@Ripley54566 you're likely seeing your posts causing "a lot of headaches" because of this kind of thinking:
I'm not really sure what other people's reasons for being here. But my reasons are pretty clear to me. I've been hurt > way too many times in the past. I've had my heart ripped out. So my interactions with women always end with me refusing to let them in, closing myself off, and pretty much end with them crying a whole lot and me leaving. You can probably say I have something akin to the Midas Touch. Only everything I touch turns to shit instead of gold. There's a good reason why I'm keeping you at a distance. Please stop trying to love me. I'm pretty much a lost cause. I figured this would be the perfect place for me, because let's be honest, there is something pretty heartless about > charging someone money to cuddle with them. It's a cheapening of human interaction. Like junk food. Addictive, probably unhealthy in the long term, but overall delicious. To me it felt safe. It was perfect for my situation, right?
I'm not really sure what other people's reasons for being here. But my reasons are pretty clear to me. I've been hurt > way too many times in the past. I've had my heart ripped out. So my interactions with women always end with me refusing to let them in, closing myself off, and pretty much end with them crying a whole lot and me leaving.
You can probably say I have something akin to the Midas Touch. Only everything I touch turns to shit instead of gold. There's a good reason why I'm keeping you at a distance. Please stop trying to love me. I'm pretty much a lost cause.
I figured this would be the perfect place for me, because let's be honest, there is something pretty heartless about > charging someone money to cuddle with them. It's a cheapening of human interaction. Like junk food. Addictive, probably unhealthy in the long term, but overall delicious. To me it felt safe. It was perfect for my situation, right?
What you're showing with these kind of statements is that you're here with the intent of hurting other people.
There's surely no shortage of people on here who hurt others on the site unintentionally. But that's different than someone who seeks to cause harm. Big difference.
@Jubal I'm actually here because I enjoy learning about other people's stories. I find a lot of the people here pretty interesting.
I don't know where this idea is that I am intentionally inflicting pain on others comes from though. I think a lot of people are making assumptions about me without any direct evidence.
Sorry to say that many /pros/ here don't have any training in the profession whatsoever. I would look for people who are Cudlist trained and have ongoing support and education, I'm sorry that happened to you.
@Mare_Bear I will definitely be checking that out, thank you.
@Ripley54566 I've got a couple of clarifying questions for you if you don't mind. 🤔
First, the way you describe these interactions and how you leave them is very matter of fact and unemotional, is this how you engage with these women before you end things as well, or is it more of an exit strategy?
Second, are these women made aware of your clinical views on the experience and your detached nature from the start, or do you see it as being so self evident it's not something you need to actually say out loud?
And lastly, do you see why your approach at ending things, and/or communicating about the facts of the situation, is being reacted to harshly, or with shock or condemnation by others, these women included? Or are you in the dark about why people don't seem to like it?
@Runawaycuddles I am a hundred percent conscious and aware of my actions and how they could be interpreted by people. I am also aware of why people don't like it and how it may be seen by many as socially unacceptable by some or even inappropriate. I completely understand why that is.
I generally don't hide any part of myself but I usually don't openly share any it unless asked.
I simply just don't see any personal benefit to being kind or considerate to others or how they feel. There isn't any desire within me to have people like or care about me like there is in most people, and I don't care at all whether or not people love or hate me. This mindset has led me to being secure and happy with myself for the most part.
My experiences here have generally been pleasant outside of the few cases I have listed so far.
Does being kind to others really hurt you that much? Unconditional love on the condition you pay them? Ok, that's ick, but easily to NEXT. You should just put in your profile that you're not interested in being a repeat client. I second what @Jubal pointed out,
It sounds to me like you're getting satisfaction from hurting their feelings. Do you respond this bluntly to the cashier at the grocery store who says "hope to see you again!" when you're buying "junk food"? Obviously, stores are heartless for charging for ANY food, because it's necessary. IMO you probably need a psychologist more than a cuddle. You have a lot of anger to unpack.
