@ShaneSchrute No one should ever have a problem with consenting adults be they married or single pursuing what makes them happy.
I probably am not the only one who believes that a married woman with a husband who is AGAINST his wife cuddlng is definitely more than simply a red flag. It's a possible 5 Alarm fire.
@LionsFan In my younger days I would engage with women who had boyfriends-Never Husbands- It's just an instinctual no for me. There are plenty of Single cuddlers out there to choose from without having to even hear another side of the story. I prefer the Story to be extremely brief and free of drama. I am sure the OP is not the only one on this site who's spouse is not OK with them doing this [if they even know about it]
As I mentioned earlier-The OP should be commended for telling the truth in her profile so any one who meets up with her knows the situation- We are all adults.
@BrianOcean i get it, i would likely not choose to cuddle with anyones wife if they were against it. But i also dont ask many questions about relationships that are not with me. My only point is, speaking for myself. I would suggest no one come to my door with ill intentions. Whether I'm right or wrong, I'll happily discuss and apologize because it have nothing to gain and no pride to protect. I respect everyone's relationship to the best of my ability. But i also respect my threshold. I am not a gun advocate either because i don't trust 90% of the people with them ( that 90% includes the people who most believe should have them) So I'm not talking that silly tough talk. I'm just saying.
I agree it be a poor decision to invite someone with that sort of description in their bio to your home or your arms.
I can fully honor and respect YOUR PERSONAL CONVICTION about this. I happen to agree--- I wouldn't even consider meeting potential Cuddle Partner who even HINTED at having a spouse who was not fulllly aware, and in agreement with, their cuddling.
It comes naturally to me to respect YOUR own stated boundaries, because you are entitled to have them; however there are those reading who need to realize that not everyone who is in relationship is up to no good. Even though it seems to be outside of your own personal experience, there really are couples whose Touch needs are mismatched. Perfectly good, solid, happy couples who simply have different Touch needs. I just felt it was necessary to speak on behalf of those of us who take the PLATONIC TOUCH nature of this site seriously, and who are genuinely grateful that there are people who will share Human Touch with us without believing that we're being duplicitous..
Relationships come in alllll different types of arrangements. While I understand, acknowledge, and respect your stance on the situation of this current thread, I had to speak up for those of us who------- while agreeing that non-consensual spousal cuddling is a problem------ are deeply grateful for those who can understand that there really are those whose spouses see value in this Platonic Cuddling thing, if it fills a real need for their partners.
It's unrealistic to paint all people with the same brush... Ever. Especially on this site. We're allll out here trying to make life a little easier, a little less touchless, and a little more sensible. Some of us have full, happy lives---but have partners who aren't interested in snuggly/cuddly interactions. I can't speak for others, but neither can you. Not everyone is to be made afraid to meet up with an involved cuddler, is all I'm saying. Because this one Original Poster drew out some of your deeper convictions, I'm worried that others might read your misgivings and paint alllll of us with the same, reluctant brush..
@Fematheist: What beautifully-expressed sentiments. I agree 100%.
@Fematheist Just to be clear this was the first line in my last post.
No one should ever have a problem with consenting adults be they married or single pursuing what makes them happy._
I genuinely appreciate your thoughts on this and it is obvious you have a passion for platonic cuddling and you and your spouse have the emotional intelligence to handle it.
I completely agree about the diversity of relationships and all have different needs-I don't knowingly paint anyone with any brush although we all have our prejudices that will bleed over into our thoughts.
How people read "my misgivings" as you describe them is their own responsibility. I simply state my opinion as we all do and my thoughts have no more influence on "Readers" than anyone elses.
I think we agree that while it is certainly beneficial for some marriages to reap the benefits of platonic cuddling with outside partners- It can also be harmful for marriages when one spouse is negatively affected by it.
If anyone's relationship needs platonic cuddling outside of their marriage they should peacefully enjoy it and it is frankly no one's business any way.
