Should I be concerned over growing feelings?

cuddleleanncuddleleann
in General

I have an honest question. Not sure if it sounds stupid, but is it normal for people to get attached or accidentally form a crush? I am worried that will happen with me. I saw other people on the site state they are lonely like me and came out of bad relationships.. or are depressed. I hope I am not vulnerable to falling for a guy, because I know I will most likely not find a relationship here. I hope this doesn't come off as weird...

Comments

  • jchristianjchristian

    Not a weird question at all.

  • pmvinespmvines

    I would say if you are self aware and know this isn't what you are looking for then try to keep a healthy detachment if you are able. It is easy to grow attraction among friends, happens all the time, has happened to me. What matters is what you do with it. I will say if someone is emotionally needy and vulnerable it is easy to have transference and co dependency if you aren't careful. So yes In a long winded way, It is possible to develop feelings and attraction, especially when having needs fulfilled by someone that there is a deficit of, such as touch and affection.

  • [Deleted User]lilredmage (deleted user)

    Yes. It is normal and it definitely does happen. Platonic physical contact and affection can bring about all kinds of emotions. The key is to acknowledge and accept the emotions you have and remind yourself that this is a natural reaction from cuddling someone. If your partner is open to it, it may also be helpful in discussing these feelings with them. There are different ways of dealing with these emotions and it is discussed in several topics in this forum.

  • [Deleted User]galowglass (deleted user)

    Set yourself a guideline; like, "no repeats within 3 weeks". And stick with it. Consider it part of your safety protocol. (Just a thought.)

  • respectfulrespectful
    edited May 2018

    @cuddleleann "Is it normal for people to get attached or accidentally form a crush? I am worried that will happen with me."

    Before I started platonic cuddling that was one of my concerns too, but it turned out to be OK. If you and the person you are cuddling are both on the same page -- that it is just platonic -- then I think it's likely to stay being that way.

    But it's not the end of the world if romantic feelings do come up! This post has some more thoughts.

    (Another thought: I think some level of attachment to people you cuddle is normal; I miss some of them when I don't see them for a while, which seems not unhealthy to me).

  • amsmithamsmith

    I just got out of a relationship, so I am worried about that potential as well. Before I go into every cuddling session I always check my feelings, assess them, see what they are towards the person, then make sure I know why I am not attached to the person. So far it seems to be helping me. A “cuddle buddy” specifically is a completely different category from friends and relationships in my book, so I have a specific set of rules for it as well.

  • White_KnightWhite_Knight

    I would say as long you're mindful, self-aware, follow the "cuddle contract" or agreement, then you should be fine. Also try thinking of it as simply "scratching an itch" rather than "being with someone". As cold as that sounds but putting emotional distance should help avoid formation of anything other than platonic.

    Also Ive never been with a "cuddler" much less even knew this type of community was out there until about two weeks ago. So probably best to just ignore my two cents. Haha :p

  • JasonCuddlesJasonCuddles

    As other people have said you may not be able to control what you feel but you are in control of what you do about it. If you end up liking someone then you do, nothing has to come of it if you don't want it to though.

    Also just want to mention if you're very concerned about it you could cuddle females as well.

  • MrKinderMrKinder

    The moment you think there might be a problem, either take some time away from cuddling or meet with someone different. There's no need to go down that road. You either have self awareness and self-control or you don't.

  • happybearhappybear

    i'm in agreement with @galowglass and love the saying "no repeats for 3 weeks", it allows for any feelings to wane.

  • quietman775quietman775
    edited May 2018

    @cuddleleann , I picked up on this tidbit from your profile: "Well, I am tired of it so I decided to find a cute guy here for free to cuddle. Single men only please."

    If you are concerned about developing unwanted or inappropriate feelings for your cuddle buddy, it's probably unwise to focus on finding someone who is both "cute" and romantically available. Looking for a cuddle buddy who resembles someone you would would want to date makes you more likely to start thinking of him in romantic terms.

    I'd also recommend you re-frame your thinking about your emotions. Don't view yourself as a helpless passenger on the train ride of your emotions; be the engineer/conductor. Instead of wondering what happens if you "accidentally form a crush" (you're a passenger), decide for yourself where you will and will not allow your emotions to go (you're driving the train).

