I don't know that this will be a popular answer, so I'm sorry if it's more frustrating than helpful, but here's my take.
We all know there's a major gender skew on CC. As a woman who has the most cropped non-face profile pic ever, I still get more messages than I can keep up with many days. Not because of me, but because of the skew. At first I tried to be polite and respond to everyone, and then respond again when they wouldn't accept my first "no thank you," but it became a lot of work. Like as much work as a dating site, and I came on here hoping for something more simplified than online dating. So if a guy is far out of my age range (not trying to be agist, just where I'm comfortable, which is why I mention it in my profile), starts the message in a selfish way (e.g., "are you available at 11:30pm on Tuesday?" As an opening line shows no intention of learning what I'm looking for in the experience but of treating me like I'm a business when you are not going to pay me), or is continuing to message when I've said no, I most definitely won't respond.
And those aren't the only reasons I might not respond. Because my cuddle availability is limited for now, I might not respond because I know I can't meet up right now, but I'll keep you in my inbox and get back to you if my circumstances change. (But I stay on the site for the friends I've made and to keep up with the chat boards, even if I'm not cuddling a ton.)
I'm not saying this is a perfect, or even good, system. Just my two cents as someone who has received many messages from people who say they are hurt by my responses, lack of responses, one-time-only responses (I've offended with every option I've tried at least once, even though I do consider myself a generally considerate and thoughtful person). It is just a major turnoff to get a message from someone who acts entitled to my attention just because they have a set idea on a convenient way I would benefit them instead of considering that I'm also here as a non-pro and might want to prefer to see if our intentions align before arranging the logistics of a cuddle. If you've got your mind made up and are ready for this to go down as a business transaction, you might have better luck with a pro. Because that mind set does make me think the other person should be asking for compensation if that's the attitude.
Again, I don't know if this will be popular, as I don't have a list of do's, per se. Just don't fester. Keep trying, and try in a way that shows that you are taking the other person's feelings and circumstances into account.
That's what I've got. Let the bashing of my no-reply approach or age-range approach or whatever other controversial bit I let slip in there begin. Lol.
Oh, the other thing I thought to mention was that I know that I'm far from the only CC member who suffers from conditions like anxiety or clinical depression. While some days feel like cuddling could help with these things, some days the social anxiety or thought of meeting someone totally new is very, very overwhelming. Point being, don't take it personally. Everyone on here lives multi-faceted lives that aren't apparent from a brief online profile alone. We're all here to help each other out, which probably means different things to different people and even at different times.
tl;dr version: Understand that everyone here is human.
@IGuessImHete - As a fellow no-pro female cuddler I applaud what you have just written above.
I am also getting to the point of not responding to many men who contact me with terse "when are you available?" emails, or ones who are way too young (I state my age preference in my profile).
Yes, unfortunately way too many men seem to not understand that I am not here to service their cuddling needs. In your words - "treating me like I'm a business", and not a human being with my own preferences and ideas about what I would like in a cuddle friendship.
So no bashing from me! A smile and a big ole nod of "oh yes ... I absolutely agree".
@IGuessImHete - I totally understand. As a pro cuddler, I don't like first messages that only ask about availability, either. I can understand someone thinking that it's a business transaction and wanting to get right to the point. While there is an element of logic to that way of thinking, cuddling is not like getting a haircut, buying a shirt or ordering a hamburger, and that approach is rarely successful with me. I would venture to say it's never successful where it concerns enthusiasts. The approach and subsequent conversation is why you will or will not be accepted as a client or cuddle buddy. Also, especially now, with so many Craigslisters and Back Pagers migrating here because they have so few options, I need to be sure of your intentions. It takes a little time to figure that out when I have to read between the lines and longer when someone doesn't want to engage in any real conversation.
So when I get resistance to asking for information such as tell me about yourself, I need to get to know you a little first, and have you read the CSA, that is going to weigh heavily against someone who is uncooperative or gives back only terse, minimal information. This was true for me as an enthusiast and is true now for me as a pro cuddler. Women need to feel safe, and a total stranger who wants to get next to our bodies immediately but is reluctant to tell us anything about himself does not make us feel safe at all.
