Asking someone about karma they posted

SnuggleJohnSnuggleJohn
in General

I recently received a message from another man asking about a pro cuddler whom I had previously left karma. I wondered if there were rules about this, how appropriate it is, how I should handle it. Is this normal? Is it a red flag? What do others think of such questions?

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Comments

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    I would just say whatever you thought of the cuddler is in the karma. I think sometimes people ask out of curiosity if cuddlers do "extras" or out of invasive or stalking purposes. I would avoid providing too much or any information.

  • timbear50timbear50

    On the safety side there’s sometimes a background check - usually women asking other women if a cuddler is safe. Doesn’t sound like the case here of course, but an acceptable use case IMHO

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    It is acceptable in principle, if slightly uncommon. It's up to you whether you reply or not, and whether you add anything to the Karma you wrote or not.

    In and of itself it is certainly not a red flag - it can be entirely legitimate. However, be very cautious. Creeps do this to try and identify women members who either offer non-platonic services, or are sufficiently vulnerable that they may be pressured into doing so. Sniff the message you have received carefully - and thoughtfully - before deciding what to do.

    I have replied in a number of ways to such messages, from a helpful response to Reporting the sender without replying.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    Like @CuddleDuncan I have had a couple of DMs asking about someone I left karma for. I carefully weigh the tone of the request and the requesters profile before responding.

    In one case I sensed a bad vibe from the requester so I simply stressed to him that she was purely platonic and followed all the TOS. I then messaged her and told her about the requester and stressed to her “I don’t know this guy but his request gave me a bad vibe” so if he contacts you and implies I know him or referred him, that should be a huge red flag.

    In another case, I did not get a bad vibe at all. He was a relatively new member with a well written profile and a few karma. However, I still let her know about the request.

  • waynewvwaynewv

    I have been asked a few times about how our cuddles went. I referred them to the Karma that I had left. I think 1 was fishing for more than a cuddle.

  • pmvinespmvines

    Ive been asked this about peolle.who I have never met, just might be on my friends list. I tell them that I don't tell other people's business. If it doesn't seem as though they are fishing for nefarious purposes then I might say that I'll answer a couple questions so long as I can run their questions by the person they are asking about first as to not be talking about them behind their backs.

  • cudbud64cudbud64

    I had a situation where a random user said another cuddler I knew referred me. I was sensible to ask the cuddler I knew how he knew the other, and it turned out the random felt the cuddler I knew’s karma was a full on referral even though the two hadn’t met.

    Creeeeeeepy.

    So I imagine if cuddlers message and try to get info out of each other for reasons other than safety/ assurances of non scamming, that it is also weird or creepy.

  • jetblackjetblack

    I am very much aligned with @CuddleDuncan on this. I pay attention to the tone of the request and the profile of the person making such requests.

    And always, before I respond, I message the person about whom they are asking and say, “this person is asking questions, about our session, if I were to respond I would say …., are you okay with me saying that or would rather I not respond at all”

    That way if that person has red flags already, (or just doesn’t want to be talked about) they have the ability to weigh in.

  • wilderdudewilderdude
    edited November 2023

    Reported and reviewed. Removing comment. People fishing for non-platonic activity is a legitimate concern and we are not about discouraging members for being cautious of suspicious messages. [CharlieBear]

  • [Deleted User]avebae (deleted user)

    @wilderdude Why are you bothered about someone asking a question to help keep the community safe? I'm glad threads like this are made because I've had people ask my clients about me for nefarious purposes. Some just don't know how to respond. If you don't like the thread, or don't think it's relevant to you, why are you even commenting on it?

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    @avebae 💯

  • wilderdudewilderdude

    @avebae because there is nothing to suggest that anything in the message sent was unsafe. There is being safe and there's being paranoid.

    I comment to give a common sense opinion on the topic at hand. I clicked on the thread with the assumption that said message contained something that might have been a red flag, instead, it's a big nothing burger.

  • JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart

    @wilderdude It is fine that this topic has no value to you. There are those here, however, who do find it valuable. In the same way that people can choose not to respond to messages, they can also choose not to respond to forum posts if they don't feel like the post has value to them personally.

