A Pretty Face

[Deleted User]zerogone40 (deleted user)
in General

I watched a video the other day, explaining that there has been an exponential rise in the use of AI partners. I also read articles and watch videos talking about an epidemic of loneliness. It seems like gulfs are opening up everywhere, politically, emotionally, socially, economically. Men blame feminism. Women blame masculinity. Everyone points the finger. Everyone disagrees. Society seems to be breaking down. The nuclear family is gone, eroded by the industrial financial complex and the rise of the individual.

The internet bombards you with sex. Pretty faces everywhere. Click on the pretty face. Dating sites are mostly scams, with a business model built on the image of the lonely being chained and dragged toward a furnace. I see beautiful people and my finger draws me to them like a moth to the flame. My pre-programming will not allow me to disengage. I want the pretty face. Our system produces loneliness and capital simultaneously and we, none of us, can be free. I want the pretty face. Our politics has been corrupted. I want the pretty face. The banks own everything. I want the pretty face. Fewer and fewer of us are using our minds.

I want the pretty face.

Is loneliness a side effect of the new economy, or an integral part of it?

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Comments

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    Pretty faces are best accompanied by beautiful character.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover

  • [Deleted User]zerogone40 (deleted user)

    @SunsetSnuggles - I would agree with that.

  • TxTomTxTom
    edited May 2024

    Is loneliness a side effect of the new economy, or an integral part of it?

    It's an integral part of it---turning us into soulless cogs, interchangeable units of economy with no familial connections.

    The nuclear family is gone, eroded...

    Almost. Redefine what family is, get both parents out of the house and working to pay confiscatory taxes, raise the kids within the bureaucracy and daycare instead. Strangers all living under one roof. Yep, we're almost there.

  • SnuggleBugFiSnuggleBugFi

    I want the pretty face.

    https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/how-mouse-utopias-1960s-led-grim-predictions-humans-180954423/

    Sounds an awful lot like rat utopia, to me.

  • SolarisSolaris
    edited May 2024

    Loneliness is profitable. You create a need in a person and then you can sell them something to fill it.

    And you can exploit needy people to borrow their power in society.

    We are not, however, powerless. We can turn within to address our needs. We are not as dependent on the external world as we have been led to believe.

    I have been very lonely for almost all of my life. And I gave myself away in a lot of ways to try and change that, to no success. But I started addressing it in different ways, going within, and I have taken much of my power back. It is very difficult though. Societies throughout the ages have rarely been organized around making people truly free. And even when they were, greedy people come in and subvert it.

  • SolarisSolaris

    "What most people consider freedom is just the ability to satisfy desire.... (But) freedom is the ability to have or not have what you want without it closing your heart. Freedom is not to act compulsively on all the contents of the mind...)
    Stephen and Ondrea Levine
    "Who Dies?"

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    @zerolight40

    I see beautiful people and my finger draws me to them like a moth to the flame. My pre-programming will not allow me to disengage.

    That is all by design. Welcome to the world of neuromarketing. Unethical advertisers are using neuroscience (I.e. fMRI machines) to literally hack people’s brains with images and video. They recruit a few people from a target demographic group and pay them to undergo an fMRI scan while viewing commercials, photographs, etc. The advertiser then watch what parts of the brain light up and score the ad on several dimensions based on the combination of emotions the ad produces such as lust, envy, pride, fear, etc.

    The advertisers know the secret formula for selling each type of product. Want to sell a car to a senior citizen, focus on ads that produce feelings of pride and safety. Want to stir up voters to vote for a certain candidate, promote fear. It is incredibly manipulative and because it is based on actually measuring human emotions to an ad (what part of the brain “lights up” rather than what a person says about how they liked an ad) those ads are extremely hard to resist.

    One thing you can do to minimize the effectiveness of ads is to set your phone to only display grey scale rather than color. That is also a good way to help fight “phone addiction” as it makes your screen less appealing to look at.

    https://hbr.org/2019/01/when-neuromarketing-crosses-the-line

  • [Deleted User]zerogone40 (deleted user)

    Thanks for these replies. Some very interesting stuff here. And, I've got to be honest, a little terrifying.

  • Erin_Elle_Erin_Elle_
    edited May 2024

    @zerolight40

    Exquisite. Reading this I feel expanding pleasure in my body. It reads like a work of art and I appreciate your awareness of the truth.

