Yes... I'm back. AND I'M STILL STARVING... THANK YOU FOR ASKING!!! lol THOUGHTS ON CO-HOUSING...

[Deleted User]Homesteader (deleted user)
in General

Hi!! I've missed this forum!!! Whew!

Ahem... I would like to hear some of your opinions on the potential value of co-housing.. Frankly, as someone who was raised in a rather large family, this seems happily intuitive, deeply organic, and joyfully Tribal, to my mind. Have you heard of this? Would you ever consider forming a community of characters? As our population ages, I think it would be a WONDERFUL idea to normalize co-housing!!! Why be alone in a room, surrounded by paid strangers, when you could hang out, grow old, and croak among real friends???

Your thoughts? Thanks in advance! :)

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Comments

  • MonkeyNeedsAHugMonkeyNeedsAHug

    Love this. I’m told the trick is to start early enough to not be too set in your ways. I also hear some good arguments for multi generational cohousing. Some fogeys, some divorcees, some whippersnappers…

    🐒

  • [Deleted User]Homesteader (deleted user)

    Hey! Watch yo' mouth!! We Fogeys don't take too well to being talked about like that!!! lololol!!! :)

    The WHOLE IDEA of it tickles my Soul! When "they" herded us into cities, and told us that individualism was somehow "better," I feel we lost a lot. I LOVED my Grandma, with her tough, no-nonsense self, and learned A LOT from her! Why be alone??? Why not have EVERYONE realize the value he or she brings to a community, just by existing??? I've only recently discovered this idea---AND I AM TOTALLY SMITTEN WITH IT!!!

    We could look out for each other, some could mow grass and do maintenance, some could cook, some could grow vegetables, some could do taxes and accounting... Somehow, the idea of this feels VERY ORGANIC, like my Soul "recognizes" something about it... But that may be just me..

    Please share thoughts? Our population is aging. I know that, personally, I'd RATHER "age in place," and be the cool, groovy, hip grandma that the young'uns hung around! I'm already that, :), but I'd LOVE to have a close-knit community of like-minded folks to share life with!!!!!! Wow!!!

  • [Deleted User]gem7 (deleted user)

    This sounds like a potential solution to the housing problem facing the U.S. today.

  • pmvinespmvines

    I don't have anything to add just that I'm happy to see you back old friend 🤗 new name, same awesome !

  • [Deleted User]Homesteader (deleted user)

    HOW do you CUDDLE WITH WORDS, pmvines???? LOVING YOU FROM HERE!!! :) I cussed out my High Self for not allowing me to meet (and SQUEEZE YOUR LIFE FORCE OUT!!! :) ) when you were near me!!!! STILLLLLL PIST about that!!! lol

    @gem7 ~ Right?? That's what I thought when I first read about it, too!!! What a beautiful, functional concept!!! Thank you for speaking this idea out loud!!!

  • AuroradreamAuroradream

    I would say I co-housed in my twenties living in an asthram and also lived a farm life in my child bearing years. I'm a caregiver for the elderly and I see the struggles of aging and living well. I'm also from a family of 11 children so I appreciate sharing a home with others. I think I would love having a smaller cohort to co-house with perhaps

  • GuyverGordonGuyverGordon

    @pmvines Careful with that one... sounds like she wanted you dead (and still does maybe). 🤪

  • KatotaKatota

    Yes... I'm back. AND I'M STILL STARVING...

    @Homesteader Hiya! 👋😁

    Welcome back, starving huh?

    Here I got meat leftovers from another discussion thread, have some! Lol 😆


    😂

    I also have a Wednesday Whopper if you're hungry for that...

    Many thanks to@pmvines I NOW have Charcuterie Boards....I know, FAWNCY right?😜

    And here's some mint chocolate chip ice cream leftover from a previous discussion post too.
    I mean...Well I like it! 😀 Lol

    And of course POPCORN! 🍿

    😁😆

  • GoodingGooding

    Cohousing works on shared intentionality. That is how rest of the differences are put aside and people come together, with well defined roles and boundaries of course.

    For example I aspire to firm a community of close to 20 individuals to buy and run a cooperative farm. Small circles will be formed within to run various things. That was different people can do what their interests are. Members might live in the property or closeby. But they must be active regularly on weekly basis if not daily basis.

    I am also part of a group working on building a cohousing community for individuals with $pecial needs. Again close to 20 families.

    Cohousing is practical, as it takes a village to do many remarkable things.

