I've never had a personal connection with anyone. People seem to avoid me. Be honest, something is wrong with me. I'm probably some devil.
I think at some point in our lives, most of us feel that way, but you have to be careful because the way that you think about yourself is the energy that you convey to others you should seek out counseling or therapy in my opinion
Yeah, I connect strongly with that feeling. Used to suffer from that a lot, still do to a significant extent.
You're not a devil. Well, not based on that evidence anyway. And 'something is wrong with me' can be answered with either no or yes, depending on exactly what you mean.
In my case the current theory is that I suffered from extreme emotional neglect as a baby. (Possibly my mother suffered from post-partum depression.) This affected my emotional development which means I'm not a 'normal' person. I find I have better than average connection with people who are neurodivergent, although I would not qualify for a diagnosis of any recognised condition.
The effects if this were then magnified or mitigated to a significant effect by my somewhat unusual childhood in general, which can best be summarised as character building.
You have your own story and I'd be interested in hearing it.
Making basic connections with people is a technical skill and nearly anybody can learn it. Your post suggests to me that you are one of them.
Edit: I just read your profile. You've obviously learned a lot of those skills already.
Second edit: As previously mentioned on this forum I do have various psychological diagnoses including dysthymia (look it up like I did) but none of them are conventionally associated with neurodivergence, as autism or dyslexia are.
Nothing is wrong with you, maybe you have been blessed with the ability to steer clear of most of humanity's horrible traits. You are in a unique position to be very selective of who you allow in your space. I don't want you to think personal connections are valuable, because they are but let's be honest the majority of the ones most have are not valuable at all. People move on and out of your life all throughout life, most won't add much but will definitely take something from you. I'd consider it a superpower to not have that exchange as much as others. When you find those genuine people to connect with cherish them nurture them and reward them.
@Harry01996 life is long and things come when they are supposed. As many good experiences you will have with people, there are terrible experiences to be had as well. You might be able to avoid some of the bad.
@CuddleDuncan are there any support groups for that? I'm interested as I resonate very strongly with what you've described
@Harry01996 your post has had replies from four people in just over an hour. By the standards of this forum that's a lot, and given the time - night/early morning in the USA - it's a big lot. In other words, your belief that "people seem to avoid me" might not always be as true as you think. @lonelytauros' point, that the energy we project becomes the energy we receive, is unquestionably true for most if not all people at least some of the time. Or to put it another way, beware of believing in self-fulfilling prophesies about yourself.
@friendlyhugging I have no idea. For the last four years I have been in a twice-weekly psychodynamic psychotherapy group, and it is from there that the theory originated. Although I had my suspicious beforehand.
In threads like these - which are not rare - there is always a theme of 'please consider counselling or talking therapy' and it's always good advice. Certainly is in this case.
I've gone through similar things in the past, sometimes I get moments like that even today. It's frustrating as heck.
Gere in West Sussex we have a thing called 'Time To Talk' which is free from the NHS, they helped greatly with my beyond awful social anxiety. Hopefully there's something similar where you're based.
But I guess with the comments you're got here so far...maybe this forum and site are good turning points?
Don't know how much help this is.
@Harry01996 I’m sure nothing is wrong with you. At least nothing that a lot of people don’t suffer from. Yeah, it’s a pretty lonely world. But are you sure you’ve never had a connection? Have you talked to people at school or work? If you go to the store and get something on a good day, do you say hi to the cashier and exchange a couple words? If you’re stuck in a long line, do you turn to the next person and say, “Man, this line, huh?” It might not be the biggest connections ever, but connection is all around us in small ways, so what’s the thing you’re really looking for?
The messed up thing about this world is that when we’re at our lowest point, that’s when others avoid us the most. It would be so awesome if when you’re depressed and can hardly speak, that’s when everyone comes up to you to offer help and guidance. But yeah the world is hardened like that so you gotta be strong. I mean, I’m sure I don’t have to tell you this, I’m sure you already know. Not trying to be preachy or lecturing, just trying to say I understand. Lol.
Anyway you’re in the right place. Yeah, as said above, you already got a bunch of responses, so that proves you’re not invisible. If you want a private message, just reach out with a DM. I’m sure you’ll get an answer.
@Harry01996 I don’t know you so i can’t speak to how you are. However we are usually much harder on ourselves than others are . And the negative thoughts we have about ourselves often times are nit shared by others . I hope you are able to get help for the thoughts you are having about yourself , and perhaps that might is something you want to consider putting as a priority over a cuddle or social media tyoe site, as it can unfortunately feed into and exacerbate negative emotions and feelings of rejection and self esteem. Good luck with wherever life takes you .
