@Jubal I think that's where there's an important distinction to make - it's less about whether or not men (or people in general) show emotions publicly, and more about whether they feel free to do so if they need/want to. If the stigma were to go away, some would continue keeping their emotions private because that is just how they are, some would express more to people they trust, and others would express more freely in general. The problem is that the stigma prevents people from doing what is authentic to them and instead tries to force everyone into a particular mode.
@RedFox16 thanks for the supportive words.
@cuddlefaery that sounds right to me. Good point.
My best friend is a trauma specialist and she says the current theories are that it's not usually the trauma that gives us ptsd (or other symptoms), it's not being allowed to react to it in the way that feels natural to us, and not being supported by those around us.
Our bodies, if left to themselves, would resolve the trauma, just like every animal in the wild does. But us humans, and sometimes our pets and other animals we constrain in some way, often do not resolve the trauma.
If you watch a gazelle having just escaped death by predation, they run off and begin shaking out the fight or flight energy. And once it's shaken out, they are fine. They do not have lingering symptoms. They have experimented with animals, and if you keep interrupting their coping mechanism (shaking or whatever it is), they will develop ptsd like symptoms.
It's the same for us. When society does not allow us to "shake it off", whatever that means to each of us, we get sick. And then we hurt others and ourselves. Talking about feelings, and especially crying, are ways to resolve traumatic experiences, especially if done in the moment. So many of us, women included, are pressured to forego this part of the trauma/healing cycle.
I've learned to cry openly as a man but it took decades before I could even feel the sadness. Now I see it as courageous and hard fought to own and express my emotions similar to what @PeopleLikeUs said. Men may still feel uncomfortable seeing and/or expressing sadness and crying themselves, but I know it can be so toxic and painful to keep that inside. I see myself as a model for men now, and those men and women who try to pull me down for crying are just red flags for me to avoid. We all deserve to express and feel our emotions, they are always valid, though we want to act on them in healthy ways as much as possible. I think a lot of harm is done because people keep emotions inside until they burst. Also, thank you for the context of how some men use crying maliciously @Runawaycuddles . Those situations are not okay and they muddy the waters around crying and other emotions being used to manipulate rather than convey feelings. That hurts all of us. And I agree wholeheartedly @cuddlefaery . The problem is the culture stigmatizing crying so any contrary choice is punished. If people are free to choose to cry, they should also be free to choose not to. And @billiam I am thankful for how much you have contributed to this thread, both personally and educationally. You are spot on in my opinion. Thank you for starting this thread @Jubal . This means a lot to me and I'm glad we can discuss and explore it here
@KindTony Thank you for your wonderful comments! And for the encouragement. It's so much nicer than the resistance I often feel.
@KindTony I'd honestly intended the thread to be tongue-in-cheek humor. But it changed, as social media threads are so often wont to do.
Sometimes it feels awkward when dudes try to express emotion.