    Just living together without a significant purpose or intention, just for economy of scale in my humble opinion is very hard to be harmonious

    All the best

    @Auroradream I believe all children shall be taught three things. 1) growing good 2) making edible food aka cooking 3) tending/caring for the such, wounded & dying. I day this with a lot of thought behind it. Looks like you are blessed....

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    I’ve never participated in co-housing but from what I have observed from a distance, I can see both up sides and down sides (just like most things in life).

    The examples I have observed of a super strong sense of community, whether it is a single dwelling or a multi acre “campus” (for lack of a better word) is having SOMETHING strong and fundamental that unites the group.

    It could be their religious / societal beliefs (Amish or hippie communes), occupation (oil rig workers or firefighters), military rank (living in a barracks), blood relatives (extended family / multi generational).

    There may be examples where it has worked without a common denominator that unites people but I am drawing a blank trying to think of any examples.

  • Mr_Cuddle_BearMr_Cuddle_Bear

    I don't like being around my immediate family for too long... why would I want to live with other people?
    Can I just live in a cabin in a field by myself?

  • [Deleted User]Homesteader (deleted user)

    @AuroraDream ~ THAT explains it!!! I, too, am a Country Girl from a large family!!! I ALWAYS enjoy reading you, and I didn't know why!!! :) Now, I do!!

    @Katota ~ Thank you for the welcome!!! HAM. AMEN. lol Okay... WHY, when I'm trying to dress up and be cute so I can go to karaoke with some friends, did you post a picture of HAM, SO THAT NOW I'M HUNGRY??!!!!!!! AND POPCORN????? Why you do me like that??? lololol!!! :)

    @Gooding ~ Well said! From your post, I can tell that you--- like I-- have given this concept quite a bit of thought. I like that it is in your heart to care for the sick, wounded, and dying. I think our society has gotten away from that, although it is a natural part of life..
    As a "Doer," I also LOVE the idea of having every person commit to doing a certain amount of Upkeep or Maintenance on the property, so that things run smoothly..
    Not that it's necessary, at all, but I have to admire your heart towards those with Special Needs. It is my deepest belief that Spirit LOVES ALLLLLL OF HER CHILDREN, and for those of us who have a tenderness toward "these, the least of our brethren," there ought to be an extra amount of Grace...

    @JohnR1972 ~ I AM STILL WAITING FOR YOU TO COME OVER HERE AND CUDDLE ME. THERE, I SAID IT... lol
    OT: You bring up a very strong point, talking about how there needs to be almost a "Mission Statement," a shared vision, of some sort. This keeps everyone on the same proverbial page, and helps when difficulties arise. I, personally, have only just discovered this concept, AND AM TOTALLY THRILLED WITH IT. Thank you for the phrase "Common Denominator"---- it calls to my mind the very real sense of belonging that can come when people share a common goal! :)

    @Mr_Cuddle_Bear ~ Of course you can live in a cabin, in a field, by yourself!! We each are unique, with unique and singular backgrounds, that make us look at Life with a unique perspective. If the concept of co-housing makes you uncomfortable, then you don't have to bother with it. For those of us who value community, and who enjoy the presence of others, we ALSO have a right to investigate the possibility of something that might suit us better than living life in solitude, right?

  • SeekerInVASeekerInVA

    Not as an adult. Personal space is more important.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    I’m curious to know who the OP used to be. since other old timers seem to recognize them? Maybe I knew you also?
    The concept is great, I feel like it’s something I should consider, since I am older & retired now and struggling with the cost-of-living. But I’m with @SeekerInVA in that I need lots of personal space and a lot of alone time. Right now I’m living with family and I feel like I have to worry about disturbing them all the time or doing something the wrong way. I’m too much of a Pleaser so it could be stressful.
    If I could have 2 small rooms to myself, it could work I think. (Bedroom and art studio space). I miss having my own place, but don’t see how I’ll ever be able to again

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    I often wonder if anyone else here is retired, not much possibility of increased future income and getting worried about how to survive in the last years of their lives. Honestly I’m terrified, depressed, stressed out and there’s no one in my life who understands this feeling. Working as an artist my whole life was what was meant for me and no regrets but it means I didn’t retire with millions to support old age. Am I the only one here? It seems like the majority of people on this site have well paying careers and whose only complaint is the cost of non-necessity luxury items.
    Please don’t think I’m trying to cause arguments or have any agenda because I don’t. I think I just wish there was someone to talk to who understands this fearful feeling about the future because I’m so worried and not sleeping. Everyone I know IRL is set and fully secure and can’t t relate.

