@WriterGF so I loved what you said so much that I decided to paste it to a thread on Facebook replying to man that said “has anyone ever considered that the man in the woods is just enjoying a hike?” And I immediately got a man replying to me saying this:
Sheena, Does the library prefers to have the company of paper-eating bacteria instead of human readers because they fear those human readers that try to steal books?
😂😂 I think I’m missing something but I don’t get what he’s saying. I know what he’s trying to convey to me, but how he’s doing it is messing with me 🤣🤣
@WriterGF Your whole post here was excellent!! Thank you for totally getting it! 🫂
I start everyone off with Public cuddles, no matter how nice they are, no matter how much I like them, no matter if we've known each other online for a year.
I met a guy in public last year (once) and every message I've received from him since has been pushing me to come to his house and asking me what my problem is. I've told him twice now exactly what my problem is...that I had a bad experience with someone who I thought was platonic, and was not.
Not only did he not respond at all to me sharing what I had experienced (not one single word of acknowledgement or compassion), but he simply kept pushing, saying he has good Karma and I've already met him so why won't I do private cuddles? 🤦🏻♀️
People just don't get it. It's not personal. It's being smart, it's being safe. I do what I have to do now, to ensure I feel safe. (However, this guy's self-centered, clueless, and boundary-pushing behavior has guaranteed no cuddles in the future...and that's personal.)
~ Sunset Snuggles
🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover
@Sheena123 Well, if I was a librarian, I would be perfectly happy to be alone in a building full of books. Other people can be so overrated
I would respond to him that the library need not fear people stealing books because it takes sensible precautions against that happening ... and no one seems to question its right to do so or accuses it of overreacting.
Online gender discourse :*
Man this thread took off! Quick! I can't catch up, but i think is a weird question but i understand that it only makes sense that the bear would be less threatening because bear don't bother nobody. But there is a level of protection you need to take with both. I also think everyone would be better equit to protect yourself from a bear than a man. I've been able to stay clear of bears my entire life.
@natickben Seriously 🙄 Amazing how a discussion about women's experience, safety and response to violence becomes a pity party for men who are telling on themselves by being offended by women mistrusting them. 🤦🏼
If a guy has truly has platonic intentions, why would it matter to him if it is in a public space?
@Mike403 the same reason i pray at home, the same reason i close the door when o sir the bathroom, the same reason i exercise at home at not in the gym, the same reason brush my teeth in the bathroom and close the door. Somethings i don't enjoy doing with an audience or even in the possible glance of others. I personally like certain things to be behind close doors. I don't mind if you know but i don't want you to see it. Everyone believes i put my pants on 1 leg at a time but you will never know for sure.
@BashfulLoner - Who requires privacy while brushing their teeth? I never heard of that. The dentist office isn't in private. People work out at home for convenience and they don't have to keep paying a gym membership fee. If you cuddle in a place like a movie theater, nobody will be watching you.
@Mike403 I require privacy while brushing my teeth, now you've heard of it. I work out at home because I'd rather not work out in the gym and i have a gym membership i don't use.
My point is people require what they require. I'm not questioning the fact the some people don't require it, I'm stating i do and I'm offering comparisons so that you may see a different perspective.
I find this thread to be interesting and a little surprising. So many women seem to live in fear of men they don’t know. I can’t imagine living my life that way. And this especially from women who voluntarily come to a cuddle site, to cuddle strange men, but still have so much fear, First of all, I am a victim of SA, a few different types of incidents actually. When I was in my 20s and I promise it only made me stronger. I refuse to let it define my life. So live and learn and now I use common sense and am very careful of situations I put myself in. My approach may be different in that I expect everyone to treat me well and I give off that vibe. My approach is with kindness first and that can be contagious. I don’t put myself in stupid situations, I feel confident and in control. SA taught me that. Don’t invite a situation I don’t want, people please be smart! I am NOT afraid of men. I would definitely be more afraid of the bear and if there happened to be a man there also, I would think he would be more likely to be protective.
I have to add that I get really tired of the men here who are very likely to treat women well, but feel they have to act defensive of unknown men who they have NO Idea of their behavior and then play the self pity card. Just continue to be a good example, maybe it will be contagious. Women seriously why invite problems??? Some things seriously can be prevented with a bit of critical thinking.
@carrieanne There is some wisdom in what you say. Stay open-hearted while being prudent, smart, and hold onto your own power and confidence.
Maybe have "protocols" and "filters" but approach people as individuals and as you say, avoid "stupid situations."
Gotta say, I haven't been here all that long and make no claims to being an authority or even experienced in the cuddling world though years ago (90s into early-2000s; pic is from those days) I did something similar in that I competitively wrestled men who were into that for money and am I'm finding a lot of similarities here with that, including that I kept it platonic. (Also made money teaching wrestling and self defense classes to both men and women.) Definitely didn't put myself in stupid situations then either, and had my protocols to stay safe but open-hearted and confident. 🙂
I've cuddled with some wonderful men, women, and non-binary people here, but then I've also been reasonably careful too.