    I see a lot of pro cuddlers. I view not falling for them as one of the basic unspoken promises I make them. Just like I want them to trust that I will never push their boundaries, I want them to have the security of knowing I will never fall in love with them, never think we are dating, never start pining for a "Relationship." It's a provider/client relationship, and whatever warm fuzzy feelings I get in a session are part of the experience I purchased --- and they end when the session does. My regulars know this about me, and it frees them to cuddle me without reservation. :-)

    It's different with enthusiast (non-pro) cuddle buddies, which is one of the reasons I gravitate toward pros. There aren't a lot of male pros out there, or I might recommend you do the same. I have had a couple of enthusiast cuddle buddies develop apparent feelings for me, a complicating factor that put an end to what might have been some good long-term cuddling. If you will be as careful to set emotional boundaries as most people are to set physical ones --- and find a cuddle buddy who can do the same --- you should be okay even with a fellow enthusiast. Happy cuddling!

  • ubergigglefritzubergigglefritz

    @quietman775 Perfect answer. Even as a pro, I feel I'm making the same promise to my clients. There aren't other pros near me I could recommend, so it is even more essential that I maintain that boundary for as long as they are in need of my services. It can be a difficult line to walk sometimes, but achievable at the same time :-)

  • ivytherapistivytherapist

    Too often, I get “I want to date you.” I had a few clients, I’ve had to stop seeing. It seems to happen with every client I’ve seen more than once or sometimes after the first session, they say this. It gets very uncomfortable after I tell them I’m not interested. Any tips?

  • UKGuyUKGuy
    edited May 2018

    @Ivytherapist - just say "I don't date clients" or "I already have a boyfriend", or maybe "I only date women".

  • quietman775quietman775

    @ivytherapist Your 'About' section is blank. I'd suggest filling out your profile so that your approach to the cuddle session is clear to all who read. Having a blank profile lets people imagine whatever they want about who you are and why you are here.

    Two things may be going on: First, despite the word "platonic" being plastered all over this site, some people clearly come here in hopes of finding that someone special. They are often up front about this in their profiles. Putting something into your initial communications with clients that confirms you maintain the same professional standards/professional distance as a pro in any other line of work might help.

    Also, call me cynical, but I bet some people try the "I want to date you" line in hopes of getting free cuddles. They are getting no traction with enthusiasts, and don't really want to pay a pro. So they engage a pro a time or two, have an enjoyable time, and ask about dating in hopes it results in free cuddles. LOL

    Whatever the reason(s) are for this happening, you can probably never eliminate it entirely. @UKGuy is right. Just tell them your policy is not to date clients. Then build a stable of repeat clients who "get it." Problem solved. :-)

  • ubergigglefritzubergigglefritz

    @quietman775 I agree. Nothing in profile, no price, no karma... Definitely leaves everything up to the imagination and gives an off vibe. @ivytherapist I would address the profile and price issue, so you can hopefully find a quality client and get good karma. :-)

  • ivytherapistivytherapist
    edited May 2018

    @UKGuy I do say both that I already have a boyfriend and that I wouldn’t date clients anyway.

    @quietman you’re probably right. However, my first exchange always includes, pricing, limits and expectations. They include the words “platonic” and “no dating” among other things. And you’re absolutely right in your assumption that they are looking for free cuddles.

  • ubergigglefritzubergigglefritz

    @ivytherapist Why not put that information in your profile? It will save both you and the inquierers a lot of time. If you wish to keep all of that off your profile, it feels sketchy to me. What is the reason?

  • MrKinderMrKinder

    Everyone wants to be the exception - they hope you stick to your rules, but not for them. If you have to set someone straight more than once, I'd simply let them know you won't be able to see them any longer.

    On a side note, I'm afraid about half the population has no idea what the word 'platonic' actually means.

  • Mike403Mike403

    I'm afraid that most people don't understand what platonic cuddling is. I don't tell anyone outside of this site that I see a pro cuddler because there is no telling what will be going through their head.

  • emgeeemgee

    crushing bad on a cuddle buddy 🥺

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