@TxTom I assume it's the first group that is decent enough to not hurt other people for their own amusement?
Imagine claiming that people saying "hey, this isn't my cool when people like me are treated poorly" equates to "showcasing eternal victimhood." 🙄
@supadupa amen my friend... Stay positive for sure and keep telling your story it will have a positive impact!
@CuddleHugs01234 microplastics impact stomach and gut health. These are slowly degrading our digestive health.
Body shaming was never cool.
More and more people (the ones capable of introspection) are figuring that out every day.
@Unscented_Lemon
No, it's actually the second group that hurts people. As part of their own eternal victimhood, they drag others down and make them into victims, too. This results in an equitable distribution of misery for all. These people are completely devoid of humor.
The first group, actually, sees humor in their own pain. They can laugh at themselves, and laugh along with others who, also, laugh at their own respective pain. They very often use humor as a way to help overcome adversity.
Me personally, I don’t care if people call me a silly insult like that. It’s more stupid to me than anything. One time this guy yelled at me and called me a stupid baldie. I was like really bro? Am I supposed to be offended? Lmao
@natickben- I believe you started your post by saying "_Most everywhere in my life, I see people making fat jokes. Politically about people they disagree with, culturally about people they see, etc."_**_ If these jokes were not directly about you then @pmvines and @TxTom make a great point. Don't go out of you way to be offended. If someone makes a fat joke directly about you-I would assume they either know you or it is being done via the internet. If you are offended about internet jokes toward you-You have much work to do. The hard truth @natickben is that when you make a sympathy seeking post like this -there will always be the obligatory "i'm so sorry you expereinced that" response from many. There- is nothing wrong with that in of itself-they are kind. I do however hope you learn to appreciate the @pmvines and @TxTom's out there to push back a little- Life is much more fun when you are not easily offended-particularly when you "See a lot of fat jokes out there" not even directed at you personally EVERYONE should read @CuddlesByGracie's post-but you @natickben should read it at least twice.
Having fun at the expense of others is not nice at all . I don't think anybody is defending body shaming here. Just that its better to develop coping skills around it than it is to be upset all the time .
@BrianOcean i honestly didn't know it was possible to get so much wrong in so few words. I'm not even mad. I'm impressed.
I'm happy, and I can laugh at my own pain. I do not, however, laugh at other people's pain.
@TxTom That's twice in a row you responded to something other than what was posted. Are you okay?
I probably don't want to know what you consider "eternal victimhood". My guess is it's people who have to keep fighting for basic rights or reasonable accommodations.
@JohnR1972 Restart the countdown?
The way I feel about this topic is the same as I feel about just about any other topic like it.
That is that two overall aspects of this can be true at once.
It's wrong to make any kind of comment that is hurtful to others, and we should aim to stop people from making them. There is a way to help others and be constructive, but the right way to do this is going to be based on personal relationships and dynamics, and often we overstep our bounds to do so even if we have good intentions.
We're not always going to be able to stop others from saying/doing hurtful things to us, so in the meantime, we have to work on our own resiliency to not let others' behaviors hurt us as much. We are all responsible for our feelings.
It seems like to me that we often choose whichever of the two of these is more comfortable for us instead of focusing on the one that is uncomfortable for us. We tend to put the burden on others instead of ourselves because it's easier.
Each of us has our weaknesses in these areas, and I think it's good for everyone to focus on both.
If you feel confident enough to not be hurt by others, awesome. Work to stop yourself and others from making hurtful comments, and support and stand up for those hurt by them by shutting down others making the comments. Instead of saying, "jeez, no one can take a joke, I can, why can't they. No one can joke about anything any more." By doing that, you're basically not willing to do something that's uncomfortable for you to help someone else out.
That's a better way to help make them more resilient than over simplifying it by saying "I know how to block stuff out, you can too." If you're further along on your own journey, do something that's hard for you to make things better for others rather that just saying, "I've already done what I need to do, you figure out to do what I've done."
On the flip side, where you do have sensitive areas, you can't expect the world to change over night. There's a quote I like that says, "What happens to you is not your fault, but it is your responsibility." We all can't control what others do, we can only control how we react it and what we can do. It's easy to say, "everyone else should stop doing these things." and stop right there instead of doing the difficult work to take control of your own feelings.
I think everyone ends up being on each of these two sides in different times in life. Life is hard for all of us, I get it. I'm as bad at doing both of these things as anyone because other stuff gets in the way.
