella_SeraBella_Sera

    FWIW, @FitSmartCuddler, the only thing off-putting about your profile to my ear is the way you talk about "larger" women.

    I do think it is super smart to bring up this issue, as you have an impressive physique and that can definitely be intimidating to potential partners. If I were to re-write this snippet, I would try for more neutral or inclusive language, such as: "I love working out and staying fit, but you don't have to be a gym rat to reach out! I enjoy cuddling people of all ages, sizes, and body types."

    Good luck to you! You sound like a really excellent cuddle--I hope you find all the best snuggles.

  • RebeccaKeRebeccaKe

    @FitSmartCuddler I love getting back massages! I think your profile is fine. If you put a winking face it might have been suggestive. But you stated that the massages are platonic which is important.

  • MajesticMangoMajesticMango

    I went to school for massage therapy and I had it on my profile and 99% of the people who messaged me asking about my massage services (I’m not licensed btw) but whenever it came to it everyone had issues with their upper thigh region and I was never high enough for them.
    I had to take it out my profile cause it was bringing in the wrong crowd. :/

  • RebeccaKeRebeccaKe

    @lil_Majestic god, not the "this muscle is just really sore, I'm not trying anything" line and the whole time they're fantasizing about your hand going higher and higher 🙄 they really think we're that dumb 😂 I had someone try it not too long ago

  • biancalovecraftbiancalovecraft

    I love giving massages and don't think I've had a session where I didn't instinctively give a good neck and shoulders massage to my partner, with lots of gentle stroking through the hair. It's one of the most nurturing things you can do, and I feel like nurturing is my job in this context. It also makes a nervous client calm right down and melt into my arms, so why wouldn't I?
    But I also don't mention on my profile because of that. There's too many interpretations and expectations that can go awry, so I let it be a pleasant surprise.

  • Mike403Mike403

    Predators try certain things hoping that you won't resist. I'd say offering to give you massage is a red flag unless you know them well enough.

  • RezzRezz

    @lil_Majestic
    I'd tell them to save their money on hiring a cuddler and seek a massage therapist for that mysterious upper thigh pain that always seems to plaque them. Could be a number of underlying issues that I am not equipped to diagnose or treat. 💅
    Also how naive do they think we are? 😂

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    Yea… and unfortunately, a good amount of clients complain or say throughout my light “over the clothes” massage ma that it would feel a lot better if they were shirtless or had less clothing. I just say “oh I’m sure it would feel better shirtless. Too bad we can’t though eh??” And I get that “upper thigh” one frequently too… so yea, more often than not, when massages are brought up, it comes with bad intentions. Seems I’m not the only one experiencing this too.

  • Mike403Mike403

    I'm confused why they don't book an actual massage therapist if that's what they want.

  • Bella_SeraBella_Sera

    @Mike403, they don’t necessarily want a massage. They want the license to take their clothes off.

  • Mike403Mike403
    edited September 2023

    @Bella_Sera - The internet is a big place. I find it silly that they would come to a site that is only for clothed hugs and seek more when they could just go to those types of sites. I heard from some people that it's the thrill of rule breaking that brings them here.

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    @Mike403 in my experiences, I’ve found that a lot of these guys have more of an enjoyment pushing our boundaries and trying to get naughty stuff from those that say no to naughty stuff.

  • DebsterDebster
    edited September 2023

    I did massage for a few years and had to quit massaging men. Yes I was licensed.

    Every man I ever saw ALWAYS associated massage with sex. They would grope me regularly. They didnt respect boundaries. They begged for sexual services or for me to be nude. Every time they would point downward at the end , expecting a happy ending. Oh, and when they were on their stomach, every single one had an issue with their upper thigh they wanted rubbed out. Anyplace where underpants cover the body is illegal to touch. The chest area is also off limits, btw. You'll lose your license over this.

    I always used towels and sheets, but they kicked them off and said they were more comfortable being nude. I was tired of explaining the rules. Many of these men didn't shower and heat rises even from under a sheet. I'd get to smell BO and dirty buttcrack.

    They showed me a side of men I didn't know existed and it repulsed me. Women never did any of these things, just men. Every man was identical with their behavior; they enjoyed seeing how far they could push boundaries, as if it's a sick game.

  • DebsterDebster

    @Mike403 These men do book appointments to see massage therapists, but what they're requesting is full on prostitution from a massage therapist.

    Just like CC, anything sexual is against the rules. These men are kicked out, banned, or aren't booked at all based on requests made over the phone (nuru, tantric).

    Where they ultimately go is massage parlors, which are busted regularly by police. These are usually run by Asian people without any licensing. They're looking to participate in sex trafficking at these places. Most of these men are married too.

  • CSnMUS87CSnMUS87

    While I enjoy massages (even ones that are just a light touch by someone who's not a licensed masseuse), I must say the massages I get from my uncle's friend, who is a licensed and trained masseuse, definitely are therapeutic. I often find that I had tension and soreness when I didn't even think I did, like last time when my arms were worked on for a while. Sometimes I even fall asleep during those. And no, nothing sexual ever happens nor is requested.
    A massage and then a cuddle after would be so nice and I'd probably take a nap lol.

  • TxTomTxTom

    @Debster I agree with your assessment.

    Women never did any of these things, just men.

    Evolution. Biology. There it is again.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @Debster - Every man did those things? I dont blame you for wanting to quit massaging them or doing any more cuddle bookings(per your profile here). I feel ashamed to be part of the same gender.

    @TxTom - Men with evolved brains are supposed to be able to suppress any sexual urges and keep it platonic.

  • DebsterDebster
    edited September 2023

    @Mike403 When I said every man, I meant every man. I'm unsure why you questioned this.

  • JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart

    @Debster I'm sorry that your experience was so consistently yucky.

    @TxTom While your evolution and biology comment may not be intended to excuse bad behavior, it's not a stretch to interpret it that way. There are men whose y-chromosomes don't prevent them from being decent human beings.

  • TxTomTxTom

    @Mike403
    I'm not condoning the behavior. I'm only concurring with the overall sentiments expressed in this thread.

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