Just needed to talk

TeddyCuddle45TeddyCuddle45
in General

Hello to all. I'm Teddy
So I guess I just need to get some stuff off my chest i don't care if anyone reads it or not I just need to talk.
So as some are aware I've had some deaths in recent years, my mom in 21, pretty much she gave up on life and let herself die that's the reality, my sister in 22, she got sick years before, when she went back we finally got an answer that it was a genetic thing an this was the end of the line, so I was there to take her off life support, 23 best friend at work dropped dead from a clot.
So now I'm dealing with my brother who's kidney cancer returned, it's stage 4 and I know he has started radiation. There us a whole big story with my brother and his lack of treatment with the hospital.
Anyway after going back an fourth an fighting with the hospital we finally got a meeting to find out what exactly is going today an discuss treatment.
I'm realistic I accepted long ago I'd get a call they found him dead on the streets, or the cancer came back. An as someone in his shape and doesn't take care of himself, I know we are talking about a time line. And the odds are stacked against him, even if he had been taking care of himself we he had cancer the first time.
I don't know what I'm getting at, me I never really grieved my losses cause I don't know how, I've busted my ass 4 years straight accepted the deaths and moved on.
Fighting with the hospital to get treatment I need, and fighting over the way my brother was treated. And than throw my accident ontop of it. And yes there have been many attempts at ending things, but I'm still here.
I guess just love the people you have, treat people right, always take a positive from a negative, and try to make someone smile everyday. Life's too short and the world has enough assholes in it.
So for anyone struggling just know you aren't alone and there is always help, it can't rain forever.
And I'm also very glad my therapist recommended this cuddle therapy cause I got to meet so many awesome people :D.
Hmm yeah everybody love everybody. Or something cheesy like that.
Thank you

Comments

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    Little bit of inspiration there for all of us. Thank you @TeddyCuddle45.

  • TeddyCuddle45TeddyCuddle45

    Well a life full of loss and pain teaches you alone, but it could always be worse, I have a roof over my, clothes on my back, food in my belly. I have what I need, even though it gets harder every year to say that, YAY CANADA (-.-). But still you have to push through it all. And not blame other people for your position in life.

  • TrialKingTrialKing

    Thank you for the read 😊 wish you the best In everything

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    Everyone is really only given the ground they stand on, thus the reason for staying grounded. Wishing you the very best @TeddyCuddle45.

  • Jack62Jack62

    hey Teddy I do believe your overdue for some really good stuff.....your in my prayers now !

  • CuddlingforlifeCuddlingforlife

    I just want to reach out and hug you. I do hope things get better for you! 🙂

  • AimeeJAimeeJ

    Why do you have to be so far away? I have short arms! 🦖 😛
    It's all survivable in the midst of advocating. But the moment you stop running in circles trying to save the world, you feel it's weight on your shoulders.
    Long distance hugs ❤️

  • TeddyCuddle45TeddyCuddle45
    edited July 2024

    Thank you for your kind words people, I truly do appreciate it, even 8f nothing hood comes today, at least I'll have more information, and hopefully my words were able to give hope or help others. We are all human beings and we all deserve love, compassion, and understanding.
    2 more hours of driving,
    I'll take all the hugs I can get :D, my brother has mental issues so he doesn't seem to fully comprehend the seriousness of all this.

  • SolarisSolaris

    I'm really sorry man... that's just awful. My mom is in the process of dying now and it's so hard. I can't imagine what you've gone though in such a short period of time. You must be really strong to still be able to see the positive and reach out during all of this. It hasn't gone unnoticed. Thank you for sharing.

  • TeddyCuddle45TeddyCuddle45

    Sorry to hear that :(
    Well don't get me wrong I have my low points, thank God I have a great cuddler to cheer me when needed lol.
    I'm happy if I can make other people happy, and help someone else. I wouldn't say I'm strong. Just good at bottling things up to hopefully deal with later lol.
    Just gotta smile through the pain sometimes lol

  • TeddyCuddle45TeddyCuddle45

    Spend all the time you can with her, when my mom died all I had was a stupid video call cause of covid

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @TeddyCuddle45
    You have been through many intense losses in a short time, and I'm so glad that you are seeing a counselor.

    Trigger Warning (suicidal ideation)

    I relate...I went through a two-year period where I lost my grandpa, then my grandma, my cousin fatally overdosed, another cousin attempted suicide, my aunt was diagnosed with cancer, and I became chronically triggered over a very traumatic death from my childhood. I felt surrounded by death, and spiraled into a deep, suicidal depression.

    Getting counseling is vital during such a time. Friends or even family are simply not equipped to help us work through things that big or complex.

    I would encourage anyone who is seeking counseling to keep trying, even if the first counselor you try isn't a good fit. I've seen wonderful mental health professionals, and horrible ones...don't stop reaching out, keep trying new ones until you connect with someone who listens, respects you, pushes you, and helps you understand what you're going through.

    Turning to face your demons, instead of running from them (through distraction, denial, etc.) can be terrifying, but I wouldn't trade the benefits for anything.