To the guys messaging any woman, be she pro cuddler or enthusiast: be polite, don't be terse, tell her about yourself -- particularly if you have an empty profile (which is definitely going to go against you) -- and try to get to know her a little first. That should improve your chances of getting a response and getting her to feel more comfortable with you.
Unfortunately, I believe the people who need this information the most are the ones who sign on, don't read the site or the forums, and begin messaging people right away. But at least anyone who gets these types of first messages can now refer them to this post.
@BlueIris You are absolutely correct! Pro or not, we all deserve to feel safe and appreciated and respected. Thanks for the pro perspective too!
I'd say keep it simple (mention something from their profile if it relates to you and or you find it interesting) alternatively ask an interesting question after hello... just like you would normally speaking with someone. Let things flow more naturally and not in a way of you're here to cuddle I am too let's cuddle because they don't know you, you don't know them yet. (Just saying lol).
Example: Hey, I see you like so and so. What other hobbies do you've? (I would totally avoid saying ("I like your profile" unless you've a thing or two that are specific to back up your interest). Or mention a few of your hobbies or/ mention that you're looking to get to know them and hopefully share platonic cuddles with and if you like my profile too, I look forward to hearing from you.
Now I barely ever write to anyone (except the few in other countries that I said: Hey, cool this or cool that lol) so I don't know how well those lines work. I do however respond to any and all decent messages even if to say no because I appreciate each person's effort in taking time to contact me. Though keep in mind not everyone is direct. Everyone is on their own journey developing the best they can.
@BlueIris - obviously not all pro-Cuddlers are like you. I had a message from one which was one sentence "I noticed you were browsing my profile, do you want to book something?". That was it. I send her a very nice message in response asking if we could get to know each other a little since she had no friends or karma and very little information in her profile. I never heard back from her again, even though she is still very active on the site.
So I've been trying to talk with non pros and so far no luck . However, I've came across new profiles that have nothing in the About me section how would you message a profile with nothing on the About me section of the profile? I'm the type of person that sees their About me page and finds something we both relate to and theres a message. Now I'm just saying something like "Hi X, I saw your profile on the New Cuddlers feed and I wanted to say hi and welcome you." Then I usually say "Hope to hear from you soon" or "Hope we can chat some time"
@GameStriker4481 - That sounds like a good way to get started. I typically wouldn't message someone with nothing on his profile unless he's made some good posts on the forum which make it clear he's the kind of person I'd like to get to know.
I definitely second the comment earlier to post something as your profile pic, even if you’re not comfortable with a picture of yourself. There’s no way to tell from the search page if the profile is filled out so I’m probably not going to dig through 20 no picture profiles to find the 2 that are legit users but just uncomfortable with their pictures online. Even a logo or cartoon can be a conversation starter and indicate some effort on your part
@IGuessImHete & @SJSpooner I get the same type of messages too and unfortunately it's these type of men who don't read the forum at all. Typically I just ignore those type of messages. They have no pictures with empty profiles.
@GameStriker4481 I am surprised non-pros won't reply back to you with your small talk. I would have replied to you and attempt to make a get the conversation going. Your opening lines sound friendly and welcoming.
There was one guy who sent me a message for the very first time with a paragraph of activities that he would like to do. Now that was a little overwhelming to me.
@BlueIris I've messaged some profiles with nothing in the About Me and they do respond... and then they ghost on me. Some people don't write about themselves because they are trying to scope out the site to see if its legit (what I've heard from a couple of users before they ghosted on me)
@angela10 Thanks, thats really encouraging
I am sorry but I think it’s to funny after ready 200+ post I feel better lol. I thought I am the only one not getting any response back from non pro because in my ethnicity. I say hi to one girl she said not interested and send said I have a hard time to understand you she was not pro but when I approach her she charge me money lol. Seriously guys n girl I think my approach is not messag anyone if they think I am good enough for them they will approach me. BTW I just upload my picture. Thanks
I'm curious has anyone had any luck with non pros on here before?
Yes, however distance requires some creative thinking. I have gone to meet up with ones who aren't too far away, like within a 200 mile radius if we really hit it off. One person I have cuddled with several times and talk to regularly is in the next state over. Or sometimes will meet halfway with someone, or if they are passing through might come to meet me. It is rare, but does happen. In fact I have only met 3 people from this site who are actually in my home state lol. And only one was actually in my town, where the other 2 were a couple towns over and some miles between us.