This perhaps brings up a more controversial point that some are not willling or able to deal with.
Not all people are emotionally ready for their spouse to "platonically cuddle" with someone even if they are not capable of giving their spouse the affection they desire.
What some may see as platonic others may see as intimate and where spouses are concerned that can get tricky. Most people seeking a cuddle session do not want to be a part of strain in someone else's marriage.
Any opinion I have shared pertains to my life and what works for me. We are figuring out life as we go.
The thread contained posts about a husband who did NOT support their spouse cuddling outside of their marriage.
The OP doesn’t actually say that her husband isn’t ok with her cuddling. She says all communication should be platonic and respectful and says her husband isn’t supportive of this kind of communication. That to me sounded like she’s saying that her husband isn’t okay with non platonic communication and probably activity in general. She hasn’t replied to defend herself but I think some of you are jumping to conclusions.
I also would like to know how to remove a bad karma. I don’t have one yet but I’m afraid I’d get one after I leave ba done for a no show after I drove 45 mins
@Morpheus
I would have to disagree with that. The OP's exact phrasing was, "My husband is not supportive of this type of interaction so I will not be giving out my personal cell phone #...."
To me, this means she is not giving out her personal phone number because her husband is not comfortable with her cuddling with other people, whether professionally or otherwise, and that she is hiding it from her husband by not giving out her phone number.
It is possible, to be sure, that the OP worded it poorly and did not actually intend to imply that her husband was not supportive of her being a professional cuddler. However, the wording very much suggests this to be the case.
@BrianOcean posted: "I have no desire to cuddle another man's wife-It just seems off to me"
For what it's worth, every female Pro I've met has been married or has a significant other. None of them advertise this, because it isn't good for business...exactly because of what you stated above.
But just know, the vast majority of Pro cuddlers here are married or attached. Whether they will tell you if asked, and whether their spouse is aware or not, I cannot say. I wish @JohnR1972 could give us those stats. 😏
~ Sunset Snuggles
🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover
Happy summer vibes! 🐬 🎹
@Tatsy ~ Earlier in the thread, the moderator @CharlieBear says that we should report a false karma report. They'll be able to review the facts of the case... and deal with it as they deem fit. Also, another poster suggested closing the current account and creating another. NEVER allow the fear of someone leaving "bad karma" to keep you from reporting bad behavior, okay? Of ANY kind...
@SunsetSnuggles ~ I know, right???? This is a PLATONIC site... For those of us who have found a legitimate outlet for our Touch requirements, we HAVE to present the other side of this discussion for others who are reading!!!!
I don't pretend that there is no such thing as subliminal influence. Some readers, being new to the concept of cuddling, may read various comments on this thread such as @BrianOcean 's, "It is truly astonishing how clueless guys can be. NEVER- EVER engage with a married woman unless you are totally prepared for all that can potentially come with it," and be fear-mongered away from viable cuddle partners. If that poster had written, " >> I << would never- ever.." and taken responsibility for HIS OWN FEELING toward the topic, I wouldn't have felt the need to address this.
Each person here is responsible for her/his own choices, that's true. Let's not pretend, however, that others aren't influenced by inflammatory comments made by some who don't seem aware that everyone else's live experience might not reflect their own.
Summary at this point
CharlieBear has revealed there WAS an appointment made, but no cancelation. There was also offsite communication. He is inclined to leave the Karma stand.
Many posters have strong feelings about married people cuddling and even those in relationships. Some don't care and some make no effort to inquire.
The OP did logon to her account a few hours into the discussion, but she's chosen NOT to defend herself.
And finally, a half dozen people found it necessary to scrutinize my profile. None from my state.
Since the OP hasn't bothered to take things any further, I'll leave it be, too. Someone once wisely advised us not to put sh*t on our boomerangs... I agree. At some point, we'll recognize that Life is a lot like an algorithm.. Whatever we continue to "click on" will start showing up, more and more, in our lives. I, for one, am grateful that there are people who will cuddle me without expecting anything else. I want that to continue showing up in my Life's "FYP."