  • pmvinespmvines

    @g_w_t_w
    The OP has been many names. She arrives every few .months and sprinkles her sunshine on us for a while until she decides to move on and deletes. Then she returns with new account once she has more sunshine to sprinkle. Sort of like the ice cream truck in the spring time.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne
    edited October 2024

    Well, no idea of who that could be. Not anyone who I remember spreading sunshine, so must be before my time. But the idea of it sounds nice. Thanks for one person’s perspective and explanation.

  • CuddleHugs01234CuddleHugs01234

    After watching the Netflix show “Worst Roommate ever”, I don’t know if I’d want a roommate. It was the worst of the worst!

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    @CuddleHugs01234
    My feelings exactly, I would be a little worried!

  • VitaminJVitaminJ

    Some random thoughts about communal living, which for some reason I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.

    My mom is a snowbird and lives part of the year in a 55+ community and at age 79 this is what will allow her to age in place for the longest. They get to know one another, check in with each other, share Tupperware containers of food, socialize, the ones who can still drive take one another places, etc. It’s not a huge diversity of ages, but the closest example I’ve seen.

    There was an amazing article on public housing in the NYT about a year ago and the best example of success they gave was in Vienna and it showed a multi generational group of people living together and cooperating very well . https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/23/magazine/vienna-social-housing.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare

    I worked as a public school teacher for a lot of years so I have some means to afford to live somewhere in retirement but I don’t want to be alone or with paid caregivers. I’d love a more communal community but ya lost me when you started talking about farm chores lol. I kill all my houseplants so hopefully I have other skills to contribute! I like to have my own space and privacy but also willing to care and be cared about.

    Anyways thanks for the thread!

  • [Deleted User]Homesteader (deleted user)

    Thank you all for your comments!!! After spending the weekend celebrating Halloween as a SCANDALOUS emulator of Tina Turner's "Aunty Entity" character, I NEEDED to be brought back to reality!!!!! hahahahahaha!!!

    @SeekerInVA ~ That's understandable. Not everyone is willing to share their personal space with others. We all have differing needs, and I WOULDN'T tolerate someone who infringed upon my own right to live peacefully and happily... You have the RIGHT to determine, for yourself, whether or not a co-housing, or shared, living arrangement would work for YOU..

    @pmvines ~ You already know. You hit Ohio, it's a wrap. Period! :) Thank you for your kind way of saying that I'm ABSOLUTELY FULL OF SH#T and that I come and go as I please!!! lolol Loving you from up here! :)

    @g_w_t_w ~ As @pmvines explained, I have participated here under many names---but the Soul is the same, only growing! :)

    Please know that you are not the only one facing an unsure future. I think that's why I was so drawn to the idea of co-housing, or shared living. If it weren't for my current relationship, I would also have SERIOUS concerns about sharing my Life Space with others. All situations come with both benefits and drawbacks, but this one really speaks to me, for some reason. It may not be the solution for you. I understand, and respect that. I can't help feeling that we, as a society, were bamboozled by the whole "rugged individualist" ideology---when we, as humans, are tribal by nature!!

    A lot of us older, retired ones are DEEPLY CONCERNED about how we are going to spend our "golden years." You don't come across as argumentative or as someone who wishes to cause trouble. You expressed some genuine, thought-worthy points. Have you ever heard of Tiny Home Communities? No, it's not my business, but I thought I'd share another aspect of the co-housing world that seems to be drawing quite a few people! You expressed a desire to have private space--- that's a human psyche requirement for peace. With a space of your own, you could maybe then feel comfortable participating in the more public affairs of a close-knit community---WITHOUT having to carry the whole thing. Just a thought..

    @CuddleHugs01234 ~ While I have never seen that show, I understand your concerns about sharing living space with someone YOU CAN'T STAND!!! lol <<< That WOULD be terrible!!! lololol I posted this thread hoping to hear many different opinions on a topic that has FULLY captured my imagination. It's not going to resonate with everyone, and I understand that. In some of the places that shared videos, there was an intentional focus on "compatibility" among those who lived/bought there. I agree with that. We each live in the world with other people, and some of us just aren't going to "get along." And that's okay..

