Psst, @Auroradream , I think the phrase you're looking for is "I was disinclined to acquiesce to their requests"
. . . And really bad eggs, drink up me hearties, yo ho!!
Very slim chance.
Speaking to the unhappy men here…. The key is 💯 your attitude and how you present yourself. There are so many men here - even some of those who are forum regulars and longtime members - have cuddled a lot, a few have over 50 karma. They are open honest and not hiding. They have a picture in their profile. They’ve filled out the About Me section. They’re polite, respectful and safe and women reading and viewing them feel comfortable and want to interact. Being angry, annoyed, resentful will put you in the group of those who don’t get responses.
What @g_w_t_w said. ☝️
3% chance unfortunately
I x2 the comments put forward by @pmvines & @g_w_t_w as they're surely shooting folks straight.
As with the rest of life, it's what you make of it. A matchmaking website alone has never and will never be the thing that fosters connection between people. It's just a matchmaking service. You could have premium pro platinum unlimited everything on every matchmaking website and every 'real life' matchmaking service etc, and still be nowhere for it. There are literally people who have tried and or are living exactly that life.
I really think focusing on developing greater intimacy with ourselves, for our own sake, is the best north star anyone can look to, when it comes to their unmet social needs of any sort. We really cannot treat other people much better than we treat ourselves, and I say this as a recovering people pleaser.
Other people are just like us in that, they have a constant awareness and sensitivity to the degree to which others are taking care of themselves and thus seem able to offer something healthy to others as well. And when safety is in the question, as it certainly is under pretenses like these - it's that much more important, arguably a matter of survival. And in some instances, a proven fact of survival.
And it's not necessarily that you speak to such things explicitly, although it's not to say one shouldn't. But rather, whether you're ultimately coming off as someone who seems to have a lot going for them in these respects.
We can reasonably imagine that folks who are sober or relatively sober within social norms, healthy living etc, are going to fare better here, just as in any other social domain, and life at large. I personally believe there's often a recognizable difference between people who have positive associations with and are or have participated in therapy, and guys who haven't. I'm a guy, but no therapy and just toughing it out and abandoning oneself gives me pause in any social context.
Life is incredibly hard, and the lives we're all living now have a lot of differences by contrast to previous generations. In some respects, things could be seen as more difficult, on the whole. In other respects, we could note that we have more resources for empowering ourselves and knowing ourselves, and others, than ever before. Yet so many people do not take advantage of the tools and explicit strategies that exist, specifically, to grow ourselves as people and to become healthier and more compatible with others. I vehemently recommend taking advantage of everything available to oneself, to participate actively, and daily - every single day! - in stacking the odds in our favor by focusing on the only thing we can control. Ourselves.
Turning to apps and such will never become a panacea for this uniquely severe and species wide moment in history that we are now bravely, and with great difficulty, living through. Being on a dating app, or this website, and thinking about success in terms of the services, rather than in our personal lives, is a product of a hyperconsumerist generation whose awareness of the illusion of abundance has not yet broken the spell. As the mirage leaves us thirsty, we've been doubling down in pursuit of still more mirage.
The true oasis is inside of us. And it will forever be difficult and unlikely, if not impossible, to find the oasis in others, without having created in ourselves. Deserts do not reward those who take water for granted. In becoming the oasis you seek, you have met your own needs, and can offer your abundance to other appreciably thirsty wanderers.
Everyone implicitly understands the value of such an offering, as it seems to exist in others - but many opt out of the confidence and the commitment necessary to create that abundance within themselves. Occupying a state of dissonance in the very core of their being. Expecting anyone else, to value them, and treat them, in ways they refuse to offer themselves.
That is the result of attachment trauma; a severed relationship, first and foremost, to ones own self. And subsequently, everyone else. If matchmaking services really wanted you to find love, for example - they'd talk to you about these things.
But then you wouldn't rely on them so much. Matchmaking services will reliably disempower you away from the solution. Domains of personal growth and therapy will reliably empower you towards the solution.
Nothing says "I'm choosing steaks in the matrix" like a pronounced and reliable aversion to the depths of our own inner reality and relationship to self. But that is our individual responsibility, and no others. Life in Zion isn't glamorous, but it's real. And reality is the only place we'll ever make sense of ourselves, and others.
