Men Cuddlers: What are your boundaries ?

Minestrone101Minestrone101
edited November 2023 in General

So women definitely have their share of concerns in the cuddle sphere. For women, the issue seems to be safety as the number one concern. For men, what are your boundaries that you set? What issues have you run into that may demonstrate red flags in women or any cuddlers that you are communicating with?

What standards do you wish all cuddlers would have in place? What are yellow flags and red flags and green flags?

How do you initiate communication and cuddling with women/men enthusiasts vs. pros? What are issues on your side that you wish other cuddlers that you seek should consider?

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Comments

  • TxTomTxTom

    🦗

  • SnuggleJohnSnuggleJohn

    No-shows. More generally, making agreements and then not keeping them. Do that, and I'll go somewhere else.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    @TxTom I love crickets! Especially covered in chocolate !

    @SnuggleJohn Yes, sometimes unreliable people can be annoying.

  • TxTomTxTom

    What are yellow flags and red flags and green flags?

    I have no flags. I can only go off the vibes I get from the woman's profile. I've initiated contact with a Pro who had a single, bad karma review, and our session turned out great.

    How do you initiate communication and cuddling with women... enthusiasts vs. pros?

    I just send a brief greeting, perhaps referencing something in her profile we have in common. And then I exercise patience. I hope to hear back from her, but I don't expect to.

  • TxTomTxTom

    @Minestrone101 If I find any, I'll send them to you. They're all yours.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    @TxTom Cricket wireless?

    Nice avenues and methods of communication. Seems respectful.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/16197/guys-with-boundaries-please-stand-up/p1

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover

  • 4cuddles4cuddles

    @SunsetSnuggles thanks for including that post!!

  • MrMarkAndrewMrMarkAndrew

    Pros who reach out first. I thought that wasn’t allowed?

  • SergeantCubSergeantCub

    My best cuddles from this site were with a pro who reached out first 😄

    Biggest red flag I've run into is being flirtatious. Usually not a good sign 😬

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    I closely associate cleanliness to safety. Because if i get the impression a person isn't clean i feel they are more likely to have me in a dangerous environment. A lot of it is minimum level cleanliness. I of course am concerned about safety, probably not in the same manner women would worry but there is a certain vulnerability that is unavoidable in this.

    Some of the other things i think are red flags generally don't worry me until i experience them, ideology and beliefs is an example. I think i can manage my way out of those types of situations relatively unfazed. Weapons, animals and other unexpected people are also an example.

    Boundary pushing is a concern, but i think i can get myself out of that if needed. Fully understanding that it's possible i can't, but im playing the odds.

    I also am horrified of being accused of pushing a boundary, not because I'd do it but because someone's impression could be interpreted that way. Before i cause any bad feelings, let me explain. Let's say i cuddle a woman and at some point i say or do something she interprets as me trying to motivate something im not, and she reports me in here, or anywhere. It may be minor but the association with me and that concept is something I'd dread. I'm not talking about fabrication, I'm talking about misunderstanding. Even of the slightest, if someone's mind goes there is bad enough for me.

    Sex workers is a concern, because i think a level of risk is associated. Like the exposure to a certain element of other people( not involved in the cuddle) that may show up, have an interest in what's happening or whatever. But thats my thoughts, don't know how it is but if any of the rumors are true l, im cautious. Until i get to know a few sex workers ( knowingly) i might have a different opinion.

    Health.

  • 4cuddles4cuddles

    @BashfulLoner thankyou for sharing.

    Good posts/ discussion on boundary@ Minestrone101. Interesting reading about other people's boundaries.

  • TheDave90TheDave90

    I don't mind pros/enthusiasts reaching out first. Not an issue with me.

    Boundaries are the same as the previous thread, I'm bound by the TOS and also hate tickling. I have an almost involuntary violent reaction to it 😅

    Red flags...so far, poor to non-existent communication.

  • waynewvwaynewv

    Before I make contact with any cuddler, male or female, I always read there profile several times. I then send a greeting and try not to come across to pushy and offer to meet out for ice cream, coffee etc.
    and dress per rules set in place here.
    My only red flags would be drug use and smoking, as I’m not into that myself.
    The no shows are not good, I learned that one the hard way. Don’t book a room in a nice hotel until your cuddle partner is there in the flesh. Of course hygiene is very important. I have had some really great cuddles here and met some super nice people.

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

    What issues have you run into that may demonstrate red flags in women or any cuddlers that you are communicating with?

    -usually women that block me or tell me things like don’t ever call me or don’t ever text me things like that would be red flags for me

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    For me:

