I approached a long-time friend about the possibility of Cuddling...

[Deleted User]Fematheist (deleted user)
in General

I did it. I finally did it-- I asked a valued friend whether or not he'd ever heard of "Platonic Cuddling." My fella knows, and agrees with, my cuddling so I didn't feel this was out of line. The Cuddlers in my area, for whatever reason, find me somewhat invisible... Having said that, I gathered up the nerve to actually approach a Friend, to see what he thought of the idea..

Easing into it from a protective, "theoretical" standpoint, I asked him if he'd even heard of this. To my surprise, he told me that he had. In fact, he'd heard of it from a friend who was studying "body dynamics," and who had asked him to allow her to practice on him!! (WHY DOES THIS NEVER HAPPEN TO ME??? lol)

With his characteristic gentleness and honesty, he told me that he'd had to decline, citing his life-long aversion to prolonged touch. (WHO THE H DID I P OFF FOR ME TO BE SURROUNDED BY THESE TOUCH-AVERSE PEOPLE???? lol) I thanked him for sharing his experience/honesty with me, and let the idea drift away..

When he asked why I'd brought up such an unusual topic, I made him PROMISE not to start hating my guts! lol He did, and I quietly launched into my reasons for doing so. I told him that because he was warm, kind, funny, respectful, and had NEVER been inappropriately forward with me, and had always been kind and gently witty with me, I thought he would make an ideal Cuddle Buddy! I told him that I was investigating the possibility of his allowing me to cuddle him, emphasizing the platonic nature of the thing. I told him that there is actually a web forum people joined in order to do this, so he didn't think I was asking something untoward..

Thankfully, we're still friends and he didn't start hating my guts, or feeling uncomfortable around me! :) He actually told me that he took it as quite a compliment that I would even consider making the request of him! :) He's really cool, but I'm REAL BIG on respecting each Sovereign Soul's Right to establish boundaries, so I left it at that!!

What about any of you? Have you ever approached anyone, in your regular life, to ask for a cuddle??

Comments

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    No. I mentioned this site to one female friend and she immediately assumed it was a cover for sex work and said I should leave the site. So I don't bring this up to people I know.

  • theHugAlchemisttheHugAlchemist

    I talk about it with literally everyone... Most of the people in my community are big cuddlers. So in my little bubble of the universe it's totally normal.

    In fact my conservative parents came up for my birthday and my friends cuddled in front of them too.. they didn't bat an eye lol

    Outside my cuddle bubble...I don't think I'd ask my sauna friends to cuddle with me.. but I do talk about my work there often and have had some further inquiries too

  • wilderdudewilderdude

    @WriterGF people make that kind of assumption about stuff like massage too.

  • [Deleted User]Fematheist (deleted user)

    @WriterGF~ Right??? Sadly, I've found it necessary to be VERY careful about those with whom I share the idea of Cuddling. Like you mentioned, there are a lot of people who still view this as a "front" for SW. There are very few situations where I even bring up the topic. This just happened to be one of those! lol

    @radiatawellness ~ Soooo lucky!!! :) "Cuddle bubble"---- I'M STEALING IT!!! lolol!!

    Because I grew up in a large family, this lack of touch is truly foreign to me! My fella is intelligent, funny, witty, tough, and all those other things, but I have to CORNER HIM LIKE A CAGED LION in order to get a mere hug from him!! lol I envy you (in a good way) for having a community that's willing to cuddle! :) And the fact that your parents didn't "bat an eye"?? How cool is that? Maybe they've grown to the level of understanding just how much we allllll need to be touched/ cuddled! Love that!!!

    @wilderdude~ You notice how something as ancestral, as primal a need as Touch is frowned upon in today's society?? The very IDEA of having someone kneading my entire body with long, measured, oiled strokes brings tears of LONGING to my eyes! It's kind of sad that so many of us are walking around ACHING to feel tender, non-sexual, healing Touch. Just makes me sad...

    My friend waved to me an extra time, as he was leaving, as if he was sad he couldn't fill my request. I smiled at him to let him know that I understood. Again, I'm ALL ABOUT respecting the boundaries of others... but I was proud of myself for having the courage to ASK to have my Touch needs met! :)

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @Fematheist I am impressed with your courage as a woman to ask because so often this is construed as wanting to be more than friends by many men. That requires trust in your friend.

    I believe the extra layer for men is asking a female friend to cuddle is often construed as creepy, pervy or plain sad. I cherish my friendships that are non-cuddle related so I don’t ask. Fortunately I have quite a few enthusiasts that I have cuddled that are now friends.

  • IsMeArrgghIsMeArrggh

    Sadly most of the people around me wouldn’t understand or immediately assume it’s something notorious. It would be amazing to have a friend or colleague that would know and understand and we could just get our cuddle fix and then go on with our day. Thankfully this site and community exists where we at least have an option and recourse. I’ve especially felt the need for a good cuddle since my mom’s passing 1 1/2 years ago, still haven’t been able to come to terms with it.

  • [Deleted User]Fematheist (deleted user)

    @TheFunCartel~ It felt weird, asking a man for affection, I have to admit!!!! I wanted to make sure that I worded it in a way that let him know that there was NO PRESSURE, that he was FULLY ENTITLED TO SAY "NO," and that I meant him no harm. He's been a wonderful, caring friend, whose character and integrity I have come to admire... which is why I chose him!

    It's kind of crazy how Platonic Cuddling sits right square in this odd place between friendship and intimacy... It was difficult, VERY difficult, for me to even feel comfortable APPROACHING A MAN to ask him to open up to allowing me to CUDDLE HIM, without offering anything more. He was kind, as usual, in his gentle refusal, making sure to let me know that he was "honored" that I would even consider him for this. :) This experience has given me a new perspective on, maybe, how guys can sometimes feel approaching women. I'm grateful for the expanded perspective...but grouchy that it didn't work out!! lol

    @IsMeArrggh~ I, too, am grateful for this site/community!! :) I feel you on how most people quickly assume that something "notorious" is going on when asked about Cuddling... which is why I was very, very careful about whom I approached to discuss it!

    I like your idea of having two people coming to an understanding, getting their cuddle "fix" satisfied, and then going on about their respective days!!! YOU UNDERSTAND THE ASSIGNMENT!!!!!!!!!!! :) I have a full, happy life, but I swear-- I'm about to start mugging people on the bus!!! lolol

    Have to be careful, here, but my mom passed a few years ago. What I've found is that in the place where she loved and guided me, her words, courage, and presence, live on... in me. And I'm better for it. I feel for you. Make her proud! :)

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