@hughunter This has become a really long post so you would have to go back to see where it started and where it has come to now. I am a former personal trainer and grew up in Brooklyn in the 70.s and 80's with real bodybuilders. I have NEVER seen any one make fun of an overweight person working out in the gym. In fact, I have seen quite the opposite-people take interest in their journey and support them along the way. If someone did make fun or ridicule any "fat" people in the gym -they would have a serious problem. I am not saying it doesnt happen but I have never seen it EVER-
I think we could all agree anyone who did that would be ostracized and called out for such bad behaviour.
There is a difference between directly insulting someone [which no one who has a functional brain would support or condone] and the type of fat/yo mamma jokes you referenced.
You obviously know the difference-{and some clearly don't know the difference] one is hurtful and the other is a joke- some find it funny some dont-but people have a right to joke and no one should be told what they are allowed to consider funny. There have been several "fat" people who have said they could care less about fat jokes and some even find them funny. There are also-very curiously people who have a problem with that and want to define what is_ funny_ and what is mean. for the rest of us.
The reason why people who are not in the targeted group need to speak out against offensive "jokes" is because the targeted people tend to get ignored. They get responses like "Aren't you overreacting?" and "Lighten up lol it's just a joke!" Once you've dehumanized someone or a group of people to the point where it's okay to make cruel comments about them, you've decided that their feelings don't matter. So what you end up with is someone who's so uncaring that if the targeted group responds, they ignore it because that group doesn't matter, and if someone not targeted responds, they ignore it because it's not the targeted group responding.
@Unscented_Lemon have given puns a bit more thought, and realized that typical listener reactions to a pun include cringing, groaning, shaking of the head, crying, covering one's ears, and in really bad cases calling for the punster's head on a platter. I'm not entirely convinced that puns ARE humor.
This is such a complex topic that it’s hard to know where to begin.
But as @billiam pointed out, at least in the US, there’s so much out there hurting people and making this more difficult. Companies are out to make as much money as possible selling food, no matter how much they manipulate people’s psychology, so then companies can make as much money as possible on the treatment. There is no incentive to work on prevention. This doesn’t remove personal responsibility from people, but it reminds us that there are so many obstacles put in front of people to make it all more difficult.
I am not an expert on any of this, but as far as I know, there are a lot of factors that play into it that don’t make it the same for everyone. Two people could take the exact same actions, but due to differences in genetics, they could have very different health results. This puts some people at an advantage, and sometimes they don’t realize that, and they look down on others because they think we’re all the same. The same can be true for psychological factors and ones involving one’s life experiences.
So sometimes I think we’re quick to not offer compassion because it takes more time and energy to do so. It makes us feel better about ourselves and ignore where someone else is coming from and how they might be different than us.
@BrianOcean
We can go down the line about race-gender-body type-geographical location-personality types- political party-sexual preference-There are endless posts out there about everything that are "Offensive" to somebody Life is much more interesting when you get out of the echo chamber and laugh a little. Laughter brings comfort and no one is suggesting being cruel to people is funny. Deciding what jokes people are allowed to make is a bridge too far and being offended is a choice. That is the point some are trying to drive home to you.
I agree with you to a certain extent. Like with anything in life, there’s balance. A lot of this is also very very dependent upon the relationship of the people involved with the jokes. The broader the audience, the less trust, and the less opportunity for connection, which automatically increases the likelihood some won't find it funny.
As I’ve mentioned before, I do agree that it is helpful for everyone to work to build resiliency, try to laugh at themselves, and try to relax and take things less seriously sometimes. But everyone has different vulnerabilities, and everyone is at different points in their lives with different areas that they are sensitive to.
Some people take the idea of “everyone needs to stop getting offended” too far. They think, “I don’t think this is a big deal, so you shouldn’t either.” When it’s taken too far, it shows that they don’t care about the other person. That’s their choice.
But then it’s the other person’s choice to say that they don’t care about how irritated the first person feels about how limited they are by the jokes they’re allowed to tell. That’s just as much of a feeling. So you just end up with a situation where neither person budges and thinks their way is the right way, and then no one can have a good time.
I think the better way is to meet in the middle. Find the areas where everyone can laugh about and have a good time to build trust and show mutual care and respect. Then, at that point, it makes it easier for the person to build that resiliency. Over time, people become more and more comfortable and are more likely to laugh about more and more things. Basically, we all help each other so we can all connect and have a good time. It takes worth on both of our parts, even if it means doing the things that are uncomfortable for us.
There’s a quote from stoicism I like but is hard to follow: “Be strict with yourself and tolerant of others.”
Being fat is definitely a choice. Deal with it and lose the weight. Eat healthier and exercise. Stop whining about it and do something about it. Problem solved 👍
Where are the white knights and the pro mafia when you need them 🤷🏻♂️
"being fat is definitely a choice" Spoken just like a man in his 20s who may not have had health problems.
@Morpheus You know no one gets them out of the woodwork better than me. You can now order a comment for $5.00. I do Venmo, Cashapp and Zelle.
Open the gates!!!!!
I used to get really bothered by that and honestly, still do sometimes. But, I've learned to just lean into it. Own who you are and be proud of it. Self shame is a thing, and its easy to get into that state of mind (Not saying you are in this place, just saying to be wary) I work at a middle school and im also a bigger fella. Im bald with a full beard. I have a large crease in the back of my head. All my students are infatuated with the fact that Im bald and are always coming up and slapping my head and yelling "Michael Jordan". A running joke with them is to take their student Id card and sneak up behind me, slide it through the crease in the back of my head and yell "Swipe for debit or credit". Feel free to laugh, I do. Try to find some joy in all things and your perspective begins to change
@Originalirish How is the music making going? I liked what you posted so far on your music. Also, nice perspective on things.
Keep your energy on this thread instead sending me private messages and then blocking me.
Exactly!😆👍
@BrianOcean I'll never understand people who private message others just because they didn't agree with your post discussion/comment/pic/whatever. 😆
Say what you have to say in the thread commentary, leave folks' inboxes alone.😏
And then ending said insult message with a block afterwards...🙄
Now, that's just a chickensh🤬t move in my opinion. Then again, it's always good to see the trash take itself out by "blocking". So, I'll choose to see it as a positive in that manner.😏
one thing that really really pisses me off is when someone overweight is in the gym and training to be a healthy or keep their heart healthy and then someone starts making fun of them
@hughunter Sadly that has happened to many fat people that I have been acquainted with. It's never happened to me when I was going to workout at gyms, these days I prefer water aerobics classes as far as "exercising publicly" is concerned. 😁
A lady (who is also a fattie, like Me😜😄) told me once that while she was out doing her morning walk that a car of rude idiots screamed out to her "lose weight fatty".🙄 She still walks as she is not going to let jackasses ruin what she enjoys doing for her health and wellbeing, plus she plays her music on her "whachamacallit dohickey" (can't remember what she called it. Hey, I just call them "tiny techy-internet music-fueled walkmans".😄)
So yeah, I totally believe and agree with your comment. 👍
On days that I don't have water aerobics class, I just pop in a exercise DVD at home just to keep up exercise routine momentum. 😁
Lol! Now, that is because I am cheap!😄
It has NOTHING to do with "gym rats hassling or insulting" my big ass at the gym.😄😜
Wow, I am impressed at how well this thread did at revealing everyone’s biases, especially those with low empathy who usually try to keep that quality hidden.
@Catoline have you been on the boards long? I don’t remember seeing you on here until recently.
@Catoline, you are right about that, lol!