How do professionals respond to this?
Im not a Pro but, I would probably say report and block.
I just remind them this is a fully platonic engagement. If they push back after that it’s a simple report and block.
Sounds like they are fishing to see how permissive you are with boundaries and if you potentially provide sexual services. Pretty sus and I'd report them.
Yikes
Block and report. Don't even entertain it with a direct response.
When someone asks this, it's definitely a red flag. There are a great many people that assume the "cuddling" being offered on this site is just a euphemism. Just like places that offer "massage" services. It means his mind is probably in the wrong place and he's hoping for more than cuddles. You should probably just block and report him. You could just tell him that it's strictly platonic (as it's not a 100% certainty that he means this sexually though that's what I assume he's implying) and see what he says, but because you don't know him, you don't know if he's willing to abide by the rules or if he's going to say whatever just to get you alone. And alone is a terrible time to find out his intentions aren't honorable. I'd recommend reporting him so at the very least if he's not banned, he's on the moderators' radar.
Yes he went on to ask “can I rub or touch and do I need clothes”
Honestly, it’s hard not to respond to that.
Clearly here is someone hoping to push sexual boundaries and pay someone 1/5 an escort rate 😳
"any restrictions" is a very definite instant Block and Report.
Genuine clients who are unsure of the rules or want to enquire about your personal boundaries will use words like "boundary", "consent" or ask in more general terms.
I would like to offer a slightly different perspective.
When I started my journey here on cuddle comfort, I’m sure I used similar language as a way of determining what platonic activities individual cuddlers were comfortable with. It wouldn’t have crossed my mind, just due to the nature of the site, that anyone would have read my question as asking about sex or sexual activity.
It wasn’t until I wanted to become more invested in the community and I started reading the forums that I realized how that language sounded to people and some experienced cuddlers were kind enough to help me find new and better language.
So if you want to respond. Begin with reminding them of the agreements of the site. And add any additional boundaries you have and go from there.
That being said you should always trust your gut instinct. If it feels off or creepy, you should definitely feel free to block and report them. The moderators can determine their intent and help redirect them so you don’t have to risk it.
I hope my perspective and advice are helpful.
2 year olds know the difference between "good" and "bad" touch. js
If you’re new you’ll be hit up by boundary pushers first. Ask for a clear photo from all of them. Key word ‘clear’ you’ll be surprised how many people suddenly forgot they had an appointment that day or stop talking period. It’s a fast way to weed out the ones who are pushers. And if they ask a question like that then try and backtrack… no they’ll still push or do what they wanted to they just think you’ll be more pliable in person.
Again, the pro forum is more useful than general.
@jetblack that makes you an exception but far far far from the rule. People back track then hurt you in person. I’m genuinely glad you found a better way to ask but accepting a back track from most people with these kinds of messages can get someone hurt. I believe good intentioned people like you do exist but this is the difference between assault, coercion etc. while I get your point it’s not good to understand both sides with this one.
Addition: her other post was what made me snap more about this little phrase. She’s getting testers. That is 100% clear.
@MuseSF definitely block and report.
@stormydaycuddle is right, when a new profile, shows up, the creeps are more likely to try and test you to see if you are one of the low key sex workers
@sunnysideup and to find people who have yet to have to fight for their boundaries to be respected. Sometimes they aren’t looking for sex workers. They are looking for people to bully, coerce and assault. So yep yep. Agreed.
🌱🌱🌱🌱Also, I’d like brownie points and for everyone to notice I didn’t rip that guy apart. 😂😂😂 I do believe what I wrote and didn’t go straight to nuclear warfare. 😂😂😂 I took a breath and reread his message. 🌱 🌱🌱🌱
Play dumb, because it's fun to do that sometimes and being smart all the time can get exhausting, by asking what they mean. Then report them anyway whether or not they answer you or whatever answer they give you. I'd tell the mods something like "someone's being fishy out here by asking if there are any restrictions."
