Handholding?

[Deleted User]jms17todd (deleted user)
in General

How often do you hold hands with someone you are cuddling?

While I've never thought of hand-holding as a form of cuddling, I do understand how it's still human touch & can fill a void. That being said, I never realized how deeply personal it felt to me until someone I didn't want to cuddle with grabbed my hand and held on to it while trying to convince me to cuddle. It was weird and I was surprised at how much I didn't like it.

Clearly I have issues, lol, but still.... How often is hand-holding a part of your cuddle sessions?

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Comments

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

    Handholding is only acceptable when having a thumb war but even then you need to have consent

  • MarkBPhxMarkBPhx
    edited March 2024

    @jms17todd @lonelytauros is correct about consent being a requirement.

    Especially in the context of cuddle sessions through CuddleComfort, consent is vital. Forced or coerced affection of any kind is a violation of TOS.

    If that individual is here on CC, report them to the mods please.

  • SoosonSooson

    There used to be a pro in my area that emphasized hand holding in her profile and interestingly enough there was a positive karma by someone who enjoyed a hand holding session with her.
    To me this was a code for "don't expect cuddles" ....Next in line please.

    I hope everyone is having a good day.

  • a_LightNtheDarka_LightNtheDark

    As stated above, with consent I love hand holding, and always ask before initiating. Handholding is one of my favorite things to do in a cuddle session. You feel their presence and they feel yours. You can connect with your partner either through a gentle caress of the hand or just being present with them in the moment. To me it signifies trust with that person. Letting go of the physical world, minus this point of touch and just drifting away into a peace.

    But at the same time I can respect and understand why some would not find it comforting.

  • [Deleted User]jms17todd (deleted user)

    @lonelytauros 😂 to the thumb war.

    @MarkBPhx to be fair, we were just having a drink, getting to know each othe beforehand. He wasn't aware that I had made up my mind so I think he thought he was being charming or cute. I smile and laugh when I'm nervous, so I probably gave off the wrong vibe. Gotta work on that. I just didn't expect a stranger to touch me like that at that point.

    @Sooson I can see how some people might like it; heck I probably would with someone I'd cuddled before. I think @BasketballHoope hit it on the head. It signifies trust. I enjoy the heck out of it with boyfriends, just not a complete stranger. I'm sure after a cuddle session I'd two with someone I'd be game.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    @jms17todd handholding can be included in cuddle sessions, but you are not alone in feeling like it is too intimate sometimes as it's off limits for many cuddlers. Whether it's due to it's association in our culture with romantic relationships or just because it feels so vulnerable, it's perfectly normal for you to feel how you did.

    Some I've talked to have noted their discomfort may be due to childhood trauma as well, as it calls to mind being a child holding hands with an adult to say cross the street or try our early steps. It's an action that ought to convey safety and comfort, but if the adult was unsafe or if the handholding was used as a means to control painfully, it definitely can bring up uncomfortable memories or feelings.

    Then there's some like me who are super tactile and sensitive to touch, so really enjoy handholding and hand-play in any context. I also have a dollop of childhood trauma in the mix, though, so I don't just hold hands with anyone - I absolutely have to feel safe, relaxed, and trust the person.

    I'm sorry that person didn't get consent before touching you. Definitely report them if they're on the site so that mods can track any behavior patterns. While it's never ok for someone to touch another person without consent, at least now you know you may need to place a firm boundary around handholding and communicating that with potential cuddlers can help you vet them.

  • Mike403Mike403

    Yes, report it to the mods if they are a member here. It's unlikely that this instance will result in a ban unless they have prior offenses, but it will put them on their radar.

  • CelestialTouchCelestialTouch

    Tend to hold hands when driving long distances. Always practice safe driving with both hands at 10 and 2 on the wheel at all times! Hand holding for me is about the only way Im comfortable via skin to skin physical contact if my partner wants to but still need to be mindful of transference. So she held my hand if she wanted to. Handholding is common in some cultures among friends and family but I never had much growing up, so it is good for me to practice more of. Its harder to do when hiking cuz trails are sometimes too narrow to walk side by side holding hands with your partner. Handholding can be either a sign of friendship, feel romantic also, or of safety. I felt very safe when my hand was being held. I have massaged many hands in my day of various shapes, sizes etc, at least 2 per patient. If not careful how I was administering massage to hands, a patient might have thought I was trying to hold his or her hand, 😂.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    Yeah, in the beginning , I felt hand holding was too personal with new or unfamiliar people, but I've learned to relax a bit more about that boundary and see that as a nice way to connect vs something romantic.

  • SoosonSooson

    @jms17todd yes, I totally agree, I'm sure some like it. it's just that this one profile mentioned hand holding and TV enough to make you wonder if they are even interested in engaging in any cuddling. that's all. And don't let sneaky men hold your hand pretending they actually care about you :)

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited March 2024

    Hand holding is nice and comforting with the right people , but it's also a mild form of restraint so when it's not the right person it can certainly give off the wrong vibe. Plus anything done at any time by somebody who you don't want to do it will certainly give you the get the hell away from me you creepster reaction . Sorry that happened @jms17todd . Glad you recognize it as a boundary .

  • team_cuddleteam_cuddle

    It honestly depends on the type of hand holding for me. Is it a soft grasp, heavy grasp. Makes a big difference for me. Im sure it's different for everyone. I'm a man and my hands are always bigger than anyone's that I'm holding so I tend to be gentler with my hands

  • Will564Will564

    Extremely good points by everyone about consent. Doesn't matter what kind of touch it is, there should always be consent. If anything is uncomfortable to either person in any way, it shouldn't be done.