    Thank you for sharing. ❤️‍🔥

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    @JohnR1972 Having worked in marketing for many years, I can tell you that we were figuring those things out long before they were doing brain scans.

  • Katelyn_BKatelyn_B
    edited May 2024

    @Erin_Elle_ I agree, the OP's post was very well written. I particularly liked the literate use of repetition, which made the piece stand out a bit.

    As for the content, I have certainly noticed some of this myself evolving in the culture and marketing certainly has become more sophisticated and I imagine will continue to with the development of the relevant technologies such as the types @JohnR1972 outlines. From what I've seen in decades past, I believe @WriterGF in his comment right before mine, too.

    As for me in all of this, I've done my best (sometimes successfully, I think, sometimes not) in trying to identify areas in life where I want things I'm not "supposed" to want or where my desires run against the cultural stream and figure out how I want to proceed with that knowledge.

    For example, the "nuclear family" was an ideal that was strongly promoted when I was a child, but I think this is actually a step toward turning us into a collection of individuals. Personally, I think strong, multi-generational families and living is the way to go if you want to have a bonded, extended family and I've worked hard at trying to have that in my own life and I modeled that to my children when they were young.

    This modeling took with one of my kids, and I also have/had a strong relationship with my parents. My other child has spent many years chasing individualistic goals and I've given her space to do that. In recent years though she has complained to me about feeling disconnected, lonely, etc. and wonders, "What's is all for?" and she muses about wanting an arrangement more like she grew up with but she isn't quite there yet. I hope she figures it out as a free or potentially free woman. I see my current role as being to love her and help when she asks for advice, needs a hug, someone who will listen in loving silence, etc.

    Freedom ...

    I value "freedom" in the pursuit of desires, sure I like to have fun, but also in the sense that @billiam mentions, which I first ran across reading Greek philosophy and the idea of eastern "detachment." It isn't that one doesn't feel desires, but when they rule your life or become strong needs versus actual needs, such as ample food and clean water, then one is no longer free.

    Loneliness ...

    As for loneliness, perhaps the way forward is taking all of this in the spirit of "the first step in a trap is knowing of its existence" and working on ordering our lives and abilities in a way where one becomes better at truly connecting with people who are open to that? That's what I've tried to do, because as a child I was lonely and painfully shy, and hated it. So I did things like joined groups like cheering, a book club, and sports teams to have fun and meet people but also to surround myself with people who seem to have the traits I want to develop.

    It is a lot of effort, sure, and like everything in life not equally possible for everyone, but it is better than remaining lonely and-or letting it close your heart.

    My mom was really good at this and modeled it to me. She has close, dear friends some of whom she has held onto for over 60 years.

    I love her and she's my role model in so many ways, including how not to be lonely. ❤️

  • [Deleted User]CuddleAndHeal (deleted user)

    As a naturally "Pretty Faced" person I must say it is exhausting at times! There's ALWAYS someone beckoning you to be a representative for their "cause". Rather it be personal or professional ppl want your FACE.

    But I can also say THIS... Once they experience my genuineness and this EPIC/ POWERFUL spirit, there's no way they are able to step back into the shallow waters!

    So I know that this "pretty face" will continue to draw some ppl in but I don't stress soo much on that anymore. I just CONTINUE to allow them an opportunity to meet me in the deeper waters that will change their life!

    Walk gracefully into your deeper waters...


    And use what you GOT to help others see that there's soo much more in the DEEP!

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972
    edited May 2024

    @WriterGF - I agree. The brain scans are just taking it to the next level. In 1997 Scott Adams wrote “The Dilbert Future” in which he predicted, “In the future, the science of advertising will advance to the point where buying what we see advertised will no longer be optional.” I think we are rapidly approaching that point.

    ** edited to correct a typo

  • Will564Will564

    @billiam

    @HarleyGirlKate

    "What most people consider freedom is just the ability to satisfy desire.... (But) freedom is the ability to have or not have what you want without it closing your heart. Freedom is not to act compulsively on all the contents of the mind...)
    Stephen and Ondrea Levine
    "Who Dies?"

    Freedom ...

    I value "freedom" in the pursuit of desires, sure I like to have fun, but also in the sense that @billiam mentions, which I first ran across reading Greek philosophy and the idea of eastern "detachment." It isn't that one doesn't feel desires, but when they rule your life or become strong needs versus actual needs, such as ample food and clean water, then one is no longer free.

