Being in the company of women again

CanadiancowboyCanadiancowboy
edited October 2023 in General

So this is all very new to me i mean reaching out to a women. I havent been in a women company for 5 years now. All this tbh scares me. 5 years ago i got lied,cheated on more then once. I know this isnt a dating site. Its just i am scared to even trust women no offense to women. I just thought i Would reach out a see what i get back good or bad feed back is ok. I Just need help getting over the hill alittle. Sorry to bug everyone.

Gave topic a descriptive title - Mark

Comments

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    Just be cautious, go slow, communicate thoroughly and be prepared for mistakes. It happens and you'll see from reading the forums people don't agree with many things and feel strongly about their opinion. I felt the same as you coming in and i had some valuable discussions in here but that's few and far between these days. You have to filter through a lot to get valuable rid bits, beware of what's coming, don't take it personal. (Advice i try to take is share less in the forums unless your comment is valuable, most times i find mine are not)

    Trust is a tricky thing, so i get it. I try to trust people to be themselves and if they do something i don't expect or like it's only because i didn't know them to trust what i did, if that makes sense.

  • bobadevoteebobadevotee

    Honestly, healthiest thing you can do if you have that much of an issue with women is go find a therapist and delete your account from this site. This isn’t a good place to be if you’re not mentally stable already. I’d recommend staying off Internet forums in general because people with poor mental health tend to get radicalized by opportunists, especially when they have gender related issues.

    A good therapist can help you get to the root of what’s actually going on with you.

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    @Canadiancowboy also be cautious of conclusion jumpers, absolutists and just harshly speaking folks in here, you'll find a few of them. I do t think they mean any harm they just don't know another way. Good luck to you.

  • Mike403Mike403

    Just do what I do. Assume you're lonely and miserable all the time and pursuit other activities..

    then when you find out you're not miserable, you're way ahead of the game.

  • KingsportCuddleKingsportCuddle
    edited October 2023

    Here's a couple more pieces of advice to you, @Canadiancowboy: First, check out this thread on tips on how to reach out to potential cuddlers: https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/18245/how-to-write-the-first-message

    Second, if you've read some of the forums, you know the guy-to-girl ratio is skewed heavily in favor of guys. This means some girls on here literally read through dozens of messages per week from guys seeking their attention and platonic affection. So if you don't get back a quick reply, it's important to not to fall into the trap of making negative assumptions like, "Hey, such-and-such girl has been online since I sent her my message, why didn't she answer? Oh, I guess she just doesn't want to talk to me." Maybe she hasn't seen your message yet or needs time to write a thoughtful reply. Or maybe she isn't interested and that's okay. Everyone isn't "cuddle compatible" with everyone else.

    As long as you set realistic expectations, don't get discouraged, and make sure you're always respecting women's boundaries, I think you'll find that overall CC is a supportive community with great people and lots of platonic affection to give which can potentially help you overcome some of those feelings of mistrust. Good luck!

  • INurturePeaceINurturePeace

    There may be guys in your area who cuddle with men. That could take some of the pressure off.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    @Canadiancowboy
    You are going to get all types of responses on this thread. My best advice is to go slow (resist the urge to do a lot of cuddles right away) and to see multiple cuddle partners to minimize the risk of forming unhealthy attachment to any one cuddle partner.

    Oxytocin is a powerful, addictive, mind altering hormone and if you have not experienced any / much of it over the past 5 years it would be very easy for you to “overdose” on it when you begin cuddling. In my case I had been touch starved for a long time before joining this site and I learned some lessons the hard way. It took me the better part of a year to “level out” and find balance after I started cuddling. Feel free to DM me if you want to talk.

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    You are not alone! Meeting new people, forging relationships and friendships can be daunting. Baby steps and a lot of patience. Eventually, you will connect with a lot of great people 😁 anything amazing takes time ☺️

  • FitSmartCuddlerFitSmartCuddler
    edited October 2023

    "Trust", in the way you're thinking about it, is irrelevant. Your chances of getting a non-paid cuddle here are close to zero. If you're willing to pay, the only thing you need to "trust" is that the professional you hire performs a professional service to a reasonable standard. No different than when you hire a massage therapist and "trust" that they'll give you a decent massage, or paying for a doctor's appointment and "trust" that their medical evaluation is competent, or taking your car to a garage and "trusting" that they can fix the problem. If you hire a cuddling professional, their only obligation is to provide you with platonic cuddling and (hopefully) be at least reasonably nice to you. They will not be invested in your emotional well-being outside of the timeframe you're paying them for.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    @FitSmartCuddler - I respectfully disagree. I have had several wonderful cuddles with enthusiasts - I just had to be willing to do some driving to meet some wonderful people in person who I had been talking to for months via DM.

  • SouthernDollSouthernDoll

    Big hugs 🤗 just take things at your own pace and comfort and the dear and discomfort will subside on its own, while everything else will fall into its place in life in it’s due time. Heartbreak and betrayal are pretty big emotions and experiences to overcome so it’s understandable how you could feel the way that you do. Just try your best to not let the fear of the opposite gender control the direction of your life and ability to connect with others.

    Just learn and grow from your past experiences, hopefully you’ll meet a great cuddler soon and overcome your fears. I’m definitely rooting for you !!!!!

    ~ Happy Cuddling Everyone 🤗 ~

  • TxTomTxTom

    @Canadiancowboy I hope you're able to overcome your trust issues with women. It's going to be nearly impossible to fill that lonely void, platonic or otherwise, until you do.

    Just be honest with yourself, and make sure you don't overlook any contributions you might have made yourself towards creating those issues.

    Best of luck to you.

