@Katota I appreciate the comment. Yes I did refer to @Larry007 and that is why I put OP in quotations. As the OP of the issue he brought up . I guess I could have done it differently. Hopefully both your comments and mine will help making it clear to people.
Because the ideas of platonic cuddling in general combined with entitlement combined with women doing any form of touch while in a bedroom setting combined with desperate creepy dudes who somehow seemed to get through puberty without learning how to manage arousal combined with not knowing difference between platonic and sexual touch combined with emotional attachment issues combined with misogynistic views of women as sex objects combined with the belief that if they are giving money then it entitled them to carte blanche over a persons body... Shall I keep going , because my thumbs are getting tired
Because the ideas of platonic cuddling in general combined with entitlement combined with women doing any form of touch while in a bedroom setting combined with desperate creepy dudes who somehow seemed to get through puberty without learning how to manage arousal combined with not knowing difference between platonic and sexual touch combined with emotional attachment issues combined with misogynistic views of women as sex objects combined with the belief that if they are giving money then it entitled them to carte blanche over a persons body...
Shall I keep going , because my thumbs are getting tired
👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
Lol@pmvines, you have typed enough friend. Well said.😁👍
Yes I did refer to @Larry007 and that is why I put OP in quotations.
🤦😉
@Sooson Ahh...I overlooked the quotations you used, so it's ME that got confused. My bad....🤦
Carry on! 😁
@pmvines You said nothing in your rant about poop.
I can now picture @pmvines doing this.
@gem7 Alas, poops are always present whether they are acknowledged or not
@pmvines Great, I was afraid you cut t h e crap out.
deleted
@Larry007
Your post should have been it’s own thread [although this is not by any means a new topic]
I don’t think there is anyone on this site who is foolishly naive enough to believe there are not some Female Pros offering more than cuddles. It’s pretty obvious.
The problem with your post on THIS thread should have been very clear to you.
To give you the benefit of the doubt-I will assume you did not read the entire thread before you responded.
If you had read through the thread you would have easily seen that it was clearly about women who are NOT offering other services and being put in a really vulnerable and uncomfortable situation by cowardly perverted losers.
You posting pictures of women you feel are “offering more than cuddling” makes the pathetic lowlife’s actions even more disgusting-considering he has options to those profiles as well-not to mention the ENDLESS resources for women who will meet his sexual requests.
Anyone asking for a “Happy Ending” during a cuddles session should really be smacked around a little bit. Or maybe more than a little bit.
It simply can’t be overstated what a coward a guy is to lure a woman [ who is offering only platonic cuddling] into a cuddle session and then fish around for sexual favors.
These guys are clearly passive aggressively preying on women while trying to set up plausible deniability.
Also- Plenty of Women dress provocative these days-That is not a news flash- Saying women who intentionally give off a sexy vibe are all offering sex work is EXTREMELY lacking in self awareness and not too smart in my opinion.
@BrianOcean
Also- Plenty of Women dress provocative these days-That is not a news flash-
But still a flash.
@JessicaGirl
@g_w_t_w The only conclusions I'm coming to is that you are a creepy, pervy old man, and you are BLOCKED.
@g_w_t_w Is a woman.
I guess women can be creepy and pervy too.
I'm just offended she was called old . Anybody who gets to spend time with @g_w_t_w knows her heart and soul are forever 29!
Ok now that we got the fun stuff out of the way, @BrianOcean I agree with everything you said but here is the issue with pictures: It seems that there is a gap between what is officially stated to be allowed and what is actually allowed. if TOS were enforced properly, we would have less such debates. Pros are reporting other pros for pictures such as the ones posted yesterday, so obviously they also take issue. At least half these pictures, if not, more, violate TOS (based on how I understand TOS and based on pictures that have been removed in the past) if someone wants to modify the rules and allow "more" shown in pictures than fine go ahead, I'm ok either way. for now, I'm just pointing out this problematic discrepancy.
Saying women who intentionally give off a sexy vibe are all offering sex work is EXTREMELY lacking in self awareness
Correct, some do some don't. and if they are Seeking more than cuddling, there are some background clues in the picture as well. They know how to place these clues, and the right Croud will spot them.
@Katota @JessieLove
Even if they DID have sex appeal, that they wanted to showcase.... having natural sex appeal is a personality trait and a form of self-expression. It's never an invitation to something more.
Yes, I agree, and there is nothing wrong with that, but we are talking about Cuddle Comfort and Cuddle Comfort has rules as far as what can and cannot be posted. I'm ok with the rules being modified. just be consistent.
Most so called provocative dress is used to lure prospective clients.You can't really blame someone for advertising when competition abounds between cuddlers.My notion is that almost all are truly fine individuals no matter how they dress.