You have to remember, that sometimes you can be an agent. You can be an agent, to yourself. And until our approach to tomorrow differs from our approach to today, we can be nearly certain that luck has given up on finding us.
@aTallCuddleBug I don’t read every word because trying to bake bread lol but I can tell you that I get the concept. To me, you’re being analytical and that’s conversation that I relate to.
@Mike102 when you say 3% chance, I take that as meaning you personally have a 3% chance of finding a cuddler who is what you hope for, since you can’t accurately predict someone else’s chance. Each of us will get results based on the type of effort we apply, our level of positivity, our demeanor. Sounds like you have revealed a lot about yourself. If I’ve totally misunderstood, I apologize but that’s the meaning I took. When people here answer a question about the success of the site, maybe remember your experience maybe very different than another’s, based on so many factors. Here’s my percentage - I’ve had about 99% great cuddles here. Amazing given the fact that I was already in my 70s when I joined. It’s so much about attitude!
@Jubal 🙄
@Jubal 😆I almost made the same reference
While I agree a bad attitude, crappy profile, minimal effort is likely to not get a response, the opposite is not necessarily true (that doing everything right will work). There's always going to be some random bit of luck, karma, whatever you call it that will, for some reason, still mean no response.
One of the things others seem to have done is the “Old Rubber Ducky”. (It’s probably not called that, but maybe it will catch on. Here’s to hoping!)
Basically hire professional cuddlers and build karma. Pay for sessions, be a decent human, exchange karma on each other’s profiles, rinse and repeat.
And, with luck and patience, that bank of building karma will demonstrate to the hidden enthusiasts in your area that you are a “good one”.
Enthusiasts are very cautious, with good reason, and (perhaps) unconsciously use the professional cuddlers as Rubber Duckies, to check the bath water for sharks.
However, that is an expensive investment, there are no guarantees, and who knows, right?
But the vast majority of men here who are having success do seem to have a fair to huge amount of good karma from professionals.
(And rarely from enthusiasts… but again, maybe that’s simply caution.)
My fellow enthusiast friends that I cuddle have mostly been from the forums here as well as from the meet and greets. (I appreciate the heck out of you.) The ones not from the forums live maybe 30-50 miles away, but in those cases we will alternate traveling to one another. I did meet someone local once, but she eventually started dating someone. I also have become great friends with some pros (some who actually cuddle as enthusiasts with me which blows my mind). Considering how little confidence I have in myself, I never would have imagined to have so many great cuddle buddies. If you are a kind and caring person that is safe to be with, you will hopefully be able to find the cuddles you are looking for.
I have two very close cuddle friends (non pros) I have made here and another three or four I am chatting to but not yet met. As long as you choose your words well when sending your first message you should be okay. Be prepared to send lots of messages as only a few will reply. To get a cuddle can take months. Both of the cuddlers I have made friends with wanted a chat and a drink first before any cuddling took place. Also make sure your profile is descriptive of you and contains a few pictures.
If you are after a quick cuddle fix then pros are they way to go but if you can invest the time you can make friends with non-pros.
I am from the UK and from what I can see non pros are easier to find here.
Good luck and have fun
If you want to find a genuine cuddle buddy (meaning enthusiast), and you're a man, be interesting and stand out. I got zero attention until I changed to my current username. And I lead with the more unusual parts of my life. For example, I'm an urban explorer, and photograph inside a lot of abandoned buildings. I have authored a book on an old state psychiatric hospital, I've done preservation work pertaining to them etc. I like a lot of alt/goth things etc. I've had maybe 4 or 5 women message me, unprompted, that eventually led to cuddling. One of which I found out was a professional only after the 3rd or 4th time when I gave her a review. My whole life, at work, school etc. I've had people say "I've never met someone like you", and also "I hope I never meet anyone else like you", lol! Don't hide it, lead with your weirdness. Men are a dime a dozen, so make yourself the exception.
That said, when I originally joined, I had a standard username (my current one references the lawyer who was using a cat zoom filter in court), I said a few basic things about me. Absolutely nothing, I wouldn't even get responses much of the time from professionals.