Platonic cuddling is an emerging thing, still. It's important for those of us who participate in it to be careful of how we represent it to the outside, curious world. Had to say something about this, but to each their own..
@LionsFan The Scrutiny of profiles is something you should probably get used to-Enjoy it
I'll give you 10 to 1 on your money that @Tatsy gets at least 3 time the visits. just for the record I was not one of them- YET
@SunsetSnuggles But just know, the vast majority of Pro cuddlers here are married or attached. Whether they will tell you if asked, and whether their spouse is aware or not, I cannot say. I wish @JohnR1972 could give us those stats
Respectfully-I don't know how you can make such a claim [surely you don't know most of the cuddlers on here] but the part about whether their spouse knows or not is the part that some of us find really unfortunate. It is not the end of the world and I am not trying to Fear Monger anyone-I'm not a cult leader and people are not hanging onto my every word. I think some really need to relax a little and stop attributing influence to me that I don't have.
This is only my opinion--Married people have a responsibitly to be transparent with cuddlers about their marital status-It is not a newsflash that being married is "Bad for Business"-There is a reason it's bad for business and some of those have been discussed. Those dealing with the Bad for Business issue may need a relationship review-but that is up to them. While many don't inquire and I am not saying they should-it's their choice-Some would not want to be cuddling another person's spouse unknowingly.
This seems to have seriously hit a nerve for many people so maybe some are trying to convince themselves more they are trying to convince me. i am just a guy on a forum.
If you are married and enjoy cudldling and your spouse knows about it-Great for you and the people you cuddle.
If you are married and cuddle and your spouse DOES NOT know about it- or does not support it- The partner you choose should be aware of the situation.
This is simply-One man's opinion and I really don;t think any one is changing theri cuddling preferences based on it.
I think there's information missing here.
@Fematheist , I feel @BrianOcean is smart to remind guys the potential for physical violence if a guy gets caught cuddling a non-single woman by her jealous or unknowing SO. He didn't tell them to not do it, but gave a PSA that they better be ready for potential consequences. Fear mongering? Not in this day and age of "violence solves everything."
@starrynitecuds Not to mention a) how do you prove everything was completely platonic and b) (less likely) you could get threatened with being named in a divorce action.
@BrianOcean I believe most of your post is more directed at a previous poster, than myself.
You are correct, I don't know most of the cuddlers here, I was just speaking from my experiences both from the Pro's I've personally met, and the ones I've messaged with, as well as what my cuddle friends have told me, time and time again, regarding the realization that the Pro's they've met are most often married, or are in long-term relationships. (Ever notice how few Pro's host in their homes? 😉)
Since it's clearly important to you to avoid married women, I wanted you to be aware how highly common these unspoken or outright hidden marriages/relationships are. Because unfortunately, if you think you're cuddling single women, it is very possible and likely that you are not.
As far as aware and consenting spouses, I am 100% with you. As I said in this post:
"If you can't be honest with the person you vowed to cherish forever, you've got much bigger issues to worry about than physical touch needs not being met. 😔"
While for men, the concern may be violence from an angry husband, for me, it's always been about honesty. Primarily because I think it's wrong to do this behind their wives' back, but also because if they're lying to their wife, what does that say about their trustworthiness in general, and as a cuddle buddy or friend? It certainly gives one pause.
In any case, I believe you and I are on the same page: Honesty is paramount, and both the spouse, and potential cuddle buddies, should be given the respect of awareness and consent.
@SunsetSnuggles You are absolutely correct.
When I do meet up with the right cuddler- Honesty is the key to a peaceful cuddle session regardless of marital status.
This thread obviously brought up some interesting points that I think are important for people to consider.
I don't expect people to probe the cuddler with questions about their personal life. Most of us are responsible adults and if we meet for a session there will be no issues 99% of the time
But when a spouse is not OK with it and it is significant enough to make it into a profile-I personally would have no interest cuddling with that person.