I just think the more we all help each other by trying to do both as much as we can, the better it makes everything for all of us. It's so much easier to take the more comfortable route and expect others to change instead of doing it ourselves.
@pmvines - yep! At least one former mod would have pulled the plug before now.
There's no reason to "pull the plug" on this conversation. It has remained civil. Why pull the plug? These kinds of discussions are beneficial, regardless of whether there is complete agreement or not.
What am I missing? Why would this convo have the plug pulled?
I seem to vaguely recall a fat joke or to that were kinda funny because they were clever. I don't like fat jokes in general but they don't bother me like someone lying about me or questioning my character. You know if someone tells a fat joke they don't have much of a mind and it never made sense to me to care a whole bunch about what someone mindless thinks. I'm more annoyed by people that think everyone could diet and exercise and become their healthy weight. Those people generally don't know how much influence centuries of poor genetic mutations and cancer treatment and the treatment for the cancer treatment has.
Losing some weight and forever becoming your healthy weight and maintaining it is a lot of sacrifice. I would rather eat some of the things I like and have a shorter life if that's what it comes down to. I don't want to be hungry nearly all the time to be my healthy weight.
@achetocuddle
I would rather eat some of the things I like and have a shorter life if that's what it comes down to.
Totally agree.
@TxTom Some people are astonished that I feel like I do, but I don't see the point of living if all or most of what I do is what I "should" do. Ever since I was old enough to understand I've always thought quality of life is better than quantity. And I remembered a fat joke that is funny and will DM you.
@BrianOcean I enjoy your posts so much and wish I could think how to say it more eloquently. If you write a book I will buy it.
I'm glad this thread stayed open but agree that it is a thousand wonders that it did.
just read @CuddlesByGracie post. Exactly.
While it's true that we could all work on some self-improvement of some kind and it's not bad to say so, it is interesting how so few people anywhere discuss working on their character or being a better person. Maybe outside the USA is different, but you can't help get the feeling that some people who are physically fit they think they have got it all sewed up even if they never work on their insides. My whole life that has puzzled me.
If only more people would get worked up about being mean or something that matters so much more.
At least in the US, I think it's partly due to a combination of a few things.
First, our culture is very individualistic. There are so many things that direct our focus to think about ourselves before others. Apart from all of the stress and pressure that each one of us faces (we have to work so hard all of the time just to survive, so in the little time we do get to ourselves, we feel the need to recover and focus on that), there are so many things out there that make us think about taking and getting what we want.
Second, with technology and social media now, everything is right at our fingertips. We have so much access to instant information and entertainment that we lose patience and focus more on immediately getting what we want rather than putting in the work to actually do the things that make us better and happier in the long run. We go for the quick sense of gratification because it's easier, more pleasant and immediate. We get bored and tired when we have to go through a long process of hard work to actually make substantial improvements.
I hate saying it, but even as clients of pro cuddling we kind of give into that. We can spend money to immediately get closeness and affection, with potentially one sided emotional and physical comfort that comes and goes very quickly, and sometimes leads to not being very satisfying long term.
There's just a lot going against us with the way society is today, and it takes a lot of focus, self-discipline and energy to work against that...something that so many of us often don't have.
This is all true, @Will564. I enjoy your posts.
Imo, too much tech and obsession with instant gratification has nearly ruined society. Yet, becoming physically fit is not a quick and easy thing and plenty of people can find focus, discipline and energy for that. But they might not bother pouring their bottled water on you even if you were on fire. Just very messed-up.
@achetocuddle -I genuinely appreciate your compliment and your post is extremely important and refreshing.
"Losing some weight and forever becoming your healthy weight and maintaining it is a lot of sacrifice. I would rather eat some of the things I like and have a shorter life if that's what it comes down to. I don't want to be hungry nearly all the time to be my healthy weight."
This type of vulnerable honesty is needed for people who deal with weight problems. As a former personal trainer-I know the notion of just eat less and you will lose weight is a common repsonse to those who struggle with a weight problem.
Your post clearly demonstrates the main issue with not just those seeking weight loss but getting in better shape overall or really any goal. Do you want to make the sacrifice? That is an individual choice and not all people are capable of the same level of commitment or simply may not want to bother. For some it may be worth it but not for all. There are areas in all of our lives where we could sacrifice something to get something else. Is it worth it?
The truth is enjoying life is extremely important and eating is something that brings us all joy. The honesty of saying I would rather eat the things I like rather than be hungry all the time is a crucial point for people on both sides of this discussion.