Ive said it before and I'll keep saying it. The bigger issue in my opinion is the pressures put on women to be pretty, to be sexy, to be nice, to stand down. And when you have soooo many dudes hyper fixated on attractiveness of the cuddlers they hire thereby creating an environment where they feel compelled to compete against each other for clients by seeing who can out pretty who, then what do you expect?
And again in case I wasn't clear. STOP THE APPEARANCE BASED SLUT SHAMING! Until you've been approached by somebody offering sexual services there is no truth to any particular individual woman on here being a sex worker based solely on their pic. The fact that some folks wanna start crying "white knight," whenever men point out the misogyny and idiocy of some folks here really shows your colors too and is probably half the reason you can't find a cuddle pal !
True story @pmvines damn near every piece of clothing sold to women is sold to be seen as attractive, beautiful and sexy. It's just the way the world is. Women can help they are beautiful. Only the beholder can control what that beauty does to them.
How does somebody get classified as a creepy, pervy old man around here? They say something that you don't agree with?
Pretty much
@Mike403 , I blocked them (Larry as well), because as someone who wouldn't dress much differently than some photos that were shared in this thread (before they got deleted), I do not need anyone to make assumptions about me based off of the photos of myself that I post, because I like how I look in them. I also do not need that person as a potential client one day; it would literally put my livelihood in danger.
Apologies for losing my temper, but I've dealt with many creepers just from living life as a woman. I called them an old perv because of the condescending line they made towards me, that insinuated that I would also grow to judge women based on how they dress in 50 years.
Like @pmvines said, "Until you've been approached by somebody offering sexual services there is no truth to any particular individual woman on here being a sex worker based solely on their pic." I agree and stand by this statement. I think if you find that someone's individual profile is unprofessional, that is your personal opinion and you are free to not book them. At the end of the day, it is up to the CuddleComfort moderators/team to decide what is inappropriate/unprofessional for pros to post, or not. I also do not think that any photos of the users posted by Larry were inappropriate or explicit - they all looked like regular young people dressed for the environment they were in, just smiling and living their life. But I guess I will come back in 50 years and let you guys know if I change my mind about that, lol.
Hey @JessicaGirl , you're 💯 WRONG. @g_w_t_w is a WOMAN. You still owe HER an apology for lying about her. Deleting your comment isn't enough. Reframing your lie to make yourself the victim is wrong. @g_w_t_w stepped down from being a pro. Several of her karma are from longtime cuddlers on this forum. She's well-known and respected. I don't always agree with her, but she has plenty of life experience and isn't creepy or pervy or an old man. An apology from you to her is in order.
JessicaGirl said:
^ I apologize for the name-calling, but I stand by what I wrote in my last paragraph, including why I lashed out to begin with, and do not apologize for that whatsoever.
I'm not sure how I am "reframing a lie to make myself the victim" here. I simply am not going to take disrespect from ANYONE because of the photos I post or how I choose to dress, regardless of others' experiences with them. Period. I stand by my decision to keep them blocked, I apologize for the name-calling, but am just going to have to agree to disagree with the rest.
Again, if CuddleComfort's moderators find any photos unprofessional, it's up to their discretion to ban the user or dish out a warning. Judging and slut-shaming others based off of their appearance is simply wrong, it is not "wisened old" advice to say or think otherwise. It is not good to insinuate in any context that someone is "asking for" sexual favors or assault because of how they are dressed or the photos they post - that line of thought contributes to the problem that originally started this thread. I don't care your gender or how young or old you are, my opinion about that will NEVER change.
@atomicbearhug I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's awful and gross and frustrating. I appreciate you sharing your experience here so people can hopefully learn from it with these conversations.
On my educator soap box here, but I want to add this... Dominant culture (which is a culture of taking without consent) creates these conditions where there is a serious lack of understanding and respect for what consent and boundaries actually are when it comes to the body and touch.
My take is many folks don't operate from the same understanding of what consent is. My definition: it's ongoing shared agreement that is negotiated verbally between people. Real permission and a true "Yes" only exists when it's not pressured or coerced by someone else or given as a result of being in a trauma response (freeze, appease, fight, flight, collapse).
Consent isn't actually possible when those things are happening. What that client did in the story shared by the OP is sexual coercion - it's icky and manipulative. And it's common in interpersonal touch dynamics, beyond this site. @pmvines shared alot of the culture interconnections and patterns already as have others.
Many men know if they continue to make a sexual request or if they make a plea for their touch needs that women will default to the gendered norms of being soft and "nice" and will just go along with what they want. This is what many empathetic caregivers will do if they don't have a clear enough access to their "No" and holding firm boundaries.
We can go into appeasement or fawning trauma responses or freeze in these scenarios and not be able to speak or move and it's beyond willpower and conscious control. It's coming from our body & nervous system as automatic reaction to protect ourselves and ensure survival.
