No show pro

cj7353cj7353
in General

I had my first appointment with a pro cuddler scheduled for this evening. The provider was a no-show, then cancelled the booking after the fact, telling an untruth about the reason. She said I didn't message her, despite several messages on the Web site and to the phone number she gave. After accepting the booking a week in advance, she didn't follow up on my message offering times for the initial FaceTime meeting, or to a couple more message pings from me attempting to confirm the appointment. Finally she messaged me on the site, two and a half hours before the appointment, giving me a phone number to text my address to. She never responded to that text, or to my message on the site asking her if she got it. If it weren't enough that I'd messaged on the site and to her number, I'd also messaged her my number so she could have called or texted me if she had questions. Not showing, ghosting me, then saying untruthfully that I never responded doesn't seem like a pattern of behavior that should be acceptable for pros on this site. At a minimum I'd like an apology and an explanation of what happened. If she'd just ghosted and no-showed, I'd have just let it go. Being accused of not holding up my end of things is hard to accept.

I'd like to leave a negative review, but want to wait a beat before doing that. I reported her to the moderators because it feels like blaming me on the record for the cancellation is unethical. I'm open to any advice folks have. One lesson I've learned is that a video call with a new provider is as much for my protection as theirs. If I don't have a good feeling about the communication and professionalism of a provider in the days leading up to the appointment, I'll cancel next time.

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Comments

  • TxTomTxTom

    It happens. Don't give the title Pro too much weight. It doesn't necessarily denote professional behavior. Anyone can sign up on this site and five minutes later be a Pro.

    Move on, don't take it personally, and just be grateful that you were spared potentially more serious problems had she shown up.

    There are game players on here who will establish a lengthy rapport with you just to get your address and then suddenly vanish. I suppose address collecting is a hobby or something for some people. Just make sure you're not revealing too much personal information before you actually meet her.

    Best of luck.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    Exactly what @TxTom said.
    I can imagine how you feel (it’s happened to me too many times) and this sketchy behavior - especially from a pro - is really discouraging. I’m sorry you had this experience here.
    If I’m reading correctly, did you not have an actual screening conversation before the day of the session? Personally, if that hadn’t happened by the day of, or even a few hours before the session and if she was unavailable for that, then I would not plan to go through with it, you would have every right to cancel, imo.
    Even if you had, I recommend that you not give out your address until she messages and is on her way.
    I’m also curious about whether this pro had karma, how new she is to the site, any clues in her profile that might indicate how serious she is about cuddling…even if all factors check out, online strangers = taking a leap of faith, unfortunately. Hope your next experience is much better!

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    @cj7353
    I concur with everything @TxTom said. If the person in question had little to no karma, I would be wondering if they were catfishing to get personal info for nefarious purposes. If they had an adequate amount of karma then they may have just been a very unprofessional “pro” (or what some people refer to as a “paid cuddler” vs a “pro cuddler”).

    I hope this experience doesn’t sour you on the whole website. I have had many wonderful cuddles with both pros and enthusiasts and I have only had 1 instance where I pulled the plug and cancelled an hour before a scheduled cuddle because the pro had gone radio silent for several days (we had agreed to meet at a state park at a certain time but it was a huge park with multiple entrances and she would not respond to multiple requests to pick a location within the park).

    You did the right thing reporting her and the mods will be able to see your messages sent through the site which counter her claims. I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for an apology, I would be shocked if that happened. As TxTom said, it is best to just move on and find someone else.

  • ATemporaryUser0ATemporaryUser0

    This is pretty common. I’ve had multiple pros no-show and then leave me fraudulent bad karma.

    You can potentially be stricter about who you book and, as you mention, do a screening call beforehand. That’ll at least screen out a lot of the annoyances. Or you can continue to cast a wide net, and then just accept that you’ll wind up with a lot of flakes and unprofessional behavior. Personally I go with the latter - I have actually met some neat people with profiles that seemed a little sloppy, so I don’t want to filter those people out.

  • cj7353cj7353

    Thanks for all the feedback, I appreciate it! She had six positive karma reviews, so I’m thinking that she is a real person, but flaky. Her profile seemed buttoned up and professional, but she could have done that in a half hour of enthusiastic cutting and pasting from other pro profiles when signing up. One karma reviewer said she didn’t work very often, which seems to fit with not being that dialed in to the job in real life. I appreciate the comments supporting my intuition to cancel if communications are not clear and to delay in giving my address until we’ve talked. That’ll save me time and frustration. Thanks again!

