Chickening out

Unknown
edited July 2013 in Root
I joined this site because I've definitely been experiencing a lot of touch deprivation. I'm single and I live alone. But I don't know if it's safe to try to find a cuddle buddy on the internet. I wouldn't feel comfortable inviting a complete stranger to my house or going over to a complete stranger's house. I would have to know someone and and have established trust at least on some level first. It seems safer to remain touch deprived until my next relationship to avoid the risk of a potentially dangerous situation. How can I delete my profile or can you give me safety tips based on your experience finding an on-line cuddle buddy? I think women in particular are more vulnerable in regards to this. 

Comments

  • [Deleted User]sushimike (deleted user)
    I'm actually a guy and I feel the same way. It's little scary not know what's on the other side of the door. I am actually planning on taking the approach of talking to someone online for a bit and then meeting in a public place to see if they seem ok. 
  • SparticusSparticus
    Wouldn't you meet up in a public place first before just going over to each others' homes? I think the whole point of this is that we would like to cuddle without having to be in a relationship, because its a more basic need we want to fulfill.

    On a related subject: Anyone else ever had trouble getting someone to meet you because you both live with your parents still? I'm all for cuddling at the park or beach, but not everyone is comfortable with it.
  • Unknown
    Of course I'm not using this website to get a relationship. It's for the time in between being single and the next relationship, just to get my oxytocin fix. My concern was only about safety. I guess I'm just worried about whether the other people on this site are as understanding about safety concerns. If I find a cuddle buddy I'll talk to the person on line and meet in a public place first. If I don't feel comfortable then I won't do it. If I decide to delete my profile how do I do it?
  • JB50JB50
    Their is no cuddling in SLC.  The prominent Mormons does not allow it before marriage.  They associate it with other in bed activities. 
  • [Deleted User]sushimike (deleted user)
    I'm not sure how you officially delete your profile but you could always just take down your pic and all your info and make it so the site does not send you notifications. 
  • jacfalconjacfalcon
    I feel like with anything online, everyone here knows its a given that this could pose risk. I don't think ANYONE is dumb enough to get a message and then head to an address, women AND men.

    The idea is to build an actual friendship and trust. If you find someone or someone finds you, exchange some messages for a while. Then, if you feel comfortable, add them on Facebook or something, so you can see some more realistic info. After a bit send some texts, maybe a self pic where you are doing an action the other person describes, just for some final proof. Then finally, meet in a public place. Maybe interact with some of the person's friends online or in person, because they can be a huge help. Then lastly, go for a snuggle. Maybe publicly or in a park if you can. I can tell a lot about a person from their touch, personally.

    Just like anything online, you put yourself in some risk. However, there's steps you can take to be smart and make an informed decision. You might be able to find a cuddle group in your area, another good option.
  • Unknown
    Thanks jacfalcon. I'll take it slow. Unfortunately there are no cuddle groups or cuddle parties in San Diego.
  • [Deleted User]sushimike (deleted user)
    http://angelsnestcuddleparty-rss.eventbrite.com/
  • Unknown
    I totally get where you're coming from, Schmetterling....I go back and forth between "Yes, this is a great idea!" and "Holy crap, what was I thinking?" I think we just have to be really conscious of our safety and definitely meet for coffee a couple times first or something.
  • Unknown
    edited August 2013
    I felt that too. BUT I've dismissed a few potential cuddlers because I didn't get a good vibe, either while we were exchanging emails or once we met in a public place for the first time. That *hello, nice to meet you hug* can give you lots of information, if you listen from your gut. 
    After a few low-key, short, meetings in public places you may find that it is easy to openly communicate with your new friend about your future cuddles. If not, there is no reason why you can't just say, 'I'm not comfortable, nice to meet you' and head your separate ways. 
    And at least you got a nice hug. ;)
  • Unknown
    Im new to the site just signed up. Was reluctant about it, still not sure about this whole thing. However i love my hugs just don't get any. I think it would be a good idea to talk for a while, meet in person, hang put like friends, see a movie (at a cinema), have coffee, generally chat.
  • ColinInFortWayneColinInFortWayne
    Yeah, I'm new here too and that's what I'm most concerned about... how do I know that someone isn't a crazy or robber or ritualistic snuggle murderer?  And I'm a guy, I can only imagine ladies have that concern a whole order of magnitude higher because there really are some creepy dudes to steer clear of out there.

    Though meeting for a movie, arm around her and her leaned against my shoulder... that sounds really wonderful and not particularly threatening.  I do miss the touch, tenderness, warmth and feeling that just glows right through you holding someone.  I had used to think that was something to only share with someone you love as a romantic partner, but I'm a shy guy who just got out of a long relationship and while I'm while not ready to open up for love & romance and sex, I don't know that I can keep sane without some cuddling.  Most of my friends are guys who haven't expressed interest in cuddling, the few ladies I'm friends with are in relationships, and frankly the idea of cuddling with another man isn't ideal to me.  So umm, I dunno.  The idea of this site appeals to me, but also concerns me for the above reasons.
  • knoxcuddlebuddyknoxcuddlebuddy
    Whatever it takes to feel comfortable.  All one can do is be oneself, honest,open, straightforward.  Email a little, chat on the phone, meet in public, and decide what the next course of action is, mutually.

