Yikes. And yet he never reported them, of course. Unfortunately misconduct during a session is the most difficult to prove, and that's when it's non-consensual. I don't know how people think we are supposed to know what is going on when it's someone paying for sex. At least until either the pro or the client eventually gets reported by someone legitimately only looking for platonic cuddles and is offered/asked for more.
@TheFunCartel
what did he try or push in those sessions? Those women are truly victims who merely wanted to comfort and cuddle. Did he push them at all? Force them?
Good questions, though the last paragraph on his intro was some sort of a red flag. it did make it clear what he is looking for and a woman who does not offer nor intetested in extracurricular activities should have avoided, and I assume that most such women did.
Well he certainly went down in a blaze of incompetence
Am I the only one who took him saying he'll be back in 2 years as about to go to the slammer
@pmvines I don't disagree with anything you say. I disagree with what you don't say. but I'm done. I suggested long time ago that this issue should not even be discussed so maybe i should start setting an example for that.
It’s just a cross section of human behavior.
yes, so let's all stop talking about it.
@warmlyhelena @NatureLuv47 I met women here that take minimal to no safety measures. Even when inviting a man to their place at midnight for the first meet, and on top of that trying to bypass the house and not book on the platform.
I was considering reporting an assault couple months ago but did not since I didn't want to burn the pro as she did not book the session on the site.
@Mike403
If 2 Consenting Adults agree to ANYTHING and keep it between themselves the site would never have any issues nor should they.
As @g_w_t_w eloquently put it.
Also- I think we all agree this guy is a clown who was clearly not looking for platonic cuddling in any way. He was on here looking for Sex and if he is telling the truth -he found it often.
While he would never be someone I would ever want to drink a beer with- Suggesting he "may have forced himself" on "victims" is detrimental to the OP and the other ladies who shared their stories of true victim hood.
We should not feel comfortable suggesting some one might be a sexual predator because he looks for sex on this site and finds it. This a double edged sword as many have made the point in the past. There is plenty of bad behaviour to go around for men and women in this regard.
@pmvines
That could be. I wasn’t sure how he meant it other than he is planning to return at some point. I thought maybe the 2 year comment was to throw off the mods so they wouldn’t be looking to close for him to return in a week or two.
@BrianOcean - There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting and seeking sex with a consenting adult. The problem is this is a platonic site. There are many more other websites to go to for that type of encounter.
Individual choices around safety are not an excuse for this platform to continue behaving irresponsibly, and they are not an excuse for assault.
Even the most modest barrier to entry would be an improvement.
Lastly, I'm sorry you experienced an assault, and encourage you to report it if you feel able to. It's never too late.
@BrianOcean
if Cuddle Comfort agrees with that than they may as well change the site's name to Backpage Comfort.
They do have an issue with that because even though @CharlieBear did not mention that, not all reports are done by one of the parties involved. some reports are done by a 3rd party (another pro for example), some reports are made indirectly via what I call "external karma".
And I already broke my promise to be done with it...
If somebody offers sex, that person is going to expect it with the next person he sees which will lead to uncomfortable encounters. This site's mission is to be a safe place to seek platonic cuddling and nothing more.
@Mike403 Yeah, I know what kind of site this is.
This is a platonic site for me and I am assuming you.
But some of us have been saying this for a while-Clearly not Platonic for everyone.
If 2 Consentig Adults decide to do more than cuddle- CC has nothing to do with it nor should they be asked to police it.
@Sooson
CC Does not have to change anything If someone is openly offering more than cuddling -CC will deal with it.
My only point [which is not really hard to understand] is what I said earlier.
When 2 Consenting Adults decide to take a Cuddle Session further, that is their right and it should stay between them.
CC should not be expected to figure out what is going on with consenting adults.
@Sooson Not everyone has common sense or experience to know what to do in order to properly screen for safety, unfortunately. There are complex reasons for this, including people who have unresolved trauma and are not as aware of their boundaries or needs for safety as a result. Or maybe they're focused on other things, like the financial aspect.
@BrianOcean I would let those folks speak for themselves. As someone who has experienced many a pushy men in my life, I share that from my own experience that that guy set off all kinds of red flags for someone who doesn't care about other's body autonomy and choice.
He wasn't listening or responding to the OP at all. Someone consistently coming from that angle most likely doesn't understand that it isn't consensual if it's happening with coercion or pressure. Many men don't even recognize when they're pressuring women because it's a part of the culture to not listen to them and to just keep asking or find an angle to meet a hidden agenda.
He can say whatever he wants behind the privacy of internet anonymity and his alias. I get that there are people who are either offering or seeking non platonic services on here. I've already had inquiries that I could tell came from that place even though they weren't directly asking.
And from my experience, the fact that he came on here to share those things on a thread that was supposed to be a space of advocacy against boundary violations is quite telling and gross.
@warmlyhelena My statement and yours can co-exist. both are true.
I did not experience the assault. The person assaulted was a pro cuddler, who shared that with me. She did not report,, probably because the session was not booked on the platform. i did not report it, because I didn't want to burn her.
@BrianOcean - Read my comment right above yours. If you're not reporting pros who offer more than cuddling, you're part of the problem.
Totally agreed. I wish that I could encourage the folks you describe to use screening tools (or at the very least, common sense) for better safety. Unfortunately, I can't make anyone do anything, as much as my co-dependent heart wishes otherwise
My only point [which is not really hard to understand] is what I said earlier. When 2 Consenting Adults decide to take a Cuddle Session further, that is their right, and it should stay between them.