@carrieanne Thank you! Sometimes on this board I start to wonder if I'm a bit crazy or have had a really abnormal experience in life, because I also do not walk around in fear all the time. I posted about that here, last week...
I wrote: "there are a lot of women here who feel a personal mission to speak on the dangers of meeting men. I really have never understood their view, or felt the way that they describe. Stereotypically speaking, a lot of men tend to have larger frames than a lot of women, sure...we can read all about the how's and why's of this, but I'm not qualified to speak on it. But does that make me live in fear every time I step out the door? No."
"I do not inherently feel in danger meeting men off the internet. I am careful meeting anyone off the internet. Women are predators, too. And people of any size can be perverted, or dangerous."
"women are...afraid of men due to size or strength. I've never felt this way. I do not fear for my safety walking around...anywhere. I've walked alone at midnight through the streets of New York, and while that was certainly ill-advised, I did not feel fear of men."
Does any of this mean that I don't think safety is important? Of course not. I've talked in this very thread about how we need to be careful. But it goes across the board, across genders.
@carrieanne, thank you for validating my experience, because sometimes I feel like I'm missing something, here...because NO...I do not walk around in fear of men all the time. I just don't.
I make non-emotional decisions based on logic, not fear, when I am meeting people off the internet. My Public cuddles policy isn't because I'm afraid of any of my cuddlers. If I were afraid of them, I wouldn't even meet them for coffee. My policy is in place because it's what I deem to be smart when meeting people I don't know. It's not personal, it's not fear...it's just being logical and wise.
I’m really glad to read your response @SunsetSnuggles I have always believed that being on this site for women who are not strong and confident is a very bad idea. And regarding men & bears, How dumb is it to walk into the woods alone if you can’t defend yourself. Go somewhere else where you’re safe.
@Mike403 @BashfulLoner Plenty of people don't feel comfortable cuddling in public, and that's perfectly okay. They just aren't compatible with me. If they need privacy from day one, they need to find someone willing to take that risk, and it won't be me. But I do completely understand that there are lots of people who don't like engaging in PDA. I don't judge them, but neither will I compromise my safety protocols for their comfort. I'm not the right person for their needs and that's okay.
Most Pro's are perfectly willing to go into a hotel room with a guy for a first cuddle. Maybe that's why they get paid, and I don't charge. I'm looking for friendship and trust. (I also have a 100% assault-free cuddle history with men, so it would seem I'm doing something right.)
And that's fair and understandable @SunsetSnuggles
@WriterGF I think it's a form of tribalism. There's a feeling of group identity and therefore a "you vs. them" dynamic rather than "us figuring out a problem." To add, being a member of a group doesn't mean that the group is absolved of all sins. Without getting too political, my family is from China (fled during the Cultural Revolution), and I can still be critical of human rights and freedom of speech in China without being seen as a sellout or a self-hating Chinese person. I happen to believe in education and free information/speech for all and it being the path to a healthier and more prosperous society. I am against the existence of authoritarian governments, censorship, and penalty without a court of law. Some Chinese folks or Asians will blindly support the Communist government or Kim Jung Eun simply because they're Chinese or Asian. I don't agree with that blind loyalty.
Now with the issue of women's rights, I feel the major issue is not the entire population of men, but the surrounding issues which make life harder for all of those affected by them:
Sure, some people can take the "red pill" and pretend these problems don't exist and just put their blinders on, but that's burying your head in the sand.
Now, there is a population of men in society that are feeling left out by a changing world - a world that once guaranteed them a safety net: lower cost of living , cheap mortgage and college tuition, single income households, and a guaranteed wife if you were a decent person. But there are solutions for those problems which are independent of women's issues and safety , however, the changes in society has created a resentment from men towards women and that is fanned by these internet personalities (I have friends that are caught up in them) which claim to voice the concern of men. They basically use half truths and use the vulnerabilities of men to coax them into an ideology which revolves around anger, hate, and scapegoating and learned helplessness and victimhood. It's like the intiating of gang members in certain neighborhoods where the gang takes the place of the family and they create loyalty and bonding and trust. Except these groups focus on hating women instead of how to be anadaptable and understanding and successful man in this changing world. They try to blame men's ills on feminism, women, or society rather than taking ownership of the problem and being constructive and striving. Women's issues do NOT contradict or oppose men's issues - they are two completely different entities.
I feel a lot of people stay stuck in that victim mentality rather than empathize to the pain of others. it's like "why should I empathize when I'm in pain too or I'm not getting mine?" I'm just trying to break down the psychology of how it got here. I've seen these types of media and material sometimes attract the attention of some of my friends and without a solid understanding of history, psychology, and gender issues, it's really easy to get seduced by these sleek, simple, and seemingly true ideologies. And for some reason, it's always some YouTube guy with a bald head, nice suit, and exfoliated skin. lol
It's still frustrating for me from all angles. Maybe it's a crisis of masculinity or masculinity and identity , but I'd much rather modern men follow the guides of the Renaissance or Stoic man than some sleek guy on the Internet who's profiting from their viewership. That's my two cents.
