Internet RAGE! ⌨️🖥️💬🔥

warm_embracewarm_embrace
edited June 2024 in General

I am finding some of the comments on various threads (here and elsewhere) especially upsetting lately. This article was helpful to me, and I’m wondering how others handle it when they find themselves being pulled into a contentious (and unnecessary) argument on the internet?

https://www.image.ie/self/rise-internet-rage-trolls-need-stop-hiding-behind-just-opinion-excuses-135975/amp

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Comments

  • LionsFanLionsFan
    edited June 2024

    Doesn't it take two to continue an argument? You have to give yourself permission to disengage. An alternative is to build up a full arsenal of snarky memes on your favorite topics.

    My favorite debate topics are gun control legislation and national health care.

    My 'favorite' argument topics are politics, politicians, tax policy and genocide.

    The topics I avoid entirely are religion and abortion.

    Make your own list and act accordingly.

    PS. None of the above topics are suitable while cuddling

    PPS. Rage seems to overstate what I generally see.

    Edits mainly for spelling

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    My policy on Facebook now is if someone comments on a post I made, and I don't know them, I don't bother to read it.

  • SolarisSolaris
    edited June 2024

    I feel similarly. There are some angry people on this forum in particular who don't feel the need to be responsible with their words.

    I come here looking for community, to belong, and a significant percentage of the comments I read are from people who are angry at me, for things I've never done to them or anyone. It's disheartening to say the least.

    What I do is practice acceptance. And it works for me, mostly. Let go, loosen up my body and mind, and just allow everything to be how it is. If some people want to hate on me, I allow it. And I allow my feelings too. Maybe I'm angry, or sad, or feel hopeless. The keys for me are to allow my feelings. Anger, sadness, hopelessness are uncomfortable. I'd rather feel something else. But it's the truth of the moment. And I have found when I reject them, I suffer more in the long run. I make bad decisions. I reject parts of myself, and i need all of myself to be well. I reject parts of the world, and wind up isolating myself from others unexpectedly.

    The other key is to let go of the words and thoughts. Not buy into them fully. Just feel the feelings. The words and thoughts usually wind up only telling a small part of the story. They would take me away from this forum completely, but that would not be good for me right now. There are plenty of people here I like talking to.

    My thoughts push me towards isolation and despair, but practicing acceptance allows me to keep trying and learning. I have lessons to learn about connecting with others, and I won't learn them by leaving. I grew up in a very abusive environment. I literally fought every single day of my life physically, verbally, emotionally, just to get from one day to the next. And so I learned a lot of terrible lessons. Now I get to unlearn them. And these forums are actually a pretty good place to do that. See what works, what doesn't. What do I want in life, with people.

  • warm_embracewarm_embrace

    @LionsFan i appreciate your perspective. I grew up during a time when we used to say things like….”I may not agree with your opinion, but I would fight for your right to have that opinion.”

    i used to enjoy occasional “debates” about controversial topics with friends, but that doesn’t seem possible anymore. Or at least it’s much more unpleasant - at least in my experience. Now, I avoid such debates like the plague.

  • SolarisSolaris

    I also spend time trying to see myself clearly, who and what I actually am, and want to be.

  • warm_embracewarm_embrace

    @WriterGF I agree that it’s always best to not feed the trolls.

  • warm_embracewarm_embrace

    @billiam thanks for the thoughtful response. I have also found that identifying how I’m feeling in a given situation can give me insight to moderate my response. However, I sometimes have a hard time reaching a place of “acceptance” and instead have to settle for “tolerance”.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    I also find that it is best to try to take a calm, logical approach to these things, where possible. Remember that there are people who want to be attacked - either because they enjoy fighting or because they want others to feel sorry for them. When you don't insult or mock or lash out (and I know sometimes it's hard to do - I am just as guilty as others), you ruin their whole day.

  • SolarisSolaris

    @warm_embrace
    Yes. It is SOO hard. It's the work of a lifetime.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    In a lot of cases, it's just best not to respond. There are people who just want to stir the pot in forums. Ignore them and they go elsewhere.

  • KuddlyKoalaKuddlyKoala
    edited June 2024

    Some people feed on adversity and negativity. You just need to stop feeding into it and they'll find something else to do. Or you can go the psychological response route, which is completely diverging from the topic and instead causing them to question their own motives and purpose for creating unnecessary discourse(which I don't recommend, but if you reaaally have the urge to respond, then that's that).

  • warm_embracewarm_embrace
    edited June 2024

    @KuddlyKoala, I’ve tried the psychological approach you mention and it’s exhausting and is rarely productive.

    I usually don’t engage, but sometimes it’s hard to watch. It seems like some people have a lot of pent-up anger and are just looking for an opportunity to make their point and spew venom.

    It’s really quite pathetic, and I try to feel sympathy for whatever must have caused this person so much distress. But it’s hard!

    Edited for typos

  • MissAdventurousMissAdventurous

    Probably why I don't post as much as I used to.

    Asinine comments are rampant. So I just keep scrolling.

