Childhood versus Adulthood

SolarisSolaris
edited July 2024 in General

I'm curious to know if your satisfaction with the physical touch you received as a child has changed significantly as an adult?

For me, it hasn't. Growing up, touch was abusive. I have a couple of memories of cuddling with my grandmothers. But that was it and I was deeply unsatisfied, though i didn't really know it until adulthood.

As an adult, I've struggled to change those patterns despite trying so many things to 'fix' it.

I'm especially curious to see how many people have gone from a bad experience growing up to a good one now. But I'd like to hear from everyone.

My poll question was too long, so I had to abbreviation. Basically I'm asking was it good/ bad then and is it good/bad now?

  1. Has your satisfaction with physical touch you received as a child changed much as an adult?8 votes
    1. Yes
      62.50%
    2. No
      37.50%

Comments

  • KittyPukkaKittyPukka

    I've read your post twice and am not sure what you mean exactly.

  • [Deleted User]allie_h95 (deleted user)

    For me I’d have to say it depends on the person and my comfort level with them. When I was a child it was bad; lots of varied abuse and I still have lots of PTSD attached to physical touch. I have to feel really safe with a person for it to not still be bad.
    Very few occasions have I been able to feel that level of security and comfort with another person but when I have the physical touch aspect has been relaxing and created quite a bit of relief.
    I’ve recently started EMDR to help reduce the somatic remnants of the trauma and it has helped but I still have fear and pain with touch if I’m not completely comfortable with another person.

  • SolarisSolaris

    Thank you @allie_h95
    I'm sorry you had to go through that, and that is still difficult. I know how that feels.

  • SolarisSolaris

    @KittyPukka
    Ok.... it's basically:

    1. Would you say that you are happy with the kinds and amounts of physical touch you got as a kid?

    2. Would you say that you are happy with the kinds and amounts of physical touch you have received as an adult?

    3. Now this is what I'm most interested in: are your answers largely different or the same?

    In other words, I'm trying to see if other people keep having the same experiences in adulthood that they had in childhood.

    If you got all the cuddles and love you needed as a kid, is it easier to get that as an adult? If you didn't get it as a kid, is it harder to find it as an adult? Or do your childhood experiences have nothing to do with your adult ones?

  • [Deleted User]allie_h95 (deleted user)

    @billiam

    No worries, I hope I answered your question effectively.

  • SolarisSolaris

    You did! Thanks!

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972
    edited July 2024

    As a child, we don’t know what we don’t know. No matter how screwed up your family situation is growing up, it is YOUR “normal”. In hindsight, I had very little nurturing touch from my earliest memories. Then I essentially raised myself from about age 12 on, in spite of having 2 parents (they were just never around). That was my “normal”.

    I learned to be independent, resourceful and resilient by necessity. If I had lived in a city I would have had more social contacts but I grew up on farm and spent a lot of time alone. I enjoyed reading and probably read 10 times more than the average kid my age at school. Many years later, that experience and its ripple effects continue to fuel major portions of my life.

    Today I understand myself better than ever before… the positive and negative experiences in my formative years, my trials, victories and defeats that shaped me into who I am today.

    I believe life can only be understood looking backward but it must be lived looking forward. In hindsight, I realize what I missed for too many years in terms of touch and connection and I am thankful to now be in a better space with those needs being addressed on a semi-regular basis.

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