I'd forgotten to mention, I often use handholding/hand-play (thumb wars, hand massages, writing letters and guessing, etc.) as a way to break the ice with people new to platonic cuddling and/or who have touch trauma. It's how I was reintroduced to cuddling as a platonic activity rather than a "scary" romantic/sexual one after my own traumas when I first started attending cuddle parties.
While holding hands can feel very intimate, it's also (usually) not remotely sexual so it feels much safer than full-body contact. Doing something silly touching hands also gets us laughing and more relaxed around each other. We use similar exercises in contact dance classes as well where partners may not know or be comfortable with each other.
@BoomerSpooner That’s hilarious!
I would say I have likely held hands with my cuddle partner at some point during the session in every single one of my cuddle sessions.
All the pros I've cuddled with have held hands for a few minutes at first. I personally would like to carry on but it's the cuddle that matters.
I agree with @Morpheus. I have had several cuddle sessions begin with hand-holding. If they didn't begin with it, there was plenty of hand-holding and/or light caressing of hands at various other times. I even remember one pro cuddler working my hands like a massage therapist, focusing on pressure points, and releasing built up stress. I personally see hand-holding as a natural first activity, a gateway to more intimate holding and cuddling. And I'm very comfortable with hand-holding. Really enjoy it!! Thus, I was surprised to learn here how often it can be uncomfortable and/or traumatic for some. And that some regard it as "too intimate" and should only be used with romantic partners. Thank You Cuddle Community!! I'll be honest, the consent aspect of the discussion also surprised me, and opened my eyes. I've included it in my pre-cuddle requests, or in response to the pro inquiry of "What would you like your cuddle experience to include?" that I would like to include hand-holding. I always listed it first! Basic cuddling. Entry. Gateway to more advanced forms of cuddling. A way to say "Hello, how are you? Are you ready to get more comfortable?"
Great discussion!!
Never considered hand holding . Not in a positive way or negative. I've always considered the context of every hand I've held. If we were romantic that's how i felt it. When walking a child i took it as protection, if a child grabbed my hand i understood they wanted to feel safe. This is all in hindsight, but don't think I've ever pulled away from it. Something for me to consider.
100% of the time
@Expecting_Magic good response. I don't get why some people seem to be offended that not everybody is comfortable with it . It's not about whether or not it's typically a benign thing to do . It's about making sure everyone is on the same page in terms of level of comfort and interest in it . It's one thing if you are doing something that doesn't involve others . If that bothers someone else it's on them . But when your actions involve someone else , it's best to not assume things .
I like it when it’s consensual.
Louie prefers the whole arm
Most of my cuddlers ask for permission but I always encourage it if they ask or are questioning how they can be physically affectionate. It's about the safest contact I've found to be besides laying close to each other, or cuddled up physically.
I really enjoy hand holding with a safe partner. As others have said, if I’m uncomfortable with a person, I wouldn’t be interested in them touching me anywhere. But when I’m in a session, I tend to want to have as many points of contact as possible. I love tangling my thumbs with my partners, running my nails on the underside of their wrist, giving “hand hugs”. When I choose to cuddle with a person, I look for as many ways to make them feel safe, comfy, and happy as I can. With physical touch as my love language, I try to leave the door open for whatever platonic positions and exercises my partner is interested in.
Handholding seems like a very simple thing but it’s surprisingly intimate.
If you hold hands capture some air between your palms and squeeze. It will sound like flatulence if done right. This is called The Farting Palms in the Cuddle Sutra.
If you lick your palm beforehand it will sound wetter.
I very much enjoy hand holding and enjoy having my hands played like by a massage therapist, and doing the same for someone else. Like everything with cuddling of course there has to be mutual consent as others have said.
@WestsideMarc I agree it can be. In massage therapy school years ago, the instructors talked about "holding one's container," which meant keeping your mind in the correct place and staying within acceptable boundaries while performing therapeutic massage within the scope of licensure rules & guidelines. (Pretty similar rules to CC about sessions being platonic, etc.) I mention this because as a student I found working on hands oddly sensual for the first month or so of school until I learned to flip a switch in my brain and go into the platonic, therapist place where I wanted and needed to be.
