Hi everyone,
I'm looking for some advice on how to navigate a situation I've found myself in.
Over the past couple of months, I've had four two-hour sessions with a professional cuddler. Let's call her Amber. Since the beginning, conversation has been effortless and we have connected on a deep level. While I completely realize this is part of her job, there are so many compatibilities between us that are extremely rare. Ways we perceive and handle life, goals and aspirations, likes and dislikes, past experiences -- all in complete alignment. Our interactions almost feel magical.
If I had connected with Amber in any other context, I would have been head over heels for her long ago. Since this is a platonic professional cuddling relationship, I have suppressed my feelings and kept things platonic and professional. However, the reality is I am falling in love with her. We chit-chat a bit between sessions but I respect her time and keep it pretty minimal, although I would love to have her in my life every single day. I care for Amber deeply and want to support her, to express true love, and to intertwine our lives. She has every positive personality trait that I seek and cherish in a partner. I would want to change literally nothing about her, including her job. While I am not completely sure if it is a "professional platonic" facade, Amber does also communicate with me in a manner that seems to indicate that she has similar feelings towards me. Neither one of us has discussed any of this outright yet.
To provide some more context, Amber is not the first professional cuddler I have had sessions with. This is the first time I have felt this way though. I have thought this over a lot in the past couple of weeks and made sure my feelings aren't simply transference or attachment from the release of oxytocin. I've been reading threads on here and articles about this on other sites to ensure my perspective isn't clouded. I am extremely apprehensive toward romantic love due to past negative experiences and generally strongly resist it. This time is entirely different.
If I continue to suppress my feelings and say nothing, I feel like I will spend the rest of my life in regret, wondering "what if?" -- but if I do discuss this with her, it could mean either a blossoming romantic relationship or a complete end to what we currently have. I don't want to lose what we have, even if it means we can't be involved romantically. My head is spinning and I don't know how to proceed here. I want to be respectful of this professional platonic arrangement yet I cannot control how I feel.
Does anybody have words of advice? I would especially appreciate perspectives from other professional cuddlers who can imagine themselves in a situation like this.
Many thanks,
Scot
edit: To clarify, I do plan to tell Amber how I'm feeling eventually. Ultimately what I'm getting at is, how do I even approach the conversation? I want to be respectful and minimize potential discomfort for both of us.