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    In six years I only had one no-show and she told me in advance by a few hours because her kid was very sick and needed to go to the doctor. She rescheduled for the next day and she is one of my favorites.

    I think when you have been doing this a long time you become adept at curating pros. I was also fortunate to have extremely helpful pros the first 2-3 times that told me some of the ploys their clients told them about and how you can tell. And trust your gut.

    There are no guarantees but you can limit your risk.

  • lesmis33lesmis33
    edited February 2024

    I am really sorry this happened to you OP. Once reason I do not like giving out phone numbers is that it ties back to your personal information in a very real way unless you setup a burner. People's PII is constantly traded on the black markets and places like this is an easy way for people to poach desperate individuals who might not be tech savvy. It is why I have a way that I like doing things that offers mutual protections, but I do frequently have to bend my rules in order to meet the needs of the other. That is simply a negotiation and risk/benefit analysis I undergo with every exchange online with strangers.

    WARNING WALL OF TEXT INCOMING DETAILING SOME GOOD SAFE HABITS ON THE INTERNET
    PART 1

    What I find the best strategy for me is the following:
    Exchange emails over phone numbers.
    I like to use emails because I also practice good internet hygiene with them. I have multiple emails for different tiers of my life and have managed them since I was in high school. For instance an example of tiers(but not mine) are,

    • banking/tax/financial email that only is used for sites that directly relate to that think turbotax, IRS, banks, etc.
    • Professional/personal one - this one is only used for job applications, people I know, and websites that will carry my real data e.g. linkedin, professional blog, etc.
    • advert/junk mail - this one is used for all those crap sites that need an email e.g. gaming, snapchat, random restaurants, kiosks, and all manner of absolute BS that want to tie some shit to your personal life.
    • Burner email - this is an email that is tied to a specific application that might be dicey. I use burner emails frequently but I am also more paranoid than most and extremely privacy conscious in today's surveillance state.

    Now what does this layer of protection afford me? The most important one is leaks. Websites get broken into and dumped every day. From google to government websites to niche communities like cuddle comfort, your email and corresponding password hash will almost assuredly be dumped to the greater internet for some site. This is one reason why per email password managers are very useful in compartmentalizing losses when a (usually negligent) internet entity gets popped.

    Another protection is that this limits the scope of what data I want to share with strangers and businesses to the greater internet. If your same email is used for your facebook/linkedin/snapchat/tinder/Roll20/etc, congratulations you have given this person all the keys to your castle. They will know everything about you. Compartmentalizing internet identities protects against stalkers, cyber criminals, rogue businesses, and much more. As the push to integrate your personal information to every single thing continues, your mobile device becomes as effective as your social security number(big tech and western governments are quickly moving to this), it becomes even more paramount to isolate and compartmentalize your life away from these entities before they all become one blob of all of you.

    Now, what does email not do? It doesn't help evade law enforcement or the giant big data operations of the tech giants because they have all manner of tracking/listening/signaling technologies that I won't get into here, but that data is generally protected by those billion(if not trillion) dollar industries who can protect it better than I can. As I have no intention of breaking the law, I am not really worried about exchanging messages over email so this lack of protection from problematic states is suitable for me. Now, I also live in California and I am not a homosexual so I don't have to worry about the disgusting over policing that is anti-sodomy laws so I recognize my privilege and threat space might not be applicable to all.

    Now some pros might not want to exchange emails since their privacy mechanisms is built into mobile numbers. Which brings me to my next topic:

  • lesmis33lesmis33

    PART 2
    Don't give out your personal number

    Your personal number is akin to your personal email and financial email rolled into one! Black markets trade not just emails but email+phone number pairs to get around 2FA protections. The number you use to log into sites, communicate with family, and take business phone calls needs to be separated from the one that you give out to internet strangers. I tend to use a google voice number but that requires an active phone number you use so I don't think it is a true disjoint phone number. I have concerns with google voice numbers being able to be tracked back to your IRL number and email registered in it, but I assume it is either through ad networks or some sort of background investigation inquiry. These cost money so it is less likely for a mass information farmer to be utilizing these techniques. However, for the absolutely paranoid, a better practice would be to setup an isolated voip number or a burner phone, but I am getting in the weeds. At the time of exchanging numbers, you should be able to trust the professional a little to share some proxied number like google voice(or at least I can, but YMMV). Now when should you give out this number?

