Apologies if this has been a topic that has been already talked about on this site, but how do you all deal with long periods of not getting platonic touch/cuddling? Ive been dealing for a couple years and just wondering about you guys
Like you I’ve been starved of this for several years. It’s tough and I think that’s why this will become a more acceptable form of therapy. I am sure that there are millions of us in the same situation. I only heard about cuddle therapy a few months ago but as the word spreads the opportunities both in the form of professional cuddlers and non professional will grow. Your question is about how to cope without cuddles. I only cope because I thought I had no other choice and therefore have to but a big part of a fulfilling life is missing. I think it’s like many things in life you just get on with it. Sorry if I can’t give a solution but perhaps by coming here we won’t have to cope without for ever.
@andy8502 nothing to be sorry for, i was just wondering because i knew i couldnt be the only one out there, and it honestly makes me feel a bit better knowing im not alone. And yeah i found this site like 2 days ago and have put a ton of research into stuff like cuddle parties (i work a 13 hour shift the same day as the ones in my area, so money, or my mental health ya know) but its honestly amazing to know that resources like this exist
Well, if you feel better knowing you're not alone then feel better that it has been five or six years for me......I do pretty well alone though so it's not been bad for me. However I feel as you do in that I am missing something from my life.
@ZenInfinite I was amazed to discover the existence of platonic cuddling too. I had a long time without any kind of affectionate touch (8 years), and didn't realise how much that affected me.
I've been seeing professionals, but if I couldn't do that and there was no one else around to cuddle ... I guess I would just make the most of the other kinds of friendships I have, including online ones. It's not the same thing, but you can still feel close to people on an emotional level, if not physical. There are a ton of lovely people on this site by the way.
I also have a recommendation -- there's an event in September near you (Chicago) called Cuddlexpo, which is aimed at professionals but includes three general cuddle sessions for anybody to come to. I would definitely go if I lived in the area! (Or the same country ). I know that's 6 months away though.
I truly hope that I am dealing with touch starvation. I know something is missing from life. I'm attempting to find a professional cuddler in my area to see if this will help me move forward.
I've been starved of touch too. Being nice to yourself helps. For touch, you can get a massage or even get a manicure or pedicure (guys get them too). Taking a long warm bubble batch with the water touching you all over feels good as well. These are not substitutes for actual cuddling (except maybe the massage) but they do help.
Massage is always good, and if you can't find a cuddler, it's likely the next best option. But while massage feels good, it's clinical and detached, and of course you're not allowed to touch the masseuse. Nothing feeds the body and soul like a good cuddle.
In the absence of a cuddle, while it's no substitute, reaching out to people here on CC will at least keep you from feeling that you're not alone.
@BlueIris - whilst I agree with most of what you say, when a masseuse touches you, you are most definitely touching the masseuse. If you have ever given a massage to anyone, you will know that energy passes both ways.
Get a dog. They cuddle and it helps
I don’t think you can compare a massage to a cuddle. I agree with @BlueIris a massage is far more clinical and detached. I do understand the theory of energy flowing both ways but it is in my experience in a professional massage at least that it’s very much a one way thing with a clearly defined giver and receiver. It may be different in a more intimate massage between two people who are emotionally connected.
I think platonic cuddling is probably the closest you connect with another human being apart from sexual connection. I hope I get an opportunity soon to experience it.
@andy8502 - Book a flight to Tampa, and you will experience it.
Things are very up in the air for me at the moment with my child's father. We'll be meeting up soon to talk about what direction we want to go in which is scary. However a huge side effect of that is that I haven't had a cuddle from another adult in a month. I try to make the most of the fleeting hugs that I get from people but it's not really the same and I'm scared to ask the other people in my life for a cuddle because I don't tend to cuddle with my friends.
It's amazing the psychological effect touch starvation can have on someone. I feel weepy and alone all of the time at the moment but a simple hug from a friend lifts my mood massively even if it's short lived. I suppose at the heart of it I just want to care for someone and feel cared about in return and cuddling is one big example of that.
Touch is a real need - not just an emotional one, but a physical one as well. @ZenInfinite I love that you're open to exploring how to get what you need! So many people get stuck there.
Besides the usual cuddly answers (which you're already figuring out) like finding a cuddle buddy, attending cuddle events or hiring a professional (cuddler or other body worker), I have a few suggestion to get touch needs met:
1) Offer free hugs - all you need is a sign and a place with lots of foot traffic, open arms and a smile.
2) Go partner dancing: swing dancing, salsa - those are great avenues for friendly touch.
3) Pet a pet. Or friend's pet! They help!
4) Meet with a friend and ask for hug.
I know it's not the same as a 3-hour cuddle, but every bit helps! And yes! I'd love to share a hug if you come to Chicago for CuddleXpo in September. There's an event on Fri, Sat or Sun. Hopefully one of those dates works out!
Sending you a virtual hug in the meantime.
@zeninfinite have you tried massage? It is different from platonic cuddling, a lot different, but it is a way to deal with touch starvation. I didn’t find much success on Cuddle Comfort, but subsequently I found a site for exchanging massage. There are professional MTs on the site, but most are just enthusiasts, and in any event, no money changes hands. No question, some are looking for fun that goes beyond platonic, but my experience is most everyone respects the boundaries of others. Think about massage for touch starvation.
@Greybeard - I endorse what Greybeard is saying. I recently started giving massages to people and have found it very rewarding. There are tons of excellent videos on Youtube that demonstrate the techniques so it's not a mystery to learn. I've not had any luck finding a cuddler, so massage is a great way for me to make other people feel good through touch.
@ZenInfinite I think we need to introduce the concept everywhere in society. I think it's as simple as, handing out hug/cuddle etiquette cards in the bar, on the subway, in wholefoods or the clothing store, in the church, synagogue, mosque and temple, hey we could even try Home Depot ) - then someone shouts "Cuddle Time!!" And the fun begins And everyone gets their oxytocin shot and goes home a happy camper. Hack society with 5 minute 'flash mob cuddles' with an MC who can lay out the rules. Or like those pillow fight flash mobs.