    This reminds me a lot of some of the philosophical ideas I’ve read about, and it lined up with a video I watched recently where a professor who studied happiness also found.

    It’s basically the idea that our minds tend to get used to things, both good and bad. We re-stabilize.

    So the more we get of what we want, the more we get used that. And then our minds start wanting more. And if we continue on this pattern, we’re constantly chasing happiness and we never actually achieve it.

    I think this is what greed is based on. All of the time we see people who have so much, and we tell ourselves, “Wow, I could never be that greedy”. It’s because we see the big disparity between what they have and we have.

    But, at least for some/a lot of us, if we gradually got to the point of being where they are and never changed our mindsets, we would end up doing the same thing.

    There was some quote about this I heard someone say. It was something like: “It’s easy to say no to things you’ve never been offered”. The idea is that it’s hard to say what we would do if truly given something we don’t have.

    I’m not excusing greed or saying that it isn’t wrong for people to be continuously greedy. What I’m saying is that if someone doesn’t put in the work, they can easily fall into the same trap.

    So the idea is that in order to be happy and live a more fulfilling life, lowering your wants actually tends to work better. I think the quote was, “Your goal should be to want what you have, not have what you want”.

    I’m sure I could have explained that a whole lot better, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about lately.

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    Shiny things always get the attention. It's probably biological. Shiny/pretty. Then add the Baubles, Bangles and Beads....... it ain't fair yall

  • TxTomTxTom

    Did Cypher choose the "pretty face" when he agreed to betray Morpheus in exchange for being plugged back in to an artificial life of ease and pleasure?

  • Mela_BMela_B

    What you've written is a profound heartache, a cathartic wail, a poem, that you personally experience. I understand and empathize this pain, and have lived it. But it doesn't have to be that way.

    This is not my experience, and I don't choose it or allow it. I grew up in a nuclear family, (until I my dad died, but still close with my mom) with close knit connections that have remained close in adulthood. I recreated this experience. My partner and I have clear, honest, transparent communication, and a close knit nuclear family with boundaries and rules in place that keep it that way. We have Sunday family dinners with my mom. Family dinner at the table every night. No phones at the dinner table. We do things together.

    I strongly believe that no particular thing has a specific value or quality attached to it unless WE attach that value. Like, cuddling is not inherently sexual.
    And quality is not a pretty face. And beauty is not character. And money is not God. This is why my profile says what it says.
    And I could go on. But I won't ever stop loving, caring, trying. Be the light and all that. Sounds cliche, but if you share your light with others, you'll see it's true. And they'll shine it back at you sometimes. 💜

  • [Deleted User]zerogone40 (deleted user)

    The bright side it seems, is that I'm not alone. I'm glad I posted what I was thinking here and that I'm not the only one to see the world in jaded tones, and how it can be fixed. From time to time I'll read this thread to remind me. Thank you.

  • f3flightf3flight

    I want to meet with someone with a pretty face too, it's so engrained. At the same time I'm so used to discarding the feeling of attraction towards a pretty person, and not acting in any way about it, that I sometimes wonder what's the point of seeing another pretty face.

  • JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart

    @Mela_B I love your post!

  • honeybunchesshoneybunchess

    I love my pretty face blessed to offer that for my company:)

  • RunawaycuddlesRunawaycuddles

    There's obvs lot of really interesting social context behind why so many of us are feeling lonely. In my view most of it seems to be that, on an infrastructure level, we simply don't prioritize community these days (third spaces are disappearing, even places for kids to play outside are getting rarer, everything costs money and tends to be difficult to get to etc) and that leaves us feeling very isolated.

    But regardless of the reason why, it's an incredibly heartbreaking experience because we all want the same, simple things 🤷🏼 We all want to feel connected, to be valued, to have people around us that make us feel good and we want to make others feel good by our presence, to have support and connections that give our lives meaning. Sadly, even though we all want the same things, we are isolated into these little boxes based on fundamentally arbitrary things like status we have no control over, put at odds with each other and discouraged from stepping outside of our designated social limits in any way.

