Social media

pruittpruitt
in Pro Cuddling

My girlfriend was a professional cuddler on here. I asked her to delete her account because one of the dudes on here found her social media accounts and started messaging her on there.
I think he used reverse image search.
I was more upset than she was because he could see my Facebook too cuz she has me as her bf.
I think it should be against the rules for these guys to bother professional cuddlers on their personal Facebook accounts.

Comments

  • Mike403Mike403

    I don't think that's enforceable....and it isn't a big deal really. She can block the person if she doesn't want to talk to him.

  • BrandiBrandi

    Yeah Ive had some people request me as friends without asking me about it and its a bit strange.
    Concent with everything. It may nit seem like a creepy thing to look up someone on fb because just about everyone has an account, but it can have pretty personal content to a lot of people.

  • Mike403Mike403

    I've added people on Facebook without asking them first. Not anyone on here, but employees of a night club I was a regular at and they all accepted. I'd hate to think I was being a creeper.

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod

    @Mike403 - Facebook is a different atmosphere. A lot of people network on there, and a lot of people seem "collect" "friends" as some kind of a status symbol. CC is a much smaller community, and some people use the friend list a lot more selectively here. Doubtful that anyone on Fbook thought you were creepy by adding them to your friend list.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @BlueIris Yes, but I thought the OP was talking about adding people from here to their social networking accounts. (i.e. Facebook)

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod

    @Mike403 - He was in fact complaining that his girlfriend was being contacted on Fbook after having met her here. I would consider that stalking, and I wouldn't like that, either.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @BlueIris I did it to employees I met at a night club/bar and we eventually became good friends. It's not like I just picked random people on Facebook to I inflate my friend's list. I don't think it's stalking. Real stalking is a criminal offense. You can always not accept the friend request.

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod

    @Mike403 - I know, and I commented that what you did was not creepy, as that's the way people do it on Facebook. But meeting someone on CuddleComfort, looking them up on Facebook and contacting them over there is what I and the OP consider unwelcome. Completely different from what you described.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @BlueIris Oh I see. I may have done it sometime in the future. I have Asperger's syndrome which is a brain disorder where we don't naturally understand unwritten social rules. I may have, shall I say, unique ways of letting you know that I want to be friends with you.

  • ubergigglefritzubergigglefritz

    It wouldn't bother me. I just wouldn't accept the friend request if I didn't want to. Though I would wonder how they found me on Facebook without my full name or email address. If they had a legitimate way of finding me there, then I wouldn't have any concerns.

  • PinkLipstick22PinkLipstick22

    It would bother me unless it was someone with whom I'd developed a more friend-like relationship with.
    If someone would like to connect on facebook from here, I think asking the person first if it would be okay is a safer route. As we can see from the diverse responses above, however, is everyone has a different view on this.
    To OP, I don't believe you are wrong to feel it's overstepping for someone to request your girlfriend on fb.
    Cheers!

  • warmlyhelenawarmlyhelena

    Please tell the moderators. @Mark and @reurbo It's a shade of stalking that I would not be comfortable with. Also, if it's who I think it may be, it is part of a pattern that needs to be addressed.

    It's wise to use images that aren't used elsewhere for this reason, something that I was lucky enough to be advised to do early on.

  • warmlyhelenawarmlyhelena

    I will add that if anyone else experiences (or has experienced) this kind of behavior, document and report it. People who cross boundaries rarely do it once. And they usually escalate their behavior if it is left unchecked.

    I would like to turn the situation around. What if someone on the client side was contacted by a Pro who found them using these methods--reverse image search--without their consent? And then friend-requested them, and had access to information about their significant other and family? How would that make the client feel? I would say that person needed to be banned, immediately.

    Please don't write off this kind of boundary-crossing if it has happened to you. Let someone know ❤️

  • Mike403Mike403

    @softandlovely Set your social media accounts on private. Nobody who isn't friends with you can find out any information about you.

  • warmlyhelenawarmlyhelena

    Thanks Mike. I am social media savvy enough to have my settings at a level that I'm comfortable with. Others may not have an expectation that another user would go to such desperate lengths to find them online.

