Platonic touch

CatCruzCatCruz
in Pro Cuddling

For the ladies & gentleman I guess if your a professional cuddler in general. How do you practice safe touch and if someone is touching you a little to intimately how do you let them know. When is it a good time to be stern and say " hey that's a bit much we need to keep this platonic per CC rules?" If that is a good way to put it.

Comments

  • TxTomTxTom

    That's a just okay way to put it.

    The best way to put it is "No."

  • LadyVelLadyVel

    Have clear communication and establish boundaries before the session. Know that either person can end the session if needed.

    Possibly use the "ask and wait" consent method until you are both comfortable.

    ☆☆ If they violate boundaries or make things too intimate and/or you do not feel comfortable continuing, you can end the session. ☆☆

    ☆ If a hand starts to wander too much, I usually take their hand and redirect it to a safe spot and occasionally even hold it there for a bit. Most take the hint.

    The following is if you want to give them a chance to correct themselves.

    This is my 3 strikes method
    1. If the touch starts to become too intimate, address it immediately. A calm and clear statement like, "That touch feels too intimate, let's keep it platonic" should be effective for most people.
    2. If they continue, "This touch is not acceptable. If you continue, this session will end".
    3. "I think we should end the session here." End the session.

    2 Strikes method
    1. "That touch feels too intimate, if you can't keep it platonic, this session will end."
    2. "I think we should end the session here." End the session.

  • starrynitecudsstarrynitecuds

    You've been cuddling as a pro for over a year and still don't feel comfortable saying No or Stop? I'm truly scared for you.
    Send your clients anything and everything off limits, including the standard CC rules. Maybe you don't like your ears touched. Put it on there. You're allowed to have boundaries!
    No means NO, learn to say it so you believe it. Nobody else will do it for you.
    And for your own safety, mean it!

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery
    edited June 2024

    To add on to what @LadyVel said, there are some helpful pro cuddler courses that can be really helpful if you have had issues with maintaining and enforcing your own boundaries in the past. Another great way to get practice that is lower pressure and usually feels a bit safer is at guided cuddle events/parties that emphasize consent and boundaries practices. The more you practice actually saying the words out loud, at actually enforcing even small boundaries and have them be respected, the easier it gets... and the more prepared you are for bigger challenges.

    When you have had your boundaries violated in the past, giving a hard "no" or enforcing a hard boundary can often be scary - and women are often taught to soften their communication of rejection and boundaries with "polite" words and vague phrasing. The problem is that men are equally taught that these vague phrases and us being "coy" is part of "the chase/game" and it can encourage further boundary pushing. This does not excuse their behavior - they should always be getting clear and uncohersed "yesses" - but it does help explain some of the disconnect. Everyone can generally improve their communication skills around consent and boundaries.

  • TxTomTxTom

    @LadyVel

    "I think we should end the session here."

    As a dude, that sounds to me like a suggestion, and open for negotiation or debate.

    Do you think the following might be a better statement?

    "This session has now ended."

  • HoosCuddlingHoosCuddling

    First time (if you want to give benefit of the doubt): "Don't touch me there."

    Second time: "This session is over."

    I tell new cuddlers that they should immediately tell me if I put a hand somewhere they aren't comfortable with, and they won't have to tell me twice. And I've never put my hand on a breast, or a buttock, or in between someone's legs. But not everyone is comfortable with being touched on their sides, or a hand resting on the outside of a hip, etc.

    And I've told cuddlers to avoid certain areas. Nothing sexual, but I don't like my face being touched, for example.

    Communication is key, especially if you think it was an honest mistake. If it wasn't, session over.

  • LadyVelLadyVel

    @TxTom Thanks. You are correct. it should not have sounded like a suggestion or that it was up for debate.

    I too used to hearing things like "I think we should wrap things up" at work, therapist office, etc that I automatically put it here as well.

  • starrynitecudsstarrynitecuds

    @WiserGuy3000

    And I've told cuddlers to avoid certain areas. Nothing sexual, but I don't like my face being touched, for example

    I just recently discovered I don't like my ears touched. Hair, neck, face, all ok. Hand resting on my ear? No. Lobe? No. Tracing the inner part of my ear? NO!

  • HoosCuddlingHoosCuddling

    @starrynitecuds we're all different, aren't we! I love having my hair played with, but neck and face touches are uncomfortable for me.

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