So far this site has been...

[Deleted User]Harukii (deleted user)
edited November 2023 in General

I came to this site, maybe a week or two ago, and ever since then it has been horrible. I just wanted to cuddle someone genuine, real, and kind but so far I have gotten people that are very pushy with going to very uncomfortable and isolated locations, always implying to do more, saying they pay whatever amount to do that (I don't want to receive money) and when I decline, sometimes I get insults for simply saying no thank you.
Has anyone else had tough,disappointing or bad experiences on here before?

Removed post content as it contained private messages [netrunner]

Comments

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup

    @Harukii

    I’m very sorry for your bad experiences. I would report the members that send you insulting messages just for saying no.l, and report the members that are implying they want something non-platonic. The mods may ban them and that will clean up the site.

    I’m a guy, so my bad experiences revolve around the guy messaging women perspective (mainly that often times, none of the active members near me will respond to me regardless of how well crafted my message is, and agreeing to meet up but ghosting me after making plans).

    Plenty of women here have had similar experiences as you, the ones that have successful cuddling sessions usually have some kind of vetting process or safety checklist. They could relate with and help you more than I, but I hope you stay on this site and have some good cuddles!

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited November 2023

    Yeah I had one lady tell me about isolated locations. One told me she went to a guy’s place only to find a mobile home in the woods and no one around for miles. She turned around and left because it was a complete stranger plus her cell signal was non-existent. Like she said, the guy told her he felt lonely and isolated and when she found the place that’s exactly how she felt.

    Trust your gut. There are good guys out there that will treat you better. Unfortunately it does seem to be somewhat of an endless search through 100 creeps to find one semi-precious gem.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    @Harukii
    Welcome to CC.

    I am sorry to hear about your experience but unfortunately I am not surprised. I’ve been here over 2 years and your experience seems pretty common from what I have read in the forums from others in your situation.

    There is no excuse for anyone sending messages that are rude and/or pushing for things that violate the TOS of this site. I do not know how to prevent getting those type of messages but if anyone figures it out I am sure they would be very popular on here.

    I would recommend you take some time to fill out your “about me” section in your profile to increase the likelihood of getting messages from men who are more respectful and more likely to abide by the TOS. At the time I am writing this, your profile only states who you don’t want contacting you (out of state men / men without profile pics). It does not say anything about who you are as a person (hobbies / interests, what brought you to this site, etc.). While sharing these things is not required, it may help you connect with people you would like to connect with.

    I wish you the best.

  • great_pillow08great_pillow08

    It's hard being a woman on this site because A TON of males want to use it as "more" than just cuddling and that's what dating sites are for!! Women on those sites expect the guy to want "more", not here. The moderators are mostly good about banning/deleting users who violate the rules, but they're really "touchy" about what you say and how you say it on these forums. It's stupid what they sensor and what they don't. We ALL just have to be careful. Only meet in public places until you're comfortable with the person. Trust your gut- something society's teaching us these days is "wrong" when a person's instincts are still usually 97%+ correct.

    I don't like references to dating or "intimacy" or "love" on this site because it feeds into an incorrect notion that it's acceptable to use this site for anything more than COMFORT. Absolutely NO other purpose should be allowed to be implied "here", but it is and that makes me feel extremely unsafe. Shout out to @FunCartel_ I don't know if he's on this site anymore though. I have multiple established Cuddle Buddies no longer on this site (but they'll still cuddle- we just no longer communicate via this site) for that exact reason (it's become "more" than what they were looking for- intentions matter!)

    Then there are the guilt trips from insecure, lonely guys who SAY they just want to hold and be held, but they become emotionally attached, then possessive, controlling, and demanding and it's more trouble than it's worth. 😮‍💨 Just BE CAREFUL, TRUST YOURSELF, and KNOW you're NOT alone in how you feel!! hugs and prayers

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

    I’ve had women put the same guilt trips on me from wanting to live with me to just wanting my money but I don’t go around calling them selfish or greedy or golddiggers. It’s just that they have their needs and if they don’t match what Im looking for I just move on, but I don’t go bashing on them @great_pillow08

  • CuddlemagneCuddlemagne

    1. I think your hair looks great!

    2. Silent rejections are best for this reason. I don't want to cuddle with every last pro or enthusiast who reaches out to me but I just say nothing.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @great_pillow08 Hey, Fun Cartel is still here. It’s me. Changed it to BoomerSpooner a few months ago. I am thinking of changing back to it after the first of the year.

  • stormydaycuddlestormydaycuddle Mod

    @BoomerSpooner I like Boomerspooner. Let’s me know where I stand😢

    To the OP. I’m sorry you’ve had bad experiences so far. You’re going to have so many messages from people wanting to cuddle and not all of them are nice. They weed themselves out.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101
    edited November 2023

    Best of luck. Yeah, as a woman it might be better to ghost unless you're receptive to the person. Immediate sessions are a no no. You're not a vending machine.

    Also, maybe look at more seasoned cuddlers and their profile and have add a list of protocol that others must follow bc sure cuddling, such as:

    • no same day cuddling without meeting
    • must have a picture or send a picture with message
    • must discuss their own and your boundaries
    • one woman cuddler here only meets new cuddlers in public or at the movie theater indefinitely until she trusts them. ud they get upset or ask for more she gets rid of them
    • must show ID before first cuddle (this is optional but I give my info to cuddlers bc safety is number one)
    • whether you're comfortable as a guest, or host ,or only public
    • any more boundaries or requirements that will make you feel safe
    • maybe include a hobby or a favorite show and ask they includes theirs
    • If they don't acknowledge your profile summary, then you can write that they won't get a response

    Good luck! I hear women cuddlers have issues finding good, safe options and men cuddlers have difficulty getting responses due to the ratio. As they said,trust your gut.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @stormydaycuddle I get 50/50 votes on the names. I will ponder on this a bit.

