Opinions on Abortion from an abuser you left?

SuperCuddly7SuperCuddly7
in General

A guy I was with 45yrs old, I'm 28 recently was cheating and drinking really bad. He closed fist hit me, spit on me, and pushed me down. He was chased and tazed by the police and arrested. I then found out I was pregnant. He says to get an abortion If I don't wanna be together.

  1. Any opinions?15 votes
    1. Abortion
      46.67%
    2. Keep
      53.33%

Comments

  • RadiantHugsRadiantHugs Mod
    edited September 2024

    I’m not going to vote, but I’m going to say this - it’s not his body, and definitely not his choice. Assuming it’s his child, he made his choice when he fathered the child, now It’s all your decision, with or without him (editorial comment by yours truly - with him I don’t recommend, he has already shown you who he is, so please believe him). However, he doesn’t seem like someone who would be responsible enough to pay child support, so unless he has assets or a steady job with wages that can be garnished, you are probably on your own when it comes to the financial burden of raising that child. That might be a factor for you to consider.

  • MarkBPhxMarkBPhx
    edited September 2024

    Of course he wants you to abort the baby. Don't give him what he wants. Don't subject yourself to a procedure that has lasting negative psychological and physiological effects, in addition to killing your baby. Live and give life!

  • cloudsscloudss

    Do you want to be a single parent whose child has a deadbeat father? The choice is yours. Know your worth. Smh.

  • CuddleHugs01234CuddleHugs01234

    Well, bottom line, don’t be with him in any case and subject yourself to abuse. Check out domestic violence help at www.thehotline.org. They can help you make a plan about getting away from abuse.

    No one but you can make a decision about keeping a baby. I personally don’t think I’d ever want to have an abortion. Letting it be adopted is a better option (to me), if you don’t want to raise it.

    Stay safe!!! Big hug!!!

  • SnuggleJohnSnuggleJohn

    I don't think that there is a right or wrong answer to your question. You need to choose the life you are committing to. But know that in the case that he decides one day that he wants to be in that child's life, the courts would side with his doing so, which means that he will still be a part of your life too.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    Taking this at face value...

    An abuser's opinion should not factor into your decision.

    Frankly, our opinions shouldn't matter, either...your friends, family, and those who love you have the advice that matters, besides your own beliefs.

    An abuser should be an ex.

    Do you know that the baby is his?

    If he's been arrested for domestic violence, your chances of sole custody should be quite high.

    My personal belief is that life begins at conception, so I would hope you would choose to give birth.

    Whether you keep the baby would be a separate choice.

    Your profile says you already have a child. How is your support system?

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🫂 Enthusiast 🌄 Travel Junkie 📸 Shutter Bug

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    This is definitely too heavy a topic to be asking people you don’t know. If I were in your shoes, I would talk with my closest family and friends to get support. First step is to definitely get away from the abusive person. It’s your body, so you do what’s best for you and your mental health.

  • MajesticMangoMajesticMango
    edited September 2024

    I agree with @Sheena123 that this topic shouldn’t be discussed with a lot of people who are strangers to you.
    You’re in a very serious and vulnerable situation that needs to be addressed in your physical world and not a virtual one.

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    Do what ever is best for you. I'm sure it's difficult to decide but this is truly for you. None of us can really know how the relationship is with such little information. For me adding more wouldn't help me decide. But whatever you decide i hope you healthy happy and safe.

  • JubalJubal
    edited September 2024

    Not going to give a poll answer, but will say that in the situation you describe, the abusive man is entitled to just about 0% of telling you what decision to make on this.

    One option to consider is not reporting a fathers name on a birth certificate, but that can cut both ways for a child. Adoption is also an amazing option.

    And I should have started by saying that I'm sorry you're experiencing such abuse in the first place.

  • SuperCuddly7SuperCuddly7
    edited September 2024

    I agree with all of you. I just wanted to hear thoughts. I've never been in the situation. I have a 12 year old and I'm 28. I was against abortion to my own. But I'm prochoice for anyone depending on the situation. He threatens me if I keep it. He says hss gonna make me wish i never had it.. yadada. Im sure you guys can use ur imagination. He's just not a good human being. But I don't agree with having this conversation only with people who know me. They haven't been in my shoes, and if they did, their answer would be the same as your guys. No answer Is wrong, I just wanted stories/opinions/options..... normal to ask right? I'm 6 weeks and I'm scared, it'd be his first child at 45yrs old. He said he doesn't wanna be a weekend dad, he'd rather not have it. I know, fuck him right? I can obviously raise another alone.... but I just want the special experience. I tried plan b when we weren't safe that day to prevent this, but of coarse, it didn't work. I'm already having subchronic hemmoraging and I went threw BAD post partum depression. Just scared. Thanks for everyone opinion. It'll help me with the decision I already feel or it will change it. Who knows. But I appreciate you all. Sorry if you thought this post wasn't for here, my support is thin. Someone asked that. I live in a state with no friends or family, no license. Financially I'm not ready.. idk also thank you to the ones feeling sympathy towards my abuse, I'm pretty sure I'm handing that well, mentally. I understand he's not worth letting my head be messed up by him.

  • rutsruts

    Hi - I'm so sorry that you are going through this -- it sounds very awful and I would never want to be in such a position.

    Have you considered speaking with a family lawyer on what legal rights to visitation / co-parenting that the father would be entitled to, if you proceed with having the baby and he decides that he wants to be involved in a childcare role? This may change depending on where you live. It may also be reasonable to speak with someone from child services (again depending on where you live). Although you are hopefully no longer in a relationship with this person, if you are forced to co-parent, then you may have to deal with them face to face for a long time.

    Also have you considered speaking with a professional therapist? Your family doctor may be able to connect you with a social worker experienced with domestic abuse / partner violence.

  • RadiantHugsRadiantHugs Mod
    edited September 2024

    .

  • [Deleted User]Blueidguy (deleted user)

    I'm adopted and I believe adoption is the forgotten choice.
    I encourage anyone who asks me to have the baby and give it to a loving family if it's in your and the childs best interest.
    One of the leading causes of female suicide is a previous abortion. The mental consequences are rarely talked about and they're very serious.
    I love my biological parents for having me and giving me to a loving family. I thank God everyday they decided to give me life.

  • jbilljbill

    Have the child make him pay for child support

  • SuperCuddly7SuperCuddly7

    Adoption was suppose to be the 3rd option on the poll. But I like how u think @jbill. Lol i just want nothing to do with the man.

  • Spud424Spud424

    Keeping this child will be a reminder to you every single day for the rest of your life of this man. The other two options are much better.

  • JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart

    OP was banned for reasons unrelated to this post.

  • starrynitecudsstarrynitecuds

    Thank you for the quick response, @JoyfulHeart . This post was marketing herself, considering her offsite content.

  • JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart

    This thread has drawn a very large number of flags, so out of respect for the community, I'm locking it. -Moderator

This discussion has been locked.