    I have only sought to find a cuddle buddy specifically and then done so once.  After several emails we met in a parking lot and she stayed in her car. We talked, laughed.  An hour later she was almost asleep curled up next to me on her couch.  She was very trusting and I respected that.

    I suspect both parties benefit from having others know where they are and who they are with, with a followup check in call.  And for the first meet involving privacy, maybe a third party dropoff and check things out.

    I find I do best in everything if I think of others as being potential friends and then led the mutual discussion steer itself towards the objective goal we have together.  Things happen the way they happen.  My long term now moved and I miss her lunchtime cuddle buddy and I don't know how it happened.  We were watching TV and sharing a lunch when we noticed we were cuddling.  That's pretty much ideal.  That stayed as a cuddling friend relationship, although sex happened a couple of times when she really really wanted it.  Didn't even mess up the cuddling!  We had such an open friendship.

    Clear expectations, clear rules, clear heart probably make things easy, just hard to untangle oneself, let alone another!
  • i_camei_came
    For account deletion, go to Settings>Privacy>Who can view my profile and mark "cancel account". However, I think it is better to stay on the site, take the same precautions as if you would be going to a date, and find your cuddle buddies.
  • Unknown
    The hardest part for me is that it is way easier to ask a complete stranger rather than someone I know, because most times in the past; when I asked guys I know to just be my personal teddy bear, they wanted more and a few of my relationships started that way, but out of my will. I just gave into them pushing a relationship and then they come out and say they love me, I run away fast and end the friendship ASAP. Only for the fact, I just wanted a platonic touching relationship and not the whole picture. So I ask a stranger, then it is easy to walk away with no strings attached and I get my fix and move on or keep them on call for when I need them again.
    Now my problem is trying to meet someone near my area so I can have that again. I live alone in a city, my father just died 6 months ago, I been single for 2 years trying to focus on school and helping my dad have a supportive daughter when he passed away. I didn't want a man in my life while experiencing the worst time in my life and now my mother has another man in her's, moving into the house and spends all her time talking with this guy that is going to replace my father at home and I just don't know how to handle all this stress by myself anymore... Having someone on the side to just be there to tell me life will be okay, is what I know I need right now, but spending 16 hrs a day at school 6days a week, is kinda hard to get out there and meet someone that wouldn't be weirded out when I ask them if we could just "hang out" for an hour... You know what I mean?
  • gaarakenpachigaarakenpachi
    I haven't met anyone through this site yet, but I have been burned by meeting an online friend who lied about them self before.

    I'm definitely going to start with a skype video chat first, learn a bit about them, then maybe set up a meeting in a public place for coffee or a movie or whatever you have in common, after that probably move on to doing something at one of your houses if you trust them enough, if not, keep doing the stuff in public.  I don't think it's illegal to cuddle in public anyways :) Could always have a picnic cuddle.
  • BruinBruin

    "...how do I know that someone isn't a crazy or robber or ritualistic snuggle murderer? And I'm a guy, I can only imagine ladies have that concern a whole order of magnitude higher because there really are some creepy dudes to steer clear of out there."

    That's not something peculiar to websites. The majority of murder victims knew the person that killed them. Crazy people, robbers and killers are as likely to be in your workplace as anywhere else.

    An inflated concern IMO.

  • GenevieveGenevieve
    I would definitely meet in a public place.  I have done online dating, not a lot, but I don't hang about.  I don't go for emails and messages back and forth, nothing tells you what a person is like better than meeting face to face.  Ideally I think, apart from cuddle parties, the first cuddle should be in a cinema where there are people about and if you're uncomfortable you can just get up and leave. 
    Just an idea.
  • yonasyonas
    > I think women in particular are more vulnerable in regards to this.

    How are women more vulnerable?

    It seems to me that this kind of mentally - that women are always more vulnerable - is very wide spread. It is not a fact, and is very wrong. A woman can pose just as much danger to a man as he can to her. So for the men looking for a cuddle buddy, don't think you have any kind of upper hand in terms of safety just because you are male!
  • CNYMikeCNYMike
    [total online dating/meeting newbie]I wonder if social media can help getting to know someone before actual contact?  I was thinking if you friend through Facebook you can get more of an insight into their personalities and lives; that option didn't exist a few years ago.  Seems sensible to me, but any expert opinion?[/total online dating/meeting newbie]
  • MarkMark Mod
    I think going to the cinema seems like a perfect safe way to cuddle for the first time.
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