    @cuddlefaery

    Those are extremely good points! It's so fascinating how different kinds of touch can affect different people in so many different ways. On the surface, hand holding almost seems simpler than full on cuddles, since it's such a smaller part of the body. But, there are so many different potential associations with it, so for someone it could feel way more intimate or uncomfortable than a hug or cuddle.

    @pmvines

    I had never thought about it as a mild type of restraint before, but now that I think about it that way, I completely agree with you.

    While it has never truly bothered me, it always kind of irritated me at holiday meals that my dad always insisted everyone hold hands in prayer before the meal. I've always just done it without thinking since everyone wanted to do it to satisfy him, but it was a kind of touch in that situation I didn't enjoy doing. It was never asked, just assumed that everyone needed to do it, and there has always been social pressure to do it, like if you refused you were being rude or not a part of the group, even if you were completely polite and pleasant in every other way. I've never really thought about it, but yeah, the feeling of having to hold someone's hand when you don't really feel like it feels awkward and restraining.

    But...during cuddle sessions with the right person, I love hand holding! I love playing with each others' hands and all of the different little tactile sensations that go with it. I love having my hands massaged or caressed, or pressed in different ways.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    I hold hands to wipe the sweat off.

  • geminigemstonegeminigemstone

    Handholding is perfectly okay in my own opinion. As a pro cuddler I do not mind holding hands with clients as this adds to the skin to skin contact. But asking is always a good thing to do. :)

  • [Deleted User]Jaeger84 (deleted user)

    I understand that there need to be “rules” like the obvious things we should not do (sexual) but reading some comments and “guidelines” from some folks here this is not relaxing anymore it’s like walking on eggshells.
    At this point why not create a 5 page questionnaire and have people paint the areas that they don’t want to be touched with some luminescent paint or have a lawyer present. 🙄
    I know it’s all about respect and people mean well but still.

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

  • hifigeorgehifigeorge

    This is a very interesting topic. I'm amazed at the different points of view around it. I've got a bit of a different perspective on this. Because I'm blind, from time to time, I need to be guided from place to placed. As a youngster, Offten I was lead by the hand, so it became a feeling of security. Then one day, when I was around 7, a teacher aproached my friend and I and said, "you're too big to be holding hands", and promptly suggested one hold on to the other's arm. In a way, this was forward thinking, as it was very close to the sighted guide technique taught to blind folks today. I got so I didn't like holding hands at all. Then, some years later when I was a teenager, I had a hvery careful hand holding session with my then girl friend, now my wife, and realized I still liked the feeling. With consent, it's become one of my favorite things about cuddling. Just one more thing, and then I'll end this novelette. lol From what I've read about cuddling, some cuddlers recomend holding hands at the start of a session. I know this was the case with my first cuddler. Of course, not everyone's the same. I just find it particularly interesting given the range of responses I've read here.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    @lonelytauros strikes again. 🐍 💯

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited March 2024

    @Jaeger84 I'm not trying to make it complicated . Like with anything , you gotta read the room and not do things with or to someone that they don't want and if you aren't sure , then ask. Not everybody has the same level of comfort and what they might be totally comfortable with when with someone else might be completely different when with you .if that makes you feel a certain way then sorry, but your feelings don't change reality . It's not that deep.

  • TxTomTxTom

    My cuddlers and I hold hands all the time.

  • Mike403Mike403

    People make mistakes which is why I dont believe a one off instance is bannable unless you tried to get sexual with them which is obviously against the rules.

    Always ask before you do anything during your cuddle sessions.

  • JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart

    Getting consent is worlds different from walking on eggshells.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    @Jaegar06 if you can't have a respectful conversation with someone about what their individual boundaries are, then you probably shouldn't be touching them at all because it's clear you do not care about their comfort or bodily autonomy.

    It's not some big minefield. It's recognizing that individual people are not carbon copies of each other, and that in order to respect each other as equals we have to treat each other as equals rather than assume we can do whatever we want to their body. It's a proactive approach to consent and harm reduction, asking for permission first rather than chancing causing someone harm and having to beg forgiveness (or even pay legal and criminal repercussions) after.

    It's just an extension of the "Golden Rule" - treat others as you'd wish to be treated. Most people would not want to be touched in a way they dislike, that hurts them, or otherwise makes them uncomfortable - so why inflict it on someone else, even unintentionally?

  • Will564Will564

    @hifigeorge That's a really cool and unique perspective! It's interesting how you ended up going back and forth on the idea of holding hands based on your experiences. It's nice hearing how you re-found your enjoyment of hand holding with your wife!

  • Connecticut1977Connecticut1977

    I hold hands for every session I have been privileged to have. I feel that holding hands is an integral part of a session. It gives you a major connection with the one whom you are cuddling with.

  • great_pillow08great_pillow08

    Hand holding doesn't form enough of a "comfort" for me. I need to be HELD, but I could see it as being a "beginning stage" type thing to get used to being touched by someone. I wasn't held much "growing up" so it was weird at first, but I'm still uncomfortable with strangers. At THAT stage, I could see it being necessary, but consent is ABSOLUTELY REQUIRED!!! It just depends on what BOTH of you are comfortable with. Respect is a VERY big deal when it comes to cuddling.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    @cuddlefaery 💯 Everyone brings with them a unique experience and history along this journey. We should communicate rather than assume.

  • waynewvwaynewv

    I always ask if it’s OK. So far no one has said no. If they were to say no then I would be OK with it. I always want my cuddler to be as comfortable as possible.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

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