Cuddling "booty call"

WaltraudWaltraud
in General

This has happened a few times now: I'll have been messaging with someone over a few days, with vague talk toward meeting at some point, or maybe have a time set a few days out for a first meet. Then he will say, "Actually I'm free tonight if you want to meet in a few hours."

This feels pushy and disrespectful. Maybe even a red flag that he will try to be less than a gentleman. Am I overreacting?

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Comments

  • mickcuddlemickcuddle

    You should trust your intuition about meeting anyone, erring on the side of caution. I guess I’m thinking if you’ve already agreed to a specific meeting, and the other person becomes available sooner, I’d look back at how you decided on saying yes to the meet already set up. If the other person put a hard-sell on you, really had to convince you, I’d wonder. But if you are quite content with everything up to this point, I’d be less suspicious. But again, trust your instincts

  • quietman775quietman775
    edited June 2018

    I agree with @mickcuddle You may or may not be overreacting, depending on the vibe of your communications up to that point.

    Some people are very spontaneous by nature, and see nothing wrong with trying to make last-minute plans in a flash of inspiration. Such people sometimes forget that other folks, especially those who are more deliberate than spontaneous, need plenty of time to make plans and get ready. That's just a difference in personality, not necessarily some kind of red flag.

    I am generally a planner, a business owner who lives by my calendar. I typically schedule cuddle sessions a week or two in advance. That said, I have had several occasions when someone has been forced to cancel on me, and I've sought out one of my regulars as a last-minute replacement. As in, "Hey, are you by chance free tomorrow? I just had a cancellation." But I only do that with pros I have seen multiple times, and who therefore know me well.

    You are not a pro, and I would generally expect an enthusiast cuddler to be more cautious with last-minute scheduling than would a pro. Do the people making these requests have a history here? If they are long-time members with lots of great reviews, I probably wouldn't worry. If they are recent additions with minimalist profiles, no presence on the forums, and little or no karma, I would advise more caution. And like the previous poster said, trust your instincts. Just don't be paranoid. ;-)

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited June 2018

    @Waltraud without knowing the person or knowing you it is really hard to say, could just be that they had a clearing in schedule and wanted to try to get together, or perhaps they are feeling lonely and needy and are reaching out, not sexually, but for the company. I don't know you, but there is also a possibility that you may have had experiences that make you more so err on side of taking things slowly and are not comfortable with the idea of cuddling someone you don't know too well. Whatever the case, if it is not something you are comfortable with, then I would definitely go with how you feel, and not worry about how it is perceived by the other person. Once I messaged someone on here on a Wednesday night for the first time and that Friday we met in Atlanta and had a spend the night cuddle. We are now good friends and still talk all the time and have met up several times since for over nights. All platonic btw. Other times I have spoken with people for months on here before ever exchanging a phone number or even a hint of possibly meeting. I say this to make the point that not everyone is going to be the same in terms of comfort level, and how they feel about actually meeting in the real world here, so go with your gut and if this person is respectful and patient they will still be around when you do decide you want to meet.

  • [Deleted User]SlimJay (deleted user)

    I just sent that same message “actually im free tonight if...” to a professional in my area. Lol, until i checked the profile I thought this was the woman I messaged. So....as someone who has sent this very same message, I can at least say that not everyone is trying to “booty call”...as someone already said, some of us are very spontaneous by nature. In fact those of us with kids and families have no idea when we will be free until the last second.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited June 2018

    I think too that for those who aren't necessarily familiar with how the site works, there is the assumption that you may be a paid cuddler who sees people on an appointment basis without actually finding out if you are or not first. Also, even if they know that you aren't , there is still the assumption sometimes that being on a site like this means you are just bursting at the seams to run and meet the first random stranger who messages you to go cuddle all the live long day with them.

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    I don’t think he’s being pushy or disrespectful at all.

  • Mike403Mike403

    I don't see an issue with it if you both are free that day. It isn't being pushy/disrespectful unless they insist on it after you told them that you would rather wait a few days. Communication is key. Don't automatically assume that every guy is just here for a booty call.

  • ChocolatetreatChocolatetreat

    He did nothing wrong lol

  • WaltraudWaltraud

    Please allow me to clarify. I put "booty call" in quotes to try to convey the last-minute nature of the cuddle invitation and the context of little interpersonal connection, since we'd not yet met.

    I guess I am feeling as if a platonic cuddle session with, yes, a non-pro, would entail more setup than a Tinder date, but as noted, people's mileage will vary.

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    Pushy would be if he sent you message after message asking you to cuddle when you said you weren’t available. Disrespectful would be if he continued to push even after you said you couldn’t make it.

  • Mike403Mike403

    Ask them to meet in public and talk to them first. That will make it much easier to judge their intentions than just via messaging on here.

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    This is something that bothers me. Many females now a days are programmed to say a guy is creepy, pushy or disrespectful simply for trying to talk to them, when he very well may be the nicest most polite guy in the world. People in general are so quick to pass judgement now a days without knowing the facts. Sadly many guys who are great guys have the pay the price for other men who don’t treat women/people the right way.

  • WaltraudWaltraud

    @Morpheus, you stomped right over the situation as described in my original post and went straight to your own scenario.

