Platonic & Reporting

SquishyJackieSquishyJackie
in General

Why is the idea of "platonic" so difficult for some people? How often do you report people and/or how bad do you let it get before you do?

Last time i was on this site someone complained that the cuddles were much better pre-covid and that, in his opinion, the quality of the site had gone downhill in general. When i asked what, specifically, had changed his response was "the orgasms." In the last month I have been asked if I had "toys", have heard "come on, I drove all the way up here", have had sensual massages/touch mentioned multiple times, been asked for phone sex when the cuddler realized I was in another state and recently was asked for "the girlfriend experience" which meant cuddling, touching & kissing. I'm getting real sick of dealing with this crap. It's also making me question whether I'm being unfair and being unduly critical to others; if I'm misinterpreting what they're saying due to these other experiences. If a guy who mentions "sensual massage" doesn't really mean sexual, I don't want to report him unfairly.

Thoughts? How do you handle these situations? When do you decide to report? Are there people out there who genuinely only want to cuddle?

Comments

  • AlyLaurenAlyLauren

    As a professional, it's different of course, but I think it all comes down to clear communication and boundaries. I had a couple requests and odd messages (they were banned before meeting them fortunately) and I added more wording about platonic only on my profile.

    I think it can also be a little tricky and really require that open, direct communication because platonic can mean something a little different for everyone. I have many friends who would not consider cuddling or having a men lay on their bed platonic, but I do. I also have female friends who kiss me on the cheek platonically, but that's not appropriate for professional cuddling. So it's a little messy.

    I would recommend being straightforward with people you are messaging with, and if they disrespect an expressed boundary or yours or push the issue, or do anything to make you uncomfortable, report. We have some fabulous moderators and I know they have kept me safe on several occasions. 💛

  • CuddleHugs01234CuddleHugs01234

    Go with your gut on what they are saying. If it sounds off, you can always report and say it sounds off. They can then research it and see the patterns. Try to listen to the wording carefully before you meet them.

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod
    edited December 2024

    I would report all of those. If you are unsure, you can still report and if we (moderators) feel it’s not enough to justify a warning, we will skip it. When someone is reported, their messages are opened for to us to view, and that is when we see they have been much more non-platonic with others and they will get a warning or ban thanks to you reporting them, even if it wasn’t your specific interaction that resulted in the action that was taken.

    Also, there is nothing to indicate that it was you that reported them. It is almost always anonymous except when we have to discuss the issue with both parties (such as payment disputes). If you report someone, they are not notified, and we do not tell them who it was that reported them if we have to ask them a question (which is very rare).

    Edit 2: We usually issue generic warnings to not give them an idea of who it was that reported them when they receive a warning. Though if they only did someone non-platonic with one person, then they will probably know who it was that reported them.

  • Darkeyed_maleDarkeyed_male

    This may be an example of a training void in this field, for these kinds of interactions. You ultimately want to maintain professional behavior representing the website, but you also want to be able to spot a troll and move on.

  • [Deleted User]jimmylee (deleted user)

    @AlyLauren Hey there. I read your reply here. The first few words, "As a professional, it's different of course ..." caught my eye. Why would it be different for a pro and an enthusiast? Platonic is platonic, regardless. On this site, that is the expectation for both pro and enthusiast. As a non-pro, I might be missing a dynamic here.

  • RedFox16RedFox16

    I'm so sorry you've had to deal with so much and that it's making you want to quit the site 😔

    @CharlieBear is correct..... All those examples you used are references to something sexual and you're completely in the right if you report. Also, anyone using the word "sensual" for massage is definitely talking about something sexual and/or naked massage. The person is just most likely trying to not get in trouble in the messages.

    I really hope you are able to have some better experiences here! There really are some amazing humans I've met on here 🤗 And I would never trade that for anything. Unfortunately, there are still those who are here for the wrong reasons.