@Ripley54566 would you agree that cuddling should be a financial business transaction with no to minimal human interaction, besides the cuddling of course.
@Ripley54566 your assertion that full pre-payment "eases the person's mind that this is anything but a genuine inquiry" is way, way far off. You're saying you typically offer to do do this?! A reputable cuddle provider really should have told you that that is never recommended, I would have said as much.
I would advise against anybody cuddling with you to be honest , not because of whether or not I like you but because you display sociopathic traits with resentment towards pro cuddlers that I would consider dangerous
@pmvines I felt that, thank you.
@starrynitecuds "Does being kind to others really hurt you that much?"
No not really. I simply just don't want to be nice to people.
If a cashier told me that they "Hope to see me again soon" I would probably smile and nod my head. If they asked me "When am I going to see you again soon." I would be honest with them.
I already have both a psychologist and a psychiatrist.
Sorry but I don't see any point in what you are saying here. Are you simply upset that I'm not meeting your expectations for how a human being should act?
@pmvines I have been diagnosed with Bipolar 1, but never anything of me being a sociopath.
Armchair diagnosing people on internet is a pretty shitty thing to do.
@Jubal Or, he's here so he doesn't hurt people. Relationships with professional cuddlers are inherently transactional. There's no commitment. As a client, you literally owe professional cuddlers nothing, apart from the required payment and abiding by the terms of service. You are under no obligation to be a repeat client. And no, there was no reason to lie to a professional cuddler and tell them you'll see them again when in fact you have no intention of doing so. There's nothing wrong with saying something like "this was great, I enjoyed my time, but I'm rarely ever a repeat client." He did NOTHING to hurt any professional cuddler. If it were a real relationship, that may be different. The whole reason he's here is to avoid the commitment of a real relationship, while still getting some of of his needs met that are normally found in a relationship. And there's nothing wrong with that.
@MountainCuddles Pretty much the most accurate assessment of the kind of person I am here and what my intentions are.
But it's mostly a business where people don't want to act like it's a business.
Yet you describe pros as heartless for charging you to cuddle with them so doesn't really seem like you are seeking a transactional situation so that you don't have to hurt them. To the contrary it seems like you want to hurt them because of the transactional nature because of how heartless you feel they are. That's some black pill incel stuff
@pmvines I do think it's pretty heartless yes, and I'm not here to hurt anyone.
The rest of what you said is personal assumption on your part so I will be ignoring it.
Reccomending to rename thread "ripley's believe it or not"
@pmvines 💯
@Sooson Consider it done, my friend
Am I the only one who is being honest with themself here?
You're not the only one being honest with yourself, others simply honestly want different things than you do and they view pro cuddling differently than you. 🤷🏼 The natural assumption that most people make when joining sites like this is that when they are physically close to someone and spend a decent amount of time conversing together, attachments form without further effort. Most people know and accept that they will form a positive relationship, and for many that inclination is part of the draw of pro cuddling.
If I'm paying you with my money, following all the site rules, following the client service agreement, being respectful and cordial with you, then what's the issue here? Why are there so often expectations outside of what was agreed upon?
The issue I'm hearing isn't about expectations outside of what's agreed upon, it's likely behavioral errors on your part. If you're completely upfront about your desire to keep things 100% unemotional, clinical and professional is clearly communicated and you don't give a false impression, your method is perfectly valid with consenting partners. However, based on the drama you describe, it sounds like either you have not maintained your ice wall well and gave the impression you were softening, or you have not continued to communicate clearly and assert your boundaries to shut down any non clinical interactions they have instigated, and that has led to positive platonic emotional attachments forming on their end because they believe it is mutual. The expectations you have aren't in line with empathizing with her about her father passing because about your father has cancer, for example, or, as you described your conversations as:
My conversations with them were generally pleasant and supportive.