That then brings up your point of Cuddlers who are in the same relationship situation and may not even be as transparent as the OP and that is even worse.
The point that many seem to want to avoid is that if cuddling is so strictly platonic then why are married people lying about or hiding their relationship status? I am not expecting you to answer-for anyone -but it speaks to an underlying point that there is a level of intimacy with cuddling that clearly interferes with SOME monogamous relationships.
The reality of life is when you are married- some things are not appropriate for you to engage in. Each couple has the right to decide what that means for them.
Some people happily practice open sexual relationships and it works for them. They should not be judged as right or wrong-That is what they choose. The key word is OPEN-To your point they are being honest with each other and the partners they choose to invite into their bedroom.
@BrianOcean posted: "The point that many seem to want to avoid is that if cuddling is so strictly platonic then why are married people lying about or hiding their relationship status?"
💯 I confront men with this concept all the time when they say it shouldn't matter...well then why are you hiding it? Then they admit their wife would be devastated. I would never want to be involved in something that would devastate an innocent person.
@Fematheist
I stand by what i said in the comment below-but I have added a phrase so you will know this does not apply to you or anyone in your situation-I was not my intent to influence any one not to engage with you.
"It is truly astonishing how clueless guys can be. NEVER- EVER engage with a married woman-WHOSE HUSBAND IS NOT AWARE OF WHAT SHE IS DOING- unless you are totally prepared for all that can potentially come with it,"
To Myself - hopefully I will use some common sense before giving in to wants, needs, impulses. That includes finding myself in an unsafe cuddling situation.
@SunsetSnuggles the crickets are deafening (on your comments regarding Pros in LTR.)
Another notable, the men here who are in relationships, who cuddle without telling their SO, are called/treated as cheaters. But the women here who are also in relationships, who cuddle without telling their SO, aren't judged so harshly, especially as a Pro. Putting a price tag on doesn't change anything. Hmmmmm... that begs the question, how does such a Pro hide a job, and income, from her SO, especially around tax time?
@starrynitecuds posted: "the women here ... aren't judged so harshly"
This is across the board. The sexism against men here, both blatant and subtle, is raging.
"Putting a price tag on doesn't change anything."
💯
"how does such a Pro hide a job, and income, from her SO, especially around tax time?"
I imagine they just cuddle when their significant other is working, but excellent question on the taxes! Someone enlighten us. 😁 Maybe they don't comprehend initially that just because they collect in cash or on an app, they still get tax forms from the site at the end of the year. 😈
@SunsetSnuggles but they don't .
@starrynitecuds
Not that you are seeking this but you definitely deserve credit for your honesty on this topic.
Women hiding their Marital status is "Bad for Business" and they are only platonically cuddling-but Men who hide their marital status are up to no good.
The Hypocrisy is really unbelieveable- And some are completely unaware how hypocritical.
@starrynitecuds Fascinating. Looks like the site doesn't send out 1099's or anything, due to the nature of how it's run, but can send W-8's, if requested. Hot damn, I wonder how much tax fraud, purposeful or just born of ignorance, goes down, here. 🤣
@lonelytauros no cheese? "YOU LOSE! Good day sir!"
@BrianOcean there was a discussion not long ago how the site removes that line item from pros profiles. But conversationally, they'll claim to be single.
I think the posts of @BrianOcean are good and I agree with him. I don't think he is upset. I think, like me, he felt or sensed that people wanted more explanation so he gave it to them. I agree with him that he is just a guy on the forum and am rather bewildered at all the reaction/overreaction to his posts. I am not even sure that the real upset is his posts, but that is what was glommed onto in this thread.
I meant to add that I thought it was clear that OP's husband does not want her to cuddle.
Some people read too much into what others say. Not everyone here has a pet cause that they want to insert in every convo. Not everyone has a hidden agenda or some secret idea they want to support. Or maybe they do, lol. But I don't.