New here

[Deleted User]Gizzy (deleted user)
in General

Hello my name is Natasha and I am from England, I never heard of anything like this before so thought I would give it a try.

Because of my childhood I didn’t have this type of physical contact so it’s something I have craved for a very long time.

I am looking for someone to message me so we can chat more I sorta need a (mother figure) type person I’m not bothered about the place they live cos I think I need to learn to trust someone before I can look for this physical type thing anyway

Natasha

Comments

  • JasonCuddlesJasonCuddles

    Just want to say welcome :)

  • AbbyCuddlesAbbyCuddles

    Hi Natasha. Welcome to this site, my name is Abby. Aww...that's sweet. I know what you mean, my family didn't show a lot of physical affection and as an only child that had trouble making friends I was often lonely and I can't remember a time when I didn't feel starved for physical affection. Plus I think I might just be wired that way.

    You're right, Attachment Theory says that not getting reliable, consistent affection as a child, from a trustworthy parent, CAN interfere with the development of a sense of safety and trust later. I took a few early childhood education classes and they went over that and I was mesmerized because I recognized that in my own life. It makes so much sense. They say the "reliable caregiver" is like the "base" of safety that allows you as a kid to feel safe enough to slowly start moving away from the base and exploring the world. Because the safe base is there, so you feel safe to explore. You develop independence. But when the mother or father or caregiver is not consistent and reliable with their affection (like sometimes they're affectionate and sometimes their the opposite, or like they use withholding affection as a tool to punish or manipulate kids), it can lead to an incomplete attachment and the kid doesn't feel safe to go out into the world and explore, develop independence, feel safety. They feel like they can't trust anyone, can have fear-of-abandonment issues, or have trouble expressing vulnerability and intimate emotions for fear of letting people in and getting hurt later. That last one is my problem!

    Anyway, your experience was probably completely different than mine, but I want you to know that you're not alone! There are many other people who know what you mean about craving nurturing, physical touch as adults because we were deprived of it when we were kids. I think a lot of people try to get that need met with sexual activity, when it's really intimacy they crave (but they don't know how to ask for that...or how to receive it when they get it).

    I'm working on that with myself. I tend to run from (emotionally) intimate situations, even though I actually crave them, or the closeness that they offer. I have to absolutely know that the other person won't reject me before I will be vulnerable and tell them my needs. It's a scary thing to admit that you need something. But it's okay. It's okay to need a hug, it's okay to need to be reassured, it's okay to need to be held. It's all totally normal. What's not normal is society thinking that any affectionate touch between adults is always about sex, when that's not necessarily true. Know what I mean? Its not scary on here, though, because on here everyone needs the same thing, so everyone should understand.

    Anyway, my dear, I am a bit younger than you at 38 and I'm all the way in Texas. Don't know if I could pull off what you're talking about, being younger than you and all, but feel free to let me know if you'd like to chat or email sometime. I'd be happy to.

    By the way, I am a "pro cuddler" on here, but that only applies to men, not to women. I have no problem cuddling with women (or role-playing cuddling scenarios with women), because it fulfills a need, but with men I only cuddle for a fee because it doesn't fulfill a personal need for me, like it does for them.

    Well, I hope you don't mind the long response, that's just how I write.

    Thanks,
    Abby

    Oh, and...

    (((TIGHT HUGS, DARLING)))
    (((HUGS)) (((HUGS))) (((HUGS))) (((HUGS)))

    You're a sweet, sincere, sensitive, wonderful, delightful, and WORTHY person, and don't ever forget that, okay?

    (((HUGS!)))

  • [Deleted User]ivlegend (deleted user)

    Welcome to the family:)

  • [Deleted User]MoonlightSonata (deleted user)

    Welcome to the site. :) It is good to have you here.

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