@BoomerSpooner ^^ 😂😂😂 hilarious
I'm glad I read this thread. I love to hold hands, I'll need to be extra sure I have that consent first so we're both completely comfortable 📋✅️
Hand holding isn't a problem for me.😁
Depending on the cuddle position there is usually some handholding/interlocking of finger.
My very first session I had with a Pro, she requested us go on a moonlight walk around the block holding hand to help her kinda de-stress from the day. She didn't count it towards my time and even added time on the back end of the session.
So yes, holding hands can in itself be considered a formal of cuddling. Like others said, consent is key and don't let anyone force you to hold hands, hug, cuddle or anything else. Report if it does happen.
I do like to hand hold. But I wouldn't just take it.i would ask for permission as it is very personal.
@jms7todd
You did not want to cuddle with the person and they grabbed your hand and held it while convincing you to cuddle....., during a cuddle...? After watching it least 150 episodes of law and order the person was wrong for violating your space. Buuuuuut you are also playing around by cuddling people you really do not want to cuddle.
This question comes up often on here and I love reading the responses. Hand holding does happen in my cuddling sessions but there is consent before and it can be in completely different contexts. For instance, some we end up holding hands were in a really comfortable space with each other and you're just so relaxed it feels natural. Others, it's how we start. If they are nervous around cuddling and full body contact we will hold hands and talk. I see it as a gateway hug! Haha!
@Hugginghealer
a gateway hug
GAWD I LOVE YOU!!!! ❤️❤️❤️
@cuddlefaery I laughed when I read your post mentioning thumb wars, lol. I love playing that and if sometime in the future we meet, consider the mithril silver Gauntlet of Challenge thrown down. I get the feeling I'd probably lose and lose badly, but only through great adversity can one achieve moments of glory! 😆
@ScroogeMcducky we weren't cuddling. We met for a drink (he had beer, I had soda) to talk and get to know each other and SEE if we vibed enough to cuddle. That was the whole intent of the meeting and I thought we were on the same page. As we were wrapping up is when he started pushing to cuddle. I can't host and we were in my town; he lived an hour away and I guess just didn't want the drive to be for nothing.
@pmvines I absolutely love you and Louie right now!
@BoomerSpooner you kill me 😂
@HarleyGirlKate @sillysassy 😂😂😂
@jms17todd I just absolutely adore your profile. 🦋🌈🌞 WELCOME TO THE SITE!!
This is what I know: 1. I am relatively intelligent and pretty darned funny… I know I give pretty darned good hugs, so once I get over my fear, I should ROCK at this!
I love that you are open to new things and willing to be curious. Thank you for being THAT kind of human in a world where most people would rather be “either/or” and split the world into “the right way and the WRONG way...” REALLY APPRECIATE THAT!!!
@JoyfulHeart @cuddlefaery 💗💗💗
Getting consent is worlds different from walking on eggshells. It's a proactive approach to consent and harm reduction...
@hifigeorge It's so good to READ you! I always love your insightfulness. 😊
@jms17todd I appreciate that you set up the Meet to "SEE if you vibed enough for cuddles" that seems to be a great approach. It doesn't matter if they drove an hour or EXPECTED more.... a meet is strictly that. Lots of times when I mention that people stop the discussion. I'd rather know up front that it doesn't work for them unless they're promised cuddles. People say "I'd love to come to your city and snuggle with you!" I make sure in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS that they are not guaranteed a snuggle. You have to meet someone in person and see if you vibe with them. "Don't make the trip for me, that's too much pressure!"
@jms17todd There are lots of ideas about handholding and whether its a good fit for two people and I appreciate your post and your willingness to share. (I'm too distracted to get into that part though....😂) Because of this.....
I smile and laugh when I'm nervous, so I probably gave off the wrong vibe It was weird and I was surprised at how much I didn't like it. Clearly I have issues, lol, but still....