    @Vitaminj ~ NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU!!! Who's going to take over the Karaoke???? You don't have to do the farm chores. Promise!! lol

    "Aging in place," like a normal, valuable human being... Being cared for by a community instead of by paid caretakers... I'm genuinely glad your mom sounds like she's figured a few things out! Thanks for sharing that! I always wanted to be a snowbird, but then I found this groovy fella... lol

    Thank you all for sharing! I think that this is a discussion that needs to be had. We're ALLLLLL aging. At no time before in recorded history have we been presented with the VERY REAL POSSIBILITY of living this long AFTER 60. Someone I listened to mentioned that our trouble is that we don't have any pre-set "blueprint" for such long lives!!! I think the concept of co-housing and caring communities deserves a place at the ideological table!

  • [Deleted User]Homesteader (deleted user)
    edited October 2024

    Hey, Folks ~

    Someone shared that she'd experienced living in a commune, once. It seems like co-housing could be considered an older, more seasoned iteration of a commune. There's just something about building a safe, engaging community of like-minded people (no, not a cult! lol), that could bring back a sense of genuine community for folks who could see the value in down-sizing from the maintenance and expense of a large family home they no longer need, or who have lost spouses through divorce or death. The whole tribal, connected thing fascinates me. I guess I thought that this concept would inspire a little more engagement..?

    Loneliness, increasing living expenses, diminished physical capacities, and frankly, the fear of living in a society that seems to have gone mad, all combine to point, strongly, to the value of something like this. I've read that Tiny Homes are often prohibitively expensive!!! What??? Wait.. They're little more than spicy storage sheds---how are they going to be THAT expensive??? lolol

    Saw a video from a group called "Older Women Co-housing".. OWCH.. (Thought that was a fun acronym! lol) In their case, each person had her own, private room as her own personal space, while they all shared the cooking/kitchen and tv or computer rooms. If I were to ever find myself single again, for whatever reason, I would DEFINITELY look into this more closely. I think I'd actually be more interested in the tiny house idea than living together in one structure, but with the right "crew," co-housing could be the answer for me, too!

    The thing is that it's not just the idea of having a shelter that is so interesting. The idea of growing small gardens and sharing, cooking together, caring for one another (up to a point, of course), painting together, early-morning walking together, having rap sessions--with tea-- and decompressing, together, in the evenings.. Conducting farm markets and craft sales... I envision a whole cloud of activity surrounding such a living situation.. Think I'll go dig up some more details!!!

    On quiet evenings, when HunBun is away for business, and I'm still full of p*ss and vinegar, I see even MORE clearly the value of having housemates who might wish to hang out, together, in the community room for tea and conversation... or quilting!! :)

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    I love this idea. But finding one?

  • [Deleted User]Homesteader (deleted user)

    @g_w_t_w ~ I do, too!! It just seems like a correction, of sorts. Someone said that the American Dream is rapidly devolving into a nightmare--- returning to the sensibility and sustainability of tribal/community living would be like awakening from the nightmare of individualism!

    I mean, be great! Share our gifts with the world; do our best and shine! Then, come back and celebrate with those who encouraged and cheered for you!! :) I think my having come from a large family is a big part of what makes this idea so workable to me! lol

  • VitaminJVitaminJ

    Ok now you’ve got me deep diving into this topic again. There are some amazing communal properties sprinkled throughout the planet that can be rented for short term or long term. I love the idea of a short visit to be sure you’re compatible with the other residents and then a longer stay and having a village but still my own private space!

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    Though I really have avoided FB for the last few years, I just found some Co Housing groups in my area.
    Not sure how much I would want to live full time with a group of people because I don’t want drama at home and I like lots of alone time but possibly as a 2nd location to use as studio space while living at my daughter’s. This info is making me think of very affordable options.

  • interalia626interalia626

    Someone said that the American Dream is rapidly devolving into a nightmare--- returning to the sensibility and sustainability of tribal/community living would be like awakening from the nightmare of individualism!

    I read that in colonial times in America they'd joke that there was a reason why a considerable amount of Englishmen would join the native folk, but you didn't often see it going the other way around.

  • [Deleted User]Homesteader (deleted user)

    Some serious food for thought.. Grateful!!
    @VitaminJ ~ The compatibility aspect is VITALLY IMPORTANT, I'd think. Thanks for pointing that out. Also, the importance of having a personal, private space (especially as women!), to do with as you please, comes up frequently as a make or break requirement. I understand -- and agree with -- that..
    I LOVE the idea of possibly renting a place in order to "try it on for size"!! As glorious as the vision of co-housing seems, sometimes the reality doesn't live up to the dream, you know?

