Confusing kindness with love

womenlovingwomenloving
in Pro Cuddling

I recently had a session with a person with whom we became friends and we had about 3 sessions. I was very affectionate with him but this person confused this with love, how can you get to that point if you know that it is a paid, platonic hug without any commitment. So I have a question: is it good or bad to be affectionate with the people who require this service?

Comments

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited March 2024

    It's a complex question and is extremely common in professional cuddling. It is absolutely certain to happen to every professional cuddler sooner or later, usually sooner. Any good cuddle training course will cover how and why this occurs, how to prevent it, and what to do about it.

    All cuddle clients are vulnerable people to some exent, by definition. This includes the ones who vehemently deny it.

    how can you get to that point if you know that it is a paid, platonic hug without any commitment.

    For a considerable minorty of cuddle clients, who are very touch and/or affection deprived, it's more or less inevitable.

    it good or bad to be affectionate with the people who require this service?

    It is good, very good. But it must be done consistently and within strict boundaries.

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

    @titanianpi it’s not a complex question just be upfront before the cuddling begins and say that you’re just in it for the money and that you have no interest in in forming any sort of relationship beyond a paid transaction

  • HoosCuddlingHoosCuddling

    Yeah @lonelytauros, I don't think that really works. This is not like hiring a mechanic or plumber where the personal connection is irrelevant. Cuddling is a very personal service, and speaking as a client -- I can tell you that if a pro cuddler straight up told me "I'm only in it for the money," I surely wouldn't book her (or repeat with her).

    I understand pro cuddlers are providing a paid service. But there has to be some semblance of a personal connection -- or at the very least, she needs to be a good enough actor to fake it. Otherwise, she's not going to get much repeat business.

    But it's absolutely a fine line. Per @CuddleDuncan 's point, many clients partake in this service because we don't get enough affection and/or touch in our daily lives. The well-adjusted cuddle client can understand that the cuddling and affection provided by a pro cuddler exists in the sessions, not outside of them. But again, for someone experiencing touch or affection for the first time in a long time, it's easy to see how they could get confused.

    @titanianpi , to answer your question -- it's good to be platonically affectionate in your cuddle sessions. Do it well, and I imagine you'll build up some regulars. That's why we're all here, after all. But it also means that, sometimes, you're going to have people that confuse affection and cuddling sessions with deeper feelings. All you can do is kindly explain the difference to them, and if they truly don't get it, don't continue to see them.

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

    @WiserGuy3000 it may be a very personal service to you, but to the pro it’s just money otherwise, every pro would be an enthusiast

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    It is quite possible being a pro cuddler for money while still having a love for genuine connections. Nothing wrong with having a job that you’re ecstatic waking up to.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    @lonelytauros
    You are very wrong to speak of how a Pro feels and why they cuddle. There have been so many posts here about this yet you still make these comments. Of course, you can speculate and you can comment on how they make you feel. It’s only your interpretation. I really don’t understand why you do this.. in general, we can never know 💯 for sure how someone else feels.

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

    @carrieanne the reason why I say this is mostly for New cuddlers guys on here can get the wrong expectations and think that there’s something more to a cuddle when there isn’t it’s better to have a mindset of a business transaction it is safer for both the pro and the client

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne
    edited March 2024

    … please only speak from your own experience. The way I am in a cuddle session would not be any different whether it was paid for or not.

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

    People will have their own experiences, regardless of what I say my voice isn’t the end all be all, and I never claimed to have authority over anyone it’s just my opinion Honestly for you to be that upset over it in my opinion is just crazy

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited March 2024

    @lonelytauros
    It's not fair to say that pros only cuddle for the money. That's an insult and a generalization . Many pros I know have a genuine interest in it and it's more than just a money thing . Its been discussed ad nauseum that people can simultaneously do something they enjoy as well as make a living . That's like saying people.in bands only make music for the money , people who landscape only do it for money , people who cut hair only do it for money etc.

    I personally love being a hospice social worker, however that is a professional career that requires a master's degree and license to practice with annual continued education and training . You think I'm gonna do my job for free ? Cus , you know , housing utilities and food...