I also don’t know you, but people are very quick to judge and will pass on getting to know good people based on superficial things. There are ways to be more instantly likeable by people that has no substance but that’s just how it is. Humans are animals at the end of the day. Smile, act interested in their lives, dress in an appealing way, adhering to social rules, being bold (in a good way), etc are ways to appear more likeable
As @Citizen_Genet ppinted out as well, people often ignore those that most need help, depressed and traumatized people need assistance, but are not seen as fun to be around. People want to have fun and feel good at the end of the day. If they don’t think you are a vehicle for that they will find a different human outlet. That’s why it’s best to only reveal your deepest issues with trusted friends/family and mental health professionals
@DaveTheBrit I tried to use them or something similar for help when I was pushed to study at Royal Holloway after dropping out from another uni the previous year in 2017. They never really offered any support. I was actually crying on the train while I spoke to them but they didn't really offer anything. In the end I ended up doing the course. I despised it, and had to resit a year. I lost 4 years of my life.
@Harry01996 Did you lose 4 years really? What happened in those 4 years? Did you learn anything? I know life can be a bummer and we all feel like pariahs at various points in our life but we also learn and grow from those times. Nothing is wrong with you, your perception of yourself is wonky is all. As @lonelytauros said, be careful about getting too down on yourself because you can emanate that negative energy unknowingly to others.
I had no interest in the course. My current job has nothing to do with my degree. I don't remember anything I learnt from the degree.
@Harry01996 Can I offer you a positive? Especially as someone who does some hiring? You finished something. In addition, you finished something you hated. That takes character and determination. I would take that any day.
@Harry01996 all the hugs.🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
I'll add to those.
@BoomerSpooner it's nothing major. The alternative to completing it wouldn't be acceptable. Wanting to avoid it is nothing special.
@Harry01996 Hi there, I have checked your profile, nothing is wrong with you of course, maybe the photos uploaded are not the best! You might think of uploading more photos of yourself smiling or in nature..I mean if you’re looking for cuddle partners, a little bit of stillness, natural or positive vibes would do the magic. And believe it or not; the way we think of ourselves is quite magnetic too. You seem to be a sweet, kind gentleman, just be you and show it to the world. If you’re ever in Atlanta, I would definitely cuddle with you 🥰🤗
I'm inclined to agree @ExoticLotus.
I agree with everyone else, pretty sure you’re a human.
You’re like that for a reason, meaning you had some kind of trauma or maladaptive situation when you were a kid. Or at least maladaptive if the goal is forming human connections. Once I started framing my problems as the effects of PTSD, which is what it actually is, it allowed me to accept myself a little more.
You may have been rejected over and over again or otherwise discouraged. You may have had parents who never encouraged you to grow socially. Or you may have just been born with something like ASD. I don’t know what happened but definitely a human as long as you have empathy and care for other humans. We’re all on the same team, “weird” or not.
Hmm. There is nothing wrong with you so no need to worry. I think you might have been raised a certain way possibly to cause you to feel like that. Like do you have siblings? Like I have no problem having a lot of guy friends and some girl friends. This is because of how I was raised. I grew up with older brothers so naturally was told to come to them for help and support. My guy friends are great for that too and nornally I go to them more than my girl friends because it was normal for me to do that as a kid even when my then friends (who were mostly girls) were around. So I feel you might have a similar situation to my friend Anna who is an only child. She has a harder time with relationships in general other than the one person she grew up with, her mom. But we do care about her as her friends and only hope the best for her. So just be you and your friends will appreciate you and you'll have great people in your life. Or are you just shy or don't really have caring people in your life currently? Well if shyness is the issue then I had that problem as a kid. I was literally a mute at school until I relized it doesn't help me any. If you don't have caring people in your life then maybe new friends are needed. I actually had a talk like this with one of my friends last month. He was saying how long ago he used to be a druggie and so were his friends. Then one day he decided to change his life around. None of those "friends" wanted anything to do with him after that. He said it hurt at first but his life is beter now. I hope that helped but if your situation is different then let me know!
@exoticlotus I'd say my upbringing was relatively normal. I had male and female friends.
If nothing else, we have a community of men who can support each other through difficult times. Salute!
@1_teddybear absolutely! Moreover: as per addition to @CuddleDuncan the "Formerly considered a problem or abnormal, scientists now understand that neurodivergence isn’t inherently an issue for the individual and that it has a large societal benefit." I actually think @Harry01996 that you come across very smart, and smart is the New Cool!! Nerd is now the New SuperHero!! Just mingle more, out and about with you Harry, you may just be very positively surprised:)) and when you do, please report back to us, we all want to hear about your journey:)) Lovely day wishes everyone:))