  • SoosonSooson

    @CharlieBear If OP reported 10 people that made non platonic inquires, how many of the 10 will be banned, based on your experience? just curious.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    how many of the 10 will be banned, based on your experience?

    Not many. I have self-reported myself on several occasions yet here I am.

  • starrynitecudsstarrynitecuds

    @SquishyJackie Fellow female enthusiast here. I understand completely. You're not misunderstanding. Even with my prickly profile, I still get that BS attempted.
    1. NEVER question your gut.
    2. Yellow flags are red flags.
    3. All communication on site.
    4. Innuendo isn't innocent, it's a warning.
    5. Public meet(s) only until you are completely comfortable.
    I recently had an experience where the long-time member with double-digit karma (from Pros) was a perfect gentleman in coms here on the site and in even text for 7 months--until he came into town and we were set to meet. (I never expected him to come here.) That day he got super weird and suggested, as I was driving there, we just have a "car date" in a "discreet" location. WTF? His level of inappropriateness escalated (whining, "I want to feel a woman's touch" and "I'll put my hands all over you and make you feel good.") I hung up on him.
    He then DELETED his account so I couldn't leave him karma.
    So I have a new rule: no cuddling any new guys who cuddle pros. I have several trusted friends here who are exceptional exceptions, but going forward, no others. Maybe unpopular, but I really don't care. My body, my space, my safety.

  • starrynitecudsstarrynitecuds

    @Dance_Culture
    She's not a pro. You may want to read a profile before lecturing.

    This may be an example of a training void in this field, for these kinds of interactions. You ultimately want to maintain professional behavior representing the website, but you also want to be able to spot a troll and move on.

  • MonkeyNeedsAHugMonkeyNeedsAHug

    Gross and manipulative.
    Report them all.

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod

    @Sooson
    It depends on whether or not they have already received a warning, and how severe the request is. If they haven’t received one and it’s fairly tame, they’ll probably get a warning first , though there’s a pretty low tolerance for that and we check if they’re making the same kind of requests to multiple people and if they have been, they’ll probably just get banned.

  • starrynitecudsstarrynitecuds

    @SquishyJackie more food for thought:
    I report many inappropriate NON platonic words/activities in profiles. Be aware, words and phrases, like GFE or sensual massage (my list is too long to put here), are usually just removed by the mods or admin. Rarely are they banned.
    I also recently found out that people aren't always advised or warned when something is removed from their profile.
    The site also allows XO and kissing emojis, like 😘 and 💋, in profiles. Yet kissing isn't allowed here. So that's a blurred line.

  • [Deleted User]jimmylee (deleted user)

    One "no-no" I see a lot is charging by newbies on the site. I understand this isn't a "non-platonic" issue but clearly a violation of the rules here. If I'm feeling up to it, I send a quick message usually welcoming the individual to our community and then letting them know there is a process they should check out to be a pro.

    Today I did just this very thing. The result? I was blocked. 🤣 Another time I was accused of "threatening" the individual. Guess I should just leave it up to the mods to let these folks know. No good deed ...

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    I don’t bother sending a message of warning to profiles that are clearly non-platonic because that just gives them a chance to hide what they’re doing. I save to favorites (so that I can go back to see if they get banned) and immediately report them.
    I don’t spend time intentionally searching for bad profiles but the ones that are right there on the home page when I open up this site, well it’s difficult to ignore those.
    There have been so many blatantly disgusting profiles on here, I just have to question why some people feel perfectly fine with exposing the kind of person they are on a public forum.

    Anyway if I go back to check my favorite list to see that they’re banned, then I feel like hopefully that’s more of the legit people here who won’t have to deal with the awful ones.
    (Also the majority of my favorites list are the people who I think are awesome and message with or meet in person)

  • AlyLaurenAlyLauren

    @jimmylee I just meant that as the professional providing the service that I take the responsibility of expressing and maintaining boundaries. I feel responsible for setting the tone and environment when someone is paying me for a service. There are clear and defined roles and more structure in place as far as the expectations go with a professional/client relationship.