    The point remains that If a member of the site is regularly searching out and communicating with other members offsite, against their wishes, that is a matter of concern.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited May 2018

    I have always maintained that even though this is a platonic cuddle site and for the most part folks are pretty decent, there are still a fair share of wolves and creeps out here. I only see who is on the forum and who I interact with, however there are still tons of people in this ocean of a site who are not on mine or anyone elses radar. So you cant truly know the intentions of who you are speaking with. And I realize these are the words of a man who trusts no one, absolutely no one, 100 percent. But there are people who will go on your social media accounts and do what they can to try to exploit you . I have seen it done and talked about and even bragged about. An example is when a woman is advertising a service on a site like say, Backpage, or Craigslist. And I use these sites as examples because we have seen our fair share of transients from those sites and others like it since the crackdowns and closings of sections of their sites and even closings of the sites altogether that are aimed at preventing prostitution. So someone is advertising themselves. Then someone does a reverse image search and links it to their facebook account, or finds out their real name and looks it up that way, etc. And you can do this without even having your own real account, can have a fake one that you use solely for stalking purposes. And because people have no filter or impulse control and feel the need to put everything out there online about themselves, then it is easy to find out who your family is, where you work, where you hang out, go to school, etc. So then they can stalk you, or try to blackmail you, or troll you, or even just simply collect info about you because it is a challenge and a game to them and it makes them feel as though they have accomplished something in doing so. So yes, perhaps I am a bit un trusting, but I also know how un trustworthy people can be.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @softandlovely Maybe doing a reverse image search on someone's photos is worse. I've never done that. If I knew someone's full name, I have entered it in the search field to see if I can find them. I didn't think it was a big deal. Not everyone has malicious intent.

  • warmlyhelenawarmlyhelena

    Yeah, reverse image search is where you use Google to see if an image exists elsewhere on the web--like in a personal profile. Knowing someone's full name is different. But if someone hasn't shared that (has a username for anonymity) and I use technology to dig for more information than they want to share with me, then approach them, it's a violation of privacy. Though, as you noted, the best defense is to take care with our settings and what we share!!

  • warmlyhelenawarmlyhelena

    @pmvines Exactly. It can become very frightening. It's better to be cautious when we can, but also call out this behavior when we encounter it. Thank you for thank perspective.

  • cuddlybricuddlybri

    I think it’s always best to ask for social media first instead of hunting someone down and adding them in your own accord, especially if it’s within a professional friendship. I would be creeped out if someone here randomly messaged me offsite. Sure, as someone said I don’t have to accept the friend request, but I would prefer to be asked first instead of stalked.

    When I was younger, I worked retail and in a restaurant. I had a few customers who didn’t seem to understand (nor care) that I was working and being friendly was a part of my job. Now I am a friendly and smiley person in general, so I guess I could see how people get confused. However, these various men found me on social media and decided to message me. I found it honestly creepy as we had a professional relationship at that point and the men went from being overly forward in the store to being even more forward in my private inbox.
    It is not appropriate, even if you think you are just being “friendly.” I would feel equally uncomfortable if someone from here messaged me on a different platform. If I want to give my private social media out then I would.

    If you have developed an actual friendship here then it shouldn’t be an issue to just ask for permission. I think consent is great. It gives them the chance to give you their information and no risks of being a creep.

  • pmvinespmvines

    @cuddlybri I agree with you. Even on this site, I ask if it is ok to send a friend request first. I have gotten friend requests before from random people on here who I have not spoken to and thought it a bit odd so I try to conduct myself in a manner that doesn't give off odd vibes to people.

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    People still use Facebook?

  • cuddlybricuddlybri

    I don’t ??‍♀️ So even if someone found my profile, I never log in so a request would just be collecting dust.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @cuddlybri Your hourly rates are weird. After 2 hours, it's only $40 more for the 3rd hour, then it's $100 more for the 4th hour?

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    I have a Facebook but haven’t used it in ages. I thought people were long over Facebook.

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    @Mike403 at 1 or 2 hours, it’s $80 an hour, at 3 hours, it comes out to $66.67 per hour and at 4 hours, it’s $75 per hour. That being said, a three hour session with her is the best value.

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