@JohnR1972 I'm glad it resonated!
There's actually a lot of research to back up the importance of having different levels of intimacy/connection with people in our lives to keep us emotionally healthy and balanced. Only having super close relationships or only having very emotionally distant ones both leave you unbalanced, so having that middle ground of lower risk intimacy as well, like the kind platonic cuddling can provide, is a perfect way to bridge the gap!
One of my favorite pastimes in my 20's was meeting with anonymous strangers at coffee shops just to have a brief shared space where everyone was free to simply say whatever they wanted to say. Not only was it a fun way to spend some time for both people involved, it felt really healing both to share and hear the kinds of things people carry with them, often for decades without ever telling anyone. We like to believe that we're all unique in our experiences, and it's easy to carry that over into a feeling of isolation, like no one with different life experiences could possibly understand our own, but it's simply not true. 🤷🏼
The human experience is fundamentally common and even for the things others genuinely don't have experience with to fully comprehend, we can easily empathize in much more ways than we tend to think we can, it's just fear that keeps us apart.
@Runawaycuddles posted: "meeting with anonymous strangers at coffee shops just to have a brief shared space where everyone was free to simply say whatever they wanted to say. it felt really healing both to share and hear the kinds of things people carry with them"
At group cuddles, we sometimes do an exercise called Listening Pairs, where everyone is paired up with another person, they sit facing each other, and have two minutes to share whatever they choose. Holding hands, tears, and hugs are not uncommon.
It seems to be a daunting exercise for some people, but it's one of my favorites, as it gives us permission to deep dive with each other, which is my kind of Quality Time. 😌
~ Sunset Snuggles
🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover
@SunsetSnuggles wrote: "At group cuddles, we sometimes do an exercise called Listening Pairs, where everyone is paired up with another person, they sit facing each other, and have two minutes to share whatever they choose. Holding hands, tears, and hugs are not uncommon."
This sounds like it could be amazing, and I could easily see strong emotions coming out for many people in that situation. Especially someone who feels like they don't have a voice or no one listens to them and here is a person absolutely listening to them....
@HarleyGirlKate Yes, it's lovely. You can get to know someone better in that two minutes than a whole hour of small talk and chit-chat, if both parties are open.
@justjennn introduced me to this exercise at my very first group cuddle. I was shaking with anxiety but she held my hands and was just incredible. I've since gotten to listen to others' stories in the same way, and it's beautiful to see their vulnerability and strength. ❤️🩹
At a science fiction convention last year, someone brought in "Circling and Authentic Relating".
Description here (spoilered for length):
We start by pairing off to do three Authentic Relating activities on a 5-minute timer. In Curiosity, we surface our assumptions about each other with curious questions, but no one is required to answer. In Noticing we give voice to what we notice in the moment about our sensations, observations, and emotions. In Listening we repeat back what the other person said without judgements. Then we'll do Circling: everyone will gather in a circle and practice all three of the activities at the same time, in between long silences while we wait for what comes up in the group. Our five requests are: 1. respect yourself, 2. lean into the edge of your comfort zone, 3. stay present, 4. confidentiality by request, and 5. check your assumptions.
We start by pairing off to do three Authentic Relating activities on a 5-minute timer. In Curiosity, we surface our assumptions about each other with curious questions, but no one is required to answer. In Noticing we give voice to what we notice in the moment about our sensations, observations, and emotions. In Listening we repeat back what the other person said without judgements.
Then we'll do Circling: everyone will gather in a circle and practice all three of the activities at the same time, in between long silences while we wait for what comes up in the group. Our five requests are: 1. respect yourself, 2. lean into the edge of your comfort zone, 3. stay present, 4. confidentiality by request, and 5. check your assumptions.
I can't say I entirely followed the intention. I ended up reconnecting with someone I hadn't spoken to in a few years. And then I had to leave early as I was getting overwhelmed by all the people there. But what I did was good, helpful, and informative. And I did end up spending a good bit of the con with her. This year I didn't attend the panel since I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it, but still spent a good bit of time with her.
If anyone wants more info, I can ask the person who ran it. Since most of it is two-person groups, I see no reason it couldn't be used for just two people.
I think a deep conversation for me is something I have to take a deep breath about, think about and then discuss my viewpoint. It triggers a different part of the brain and rather than just words, it exposes part of your soul.