  • sillysassysillysassy

    @Harukii Welcome to the site!!! 😊😊😊

    Has anyone else had tough,disappointing or bad experiences on here before?

    I have. And lots of people have no matter their gender. I wish you didn't have such a bad first few messages. Your experience is unfortunately all too common and it makes my heart hurt a bit. I'm so sad to hear of new people coming to this cuddle world and finding out its filled with rainbows and glitter along with some of the yucky poopy selfish stuff too.

    (ahem @pmvines did you notice I used the word poop?)

    I came to this site, maybe a week or two ago, and ever since then it has been horrible. I just wanted to cuddle someone genuine, real, and kind but so far I have gotten people that are very pushy with going to very uncomfortable and isolated locations, always implying to do more, saying they pay whatever amount to do that (I don't want to receive money)

    ONE OF THE BEST THINGS I FOUND OUT LATER THAN I WISHED----- and that is the ability to "Mute" a profile. (This means you can see every profile but YOU are the one who reaches out in messages if you want to so you don't have to deal with all of that garbage coming into your inbox.) Everyone can still see your profile if they click on your user name from the forums, but you don't show up in the area search and other people cannot message you first.

    When you have first joined a site looking for genuine connections, it is frustrating to get one liners that say "available" or "Hey, wanna cuddle?" or "How much? It doesn't matter if you carefully craft your profile or not. Plenty of people just don't read it or care to pay attention to any details.

    when I decline, sometimes I get insults for simply saying no thank you.

    You are absolutely doing the right thing by saying "no thank you" or not replying. You can also block people who aren't perceptive or who are pestering etc. DEFINITELY report those people who are pushing for non-platonic things so we can rid the site of them.

    There is a LOT of information here and throughout the forums. I read through all the threads for the first year to try and get an idea of what was happening. Because of the Mute function, I didn't have to deal with a million messages in my inbox and that was helpful. It lets you get your footing and find people who have what you are looking for. Unfortunately this world of cuddles draws a LOT of people and not all of them will be a good fit.

    I am wishing for you a better road ahead that is filled with kindness and everything you are looking for. And as always, "May the Cuddle Gods be EVER in your favor!!"

    Sending big hugs your way.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    What @sillysassy said 👆👆👆👆

  • stormydaycuddlestormydaycuddle Mod

    @sillysassy has the best response to one of these I’ve seen in a while. I’d go with that. Tons of good info from an OG enthusiast. 🤗🤗🤗

  • [Deleted User]Harukii (deleted user)

    @sunnysideup
    Thank you for your message!
    I am sorry to hear of your negative experiences as well : (

  • [Deleted User]Harukii (deleted user)

    @BoomerSpooner
    Omg that is terrifying! I am glad she trusted her gut!

  • [Deleted User]Harukii (deleted user)

    @JohnR1972
    Thank you for your message. I have been trying to find a moment where I can focus on that part of my profile (although at this point I may just get rid of this account) but that's why for now I put, " will update later."

  • [Deleted User]Harukii (deleted user)

    @great_pillow08
    Man, I don't even know where to start but basically what you said is what I went through in the amount of time I've been on here. I even had someone trying for me to go to a park. Even though woman get blasted for ghosting too, I think that might be my best option at this point 😮‍💨

  • [Deleted User]Harukii (deleted user)

    @Cuddlemagne
    Thank you!
    Yea I'm going to do that for now on.

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup
    edited November 2023

    @Harukii Ghosting is totally the way to go if the person you are talking with seems unreasonable.

    Reason being, if they are unreasonable there is no point talking to them! When I answered the phone for an apartment leasing company I've had to hang up/ghost a few customers.

    I hope I didn’t give the impression of blasting women for not responding, just sharing what my experience has been like. No one on the internet owes you a response for anything, just respond to the ones you want to respond to it will save you energy

  • RedFox16RedFox16

    @Harukii I'm so sorry to hear about your experiences so far! I've had similar experiences and that's why I went the pro route....the rules seem to carry more weight when I talk about them as someone who's paid. That doesn't cease that behavior, but I can't imagine what you deal with as an enthusiast.

    Thank you for your attitude and the way it sounds like you've handled things tho! 😎😉 Very classy! The advice @sillysassy gave is excellent...esp the muting feature! And @BoomerSpooner and @sunnysideup good info too!

    @great_pillow08 I'm so sorry to hear about your experiences as well....that can be very disappointing when you come into something thinking it will be positive. There's no excuse for bad behavior and you are definitely allowed to take care of you first.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    @BoomerSpooner i vote for keeping your current name. (If there ever is a poll)

  • stormydaycuddlestormydaycuddle Mod

    @carrieanne ooooh. We need to make one!

  • [Deleted User]HugsAreCool (deleted user)

    @Harukii that's really awful, I'm so sorry. I'm new here, so I haven't had any experiences yet, but this is def a reminder to stay on my toes. idk why people would think it acceptable to use this site as a hookup site or... escort service? That's clearly and explicitly not the intended use for this site. Also, disrespecting you for setting a boundary is a terrible thing to do in any situation.

    I hope that whether or not you remain on the site, you are able to find what you're looking for. <3

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