    Plus, as @CuddleAndHeal and others in the pretty face category have pointed out, even being what people are drawn to socially and visually still isn't enough to solve loneliness because it's completely transactional, and that's also soul crushing. ❤️‍🩹

    But with all this very real suffering and heartbreak I am glad that we've found a space here on this site to be able to share about this experience and connect with each other like this. I know @zerolight40 that just talking about it doesn't completely solve the problem, but I hope it helps to feel less alone in it, cuz I know I relate.

  • [Deleted User]zerogone40 (deleted user)

    @Runawaycuddles - It certainly does feel better to know that there are so many who understand what this is like.

    Side note: You mentioned ‘third spaces’ there… I saw an interesting documentary a while back about this. If I remember rightly, it was about how town planners in … 🤔 Spain I think, we’re starting to design in these spaces specifically to bring the community together. This has to increase in modern cities…

  • OverTheMooonOverTheMooon

    I think it's just a consequence of social media and the internet. Interestingly, MMOs are going through a similar problem.
    There's a ton of people still playing but most ppl complain about a lack of community, or meaningful interactions. I'll have a small conversation with someone on WoW and they act like im doing them a big favor. Same with real people.
    With the 'group finders' for instance, there's more convenience at the cost of socializing. You don't NEED to talk to players anymore. So people don't.
    Before then, youd have to specifically ask people for help, bargain, schedule times. It was harder, but it was social.

    Look at phones, games, iPads. Kids aren't nearly as socialized as their previous generations. They aren't forced to go talk to people bc entertainment is too readily available and cheap.
    Same things with adults. Boredom was the driving force behind companionship, until you could fix boredom without leaving your comfort zone.
    That comfort zone became too comfortable and now ppl hang out less. Stats back that up.

    There's something to be said about dating apps too, and how ppl used to be more 'motivated' to make things work. There used to be a lot less options for dating before the Internet. That would explain why I feel more men seem to be lonely (look at the ratio on this site) But I don't feel experienced enough to speak on that. Nor do I know if men were as lonely before internet

  • wilderdudewilderdude

    Most women's faces are pretty. Some just don't present themselves well.

  • IronicMaidenIronicMaiden

    Where I work, I see lots of pretty faces. Understanding aesthetic attraction (which I think is somewhat misnamed as it's not attraction the way other forms of attraction are) made it a lot easier to understand and accept my reaction for what it is. There is beauty in the world, I can see and appreciate it, and it gives me a sense of peace and happiness. But it is in no way mine to possess, any more than a beautiful sunset is mine to possess.

    As for nuclear families, I think women being less dependent on men has caused the biggest change in that. Women no longer need to stay in loveless marriages or with abusive husbands once they have their own incomes. And from what I've seen, the nuclear marriage isn't as important as many people think. I've seen single parents do well raising kids, especially when they have close friends who become like aunts and uncles to the kids. And poly parents, too. You get more people looking after and teaching the kids, with more skills and more viewpoints.

  • wilderdudewilderdude

    Statistics show that two parents, of opposite genders is ideal for children. Nothing wrong with same sex couple but a child learns different things from a mother and a father. Mothers tend to be overprotective and overly sympathetic when things are difficult for their child while fathers tend to instill discipline and not "helicopter parent" so much.

    In 2021 9.5% of children in dual parent households lived below the poverty line whereas 31.7% of single parent households were below the poverty line. With the cost of living these days it's no surprise that a likely two income, even if one is part time, makes that big of a difference.

    Friends are great to help out here and there but are no substitute for parents or grandparents.

  • IronicMaidenIronicMaiden

    @wilderdude Which statistics? What were the studies, when were they done, and by whom? I also see your claims about mother and father roles qualified with "tend to". Obviously it doesn't apply to everyone. What works for one person obviously doesn't work for another.

    You are, however, correct that the cost of living has increased to the point that it's difficult for a single person to make enough to not be in poverty.

  • [Deleted User]zerogone40 (deleted user)
    edited May 2024

    @OverTheMooon - Had a good point about tech and the fall of boredom. When I was younger, (feels like a lifetime ago) we got bored instantly. This was before ADHD. We were told: go outside. We built camps. Done good stuff. Done bad stuff. Spent £1.40 on a travelcard and played hide and seek in London.

    I remember getting our hands on a Saga Mega Drive. But we only had about four games. So we went outside again.

  • geminigemstonegeminigemstone

    What an amazing post and lots of incredible view points. Thank you for posting @zerolight40

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