When 2 Consenting Adults decide to take a Cuddle Session further, that is their right, and it should stay between them.
And my point about third party reporting is just as easy to understand as yours. I'm just stating facts. while you're talking about how things should be. what counts is what is actually happening not what "should" or "shouldn't be" happening.
In general, I think you and I are on the same side of this beaten to death platonic/non platonic subject of discussion. Not trying to argue or look for minor disagreement with a magnifying glass.
@NatureLuv47 You make some excellent points about people who have been traumatized by assault and don’t really feel the power to enforce boundaries. To the fortunate ones who’ve never experienced that, it may seem difficult to understand an inability to protect oneself. I have become a very strong person because of being assaulted in my past, But I don’t always feel powerful. I know that this thread has gone in a lot of different directions from the initial purpose of the post, but it can serve as a learning opportunity for people anyway.
@NatureLuv47
I would let those folks speak for themselves.
We could not agree more. If any Pro was pressured by this guy-hopefully they would have reported him.
But to vaguely suggest he "may' have committed sexual assault because a guy claims to have had sex with "Pros" is not appropriate and does a disservice to the OP and the other women who shared their stories.
A guy can be a insensitive asshole -but that does not make him guilty of sexual assault.
There are "Pros" who initiate some of the sexual bargaining. Let's be fair and not throw sexual assault allegations around loosely and that is directed at anyone who would "suggest" that. It's wreckless and helps no one.
Any one who reads this post knows my feelings on guys who would assault women-I don't need to rehash it.
I feel like maybe we are discussing what has been avoided. It's clear i think all of us know these activities have always happened here. The difference is everyone isn't here for that and turning it in to that makes it unsafe for women. The women involved in this if consensual should know that it makes someone feel it's the norm and why men walk out if the bathroom wearing only a condom. The priority for everyone is to understand this needs to be a safe place for everyone. Announcers of triumph for buying sex makes it unsafe and uncomfortable for those who aren't buying or selling sex.
We've all known this was happening to what rate i have no idea. But there is no way for the site to monitor personal behaviors. But those who choose to do this should keep it safe by not encouraging predators. The fact is a person who buys sex is somewhere in the predator spectrum as us someone who sells sex. Preying on whatever needs the others have. The problem is everyone begins looking like prey and not humans. Either a body to be used or cash to be taken. That behavior breeds worse behavior. What happens then? The folks that desire platonic will go without because the women that can provide what they need will not be here. They will leave. The men who don't want to get caught up in potentially illegal behavior will leave. And that leaves us with John's and takers, safe sex workers and not safe sex workers. This is our environment and the only way i see is to not tolerate careless people on the site.
@Sooson Not everyone has common sense or experience to know what to do in order to properly screen for safety, unfortunately. There are complex reasons for this, including people who have unresolved trauma and are not as aware of their boundaries or needs for safety as a result.
Yes, these are the things I tend to forget I admit. good point.
@BrianOcean I'm referring to letting the OP and women on this thread speak for themselves. I hear you saying that it is a disservice to them and I'm saying they can share that if they feel that way or not.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Unfortunately, you are also not alone in this. I still get gross requests pretty often. The most recent one claimed he “wasn’t looking for anything sexual”, but demanded “crotch to crotch” over and over after I’d clearly said no I wasn’t interested in that or meeting him anymore. Then he has the gall to say he’ll pay more money and says “we are doing crotch to crotch, and TIGHT” 🤦🏻♀️fortunately he is banned now
I think we are on the same page here and you are correct-I should not suggest how the OP and the other real victims feel about anything.
I also am aware that guys being pushy is not always easy for a woman to respond to particularly when it is done in a passive aggressive manner.
@g_w_t_w My self protection also comes from experience and I empathize with you because I know when we have a history of experiencing boundary violations to our body or sexual assault that memory lives in our bodies & nervous systems and sometimes it can reactivate where we feel that powerlessness and aren't able to speak up for ourselves.
This is where community advocacy comes in and I'm trying to do my part here by using my voice that I have access to, participating some and sharing what I can offer to the group conversations for consideration.
I used to do a lot of direct support work with survivors and I know that it's complex territory. I do hope the conversation serves as a learning opportunity.
Obviously nobody knows what happens behind closed doors besides the people involved. But there are patterns in behaviors which some of us are pointing to with this guy.
With that I'll sign off. I hope y'all take care and have a good night.
I know this conversation will probably be revisited another time. Thanks for listening and responding.
@cuddlebloom - He says he doesn't want anything sexual but demands a certain "cuddle" position that you said no to. Sounds like he needs to be on a watch list.
You are always going to find opportunistic people who will portray themselves as someone who is seeking a true cathartic experience. Predators are everywhere. It’s keeping yourself safe. Looking for red flags and having a safety plan.
Having a safety pin - is what I misread and I thought, well, that’s an idea & it’s a small thing that could be discretely held in a hand.
@Noodling07 I always appreciate any amount of common sense comments, some things can’t be said enough.
@lonelytauros Thank you for your comment. it made me do some digging
So here is a clarification in case anyone give a damn (not terribly important) I had absolutely no idea that there were accusations of sexual assaults against Gary Busey (until about 5 minutes ago) My Gary Busey comments were solely based on Larry's appearance. he kind of reminded me of Gary Busey.
@Sooson you and I must be stepbrothers because I had no idea about the sexual assault accusations either I just made my comment like you did based on looks lol 😂