Saying the "science" shows obesity is not in your control is just as shallow as saying -"they just don't have the discipline to lose the weight" Obese people have lost weight so it can be done but at what emotional cost to the person who uses food as comfort. We all have emotions that take us places we don't necessarily want to go and we do what we can to ease the pain in our life. That is probably why we are all here.
and @achetocuddle -Most definitely there are people who are in absolutely fantastic shape and are emotional basket cases-You make a great point.
We have heard from several people on this post who say they are overweight and have no problem with Fat jokes, I know and am personally close to many people who are overweight and laugh and for that matter even tell Fat jokes. That should speak volumes and be a great example to people that life is what you make it and the more you can laugh along the way-the better it will be.
@BrianOcean True and well-said.
It would be best if all mean jokes were avoided (unless you are with me, I like to tell tacky jokes even on myself, lol).
Every person is different (of course) and the sacrifice to maintain a healthy weight (or the weight the world thinks you should be) varies greatly from person to person. A person who is descended from a long line of people who sometimes did not get enough to eat is forever altered genetically. Maybe that person can be a good size or even slender, but it would require a sacrifice that most people cannot imagine. It would also be a sacrifice that many currently fit people would not make. They don't have all the information.
I don't find it difficult to be vulnerable honest, but I value that greatly and it is worth whatever sacrifice I make. I wish we could be more vulnerably honest here and be even closer, but then again, this is just an online forum. Proper perspective is everything. And like I always say Safety First.
@BrianOcean
I know and am personally close to many people who are overweight and laugh and for that matter even tell Fat jokes. That should speak volumes and be a great example to people that life is what you make it and the more you can laugh along the way-the better it will be.
There's something kind of interesting going on here. Your statement about you being personally close to them makes a very big difference. When people are close to one another and trust each other, they can be more vulnerable and it's much easier to joke and laugh. In those cases, you trust someone is going to be on your side and support you no matter what you do. You know they accept you for who you are completely and the friendship is more important than anything else. In those cases, it's much easier to laugh at yourself and not take things seriously.
This is true for any personal flaw that we have. We all have our flaws, some of which can be improved upon and some which cannot be.
So to me there's a big difference between those kinds of jokes and ones that are randomly thrown out to people we don't know well.
I've read some really interesting articles about affectionate teasing and how healthy it is, but only if it's done in the right way between the people involved.
Most definitely there are people who are in absolutely fantastic shape and are emotional basket cases-You make a great point.
I watched a video recently about young guys that the creator referred to as "gym-cels". Basically guys who got obsessed with working out and being fit, but didn't have a social life at all and felt otherwise purposeless and directionless in life.
I think for some people it's actually easier to put in the work for that kind of thing. That is actually "comfortable" for them, even if it takes a lot time, energy and effort.
It's much harder and more uncomfortable to actually be empathetic with people and understand those who are different.
I think certain things are more difficult for different kinds of people, and there are certain things about themselves no one likes to face.
@Will, I agree and I appreciate your constant kindness and diplomacy here. I figured out I was pretty mentally tough in my 20s and afterwards would sometimes wonder why some people get so torn up about stuff. Then I remembered everybody has different amounts of inner strength and some have none. A very sad realization for me that took a while. Perhaps not the best example, but I know what you are saying and glad you said it. I can't always articulate some of the good things I read here.
I agree with @g_w_t_w. I would not want to grow up in today's USA culture. Maybe current culture somewhere else, I don't know, but not here. It seems no one spends a lot of time just sitting with young people and telling their life experience or something that would help them. I grieve for them. I know most everybody works long hours. I used to be one of those people.
It definitely is tough. Over the last year or so I've really been feeling a big shift. I've always been kind of a loner and been pretty distant with people. I've found ways to enjoy my solitude. I've always been nice and friendly and fun with people, and then been happy in my solitude.
But lately I've really been hit with some bouts of loneliness and been feeling a deeper need to connect with people. And I think all of us just being kinder to one another, even if it feels inconvenient at first, is a very good way for us all to connect, see the common humanity in one another, and make our lives better.
And honestly, cuddling has made me feel that way. When you get to be that intimate with someone who is kind of a stranger, that common humanity and connection comes out.
@Will564 Yes. What else can I say, lol? I think you've summed it up for a lot of us well.
Fat folks are discriminated against daily. It’s accepted.