    • like women talk about no touching in "bikini areas," I say something similar, but moreso speedo areas. Inner thigh as well. Top and side of thigh is okay
    • can talk about all topics under the sun including philosophy, friendships, love, dating, and even sex. But will not go into detail about my sex life or preferences in the interest of keeping the interaction platonic and not blurring lines. I may discuss friendship and previous romantic relationships if it's related to current topic or if we're in a good deep dive.
    • I will not cuddle with someone in a relationship or when I'm in a relationship. There are a few exceptions for forum members that are in relationships, but if I'm in a relationship then all CC cuddles have to cease.
    • I will not remove articles of clothing during a cuddle or accept any "skin to skin contact" besides what my pajamas show
    • I am not looking for romantic connections through CC - while life happens sometimes, 9.5 times out of 10 it will probably not be the case.
    • When cuddling, I ask for consent for each action and check on the cuddler regualrly
    • I maintain a slightly distant proximity and allow the woman cuddler to determine bodily proximity due to their comfort level - I do this in Latin dancing too. If I am uncomfortable, then I will change positions, proximity, or will adjust.
    • While I didn't used to like it, holding hands might be okay , but definitely no staring into each other's eyes please.
    • When communicating with pros lately through private message, I let them know that I am open to staying in touch or friendships, but that I am not currently looking to hire pro cuddlers. I don't want them to waste my time, and I don't want to waste their time.
    • While I'm open to maintaining friendships and contact with cuddlers, I think some cuddlers and even potential cuddlers may become attached due to an oxytocin hit - I try to maintain a good closeness but not to the point where we're sending good morning texts
  • EagleCuddlesEagleCuddles
    1. No Cuddling anyone that's married or in a relationship. I don't need drama in my life.
    2. COMMUNICATE!!! I've had some female cuddlers that are just as bad as the men they say. They don't respond to simple questions like (How are you?; How long have you been on the site?; What got you into cuddling?). Even setting a time / place can be a hassle. During the cuddle, expressing comfort / discomfort is huge for me.
    3. No pot-smokers or 420 friendly people. I cuddled a person that was and the smell ruined the session.
  • MountainsamMountainsam

    I hate ghosts. And people who ask for more money after an agreement. But really the only limit i have is hygene and being hwp

  • [Deleted User]MamboSun1976 (deleted user)

    Since I am new here and have not been a Cuddle Buddy yet my concerns are safety and hygiene. A clean environment, a clean person and a safe place are essential. I will not tolerate any drug use, hoarders, or isolated locations. Additionally, a hotel has to be of reputable quality and brand.

  • WestsideMarcWestsideMarc
    edited November 2023

    @BoomerSpooner Where are you when you’re needed?

  • WestsideMarcWestsideMarc
    edited November 2023

    @Minestrone101 Are all of these many things you listed REALLY a problem for you here???

    Are you getting inundated with women touching you in your thigh/bikini area, asking you detailed questions about your sex life and sexual preferences, wanting to be in a relationship with you, cuddling you too close, wanting to hold your hands, look into your eyes, asking you to remove articles of clothing and get skin to skin, asking and wanting consent “for each and every action” as you put it?? Needing physical “distance” while cuddling?? Are pros wanting extended interaction with you after a cuddle?

    I’m honestly not trying to pick a fight with you man, but this just sounds like you’re addressing issues I’m guessing may not exist and trying to prove how virtuous you are. I see this in your other posts too.

    You’re a good CC citizen here too. WE GET IT.

  • lesmis33lesmis33

    as I feel partially responsible for this thread, I will give some of my thoughts.

    • From Pros, asking for PII or head shots before communicating.
      I know I am an odd one on this, but I have been a privacy advocate for decades and it really is important to me especially on the modern day internet where it is an increasingly large burden. I understand this is a safety issue for some pros, but I don't think the same courtesy would be extended if I asked for the same and for good reason. I don't know if the person in the pictures are the same as the person behind the keyboard and with the prevalence of AI generated photos, the risk for fake profiles that look legitimate is problematic. Demanding that as well as a deposit but refusing to do a 10 minute video call to make sure both parties are comfortable just feels like it could/would be a scam or that what I ultimately want (which is a platonic and mutually nurturing connection) would not be delivered. However, this only concerns pros who are delivering a service as the transactional nature means I am more selective and the professional's time is money. For enthusiasts, I'd hope we would slowly get to know one another before we committed to anything in person and then there would be a mutually agreed upon setting when both parties feel safe and comfortable.

    • Overly flirtatious or even salacious language in their profile
      This signifies a different intent than what I am looking for and the platonic nature could be jeopardized.

    • Angry diction towards men or a specific type of men
      I have seen some profiles on here that spew vitriol towards effeminate men or rather men who do not conform to patriarchal standards of masculinity. I don't know if they would become violent or just take advantage of my naturally docile behavior. They probably would not enjoy me anyway so =pppPpPPPPpPppppppppp

    I could prattle on forever about specific behaviors and verbiage that would make me not consider someone a good match but that isn't what this thread is about lol.

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup

    I would say that mainly my boundaries are poor communication and reliability, and having a partner that isn’t aware that they are cuddling.

    If they are a professional, same as above applies but also add in that I’m not paying a deposit unless I get good vibes (lots of good karma, the way they communicate is also telling of their character to a limited degree). Also add in willing to negotiate significantly in pricing, that makes me feel bad if I feel like someone else is getting a better deal than me

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    @WestsideMarc Sure. I got nothing to gain. I discussed my boundaries. Hopefully, you can discuss yours.

  • CuddleHugs01234CuddleHugs01234

    @Minestrone101 I liked your boundaries.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

  • Midnight01Midnight01

    LOL, I can't believe this is a real thing...

  • Mike403Mike403

    @Midnight01 - You really like to troll, don't you?

  • Midnight01Midnight01
    edited November 2023

    Most men don't really have too many boundaries, rather they don't think about boundaries hardly. It's extremely hard to get cuddles without reaching out for a pro. So thinking about getting our boundaries pushed is an afterthought. Getting cuddles is the #1 directive. It's much more a "problem" for the woman, and a significant one. Men are generally bigger and more aggressive in pushing boundaries anyway.

  • WestsideMarcWestsideMarc

    @Midnight01 EXACTLY!!!! Well said.

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