  • jillyainjillyain

    I’m not person who likes to debate - argue - have a disagreement- so if ever I find a disagreement or discussion that’s bad enough for me to even want to take part in I might start to say something- I’ll take a good 20-30 minutes and write out my comments and why I think what I think, to try to get my point across, then I read - re-read, make sure there are no grammatical errors or misspelled words. I then re-read what I’m responding too, also all the comments that have come since I started my response-
    And typically by then I’m ready to delete my message - and so I do.
    :-)

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    Years ago, someone edited the Star Wars prequels and removed all scenes containing Jar Jar Binks. Apparently the movies were much better without him. That’s how I feel about certain people on the boards. There are some members whose comments I just don’t read and it definitely makes the boards better. Sadly that list seems to grow by the day.

  • warm_embracewarm_embrace

    @MissAdventurous thats too bad. I always enjoyed your comments. It’s a loss to the community that people like you are discouraged from posting because others have axes to grind.

  • SolarisSolaris
    edited June 2024

    @jillyain
    I do that too!!

    Also, I'm finding that I have a lot of house cleaning in my own head to do before I say anything back.

  • warm_embracewarm_embrace

    @jillyain I'm going to try that! If I put enough steps in before I hit “send”, I’ll likely get bored and that’s probably a healthier response.

  • warm_embracewarm_embrace

    @Morpheus not responding is usually my preferred approach. This is a diverse group and not everyone will get along with everyone else. A little tolerance goes a long way. There really isn’t any reason to get upset or upset other people on the internet.

  • Vintage_EmbraceVintage_Embrace
    edited June 2024

    @warm_embrace Its is a wonderful community.
    Friendly and aggressively engaged.

    With that said; there are some that I want to either hug 🫂 the sad, hurt, bitterness out of them or scroll on and not engage, with anyone, 😞 as it will be pointless and can retain my healing capacities.

    Ripples of kindness and compassion are free yet hard to scroll by in most forum subjects posted daily. So many need way more than a hug 🤗 and it shows.

    Are YOU Ok ? 👍 (hypothetical question to all that come to read).

  • [Deleted User]Ihavenoidea2 (deleted user)

    I don't bother posting anything or asking a question because I have been attacked by people more than once just because I have a different opinion than most people. The ones who attack me are usually the ones who preach about tolerance, love and acceptance. It's really sad.

  • warm_embracewarm_embrace

    @Ihavenoidea2 I’m sorry you experienced that. This thread seems like a friendly group so far.

    But, I also try to be somewhat reserved in public forums like this. Every enrolled CC community member can read and post in these forums. Undoubtedly among that group, there are some people with whom I wouldn’t want to be vulnerable.

  • warm_embracewarm_embrace

    I really appreciate the engagement on this topic. I’ve been really thinking about it lately and I got a lot out of talking with all of you. Thank you all!

  • TxTomTxTom

    As long as disagreement doesn't devolve into name-calling or threats, engaging in civil discussion/debate is a good thing.

    Nobody grows as a person locked up inside an echo chamber.

  • WestsideMarcWestsideMarc
    edited June 2024

    There’s a great saying “measure twice, cut once”….

    Having said that, what pisses me off most in these CC forums (which is actually why I am less active on them these days for just this very reason) is even after thinking twice if I even want to respond, and when I do, I painstakingly choose my words VERY carefully - JUUUUUST TO MAKE SURE I am being very clear and leaving little to no room for misinterpretation, then proofing it again, only to see someone completely misinterpret it and attack. Then the dogpile ensues, battle lines are drawn, others attack and defend, all spiraling downward from there… in the end I find myself debating someone who’s against the use of oxygen. It happens.

    So let’s just pretend I didn’t even respond here.

  • JubalJubal

    … in the end I find myself debating someone who’s against the use of oxygen.

    Heh, I read this line in your post and for some odd reason, this link popped into my head. https://www.dhmo.org/truth/Dihydrogen-Monoxide.html

    If you know, you know (hint, Penn & Teller are hilarious!)

  • hoping4snugshoping4snugs

    @jillyain I am a lot like you but have spent my entire adult life married to someone who is the opposite.

    When these and other threads turn into what I am already escaping from, I check out. It can be a hard balance for me as there are plenty of contentious topics that need discussion, that I'm interested in, and that have many competing view points. I want to hear what other people think but never want it shoved down my throat or to face ridicule for having a different view. I went to college at UMASS Amherst and that is the only time in my life I have really been able to enjoy difficult conversations. There was an endless supply of respect and tolerance to that 5 College system that allowed real growth for all. The 90's were a great time to be there.

    @warm_embrace Thanks for the article.

  • TxTomTxTom

    @WestsideMarc I've used that saying, “measure twice, cut once," myself. I first heard it from an engineer at NASA who was emphasizing the need to "get it right" the first time. It's a great quote.

  • IronicMaidenIronicMaiden

    @Ihavenoidea2 Are you familiar with the Paradox of Tolerance?

  • [Deleted User]Ihavenoidea2 (deleted user)

    @Unscented_Lemon Yes, I am.

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