Is it weird to ask this ?

MelancholyMelancholy
in General

Was chatting with someone for a few weeks about cuddling. We set up a time and place to meet multiple times. Each time she cancels the morning of and declares that she's leaving the site and not going to cuddle with anyone.
She doesn't really leave. She's comes back a week or two later. Resumes conversation.
We plan another meet. I asked her since she refuses to send a picture beforehand if she will describe what she looks like so I have a clue who she is when she walks into the coffee shop.
She says she has long hair.
I ask if she likes it when someone plays with her hair.
Next morning. Cancels again. Only this time says that was weird that I asked about playing with her hair ?? What the heck. What's wrong with that?
Someone says she has long hair so naturally I thought of it. Is that really so weird ?

This time I blocked her. She claimed she was deleting her account. She didn't. She's back.
Probably to waste someone else's time I guess.
People are just odd.

Comments

  • _marC_marC

    I'm sorry to hear that . I hate it when that happens

  • [Deleted User]jimmylee (deleted user)

    @Melancholy did your multiple tries at getting together exclusively for coffee, or was there talk of actually cuddling. If it was the former, then yes, I can see where she might be put off by the hair comment.

  • TxTomTxTom

    I have a question.

    If you're the one who's initiating the meetings that she continually cancels on, why do you need to block her?

  • Mike403Mike403

    @TxTom - So he doesn't contact her again. People block people who they have no interest in cuddling with.

  • TxTomTxTom

    I see. I don't bother blocking. I just don't contact them again.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne
    edited November 2024

    To some, that behavior could’ve been a 🚩 early on and I might’ve moved on, maybe not a reliable person. But I do often read that it’s more difficult to even get message responses so I understand the effort that you made. It’s pretty kind of you to even give her the chances because she might also be going through fear or anxiety of just jumping in. Who knows.
    If anyone ever says they want to play with my hair, brush it, etc. I’m scheduling immediately, it’s my favorite thing!

  • TxTomTxTom

    she might also be going through fear or anxiety

    Exactly. Which is why I won't block. After some time has passed, she may be more mentally prepared--and apologetic--and reach back out to me.

  • VitaminJVitaminJ

    I think it’s ok to say the things you would like (eg playing with someone’s hair) and also ok for her to have a boundary of not liking her hair played with. That’s the way consent and boundaries are supposed to work. The last snuggle party I went to we worked on saying no, and hearing no and not being hurt or offended. This whole interaction seems very block-worthy!

  • pmvinespmvines

    Whether it is weird to ask is entirely subjective to the person you are asking and the context for which it is being asked

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    None of that story is weird. In particular it isn't weird to ask about hair stroking, that's a common question in cuddling because some people adore it and some people don't like it at all.

    It does indeed sound like she's scared. Not of you, obviously, just about meeting or cuddling in general. Also quite common on this site. The emotional disregulation, or inability to manage emotions, of the saying a thing but not doing it, is also very common.

    I have encountered similar situations myself, although not so persistent. I have found that an offer to meet in public (coffee shop or park) with all forms of touch explicitly banned, and also a ban on re-discussing that rule during the meeting, usually goes down well.

    As a rule I politely decline to meet without a photo, but this is the kind of situation where I might make an exception. (Which I have been known to do.)

    She is wasting your time, although I suspect she doesn't mean to. The inability to notice the repeating pattern suggests she may not be conscious of the effect of her actions on your emotions and diary.

    A significant minority, possibly even a majority, of the enthusiast women who have agreed to meet me never do. In most cases it's obviously nothing to do with me. (In a handful of other cases I have made an innocuous remark which was interpreted to mean something other than the meaning I intended. Sometimes that situation can be salvaged, sometimes it can't.)

  • MelancholyMelancholy

    @Mike403 you got it right ! :)

  • SoosonSooson

    Whether it is weird to ask is entirely subjective to the person you are asking and the context for which it is being asked

    <3

  • CuddlingforlifeCuddlingforlife

    The last 2 "meetings" I tried to set up. Ended in their (they removed it) account removed and their form of messaging blocked. It seems like an ongoing theme.

    I would absolutely loved /enjoyed hair caressing. It isn't wierd.

    Sorry this happened to you.

  • Ninein1Ninein1

    Conflicting priorities can be really challenging to navigate.

    When it comes to love and affection, it's natural to wonder if cuddling with someone outside of family might feel like a betrayal.

    At the same time, it’s important to realize that not everyone wants multiple cuddle partners. Some individuals seek a deeper connection with just one person. They may think about this longing for a moment, but it can bring up feelings of uncertainty and hesitation. It’s a delicate balance, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed by it.

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