Choosing the "bear" since 1991. 🤪
I'd be afraid that the bear would steal my picnic basket.
@HarleyGirlKate Holy cow, you were swole!
Statistically speaking, I would rather meet a bear than a man, woman or honeybee. “More people are killed each year by bee stings than by bears,” said John Beecham, co-chair of the Human-Bear Conflicts Expert Team of the International Union for Conservation of Nature's Bear Specialist Group. https://www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/article/150810-grizzly-bears-attack-yellowstone-animals
@lonelytauros, thank you for your question and trying to understand what the answer means for so many women. My response is this: I would choose a man. The question already implies that both options are not good, but it's clear to me that I would have a better chance of surviving someone/something closer to my size/strength in a serious situation.
I personally believe in seeing and treating everyone as my equals, capable of the same good and evil that exists in this world. But, (sadly) I can't deny that there's a natural fear engrained in me, from a very early age, that a man can, and will, hurt me if it comes to it. No matter how physically strong I am or how much I might trust or believe the contrary.
It's sad that so many men have a knee jerk defensiveness about this . A but I'm a nice guy so why you mad kind of mentality . Where I can empathize with this to an extent, I feel it is necessary to approach it with critical thinking and an open mind . This man vs bear thing isn't new, just new to CC. It has been discussed openly and with maturity on other platforms , and some really great conversations and thought provoking discourse has been had. I think when it comes to CC, there is ,an undeniable amount of people on here who have issues with self esteem, emotional regulation, and trust. Add that to the fact that many forums in general, not just here, tend to attract drama, arguing , and emotional diarrhea of the mouth and keyboard. So it's not all that surprising when a topic like this is met with polarized opinions . I just wish that men would stop being passive aggressive and outright aggressive about the unfortunate reality that so many women express a feeling of unsafe uncertainty. Be mad instead that there is a long history of reasons why they express that they have these feelings and try being part of the solution . Or just keep being butt hurt and mad about the wrong stuff , up to you .
@pmvines, thank you! 💯👌🏼
Another thing, it is overwhelmingly men I see telling women to be more careful, have situational awareness, etc. yet they get angry and lash out when women follow the advice.
👍👍👍
@bobadevotee Lol!😄 I have witness this (especially online during these kinds of discussions), and also when I mention my Safety Precautions and Boundaries before meeting. One dude thought by being "tough and macho" was suppose to insultingly ease me away from him respecting my Safety Precautions and Boundaries (yeah he actually said "anybody mess with you, I'll beat him up"🤦♀️🙄) before meeting. He totally missed the point of my having them and why, so he just flat out refused to adhere to them in the end.😌
Nah, I just told him that I'm no longer interested in meeting him and said goodbye.👋😊
Here's the thing -- I can totally get a guy who isn't (or doesn't see himself as) a bad guy resenting the idea that he is being lumped in with creeps. But I look at it this way: I would never burgle a house, but my neighbors have locks on their doors because some people have. I would never hijack a plane, but still have to go through TSA screening, because some people have. I wouldn't steal, but still have to accept that there are cameras everywhere when I shop and I have to go through a scanner when I leave the library. Some guy might never, ever molest or rape a woman, but has to accept that he will be treated with caution or even mistrust because, guess what, other guys will and have.
@WriterGF I liked these analogies too, especially the last one. Thank you!😊 And I am thankful for the few men who understands and respects my caution when engaging with them for the first time, yep happy with the few indeed.😁👍
It's not because 'most' men are terrible, they're not. It's because we as people don't know who is bad by apperance.
A lot of women have had terrifying experiences.
We know the bear may kill us, but unfortunately know, bad men can do a lot worse.
It's essentially would you rather a chance at being killed or the possibility of much worse.
Most pick the bear because we've been through the other option and would prefer death.
@Casseys_Cuddles I really hope that more men on here can read comments like yours and others objectively , and stop with the whole "nobody cares about me why are you being so mean and judgemental " crap. It's whiny , obtuse , and lacks emotional maturity . A tiny bit of insight and rational thought goes a long way in realizing that you and other women obviously aren't saying that men bad woman good .
@Minestrone101: Holy cow, you were swole!
Heh. thanks, I loved working out way back then and I still do today, even if my workouts have changed a bit in focus. 🙂
Also, I wanted to take the opportunity to say that I very much enjoy reading your posts. You strike me as having both emotional intelligence and a logical mind at the same time.
@Casseys_Cuddles said,
What's worse than being killed?
➵ TxTom ☣️ toxically positive 🐄💨 pro-cow farting 🐻 safe-as-a-bear 🇺🇸 patriotic cuddle nerd 🤓