Restrictions???? You betcha! Read this out loud now AS FAST AS YOU CAN:
Must be over 18 w/ a valid drivers license, no purchase necessary, this offer may not be available in all states, California Nevada and Florida included, proof of vaccination and mask required, must accept all cookies, possible side effects include nausea, blurred vision, headache, coughing, sneezing, itching, rash, sudden drop in blood pressure, fainting and possible death, consult your doctor before using, relatives from company not eligible, no cash value, this offer may be revocable at any time with no prior notice!
(Oh wait. Thozzzzzzzzze restrictions??? Ummm, sorry, yeah - I’d say just follow everyone else’s advice above.). Whoops.
Post Script: 1/5 the rate? That’s pretty specific.
@WestsideMarc 😂😂😂😂
@stormydaycuddle I did notice! I think it's because the post was genuine and well-written and did not ooze entitlement and misogyny.
@jetblack your perspective is absolutely helpful in my view. However, people like you are rare. Or rather ... the patterns of speech from genuine clients and creeps are different. It is true that by coincidence a genuine client could replicate a creepy pattern and be blocked unjustly. In fact I'm absolutely sure it has happened. But in reality it's very rare. Moreover, in such a case the client is most likely to be unaffected: the mods don't ban people for one report of an ambiguous remark. Yes they will suffer the difficulty of being blocked without understanding why, but in an of itself this isn't a crisis and it's likely they will use different language next time.
In other words you are right, an innocent person could end up suffering. But that's a minority of a minority and while it's bad and wrong that anybody should suffer, they are simply another casualty of the creeps. Allowing the creep to thrive by not reporting them may cause much more harm. There is no perfect solution.
As an aside, there is a history here of unpleasant people who claim not to be creeps, justifying the actions of the creeps at least at the initial stage. The forum does not respond kindly to such posts.
Yep, what @stormydaycuddle said. The danger in someone who says something suspect then backtracks is that it's hard to know whether they're someone who was asking a legitimate, honest, non-sexual question that got misinterpreted (like @jetblack described) or if they're going to say to themselves, "Whoops, I overplayed my hand. Let me apologize, then once I get them alone I'll find out what I can get away with."
P.S. - @jetblack Thanks for sharing your experiences and I'm glad you were able to connect with some experienced cuddlers and gain some perspective on how your words might be misinterpreted and worked to improve your communication so that your intentions and words were in better alignment. 🙂
@MuseSF I get it, the need to respond. Hope it does help you if u do. Beyond telling them off responding for another reason will be misguided. Wouldn't hold my breathe thinking it could be educative. The person was deliberately testing your boundaries. At times reactions 2 such behaviours can also be rewarding to the person. But do also report for the sake of the community.
Doesn't mean there's anything nefarious at play. I've had cuddlers have restrictions on platonic touch, like no touching the face, hair or no breathing on someone.
Others don't like any venting of personal issues/trauma in their lives, want to keep the cuddle session as lighthearted as possible. It's good to know of any restrictions before booking a cuddle.
@KingsportCuddle
"When someone asks this, it's definitely a red flag. There are a great many people that assume the "cuddling" being offered on this site is just a euphemism. Just like places that offer "massage" services. "
Wow that's awful and I get what you're saying. Though I don't think that there's really any excuse for them, because I just did a test by trying to message the OP and the moment I tapped "Request to Book" I was met with this pop up:
So to me, they are deliberately trying to push boundaries or waste people's time by creeping on them. From the looks of it, as of now, trying to message enthusiasts men or women doesn't show that pop up. It's only being shown for pros, just to let whoever might not know this know.
*as well as yours.
@Lovelight people ignore them or just click accept. Terms and conditions are too easy to click away from. It happens in all websites. It needs a few more clicks. Ones like: Clear? You sure you read? Not a creeper? Okay.
Hi @Lovelight - let me clarify. When the person who the OP was talking to said "any restrictions" that could be taken any number of ways. Maybe they meant something sexual. Maybe they didn't. In a case like that, it would throw up a red flag for me since I don't know this stranger's intentions towards me. And if I grill them, maybe they're going to lie to me to get me alone. So if I were the OP, I would have responded to "any restrictions" by saying, "Can you be more specific?"