  • PeopleLikeUsPeopleLikeUs

    The sooner you learn to trust, the sooner enthusiasts will be able to trust you. You can and will attract them by re-examining your expectations and going back to the drawing board over your profile, messaging, and by coming back here. The forum is an important place too because we're some of the only people doing it and talking about it in public.

  • CelestialTouchCelestialTouch
    edited October 2023

    .

  • serenesnuggleserenesnuggle

    First of all, welcome!

    Trust is something that takes time to build. The truth is, not all women will betray, lie to, or cheat on you. And the only way you will trust women again is to experience it by trying again. I think it's important to go slow, listen to your body and your gut about someone new. Be direct about your needs and boundaries, and only choose to spend time with people who respect them.

    I'm not a psychotherapist but I've done my own work around relational trust and I think it's important to work with a cuddler who understands where you're at instead of jumping into a situation where you could potentially feel betrayed again. Take the time to talk to them, do video sessions beforehand. If touch is uncomfortable right now, then talk about ways you can ease into it.

    I would also recommend working with a licensed psychotherapist, if you're open to it. They can offer some more guidance as you navigate your feelings and you can also learn to trust them.

    I hope you find what you're looking for. I hope you heal, grow, and find joy/happiness!

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup

    @Canadiancowboy Hey man, you’re not alone here. There are a lot of guys and gals on here that have been traumatized by the opposite sex, or the same sex or non binary even. It makes people jumpy and overly defensive in the forums quite often, so don’t take the forums too seriously. Just people traumatized by other people, really.

    Going to therapy is great if you have any deep seated, untreated traumas but human touch is always nice to have. Try your best to treat each person as an individual human, rather than associate them with your bad experiences (until proven otherwise). Or try to cuddle with other guys if you are open to that.

  • PrettyLuvPrettyLuv

    @Canadiancowboy hi. I thought I’d let you in to my thinking on it. The thing I like about this site is its level of platonicity (entirely made up word, but useful), meaning you don’t actually have to trust anyone the way you would in a relationship. You’re not making an unwavering commitment, you’re not devoting yourself to them, they’re not supposed to expect anything from you other than a mutual regard and respect for each other’s body and space. It’s stripped of all those elements, leaving you with the raw, natural, unbridled desire for warmth & touch in its place.

    Trust is earned and takes time. There’s a basic level of trust invested in your cuddler, but that’s not specific to women, it’s with anyone we meet or interact with in a personalized setting and relates largely to awareness and safety. But if I’m reading you correctly, the kind of trust you’re scared of bestowing need not be a fear here as it’s not asked for or required of you to give. I hope that assuages some of those fears.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101
    edited October 2023

    When in the company of women, try to:

    • avoid sudden movements
    • limit direct eye contact for long periods of time
    • provide bubble tea or lattes or both
    • give encouragement and listen (when in doubt, voice "yasssss queen!" after each sentence she says)
    • send out signals but don't demand a response on your time
    • seek consent before each action
    • provide cozy stuff like quilts and comforters
    • food is a plus (esp warm soups or pretty meals that can go on IG)

    This species is highly elusive , yet affectionate. Approach with caution and care, and yet with trust built up, they can be lifelong friends and provide great companionship.

    My anthropological studies have formed such conclusions after proper observation and field studies.

  • LovelightLovelight

    @Canadiancowboy

    "So this is all very new to me i mean reaching out to a women. I havent been in a women company for 5 years now. All this tbh scares me."

    Hugs. 🫂

    "5 years ago i got lied,cheated on more then once."

    That's so horrible, I'm sorry you had to go through such.

    While this might not be much similar to your experience, a good number of years ago I was in a long distance relationship, or so I thought it was a relationship. It didn't help that I was quite naive. Though anyway I found out he was married. That really hurt, though a part of me felt worse for his wife. Anyway, I spoke about it and grieved the heartbreak. Now, I'm all good in that regard. I'm sure though it can hurt much more if you were the main person and that this was an in person relationship.

    "I know this isnt a dating site. Its just i am scared to even trust women no offense to women."

    None taken and I can understand where you're coming from. I also at some point experienced a lot of loss of trust with someone. Not to mention another in entirely a different context, this is something that was actually long term and that it's trauma I need to work through, maybe for life. In some ways I'm still processing that aspect of the more recent one. Though for sometime, I had this feel of finding it hard to trust any man, especially when he broke my trust. I actually ended up telling him in different ways both prior to our relationship and after it. So I have that off my chest. If doing this is either not worth it or not possible, personally I wouldn't in a cheating situation and especially after all these years, I'd suggest writing. Along with perhaps getting professional therapy if this is having a massive impact on your ability to socialize and have the life you desire.

    These fears for me are, now less so, further amplified by the number of toxicity out there in the world and on social media about men using women or degrading them. Unfortunately, the world has snakes that look much like all of us. It also has amazing people. Having been in your shoes to some extent, at least for me, I'd say part of it is getting things off our chest in as safe and healthy manner as possible. Giving ourselves the time to really feel, process, and learn from experiences. Along with seeking professional support if needed. Sometimes when we've been or are hurting so much, it can seem like we just want to stay numb or numb the pain somehow. Though pain, emotional or otherwise is our body's alert system that something is wrong and that it needs our attention. With emotional pain, it's okay to feel however you need to, even if that's shutting down from overwhelmed and feeling numb for a while. Though it's important to not stay in that stage for too long and if we can't get out of it on our own, seek help.

    "I just thought i Would reach out a see what i get back good or bad feed back is ok. I Just need help getting over the hill alittle. Sorry to bug everyone."

    I think it's great that you're trying to reach out, I hope the feedback you're getting is helpful to you. Though I hope you know that while our feedback can be nice and helpful, it can't substitute professional help. So I think looking into connecting with a good therapist too, if this is having a big negative impact on your life would be of much help to you.

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