I'm not going to make assumptions about anything, but when I read these two phrases from your comments it makes me feel like you don't think its reasonable to have someone ask for consent before touching you. I know that in the OUT THERE WORLD people aren't always as mindful, but within the context of meeting people who want to enjoy platonic touch, there is a REALLY BIG initiative surrounding SPOKEN consent.
After my initial experience in the cuddle world (which was at a facilitated cuddle party), I realized that I have spent the majority of my life being told that I didn't get to choose what happened to my body unless it was extreme, like rape. After that first group cuddle, and the non-touch exercises, I gave myself permission to DECIDE what I did and didn't like. It doesn't matter if I "give off the wrong vibe" because this place of cuddles INCLUDES verbal consent and any other "VIBE" shouldn't be a confirmation without a discussion even if its short "You seemed to have tensed up when I massaged your shoulders, would you rather I didn't do that?" UNTIL you get to know someone a lot better, we should keep our assumptions of their choices to ourselves.
Its not rocket science. Its being willing to ASK the questions. "May I hold your hand?" "What are your boundaries?" Even if they have something different or more simplistic than you.... WE ALL get to have a voice. "When asked what your boundaries are, it can be as vague as "No bathing suit areas and please don't tickle my feet... anything else and I will tell you/ask you to stop/change if I don't want to continue..." but it should NEVER be assumed!!! Oh man... I'm a bit fiery about that.
It doesn't seem like this cuddler wanted to ask. I don't care WHERE someone touches you, your arm, your knee, your shoulder, your neck, if they are trying to restrain you in order to get their way even if its just "I want to talk more about this" then that is a HUGE RED FLAG to me because they are a stranger and out of the gate they are trying to say "I get to decide, without your permission."
I know you were asking about holding hands, but I just had to respond a little bit before I can speak to our hands. Sorry OP, it was sort of on topic/off topic 😊
@BoomerSpooner I just LOVE Napoleon Dynamite!!! 😂😂😂
@sillysassy
What a fantastic post. Communication is so incredibly important when it comes to physical touch and cuddling.
I've only ever cuddled with a pro. But, at the beginning of our first session, it gave me such a sense of security for us to have a conversation about what each of us was comfortable with. Clearly knowing that really made me feel so totally relaxed, knowing that neither of us was going to touch the other one in a way that we weren't comfortable with.
But like you mentioned, it's also great how it's an ongoing conversation as well. We established a clear line of communication, always letting one another know whenever something got uncomfortable. Not only could this apply to consent, but also just physical comfort...like a body part getting numb or a position feeling off somehow.
In addition, communication also helps maximize the enjoyment of the experience. Whenever one of us did something the that the other one really liked, we let each other know that as well.
And even with her as a pro, I appreciated it when she let me know that she particularly enjoyed something. She wasn't doing it to serve her own touch needs, but it was her way of letting me enjoy the experience more because I enjoyed the idea of giving her touch that she enjoyed too.
And, I could always offer feedback. This allowed us to experiment with the intricacies of touch, and all of the little variations that can be done to change how any one aspect of it feels. She could try different things and I would let her know which ways she did it that felt particularly enjoyable.
And if I wanted to, I could ask her in what ways I could adjust things to make it feel enjoyable to her to. Again, with her being a pro, she only ever did that if I asked, since she wasn't using me to get her own touch needs satisfied. But if I wanted to, I could experience the feeling of giving in a way that felt very satisfying to me.
That constant communication has just made the few times I've cuddled an incredible experience. It's amazing how intimate and detailed it can become while still keeping it completely platonic.
I always ask my cuddle buddies, aside from the rules the site has set, is there anywhere they don’t want to be touched. A pro once said her face because she easily breaks out. I’d rather communicate at the start of the session and get boundaries clear. I’ve never had a cuddle buddy tell me to not hold her hand but one day it may happen.
I love holding hands! It feels loving and cute. Also keeps hands from wondering and helps me stay in control of the session.
I love the Jack Nicholson handholding scene in “The Departed”.