@GameStriker4481 I have met and cuddled with a total of 5 non-pros. Of those five, only one was in my home state. Of the four out-of-state cuddlers, two were great, and I plan to see them both again as my travels allow. Two seemed to be seeking a relationship beyond just occasional cuddles, which is not my thing. I had high hopes for the one local enthusiast I cuddled,but she was not big on timely communication or follow-through with plans, and I live and die by my calendar, so that was unworkable. Hence, the section in my profile that reads, "I'm generally looking for appointments with pros, because I find the booking process quicker and easier, and it doesn't feel like online dating. Not that I'd turn down a cuddle with a like-minded enthusiast though --- that's still the Holy Grail of cuddling."
I think calling it the holy grail it’s overstating it a bit at least from my perspective. I have met and cuddled with about 10 cuddling enthusiasts (aka non pros) and three pros in about two years but it does take work and a little bit of luck and timing. Some non pros I’ve engaged in long chats that led to nothing and one last year where our communication started in the morning and by 6pm she was in my hotel room cuddling and all of the communication was done via CC, no phone call, no video chat and we spent a few hours cuddling and it was lovely. Funny thing is we exchanged numbers after we were done. This year though feels a little different as if it’s becoming more difficult to establish a connection of any sort. I’m always chatting with someone but nowadays is not leading to anything. The one that puzzles me is the pros, most do not answer messages but that’s a different story and I just let that go and move on.
@mellow You met 10 enthusiasts? You must be doing something right, LOL.
My usage of the term "holy grail" is a bit tongue-in-cheek, but not all that far off, really. Webster says the term means "an object or goal that is sought after for its great significance." Dictionary.com calls it "any desired ambition or goal earnestly sought after." So for me, an enthusiast cuddler sort of qualifies.
I tend to cuddle once per week. A 90-minute cuddle with a pro at $80/hour is $120, times 4.3 weeks per month equals $516 spent on average per month. I don't mind the expenditure when the cuddles are awesome. But getting awesome cuddles once a week from non-pros, enabling me to put that money to other uses? Yep, I'll stand by my wording. ;-)
@mellow canyou teach me thing or two lol. Good job buddy wish me good luck?
I just got an invitation recently to join someone's vacation from a member here. We have never seen each others' pictures but have chatting on and off for about a week or two. I haven't communicated with him since his offer. And I am not a pro.
@angela10 That offer does seem a little ... sudden. All the more because your profile clearly expresses how cautious you wish to be about physical meetings. I wonder if the fact that so much communication is online these days makes some people lose the ability to distinguish between interactions online and those in real life. I know you've been approached by a number of sketchy folks on here, but take heart: there are in fact nice guys with normal expectations who will read your profile and take their time getting to know you. :-)
@quietman775 Awww thanks. I will cling on that hope .
Personally I like to start with hello
I try to be honest about what I'm looking for in a cuddle buddy, my situation, and what it means to me to cuddle and why. I get more no's then yes's, but I have a positive attitude, and patience that those that relate to me and are looking for the same thing in a cuddler will reach out to me. I welcome a deep conversation and clear communication so everyone feels comfortable, it makes the cuddling part even that more enjoyable. i can relate to @quietman775, @mellow. I started out meeting with pros, and then have been fortunate to meet several great non-pros. several months in; I guess I'm became more in tune with the type of personalities i am looking to connect with; and became more selective in the process, my time available to cuddling is very limited; and I cherish spending time with the people that are interested and wholeheartedly want to cuddle, open themselves up, being in the moment positively; i've been filtering out, the crickets, ghosts, pro & non-pro. this site has so much good to offer.
I acknowledge the gender skew, and I understand not answering every mail, especially if the approach is brash or crude. But there are some common courtesies that can be extende by almost anyone. Case in point, a new user in my town. I sent a note stating that I realized I was out of their age range, and I am not suggesting that we meet, but as someone from my town, I just wanted to give a friendly hello and welcome, and share that I’d not seen others from our town. I can be friendlier than most can stand sometimes. This person has visited my profile twice, but never left a response. I’m not angry or hurt, I just think some people have a lot of excuses for not exercising common social grace.