    But I absolutely agree that it is platonic and non-sexual regardless. And the communication and safety is same whether or no it's pros or enthusiasts.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @starrynitecuds - More proof that karma doesn't mean sh*t on this site.

  • [Deleted User]SoftCuddleBunni (deleted user)

    I think the best way is to properly vet and make your profile VERY clear about what your session is like. Make sure they have positive reviews, and make sure they are not coming to your personal residence unless they have a substantial amount of reviews. Also the way you are dressed says a lot. Women dressed more provocatively are going to attract guys that shouldn’t be on here anyway.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne
    edited December 2024

    I am glad that the majority (?) of Pros don’t need to post provocative profile photos in flirtatious poses in order to be successful here.
    Many people who have been on the site for a long time haven’t needed to act sexual to provide platonic cuddling.
    Nor do they need to draw attention to their provocative photos in the forum to attract cuddles.
    ETA it’s been talked about a lot here, the need women feel that in order to compete for cuddle clients - they must look more sexually enticing, even when they want to keep a platonic. Is it a type of insecurity and so much focus on appearance? Yes it’s an old topic. Probably doesn’t need to be gone over again but as a much older woman who has experienced decades of interactions and seen not much changing, I will point it out.
    If it makes some people mad, I don’t really care. Being old is empowering with freedom and independence! I don’t need to please anybody but myself. 😊🤗

  • [Deleted User]jimmylee (deleted user)

    @AlyLauren thz I you for the clarification. That makes sense.

  • KatotaKatota

    Women dressed more provocatively are going to attract guys that shouldn’t be on here anyway.

    THIS!😁👍

    @SoftCuddleBunni Yep, it took me a long time to see a profile (here on CC) where the avatar was showing said woman "cuddler" dressed in a see-through bra and panties combo...Really?!🙄😳

    YES, I DID REPORT HER!😠

    WOW! 😳🤦

    Apparently, yes there are women "cuddlers" who are definitely here for the wrong reasons as there are men "cuddlers" who are here for the wrong reasons too. 😔

  • KatotaKatota

    Gross and manipulative.
    Report them all.

    Yep! 👍

    @MonkeyNeedsAHug

  • TxTomTxTom

    More proof that karma doesn't mean sh*t on this site.

    Karma is proof that a client didn't go all "it places the lotion in the basket."

    At least, not yet.

  • KatotaKatota

    Why is the idea of "platonic" so difficult for some people?

    @SquishyJackie Platonic is really NOT a difficult word to comprehend the definition of, at least not to ME...So! 🤷🤷🤷

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    It's not difficult to understand, people just realize many people are not platonic on the site and don't believe you are no matter what t your profile says. Everyone they weren't platonic with has a profile that says the same thing and they are dressed not provocatively and charged a reasonable rate and has a pet too. It's just the environment that has been created.

  • KatotaKatota

    It's not difficult to understand, people just realize many people are not platonic on the site and don't believe you are no matter what t your profile says.

    @ReltvlyCanshes I agree with this too.😁

  • Darkeyed_maleDarkeyed_male
    edited December 2024

    -Assume the best in people, account for the rest

    -The common sense we all had before CC. Is still there. We just have to dig deep

    @starrynitecuds
    If it sounds like I'm preaching, I apologize, not my goal here, I was speaking to the general sense.

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    @Katota my cynicism is bubbling up lately. I'm starting not to trust anyone i see pop up. I am tending to believe all new pros are selling something that isn't or shouldn't be advertised here and new enthusiasts are looking for that. It's the deception that bothers me most, because i don't care what you do on your time, but i want to be able to decide what I'm doing whatever with. If i didn't come for the cow i don't want to get milk from where everyone else gets their beef, unless i know. Just tell me you got milk and sell a little meat on the side, or vice versa. And don't come in here claiming you want milk but stealing cakes every chance you get.

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