Under your parameters that is FAR too emotional and intimate. Pleasant should be professional and supportive should not be there at all. If you share something like support it is expected that the other person will share something back that matches it, so if you share intimate details or allow them to be shared with you, you WILL send the wrong message and entangle her in a connection you claim you despise. Hence the tears and drama at the end you are so surprised by. 🤷🏼
I'm starting to think that the reality here is that a large number of the pros on this site are looking for some kind of ongoing arrangement where multiple people keep paying them money to be in some kind of pseudo-friendship with them. And if that's the case shame on them. You aren't therapists. Stop taking advantage of the people on here and leave.
You're honestly just not the correct person to speak knowledgeably on this subject, so your criticism here is a moot point. You have no interest in building emotional connections, so your perspective will naturally be very skewed against those that do want that, and framing every pro cuddler that enjoys consensually emotional platonic connections as some sort of scam artist or predator is simply too biased a view to be relevant to the conversation or in any way helpful to the cuddlers you see as victims of these 'evil emotional people' you simply disagree with on principle. And yes, I do agree, paying someone to be your friend does not fall under the typical definition of "friendship" we're taught growing up or see it represented in media, but that is not the only kind of friendship, or even the only valid one. The limits of that original definition make it both too limited and too binary to be relevant in actual lived reality, so it's simply inapplicable here. The actual working definition of friends can be anyone people encounter that they feel even mildly positively about after spending a certain amount of time together (the time varies from person to person), and even some they feel completely neutral about. Under these parameters, a connection that includes paying to spend time with someone you enjoy being around absolutely does fit the bill (pun intended) so long as it is a mutually positive situation and both parties consent to it. 🤷🏼 And again, if you feel this definition doesn't align with your idea of what friendship is, that's perfectly ok, that's your opinion and you have every right to have it, but to claim that people who don't share that view are being abusive and should be shamed and told to leave is simply not logical.
You and I don't cuddle the same way, we don't view pros the same way and we don't have the same hangups, fears, or boundaries, so it makes no sense for me to try and impose my idea of what I think cuddling should be like as some sort of moral law or requirement on you. We're inherently different, even opposed in this circumstance, and that means we will naturally disagree and no amount of conversation will change that. So long as both of us are engaging with this site and the people on it consensually and within the rules in the way that works best for each of us, that's all that really matters here.
If you want my thoughts on how to avoid the mess of being seen as a Mide-ass, I suggest you be very clear about what you want, overly so if necessary, and stick to your professional/clinical perspective in every interaction no matter how small.
@Runawaycuddles Ah I see. So it is my job to maintain your own personal and professional boundaries, communicate and clarify every little unspoken concern you may or may have, and market myself in a way that doesn't cause you any trouble.
Is there anything else you'd like me to do for you? Besides paying you that is.
Don’t pay deposits, especially large deposits, and especially if it’s your first time.
@Midnight01 That was my takeaway from this experience in case you missed it.
@Runawaycuddles isn't a pro. She doesn't have to take her personal time and energy to try to understand why you think it's ok to be a thoughtless selfish dick either.
@Ripley54566 Not mine or anyone else's boundaries, professionalism and concerns. Yours.☺️ Which, based on the level of sarcasm in that reply, will be quite the undertaking for you, so I wish you luck 😂
@Ripley54566
I simply just don't see any personal benefit to being kind or considerate to others or how they feel.
This is the part that sticks out to me the most. You don't care about people. As the saying goes, you get what you give. If you don't care about them, why should they care about you? And if they don't care about you, what reason would they have to sacrifice their time and energy to cuddle you for free?
This sentence is honestly a scary one to read. It makes it seem like you see people as objects.
This thread isn't giving off a cuddly vibe.
@IronLemon Just about everyone is self-centered. I prefer someone brutally honest over someone that pretends to be kind and considerate but is in fact anything but.
@MountainCuddles "Some people lie" is not the same thing as "everyone is self-centered".