These types of boundary pushers may also pretend that what they're doing isn't actually sexual when it's clear the energy is following and pursuing additional arousal for their own gratification.
They may or may not be aware of the harm in what they're doing because it's so ingrained in our culture through some subtle entitlement. They are not able to ask directly for what they want or respect a no, so they will use all kinds of strategies to try and get what they want regardless of whether or not it's actually consensual. .
I don't think that's everyone on this site, but clearly there are plenty who don't care or want to respect the body autonomy and boundaries of others. And they aren't able to manage their body's sexual arousal or their emotions.
NOT okay in any way.
Also, people generally have a lot of conflation with sex, intimacy & touch and when arousal happens, they just think they need to follow it and their bodies don't know how to do it differently.
This is why practicing having truly platonic cuddles is so important, I think. So people can learn that that experience is reallly gratifying itself and so healing and connective. As we hold those firm boundaries consistently, changing them if we need to for our comfort and safety, those on the receiving end of them will eventually learn or go away.
@JessicaGirl Here’s the creepy old man you’ve blocked. It’s sad that you felt so threatened by a stranger It’s all ok though 😱
🙏🏻 to the people here who I’ve gotten to know in real life - who I value & respect here in the forum. 🤗😊🤗 Because we are all still learning about each other!!
@g_w_t_w Is that really you? Somehow I pictured you completely different. You don't look 93 .... or Korean. I was definitely reading all your posts in a Korean accent ... 😅
@GuyverGordon I love your Korean accent! Thanks, yes that’s me. I’m in Seoul for a few months visiting my son who lives here. He told me I need to at least learn Hangul (the alphabet) before I leave. I spend too much time out exploring and haven’t done it. I know a few Korean words, the necessary ones.
@NatureLuv47 , you hit the nail on the head. Especially with your definition of consent.
I had an experience just earlier today where someone messaged me wanting to have a partner for a salsa dance lesson downtown. I was on board until I Googled the name of the studio he mentioned; and it actually a BDSM/kink/shibari studio. (And, just to give him the benefit of the doubt, I checked to see if they were at all hosting salsa dance lessons like he said - nope.) So, this man's plan was to lure me to a BDSM rope tying class while telling me it was for salsa dancing - and probably thought I'd be too meek or polite (especially once surrounded by other people doing the same thing) to do anything other than just "go along with it." Needless to say, he was reported and blocked.
I recommend EVERYONE but especially women follow safety precautions when meeting strangers off the Internet for the first time, do your research where you're meeting, verify who the other person is/do a basic name search, have your Location set to "on" & a friend to check in with you. And do NOT be afraid to check these creeps if someone disrespects you, stop physical contact, place boundaries, and excuse yourself to the bathroom and call for help if you need to. You don't need to be "nice" to someone who is violating you; they lost that privilege once they crossed your boundaries and put your mental/physical state in danger.
@starrynitecuds I just read what you wrote and what others have said and I’m very moved. I have so much respect for you and honestly, I find value in pretty much everything you & many people post even if I don’t always agree with it. I know I can get a little snarky sometimes and that’s just from so many years of dealing with different types of behavior. We’ve all been there - eventually all will experience it. Again, your comments & @pmvines And some of the others who tried to explain who I really am, Well, you really made my day!!! Yes I am old, Not quite 93 yet. have a reason for posting that age
Absolutely @JessicaGirl. Ugh, yep. Glad you reported that.
Consent must be clear and explicit for what is intended to be shared behavior or activities. Just agreeing online to a boilerplate agreements list from the site is clearly not enough for many people to actually respect and have solid expectations.
It shouldn't matter what someone else on this site offered or did (or what their pictures look like), we each can (and should IMO) pay attention and listen to what the individual person we're talking with is communicating about what they're available for and interested in.
And we get to change our mind and say no at any time!
This is why as much as I love people and sharing care and touch, I will honor my boundaries for my well being and safety and I do not want to be an enthusiast. There is emotional labor and time in doing this back end work to create clear loving containers to connect with people intimately.
Second that - we all need to have a safety plan in mind and use our best judgment alongside screening steps. This is where anger can serve folks in standing up for themselves if needed. Sometimes we need that in order to learn how to be more assertive.
Anyone see the irony in the title of this thread and how it's progressed? Different context but still the same....
@g_w_t_w Just to be clear, I was reading your comments as if you had the Korean accent. (I am not Korean - far from it. 😄)
Hangul is fun and easy to learn. I during my time in Korea, I was able to phonetically read it in about a month or so. Most of the time, I couldn't tell you what the words I was reading meant (unless it matched closely to an English word) but I could always read it. It's been about 14 years since, so I've lost some of it, but every so often when I pass by Hangul I try to read it (I have retained maybe 80% of it).
@JessicaGirl I'm sorry for the experiences you've had, as well as to everyone else whose had similar or equally predatory experiences.