    Do not share real life information until after a video chat
    I will not exchange numbers immediately and will require a video call to make sure we are both real people and we can do some manner or basic IRL introduction such as first name and where specifically we plan to meet. After this 5-10 minute video chat, and the vibe checks are in place, we can exchange numbers. I can not stress the importance of having a video chat and having people do random acts like show your hand and put down a specific finger when you ask for it. This prevents a common scam attack which is replaying innocuous video on a loop. Additionally, there is a rise in deepfakes however being used and someone recently even stole millions from a company utilizing the technology, but active video deepfake that won't glitch on hand movements that are instructed in real time is way way way out of the current bounds of AI technology. I personally don't ask for this hand thing as it can be awkward especially when meeting someone for the first time, but it is really useful for those who are more easily duped by rapid changes in technology which is generally the older crowd(please don't shoot the messenger on this). Remember, the goal of this chat is a strictly professional one to determine whether the person you are attempting to meet is real. Do NOT waste their time with over the top antics.Be respectful of theirs and your time so really aim for 5 minutes and allow the other to ask questions. Have a checklist going in as your vetting process.

    I can't believe I need to say this, but here it goes.
    DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES GIVE OUT GOVERNMENT ISSUED ID
    Seriously, don't do it. Ever. If anyone is asking for it, seriously, HUGE red flag and honestly report worthy. Do not send pictures of your drivers license, your passport, green card, SSN, seriously ANY OF IT. If the other person can't accept that very obvious boundary, then know you are entering into a situation where you can easily be taken advantage of and should avoid. Don't share it here, don't share it over the phone, don't share it over email, Do. Not. Share. It. You are literally asking to get 3 or 4 mortgages taken out in your name.

    Now, it should be stated that these rules are malleable. You have to give and take in these situations because your rules might over protect yourself at the cost of the other person being unsafe. I don't have a silver bullet for this situation, but trust your gut and come into it with a clear mind. If someone is hosting, I tend to give them more benefits in the exchange because they are putting up more accountability. Again, trust your gut and have a clear mind. Scams often take place with offering something that is very desirable to the victim whether it be monetary, comfort, carnal, w.e. Realize that and stick to your guns. Realize that your identity holds a LOT of value on white. grey, and black markets.

    Anyway, to wrap this up as I really need to get into work and I am diatribing. I know these rules conflict with a lot of professional rules. You will have to research and find a pro whose vetting process aligns with yours. I have not approached the subject of asking a pro to bend their rules to accommodate mine, but if I were(which I most likely am not lol) I would start by listing the rules they have in their profile to communicate I have read and understand them and offer a counter. Realize they will probably ignore you or say no and that is acceptable. I have not tried it though so beware.

    whew, that was a stream of consciousness. I apologize for the rambling, but seriously stay safe.

  • TxTomTxTom

    Great advice and tips @lesmis33 . Thanks for the time and effort you put into sharing this.

  • BreeCheeBreeChee

    @lesmis33 I require i.d. if someone wants me to cuddle at their home. A video chat or meeting before the cuddle doesn't tell me if someone has a record and my safety is important. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask, I wasn't aware it was against the rules though?

  • starrynitecudsstarrynitecuds

    @BreeChee you require ID, so do you provide yours to them? After all, you are going to their home which is a huge risk to them since you could have a record, too.

  • starrynitecudsstarrynitecuds

    @lesmis33 requiring an ID card isn't against the rules here, but it IS a big security risk and red flag.

  • CelestialTouchCelestialTouch

    Ive recieved therapeutic massage from hundreds of therapists in legit businesses, not one asked me for an I.D..

  • Mike403Mike403

    @CelestialTouch - You are going to an office for that. You aren't inviting them into your private residence.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @Mike403 Plenty of therapists have portable tables and come to you. When I fell off a roof 8 years ago insurance paid for one to come to me. She didn’t even have an office outside her home. She didn’t need to.

