Why did the zero start dating?
To meet the 1.
What do you call Batman when he skips church on Sunday?
Christian Bale
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn’t peeling well.
Why did the roofer go to the doctor?
He had shingles
What do cows do on date night?
Go to the moo-vies
What is the most romantic fruit?
A date
I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer. I'm always drained and just not physically up to it.. ..so I've just handed in my too weak notice.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To show the possum it could be done.
List of chuck jokes
Chuck Norris farted once. He did it in the Sahara forest.
Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet. He scares the sh*t out of it.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father.
Chuck Norris built the house he was born in.
Chuck Norris was the force in Star Wars
Chuck Norris can make lemons out of lemonade.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.
@MajesticMango: if Chuck Norris facts count as dad jokes, then here's my favorite: Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
A friend said he wanted something scary to be for Halloween. I told him to wear a backpack with an air compressor and go as inflation.
If your dad is a psychologist: Ego and Super Ego walk into a bar, the bartender says “ let’s see some id”
So I spent this afternoon sending ten puns to my friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
Did you hear about the guy who cut off the left side of his body?
He’s all right now.
What rock group has 4 guys who don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore
What did the horse say after it tripped?
Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
Why was the computer cold?
It left its Windows open!
Why can't you trust an atom?
Because they make up everything!
How did the ambulance propose?
It got down on one KNEE NUR KNEE NUR KNEE NUR
Where do you take someone who was injured in a peek-a-boo accident? To the I.C.U.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? The saurus.
I got kicked out of karaoke night for singing “Danger Zone” too many times. They said I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts.
What happened to the grape that got stepped on? He let out a little wine.
Why did the melons get married in a church?
Because they cantaloupe!
Why are frogs so happy?
They eat whatever bugs them
What music do balloons hate?
Pop music
A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.
An amnesiac walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Do I come here often?”
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
“Dam.”
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