@RedFox16 How interesting.
@WriterGF yeah, I guess that wasn't what I was thinking... But I'll leave it cuz I don't know 🤷♀️
Sexual abuse is traumatic and those who have experienced it need love and support. If they are not able to move past it then they need therapy and should be actively seeking any way to heal from it. With all due respect to the originator of this post-This seems like fairly obvious attention seeking. Telling the "community" about your vulnerabilities lacks emotional intelligence. No offense but you need to hear it instead of enabling garbage to promote this type of behaviour. Suggesting they are "abusers' lurking out there to garner attention is not helping those who have truly suffered abuse and are genuinely looking to heal.
We should ALL have the wisdom to know that cuddling in and of itself is intimate-It seems many people on this site are foolishly denying the emotions/attractions that some may develop when engaged in cuddling.It is also just as naive to assume that some people are not in fact specifically seeking those emotions/attractions when they schedule a cuddle session. This is not a value judgement either way but we should not go through life with blindfolds on. We are in fact seeking intimacy.
Those who claim that cuddles are only "strictly platonic" are obviously very detached from human interaction or simply lying to themselves. While there are clearly situations where two mature adults can platonically cuddle, there are also people who are emotionally neglected and will use cuddling as a springboard to what they perceive to be a more fulfilling experience. That then leads to the usually complex emotions and feeling associated with a relationship.
Do the "strictly platonic" cuddle enthusiasts really believe no one has ever taken cuddling beyond that. Should they be condemned if that has happened. This site should be for mature adults to do what they see fit in a private setting. I am not advocating for cuddling to become more than cuddling -but this holier than thou attitude by some about "their" sacred Cuddling Community is laughable. Get off your high horse and come back to reality.
If there was any community that would prevent sexual abuse-Cuddle Comfort would be it. People post profiles and there are members who sign up. We don't live in a perfect world but you can't get any more transparent than that. People are on here to cuddle with strangers-there is a risk the person you meet might not be on the same vibrational wave length as you. If any one demonstrates predatory behaviour then deal with it accordingly, but to make sweeping statements about "fostering sexual abuse" is wreckless.
I also agree that the thought of a man being sexually abused by a woman is absolutely ridiculous. We should speak frankly and not be constrained by thought police. Many people have suffered sexual abuse as a child-it is important to truly heal from that and not project that there are "sexual abusers' out there waiting to abuse people. I hope you get the healing you need quickly If you are a male cuddler and you see a woman is seeking more than a platonic cuddle session {which should be fairly obvious to any man who has lived a little] then communicate with her and take it from there.
Also-It is important to note-while this is a very extremely sensitive subject-many abuse victims have made it an identity and are addicted to the attention they receive by talking about it all the time. this is not a sound practice to truly heal. If you have actually been abused there are many ways to heal from it and posting it on a forum of strangers is not the path any professional would advise.
@BrianOcean I really liked your post as it is a sober and honest assessment of what is really going on in the cuddle community that many of the finger waggers and self-appointed cuddle experts seem to deny, condemn, or ignore. The fact that you even bring up the points of intimacy and acknowledging non-platonic elements exist within the cuddle community runs the risk of you being branded a boundary pusher by some. But your points are well taken by me and I love how you recognize the potential of the cuddle community.
Excellent post Brian.
Agreed. Brian, while I may disagree on a couple minor points in what you said, you laid everything out far better (and much more tactfully) than I could have.
The problem about talking about all of your trauma online in a forum of any type or in person to individuals you meet is that when it is not met with the type of response the person wants or needs then they can become upset and even resentful and angry , when it is not the fault at all of the general public who are on the other end of all this because they didn't ask for nor anticipate any of it . Cuddling is a therapeutic thing to do (therapeutic, NOT therapy) so it is easy to become over comfortable with the community and have unrealistic and impractical expectations. At the end of the day we are all interwebs strangers who share a fondness for platonic cuddling . No more, no less . I can't say that I feel it is the right place to air your deep seeded trauma, or expect to be healed of it .
What Jubal said.
@Jubal - 100% agree with what you said.
@TheFunCartel & @pmvines - we have disagreed on other topics but I am in complete agreement with your comments on this topic.
@BrianOcean - Thank you for saying that so well.
@BrianOcean cuddling is indeed an intimate process but there can be, and is, other forms of intimacy. Platonic intimacy is real. That's what this site was made for no matter how many times people abuse its rules. Already, I can feel some of you rolling your eyes, that the mod has come to wave his finger at y'all, but no. I didn't sign up to police anyone, and that's not how I'm choosing to approach this. I'll just speak to what I believe in & leave it up to whoever's reading whether they want to hear me out or scroll away.
Let me start off by saying something y'all probably aren't used to hearing. It's ok to have urges. Just like it's ok for me to have less urges than you. We can both exist. Somewhere along the line we seem to have forgotten we're individuals, not two opposing sides of a wall. That's just sad we're meant for so much better than that. Having them doesn't make you a demon, and having less of them doesn't make me an angel. However, being part of this site is a promise. You talk about maturity, so trust that signing up for this sight is a promise that as adults, we can come here & respect everyone's boundaries. I do think on some level, in the way you worded your post, you agree with that on some level. We have to respect boundaries, and if we do find ourselves experiencing attraction or urges, atleast have enough respect for the other person not to act on those feelings. Then, if it's possible feelings might jeopardize the friendship (or professional relationship) have a discussion & respect what happens at the end of that discussion.
For whatever reason, when I was younger, I wasn't developing the same amount of urges as other guy's growing up, wasn't gay either, wasn't sure what I was. Even dismissed myself as a freak of nature. Naturally I kept that crap to myself. Telling other boys that would've gotten me laughed at, or they'd think I was trying to be more "pure" then them or some crap & try to pick a fight. Neither one of those sounded appealing so I isolated myself off from people more often than thought. In recent years, they started throwing labels around for people similar to me. It felt nice for awhile... knowing I wasn't alone. Recently, though, a friend expressed concern about this. Thought I was drinking some sort of coolaid by accepting the label. I think he couldn't be more wrong. Just like I have to disagree when you imply the people who share trauma make that into their identity. I don't think the pieces of ourselves we share to the world are our whole identity. Any trauma people share, anytime someone talks about their orientation, those are just small pieces of someone's life, just like I'd hope those are the least interesting parts about me. The day I start believing that is the day living truly becomes pointless.
I always cringe when people use words like "holier-than-thou" or "moral high ground" because it always sounds like the dismissal of passion. Like we should feel shame for caring about anything to begin with. It's not wrong to have morals to believe in and it doesn't automatically make someone into mother Teresa or Jesus for believing in those morals or fighting for them. There's always going to be people who seek attention but there's always going to be more who truly believe in the causes they speak up for, or in this case, faced trauma and are trying to heal. People wouldn't be as divided as they are if everyone who spoke up for a cause was fake. So saying it's silly to advocate for the non platonic spirit of this site just comes off as wrong to me. People are going to be humans, yes, but maintaining what this site should be isn't wrong. It's a safety net for a reason.
@Shake Thanks for sharing. I definitely agree that you can cuddle and not want more with the other person. That’s what we are here for, platonic cuddling.