  • CelestialTouchCelestialTouch
    edited February 2024

    Big P, Little P, if you are exchanging money, its a business. Went to one pros residence long time ago, she never asked for an I.d. either.. p.s. a lot of therapists have residence based businesses.
    @BoomerSpooner
    Sometimes they wont come to you unless you already have a table in your residence, for ones that dont like carrying tables around,Lol. Careful on those roofs!

  • Mike403Mike403

    @CelestialTouch - It's a dangerous business. Women get assaulted from guys who think they are entitled to more than just platonic cuddles. If you are booking a new pro, you are a stranger to them. They don't know your intentions.

  • CelestialTouchCelestialTouch

    I really dislike bias in regards to S.A. its not the gender, its the person.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972
    edited February 2024

    @lesmis33
    Thank you for your posts above. The only thing I would add is a reminder to anyone concerned about their privacy (which should be everyone) that even if you do everything right, your friends and acquaintances still pose a risk to your privacy.

    For instance, I have an app that gives me multiple burner numbers on my phone. I have compartmentalized my communications by using different numbers for different purposes with one number dedicated exclusively to CC communications. However, if a cuddle partner puts my real name and my CC phone number into her phone then shares her contacts with Facebook, LinkedIn, Google, or any other app / website / service, then all my efforts to protect my privacy are wasted. That is why I am slow to divulge any PII and when I do, I politely ask that only my screen name be associated with my phone number.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    I am so compartmentalized that my cell phone has a pinger to find me.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @CelestialTouch @BoomerSpooner - Do massage therapists not ask for identification before showing up to your home? I never booked one before so I don't know.

  • SoosonSooson
    edited February 2024

    Let's agree that it's OK to ask for an ID and it is also ok to refuse to provide one. Similar to the beloved and commonly discussed travel fees.
    @BreeChee your post implies that you use the ID to run a background check?? If someone's trust levels are that low im not interested in a cuddle. I click NEXT.

  • CelestialTouchCelestialTouch

    I actually never booked a massage therapist to come to my residence, they are done through an app usually or classifieds. Apps are supposed to have admins running their site to have check in and check out procedures (which I have no experience with) and the therapist is supposed to check out after session. They tried to lure me into using the app as a provider but I never did.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @Sooson - More should ask for identifiable information so they can attempt to press charges on people who cross the line. Just being banned from a website doesn't seem to be enough for these creeps.

    Just your name and photo should be enough.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @mike403 she scanned my health insurance card and dl once she arrived. It was a referral from the orthopedic doctor’s office.

  • GoodingGooding

    Sorry your first experience didn't go well OP. I wish your next experience goes like mine.

    I have had only two sessions so far. Both were so positive. I look forward to cuddle with them again. Found them with some karma, with prompt responses.

    All the best.

  • cj7353cj7353

    Thanks for all the safety tips! I’m booked with another pro cuddler next week who has already provided a Zoom link, so things appear to be on a good path.

  • KatotaKatota
    edited February 2024

    Move on, don't take it personally, and just be grateful that you were spared potentially more serious problems had she shown up.

    @TxTom Exactly! As an Enthusiast I too have gone (and still going through it😆) through the whole "no show/Ghosting/Houdini Pulling" nonsense as well.😁
    Only, I do take it personally cuz I'm just petty and grudge bearing like that. 😜😛

    I must say this!☝️

    If one is gonna ghost, then just STAY A DAMN GHOST!😐 If you ghost on the original set DAY OF CUDDLING, and you don't show up (with or without a reason) then please just move on. Cuz if you reach out to me days, weeks, months or EVEN A YEAR LATER with bullshit pleasantries then I will either ignore your messages (to the point of blocking) OR I will happily take the piss out on You!👊😠

    Ghosting happens😁, and when it does then I shall RESPECT THE DEAD and move on.😇💐
    Don't "resurrect yourself" in my inbox or on my phone for you have "gone on to a better place" now stay there!😌😊

    Side note: Thanks to many Australian online acquaintances, for teaching me the phrase of "taking the piss".👋😁

  • KatotaKatota

    Just your name and photo should be enough

    That's all I ask for!😊👍

  • KatotaKatota



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