  • AshleyCuddlesAshleyCuddles

    @Waltraud just be honest and tell them that you prefer to get to know someone well and build a comfort level before meeting. There is NOTHING wrong with that. It’s just as much for your enjoyment as it is theirs. If someone wants to jump to cuddle and isn’t respecting your need to build a comfort level then move on to a more understanding partner, you’ll enjoy them better.

    Honestly if I were to give you a time saving suggestion I would suggest telling any new contact “hey I would like to take our time getting to know each other before meeting and cuddling, is that ok with you?” Continue from there. It’s out there of what makes you comfortable and that is important for your piece of mind.

    To answer your question yes it is quite common for someone to request to cuddle within the first few messages. Doesn’t mean that you have to.

  • Mike403Mike403

    Your original post says that anyone suggesting a meet up without a "waiting period" is a red flag. If you are not comfortable with meeting on the same day, tell them and suggest a different day.

  • SoftOldShoulderSoftOldShoulder

    If it came from someone I had been chatting with I would take it as an open and honest question. It seems neither pushy nor disrespectful to me.

    I would vote for overreacting.

  • UKGuyUKGuy
    edited June 2018

    I agree with everything @Morpheus has said. I'm amazed at how easy it is for women to connect up with guys on this site. The OP just joined in June and lives in a small town (population less that 500 according to Wikipedia) and apparently she has already connected with several potential cuddle partners.

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    @Waltraud I think it all relates

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod

    @pmvines - You're hilarious!!!

    @Waltraud - I don't think it's unreasonable or disrespectful that people are letting you know they're available for a short-notice cuddle. Men are frequently more eager to meet up asap, and women are often more cautious. That's typical. You're perfectly able to say no if it doesn't feel comfortable to you.

    He also didn't say he wanted to cuddle at that time, just "to meet in a few hours," if what you wrote was what he said verbatim. You could have taken the opportunity to meet him in a public place and just talk to him for a while, at which point you'll get a better idea of whether you'd want to cuddle him or not.

  • pmvinespmvines

    @Waltraud ultimately it is your decision of what you are comfy with . If this is something that made you uncomfortable, then trust yourself. There will be people who feel it is their job to tell you how to think and how to feel about things , as I am sure you already realize given some of the responses you have gotten, but ultimately if you don't feel ok about something no need to justify, just go with it.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @UKGuy I've only met with one pro on this site who I continue to see. No non-pro has ever even responded to my messages even if it's just saying hi and mentioning something in their profile.

  • WaltraudWaltraud
    edited June 2018

    @Mike403 , I peeked... it sucks, but probably much of that is due to your age. Young women get swamped online by men of all ages. Older women might worry they are fulfilling some sort of fetish when there is a big age difference.
    For my part, as a non-pro my cuddling experience is through hetero romantic relationships, and being new to this, decided to start with a familiar demographic. As it is platonic it really shouldn't matter, though; maybe eventually I will graduate to "everyone."

  • WaltraudWaltraud

    And thank you everyone for the feedback; two of the contacts, I am still planning to meet on the originally arranged day. With the third, the conversation went downhill. So I guess it comes down to a "vibe" but if you don't see me on here at the end of next week you will know I guessed wrong. ?

  • rob241rob241

    If you feel uncomfortable, no need to oblige him. :) Never hurts to be safe

  • amsmithamsmith

    As I woman, I have done last minute cuddles before, but I usually give at least a day or two of notice. So I don’t think he is weird for wanting to meet earlier, I think it makes perfect sense. We come on this site for the potential to cuddle. So ideally we want it to happen as soon as we feel comfortable. He might have just felt more comfortable than you sooner. But definitely trust your instincts!

  • tallteddytallteddy

    Only did it once, because the woman I was talking with was on vacation near me. I wouldn't have a chance to cuddle with her later, so I thought I might as well. It was a good experience, so I wouldn't say I'm against last minute cuddles in the future.

  • [Deleted User]grumpcat (deleted user)
    edited June 2018

    Whats the rush? There is no reason to rush anything unless the person is in town for only a bit.

    Some people like being spontaneous but I feel that only works for friends and family. I absolutely agree for myself Id definitely say no.

    Some people are projecting their disapointment of not successfully setting up cuddle sessions, making it sound like OP is too picky or quick to judge. These people most likely never have to be on constant guard for when a pleasant easy going conversation with just about anyone can turn dangerous or inappropriate in seamingly the blink of an eye.

    ALWAYS trust that little voice @Waltraud , and let no one tell you otherwise. Be safe.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited June 2018

    @grumpcat agreed !people are quick to say well it wouldn't be an issue for me so why is it for them? Can't expect everyone to think the same or have same needs , particularly when there are things like gender differences within the dynamic of safety

  • Mike403Mike403

    @pmvines She can communicate that she feels more comfortable waiting instead of just considering it to be creepy or disrespectful. We aren't mind readers.

  • pmvinespmvines

    @Mike403 Fair enough. I didn't hear her say she thought it to be creepy though, just that she thought it came off as pushy and disrespectful. I try to give people the benefit of doubt when they say that a certain thing has made them feel a certain way, because there is no way of knowing what is going through someones mind to make them feel a certain way. So that is why I say that if you feel a certain way about it then go with whatever makes you the most comfortable as it is your life. Unless I feel someone is hurting someone or hurting themselves, I try to keep my personal opinions to myself.

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