Now obviously once the person told the OP “can I rub or touch and do I need clothes," their intentions were clear and it's time to block and ban. At that point, there's definitely no excuse for them. But just asking "any restrictions" is open to interpretation (like the good examples @wilderdude gave).
@everyone I think, “any OTHER restrictions” meaning they are asking you if you have anything you’d like to add to the sites rules is actually pretty thoughtful. Since she is new it’s hard to believe the best intentions from the messaging people are at heart. Given the new cuddler rush.
Absolutely @stormydaycuddle - the phrase "any other restrictions" would be much less of a red flag, becuause that's the writer's way of saying, "I know there are restrictions, but are there any other personal restrictions I should know about..."
@stormydaycuddle
"people ignore them or just click accept. Terms and conditions are too easy to click away from. It happens in all websites."
I agree with the terms and conditions part. Though it's otherwise still written so clearly right in front of them, so even if they don't read the terms and conditions they should have some idea of the fact that things should not be sexual, both just remain fully clothed, etc. It's written so simply that I bet a 5 or 10 year old could read it, not that a 5 or 10 year should read it of course. Though I think we need to give these creeps less benefit if the doubt and coddling them. They are grown men, or women and they are more than capable of reading and comprehending a few simple sentences. If you ask me, they are just choosing to ignore it and that is fully on them.
I don't think it can be written any more clear than that. I also bet they never and would never give us half the benefit of the doubt and grace some of us are trying to give them. Like "You know what, I'm not sure if that lady who I know nothing about, and who I was JUST told not to make sexual advances to is gonna appreciate me doing just that, so let me not do that." Because they aren't like you and I, they are operating for themselves and are highly self serving, so I personally have practically no grace or benefit of the doubt to give them.
Also just to make it crystal clear, sure I'm raging... a bit... there. Though it is in no way directed at you or anyone who commented. It is completely directed at where it should be. I know some of us are more 'heart centered', wear our kindness on our sleeves and what have you more so than others. Bless y'all's hearts, this world is way too awful for y'all.
Though I am sick of them, the creeps, and boundary pushers, so I've practically no grace or giving them the benefit of the doubt left for them.
"It needs a few more clicks. Ones like: Clear? You sure you read? Not a creeper? Okay."
It just might... though you remember what happened last time with some people writing their profiles certain ways and it not sitting well with some... Not saying your suggestion shouldn't be taken into consideration and probably implemented, though.
I think it'd probably be perfect, although the creeps would likely not even care, just like they are doing with that pop up. Because what creep would really answer yes to being asked if he or she is a creep. Unless they are a troll and just fooling around. Then there may be some who claim and in rare cases accidently tap the wrong option. Although the yes and no can be adequately spaced out to help prevent that. I think it's worth trying.
@Lovelight I think you're overestimating people's intelligence and rational mind.
@KingsportCuddle Yeah, I can agree with that and I too suggested to ask what do you mean. Also yes, good point, they might lie and it's best to proceed with caution thereafter even if their answer doesn't reflect trying to creep. Or not even proceed if one's feeling bad vibes or seeing other red flags from the person. Though yeah, the OP asked and things just got worse on his side.
@jetblack Good on you for upping your awareness of terminology. Anything we can do to up our level of clarity and communication is always a great thing.
As an addendum to your comment, and relative to asking a woman about her restrictions/of course choosing a better and more precise word, I would like to add the following little story (and subsequent suggestion) if I may, for you guys (and maybe women too I suppose).
I had a cuddle where I was big spooning and doing some simple, light back rubbing/massaging, as one does. (I always do check-ins and she was enjoying).
I then moved up to the back and around her neck, which I think most people enjoy. Unfortunately it was very startling and triggering for her as she shared that an ex boyfriend had choked her. Of course I apologized immediately and she said don’t worry it’s not your fault there’s no way you could’ve known.
The takeaway I got from that was, shortly after the beginning of a cuddle I now ask: “other than the obvious places, is there anywhere else in particular that you are uncomfortable being touched, or are ticklish?”
This simple question I have found goes a long way, and really sets the stage quite nicely! Because when your cuddle partner feels comfortable, safe and heard, that invites alllllll the cuddle magic in……..