  • [Deleted User]MrAdmirer (deleted user)

    I never share addition details of a cuddle session with anyone. I have been pinged a couple of times. Sorry people, my karma review is all you are getting.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited November 2023

    A six second video clip which I believe is pertinent to the question of whether this is a worthwhile thread .....

    https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/2951da4b-9a98-4fc2-beb4-6e7d86459672

  • wilderdudewilderdude

    @CuddleDuncan that's six seconds of my life I'll never get back

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    @CuddleDuncan I feel suddenly more wise and cultured.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    @Minestrone101 from reading a post by me? Well that's very kind, tha - oh .... you mean the quotation. 😆 Well, it is Shakespeare. I mean the clip is Dr Who but the line is from Hamlet (1.5.187-8).

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    @CuddleDuncan I dont remember that line. I just remember get thee to a nunnery, nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so, and the great monologue.

  • sausalitosausalito

    Doesn't always have to be red flags. Sometimes you have to be nice in the karma and can't say if you actually disliked the session for legitimate reasons.

    I had one person tell me a long time ago that they didn't like their session cause the cuddler was a heavy smoker and the room and her breath smelled very strongly of smoke.

  • Nature_Lover_Nature_Lover_

    @avebae I agree ! Asking about karma promotes community and safety. With respect to confidentiality I am %100 ok with sharing need to know information about someone's conduct or behavior.

  • wilderdudewilderdude

    @sausalito exactly.

  • PeopleLikeUsPeopleLikeUs
    edited November 2023

    I had a friend tell me once about a Pro he gave 5 stars to even though she was asleep the whole time. He said he felt intimidated because she was so popular.

    I might divulge to a friend what I honestly thought but would have second thoughts about talking in detail to someone I didn't know about how I rated a cuddler. Whereas a lot of people might be hostile toward being stood up, I tend to roll pretty easily. This is an oddball avocation and there are a lot of reasons both rational and emotional as to why people freak at the last minute.

    It's important to strike a balance between being considerate and honest with feedback while also understanding the complexities of personal situations. Whether it's giving a rating or discussing an experience with an enthusiast or service provider, open and constructive communication can lead to better outcomes and understanding for both parties. I err on the side of privacy.

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod
    edited November 2023

    If you are worried about leaving negative karma, I would suggest you refrain from leaving karma at all instead of misleading others with 5-star karma. It's not worth the positive karma exchange.

  • wilderdudewilderdude

    @CharlieBear not every quirk/restriction is deserving of negative karma.

  • HoosCuddlingHoosCuddling

    I have been asked this a couple of times. My response has always been -- the karma I left should tell you everything you need to know about the cuddler and our interaction. I don't know if the people inquiring were "fishing" for more details, trying to find out about prohibited activity, but I didn't really try to hard to figure it out.

    I always leave karma after positive interactions here, and I say what I'm comfortable saying about the experience for each. I don't have any "extra" or "secret" details I'd share with a stranger.

    I guess the only difference might is if something were unclear in my karma, where the person needed clarification. I suppose (and this hasn't happened) if someone asked a specific question and I felt like it was an oversight and should have been included, I would answer.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    @wilderdude not leaving karma at all is not the same as leaving negative karma. Don't give misleading positive reviews if you didn't have a positive experience, simple as that. It's precisely because of users choosing to leave false 5-star reviews that we cannot trust the karma system.

  • [Deleted User]QueensCurryPuff (deleted user)

    This is such a great chain. I feel bad myself about the couple not so great karmas but I also appreciate others reaching out to get more details on previous people. I think the open converstion is helpful.

  • PrettyLuvPrettyLuv

    I think messaging others about comments made on another persons profile should be prohibited. Take the karma at face value and if someone’s curious to find out more just ask them - the person you’re interested in - directly. All the sideline/background hunting is unnecessary imo. Leave the investigating to the mods.

  • wilderdudewilderdude
    edited November 2023

    @cuddlefaery that is patently false, leaving no karma is not the same as negative karma. Plenty of cuddlers (for whatever reason) don't partake in the karma thing.

    Having some rule that is outside of standard rules isn't reason enough to give a 'negative' review. That's not how it works.

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