    Pain can become less intense, with time. If you give life a chance, you will find reasons to want to live.

    🌊🌱🐴🚙🦘👫🏻🐶🫂❤️‍🩹🌿👩‍👧🎬👷🏻‍♀️🕺🏻
    🏞🐕🥋🫑🐻❄️📷🏨📦🇨🇦🚁🌺🤿🤗

    I never wanted to live past 30. I'm 37 now, and the past six years have been the best of my adult life. Had I gone with my plan, I never would have gotten to swim in the ocean, achieve my impossible goal of becoming vegan, fulfill a childhood dream of watching the wild ponies swim to Chincoteague Island, traveled the country on my own for two glorious years, cradled a baby kangaroo, met two incredible boyfriends, saved Snoopy the dog's life, found a second and third family, stood beside a live Okapi, become closer to my brother and received deep and healing validation, explored the Smoky Mountains, visited the memorials for the Twin Towers and Columbine, experienced the love and acceptance of a mother figure, found filming locations from favorite movies, watched thousands of lanterns fill the desert sky at Rise Festival, learned a new industry, seen one of my favorite dance crews perform, lived in the mountains, felt the joy of having a dog again, watched my precious niece grow up, learned so much more about cooking, seen wild grizzly bears, fallen in love with snowshoeing and snowmobiling, become passionate about wildlife photography, helped my mom through her stroke recovery and downsizing, gotten a passport and visited Canada, taken my first helicopter ride, flown over the ocean to Hawaii, swam in the harbor with wild manta rays with 15-foot wingspans, or found this beautiful cuddle community.

    🌊🌱🐴🚙🦘👫🏻🐶🫂❤️‍🩹🌿👩‍👧🎬👷🏻‍♀️🕺🏻
    🏞🐕🥋🫑🐻❄️📷🏨📦🇨🇦🚁🌺🤿🤗

    The above is proof that things can get better...so much better. For anyone wondering if they should bother to keep holding on through the pain...yes. I can finally say yes.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover

    Happy summer vibes! 🐬 🎹

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne
    edited July 2024

    @TeddyCuddle45
    You have gone through the worst losses. I’m so sorry to read about this. I don’t know how you have gotten your strength, but you must have learned some very good coping skills.
    Please remember to take good care of yourself because you must be strong for those who need you. And I hope you have good people around you to help you when you need it.
    And as those above have reminded us, Things can change in a flash.
    Sending lots of 🤗🤗🤗 your way, Just take it one day at a time is all I know to do.

  • TeddyCuddle45TeddyCuddle45

    Thank you thank you, honestly I don't know I'm still alive cause believe me Ive tried many time not to be.
    A long hard life kinda makes you this way I guess idk lol. Plus my constant desire to always better myself. I'm not perfect I have bad days an weak points. But I have good people in my life to help remember to stay centered an focused.
    We all need that, especially these days, seems like people lost sight of looking out for each other.
    Like I always say " I'm just going with the flow, like a turd in a toilet" :D

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @TeddyCuddle45 You will be ok. You are doing all the right things for yourself. I guess if you didn’t experience death much as a child it takes getting used to.

    I grew up on military bases during wartime. Two of my best friends lost their dads during my third grade year. As a child I went to several funerals with open caskets, closed caskets or no casket at all—depends how they went.

    I say this because when I lost my parents and two close relatives unexpectedly in close succession it stung but I was the one propping up everyone else. I think experiencing death so much when you are young numbs you to it and also serves as a reminder that it is just a part of the life experience.

    So no, I can’t say I understand how you feel as a reaction to death but from the outside looking in you are obviously self-aware which is pretty much half the battle. Every life is worthwhile in some way and to harm your own is to discard and destroy a worthwhile life. I don’t think you are wired that way or you wouldn’t be here. But I am not a professional nor is anyone else on this board so the fact that you made the decision shows intelligence and a desire to live and that is all you need. Keep doing what you are doing…and yes a good cuddle is like jumper cables for the soul in hard times—it gets you going when every instinct tells you otherwise. Stay the course and welcome to the community!

  • CuddleHugs01234CuddleHugs01234
    edited July 2024

    Big hugs! You are definitely in the right place. :)

  • TeddyCuddle45TeddyCuddle45

    Well finished with the meeting, an it's as I suspected from what I read, cancer will never go away, they will just manage it, didn't get a time-line so hey it is what it is.

    I appreciate all the insight, an support. I didn't really want to make the discussion just cause i don't want pity but sometime you just need to say things an get it off the chest you know ? I'm not very good with this typing stuff out. I'm drained an need a recharge after today. Lol

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @TeddyCuddle45
    I'm so sorry to hear that prognosis for your brother. 🫂 Thoughts going out to you and your family.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover

    Happy summer vibes! 🐬 🎹

  • TeddyCuddle45TeddyCuddle45

    Thank you, I was pretty much prepared for it, but I still had hope for something different but eh, that's cancer for you.
    Just gonna worry about getting him the best treatment an hopefully a place to live

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