Sorry to keep bemoaning my situation to y'all. Its just talking about it and getting stuff off my chest helps me to process things. If you want to offer advice or whatever, that's fine. If you don't feel like reading this, that's fine too. I personally don't care which. As I said, I'm not looking for sympathy or attention or whatever. I'm just talking so my psyche can process it.
As many of you know, I was sexually assaulted in the 7th grade (unlawful strip search without probable cause). I recently tried to give therapy one last try. I went to one of my therapists whom Id seen previously for other stuff, so we already had a decent rapport. Here's how it went:
His tone and approach overall was very insensitive, emasculating, and disapproving, “It’s usually women that it happens to. It’s usually women that are apprehensive about sex.” As if the fact that it happened to me, a guy, as if I’m some sort of anomaly or special case scenario simply because I’m a MALE victim of sexual assault. As if “sex assault doesn’t happen to guys. That’s a woman thing.” I didn’t realize my gender was a determinate factor in whether I’m allowed to feel traumatized or not. I’m sorry I got sexually assaulted. I’ll try to avoid it in future, sorry to be such a burden to ya. sarcasm
He asked me if I had any relationship difficulty. I told him I had never had a girlfriend. I told him it certainly wasn’t for lack of trying, simply “that no one wants to be with a fat guy, right?” I even kinda laughed it off when I told him that. But yes, I am working on my weight. 17 pounds so far, about 75 more to go. Sure I’ve been rejected by women plenty. Has it made me bitter? No, of course not. Has it made me lonely or depressed? Hell no! You can be alone, but that doesn’t mean you have to be lonely. After my explanation he then compared my dating “maturity” to that of a mere teenager, and did so in nearly verbatim terms. Apparently since I’ve never had a girlfriend in highschool (due to my afore-mentioned obesity), and in college I put that on hold anyway as I was too concerned with more important priorities such as finishing my studies and getting my first car, saving up for my own place, you know – stuff that ACTUALLY matters. According to my therapist’s “appeal to authority, never-wrong” opinion, getting a girlfriend and having the experience of sexual intercourse is somehow meant to take precedent over the former things. Well sorry, but some of us have to work for a living so that we can actually provide for ourselves and be independent and mature.
I didn’t know getting a girlfriend by a certain age was part of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Sure it may be unusual, but that doesn’t mean the individual is mal-adjusted or developmentally challenged. He said I should maybe try to find “someone of a background similar to what I’ve been through”. Find someone “LIKE ME?” What, like I’m somehow special-needs now because I was too fat to get a girlfriend in highschool, and in college was more focused on studies and becoming independent, not to mention helping my aging father maintain the farm – our family’s sole source of livelihood? Because of this, that somehow makes me a lost cause? And that I should only date “other” developmentally inept and socially challenged people? Like that’s the best I could even HOPE to achieve because apparently I’m ‘damaged goods’? In what way is “getting girls and ****ing their brains inside-out” an essential imperative to emotional intelligence or social development?
Therapy is supposed to be giving the patient tools so that they can go out and fix things on their own. I’m not looking for others to ‘fix me’ or anything crazy like that. I’m just asking “hey Doc, what are some other techniques I can try?” and then maybe he could give me some steps to help point my psyche towards self-healing. That’s the whole purpose of therapy – to help others be empowered to help themselves. By refusing to even acknowledge my trauma and instead choosing to belittle and insult my emotional and social development, I would say this therapist has demonstrably failed.
I called him the following Monday to cancel my future appointments. He asked why I didn’t want to come to therapy anymore. I was honest, I told him the reasons (and did so politely and in evenly calm-tempered discussion). I told him that I felt my case wasn’t handled seriously enough, that my trauma wasn’t addressed appropriately, and that my socio-emotional development had been insulted. I explained to him that I simply felt my case wasn’t addressed appropriately. I further suggested to him that I would be better off with a therapist who was better-equipped to handle my case. That perhaps I needed to see a therapist who specialized in sexual assault cases and that a more trauma-sensitive environment would be more effective for my treatment. Needless to say, I won’t be seeing him ever again for counseling.
To be honest the experience really shook my faith in the mental health industry as a whole. I’ve seen therapists for PTSD from a car-wreck that happened in ’07, I’ve seen another therapist for OCD, another for my anxiety. All my other therapists have been busts. I wrongly assumed that given the serious nature of sexual assault, I assumed that my case would be given due sensitivity and treatment. If such serious cases aren’t even taken seriously, then there truly is nowhere to turn for help. I suppose I’ll just try to repress my trauma like countless other victims. Anyway, thanks for listening. Have a good one, all.