    I just can't seem to get away from the vision of sharing a roaring, glowing, warm bonfire with people who have agreed that this companionship was "worth" it.. Glad you've continued down the proverbial rabbit hole!! :) Just know, though, that there are quite a few of us who are following you! :)

    @g_w_t_w ~ I, frankly, am TERRIFIED of FB, so a tip of the hat for your willingness to investigate! I LOVE that you're finding "affordable options" in your research of alternative living situations!! I hadn't even considered how such an arrangement could serve as "part-time" living for some---excellent point! The ways we can shape our lives in order to fit our own unique Selves are just as endless as our ideas! Thanks for more food for thought!!! :)

    @interalia626 ~ What a delightful historical perspective!!! Thank you for sharing it!!! The innate wisdom of the indigenous people called to the stiff, disjointed, disconnected souls of the Englishmen who'd swallowed the "individualism" kool-aid... While NONE of the connected, communal people wished to have ANYTHING to do with their disjointed, isolated, disconnected way of being in the world. No surprise there... Thank you for this rather apt historical perspective!!

    In the quiet hours of this night, as I sit alone-- having completed my tasks for the day (with the very happy result of satisfied customers! :)), I'm fully aware of just how wonderful it would be to have a group of folks who would join me in enjoying the roaring warmth of a bonfire, around which we could share the events of our days. No wonder the indigenous people had NO INTEREST in trading such connection, such engagement with the Englishmen with whom they'd come into contact!!! I sure wouldn't!!! lol

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne
    edited October 2024

    @Homesteader
    Ideally, that sounds wonderful. I don’t know what it would take for me to actually want to do this. And I am always wayyyy too skeptical of anything on FB because so much of it is scammers. Meeting a few times in real life, getting references, etc maybe it could be trusted.
    But speaking of trust, my first thought is, how do I protect my possessions when I’m not there? It sounds very risky to me! I would want a passcode lock entry to my room. Some people/homeowners might think that’s a lot to ask.
    But then there’s that trick of putting a tiny piece of paper at the top of the door when you leave. 😱 My last apartment was very secure, luxury high-rise, but became way too expensive. But there were cameras in the halls. I always felt safe. Even maintenance had to send a message before entering.
    Yeah, don’t know how safe I would feel living with strangers.
    Living on a tiny home also feels vulnerable.

  • [Deleted User]Homesteader (deleted user)

    @g_w-t-w ~ I feel you on those very valid concerns. While the CONCEPT sounds intriguing, the reality of it could DEFINITELY quickly get ridiculous! lol DO BE SKEPTICAL OF FACEBOOK... Seriously...

    Your very real security concerns are warranted. It seems like, as a society, we've somehow forgotten decency, respect, and regard for our fellow people. However, there really ARE a few decent folks left. People who would protect your things, your privacy, your simple right to exist----without molestation or robbery. They're called "neighbors." While I am NOT "naive," my energetic blueprint doesn't allow me to walk in fear. I do understand, though, that the world CAN be a scary place for some. Let's unpack a few things, generally.
    Each person, from what I understand, would have his or her own "personal dwelling"---whether that was a locked room (in a shared structure), or a separate tiny home. YOU WOULD HAVE THE RIGHT TO YOUR OWN LIFE, YOUR OWN SPACE, AND YOUR OWN SOVEREIGN SPACE. That, I think, would be foundational in ANY successful co-housing situation..

    While it is a seemingly new development (co-housing), there are STILL laws that govern rental or HOA agreements. Even in the situations where people actually own units that are akin to condos, a person has the right and privilege of having her or his own space in which to store and secure belongings.
    Because the public spaces would be shared, from what I've found so far, the upkeep and maintenance would be handled by members of the community. I like what you said about repairers having to notify the owners before entering! Wouldn't that be the most respectful way to handle anything like that? WRITE IT INTO THE BYLAWS!!! lol

    As an espoused person, I share POAs, TODs, etc., with my spouse, so this is simply an Soul-led investigation. For some reason, maybe because my large family engraved the word "WE" on my heart, this idea fascinates me! :)

    I just thought that this was a viable topic of conversation, for the Collective. I still do. There are always pros and cons to every situation, but the idea of having an integrated, like-minded community, where people could share their skills and passions among others who actually cared for them---while maintaining a certain level of autonomy--- is an idea that deserves a thread to itself!

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