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

    @pmvines money may be a motivating factor for the pro to cuddle, but the issue here is just the mindset that the client has the more that the client realizes that it’s more of a business transaction the less expectations they will have in my humble opinion

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    @lonelytauros
    What you said will be read by others and if it gives a bad (and wrong!) impression about cuddling and you’re claiming to know what a stranger is feeling, yes, it’s upsetting. And you can’t decide about what I feel emotionally. People say crazy things all the time on here. They can only speak from their own experience, I can only speak for mine.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    @pmvines
    🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 for being so rational and that you “get it”

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

    @carrieanne is there only one way to think about things in life? are we all programmed to think and say the same thing? I have no intentions of deciding what you feel emotionally. But I still think it’s a good idea for people not to get too emotionally vested in cuddling and I’m pretty sure when someone reads my opinion they understand it’s just my opinion.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited March 2024

    @lonelytauros with all due respect , coming from someone who is full of opinions that aren't always popular myself , when you make statements like that pros only cuddle for the money otherwise they would not be pros is less of an opinion and more of an absolute.

  • sg89sg89

    Is he getting different treatment from your other clients who follow your profile? i.e choice to pay, heavy discount or free, random extra time added which doesn't require compensation. If not I am not seeing how a friendship is forming here. That's the first thing.

    Second, of course it's good to be affectionate, that's what makes a cuddler good.

    How to get him to understand this is a paid platonic hug without commitment and should not be confused for love... there's a soft approach (let down gently) and hard approach (say as it is sternly). Soft approach could be morally questionable depending on intention and how it is carried out (is it more about being nice when you have to give a difficult message or is there a play on the persons feelings to try and keep them around as a client). Hard, gets the point across but you could lose said person.

  • CuddleHugs01234CuddleHugs01234

    Referring to the original question, I suggest people see multiple people for cuddling. I was an enthusiast for a long time before becoming a pro. I’m not in it just for the money, it is one of my many part time jobs. Whichever job offer comes up first, I take. I love cuddling, I make more cuddling, but I have bills to pay, so first come first serve with jobs. It is easy to get attached to a person, this is why any person cuddling should be cuddling multiple people. I usually see the best of a person that I’m cuddling. I don’t have to deal with that person day to day because it’s not a romantic/dating relationship. I can see them as a cuddler, and I view some as friends. I do have relationships with anyone I cuddle, but it’s a cuddling relationship or a friend relationship. I know in my head I’m getting a really good part of them.

  • starrynitecudsstarrynitecuds

    You're the pro, and it sounds like you crossed a line. There's a big difference between being friends and being friendly. You said you're friends, but then lay the blame on him that he should remember you're just a paid hug?

    Did you clear each act of affection prior to starting it, so he knew to expect it and it wasn't a spontaneous act? Did you give him extra unpaid time or more affection?

    As the pro, you need to be a friendly professional. Not a friend. That blurs the line. This person is already vulnerable, so please be very kind when discussing with them.

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    Everyone is different and different dynamics develop between different pros and clients. I’ve had pros that I’ve seen once and they are happy to text or chat with me almost anytime. I’ve had pros that I’ve had sessions with that don’t want any communication with me unless they’re getting paid. I’m quite sure that most pros that have done this for a significant amount of time have had clients that have developed feelings for them. I think, business or not, people’s feeling and emotions can get away from themselves and people can catch feelings for people that they shouldn’t. I think being an affectionate pro is an amazing quality but not everyone can handle the same amounts of affection. I think it’s up to clients to control their emotions and if there’s a particular pro that tugs at their heart strings, they should probably stop seeing that pro. Pros should also probably avoid clients who seem to be developing feelings if they want to avoid a potential conflict.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    Saying pros are just in it for the money is a lazy and ignorant statement from someone who has never been a pro. First, some enthusiasts become pros because of the sheer number of bad characters they have to deal with on the daily and becoming a pro puts these guys in view of the site through the booking system. I have seen more than one pro say that’s why they did it on the forums. They were reluctant to become a pro but felt it was the only way to do it safely.

    Second, are you mind reader?? How do you know what someone’s really thinking? Saying pros are in it for the money is extremely prejudicial and if I were a pro reading such a statement I would wonder how much passive-aggressive anger is churning below the surface.

    Finally, why even make a statement like that? It makes you look bad and women take note of such things.

  • womenlovingwomenloving

    Thank you for your participation, and from each one I take away something of their knowledge for this work.

  • TxTomTxTom
    edited April 2024

    @titanianpi It's an effortless and natural desire for most men, especially touched-starved men, to lead things to the next level.

    There's nothing wrong with seeing the same client multiple times, of course. (I prefer familiarity, myself.)

    But, perhaps at the beginning and the end of each session, it would be helpful to just remind him in a friendly, but firm tone, that your relationship with him is to remain platonic.

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