I have many questions about social interactions and wish to learn to be better.

Aaron_StanleyAaron_Stanley
in General

So I personally have always been terrible at really anything social or relating to people. So I tend to be really blunt and direct. A lot of times I'll say whatever is going on in my mind when responding to people. As I'm sure you can guess this has caused a lot of conflict. As well as having hurt people trying to explain things going on in me. I don't really get any of societies norms. Although I have grown a lot in it over the years. My whole life, and still fairly present, I have always felt like a foreigner and outsider due to my ignorance in this area. I've always felt and been singled out because of my awkwardness. So I'm wanting to grow and be able to respect and love people more and more. So any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Comments

  • [Deleted User]galowglass (deleted user)

    I say this with all gentleness. There is no judgement because I often live in the space you describe.

    Stop responding.

    When you get that dialog going in your head, catch yourself and say to yourself, this is a dialog, not something for me to fix. Expect every conversation is about the other person wanting to share. Not a situation, but what is in their heart.

    They have spent loads of time, heart, energy thinking about the subject that they are sharing. You aren't expected and in many cases it isn't wanted, for you to respond. Your first response is to listen without expressing any opinion. Listen.

    If you are a believer, ask Christ what he wants you to do with it. If you aren't, you yourself for that guidance.

    Ask yourself, how does this person feel? How do you feel about what they are going through? How would you want someone to respond if you were in their shoes.

    After you have done all that, think once again before you DECIDE how you want to respond.
    Your job is the connection, not providing the solution.

    Peace, Daniel
    (A once, very awkward individual, out to fix-the-world.)

    PS. It's a tool-set that you build over time.

  • UKGuyUKGuy
    edited May 2018

    It sounds to me like you are a candidate for working with a therapist. Your profile says you are a 'student', so look into what mental health options they have available. I would recommend you work with a professional who specializes in your type of situation rather than rely on advice from a forum such as this. There may be underlying reasons why you are the way you are, and a professional can help you identify and resolve those issues.

  • happybearhappybear

    @Aaron_Stanley
    being mindful in this world is important. everyone looks for validation, look for tools that help, this community is great. there is a ism ( WAIT-Why Am I Talking ). Practice patience, it will help you throughout life, your young and looking to grow and learn, advocating in your health is soo important, you are doing it, you should be proud of yourself, there is awareness, let it grow, it doesn't happen quickly, be patient

  • Aaron_StanleyAaron_Stanley

    @happybear, thank you for your words. It eases my heart a little. Still, I wish I could just change. That I could just be better.

  • happybearhappybear

    Keep working it my man, change takes time. You are on the road, keep going, take all the avenues of support you could , you'll get there.

  • mrrick1953mrrick1953

    Hi Aaron... I personally think most of the advise you are getting will not work. The UK guy is close though. Your symptoms are classic for being on the Autism Spectrum. Keep in mind most psycologist are not informed well about autism unless they are specializing. I got diagnoesd about a year ago and I'm 65 years old. My diagnosis is high functioning autism commonly referred to as Asperger syndrome. I've had a tough life, but my diagnosis gave me hope and an opportunity for a new and better life. I feel 80% better now. Also I discovered I was extremely gifted in many ways. (another common symptom) I am learning why my brain does what it does and how to deal with it. Why don' t you invest some time on Utube, and watch people telling their stories about autism, the Ted Talks are the best. You will know pretty quick if this is your issue because the symptoms are classic, My heart goes out to you, I remember talking the same way you are... There are two things that I think will give you fast relief, take low dose hemp oil (reduces anxiety) and eat a plant based diet (everyone should do this). Also stay away from Pharmaceutical anti-represents, they will destroy you. Feel free to reach out to me if you want to talk directly... Rick

  • mrrick1953mrrick1953

    By the way, one of my gifts is hyper focus and the ability to do research. It did not take long for me to figure out there a lot of autistic people, men and women on this website, I'm not surprised.

  • [Deleted User]galowglass (deleted user)

    Aaron, Can you share a recent connection that brought you a smile? What did you like about the interaction? Daniel

  • mickcuddlemickcuddle

    @galowglass your advice to “stop responding,” is an excellent piece of advice for most relationships. So often when a friend, a partner, whoever we care about tells us about a situation with which they are confronted. Trust that person to use clear language to ask for a suggested solution if that’s what they want. Otherwise just listen with a sympathetic ear. After hearing about the rough time my friend was getting rom her boss, my best response was, “Wow. Would ice cream give you a break from what you’re feeling? I’ll buy!”

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited June 2018

    Sometimes the best gift you can give a person is your silence

  • [Deleted User]galowglass (deleted user)

    ... crickets ... grin

  • PippyPippy

    @Aaron_Stanley Kudos for recognizing this and asking for help. That's brave, smart and the first step in overcoming this.
    I understand what you mean. I feel so out of place in social functions, always have and I suspect, I always will.

  • [Deleted User]DonnaFaye (deleted user)

    @Aaron_Stanley I agree with UKguy. Please consider therapy and getting an evaluation. I did so myself and was diagnosed with ADHD, which hinders my thinking before acting or speaking. I often say blunt things and agonize for days over saying stupid things.
    I hope you get help with everything, and i hope you find a cuddler who is encouraging to you. You may very well find a very nice person who will help you appreciate the positive qualities in you. =)

  • CuddleStellaCuddleStella

    A lot of people don’t appreciate direct honesty like that. So it’s going to be trippy trying to fit in around people who say they want honest answers but they themselves are not prepared for it. I know somebody who every time they ar honest it comes off as harsh So I have to take an extra step back before I respond back with my emotions and instead appreciate what they’re saying to me because it takes a lot of courage for most people to say what they said and they just happen to be already ready with blunt and direct answers. Kudos to you for that! You can try to see if maybe a professional will better help you communicate with others in a way that fits in but I see you. I see the value in direct and blunt answers

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