Good reviews also help. I'm very, very good at splitting platonic touch and sexual touch. And I make sure to let the woman lead, and I make sure I know their boundaries and never push them. That got me really good karma, which is also probably part of the reason I do occasionally get women messaging me first.
Chance of finding someone for free = 0%
If you have money though, it seems there are loads of people willing to cuddle.
I'm sorry, guys, that the cuddling gods have not smiled on you, but I'm weary of hearing the Droopy Dog, "Why won't anyone cuddle with me for free? There's just no chance, zero, of finding a willing female enthusiast. They are more rare than a Big Foot sighting." I agree with @g_w_t_w - it's all attitude. No, there's no guarantee that a positive attitude will get you a cuddle buddy, but a negative attitude is sure to keep you hugging your body pillow every night.
Something else that I’ve spoken of a lot here but is largely ignored….. Pick yourself up from whatever misery you’ve experienced and move forward because life and your own experiences are somewhat in your control. In the time I’ve been active here I’ve seen lots of complaining from people who have been hurt in some way and have chosen to let the actions of others define their lives going forward. Sometimes bad things happen that are out of our control but we can decide how to react and move forward. Stop wasting so much brain power on the problems and use it for solutions. Some of you don’t like to take advice from an older person but believe me. I’ve dealt with a lot of crap in my life and I’m still moving forward. I wish I had as much time to enjoy as many of you.
I am one of the fortunate few who has found a regular, enthusiast cuddle buddy. She lives several hours away so we don’t get to see each other as often as we would like but it makes our time together that much more special when we meet somewhere in the middle or go on biking trips together.
I created a thread about my experience finding a regular cuddle buddy called “It is Easier to Believe” and I saw @CuddleDuncan linked to my thread in his post above.
@jimmylee I refer to the experience you mentioned as "Forum Fatigue" 🤣
I think this is one of those experiences that both sides can be correct.
I fully believe that yes , for some members here there is a zero % or similiar low % chance of meeting an enthusiast. Theres been too many posts over the years from members to even begin to argue this point. IMO
the flip side of the discussion is yes you can meet an enthusiast and peeps are doing it all the time. I just did a quick "hide pro" search and there were two female enthusiasts pop up with a combined 100 plus karmas. Neither one has ever been pro so how can one debate that you can't meet an enthusiast here. Again this is my personal opinion.
So again I think both sides have a valid points on what is happening to them here. The thought I keep having is which experience do you want to continue to have and what are you doing to keep that experience going?🤔
@OhioMike I agree. I recognize that in same areas/regions it's slim pickin's when it comes to female enthusiasts. I'm just tired of the absolute statements of "there's no chance" kind of thing. Again, you are correct that both realities are true in this case (some can't find an enthusiast,come have). I also realize, as I have said in other threads,b that my experience is in the "anomaly" category here on CC. I do not take that lightly and truly feel blessed. My female enthusiast cuddle buddies have treated me better than I deserve.
@g_w_t_w I agree. And part of the issue is that people tend to band together to voice complaints much more often than the good things. I was admonished just the other day on here for sharing that I don't share these issues and it's because of the work I do to build and maintain friendships and connections with people first, regardless of whether or not we may ever meet to cuddle. Misery loves company more than proactive change.
"...people tend to band together to voice complaints much more often than the good things."
@pmvines you and I have had so many conversations about just that. And ya know, I actually get it! This is where I think that one of the main purposes of this forum or any other online forum is ,well, members need a place to vent! How else can peeps vent here? I mean , yeah, there are issues and challenges with the CC site (Sorry @Mark , just sayin🤣) Some real, and some I think exaggerated.
I have over the years resigned myself to thinking that some peeps really need to vent and they choose to vent here. This is a good location to get stuff out, vent, complain, whatever. Pretty tolerant place actually IMO. Everyone needs some place like that!
I just message @pmvines directly and b#tch about stuff 😁 He handles a lot of my venting! So far he hasn't told me to get lost! Fortunately we know the vast CC membership isnt even accessing the forum. So I don't necessarily know if the venting is bothering them at all.
IDK, I have forum fatigue as mentioned earlier. I personally don't deal well with the repetitious nature of the forums and the negative stuff. But who knows, maybe its helping some peeps get thru their days, and thats probably a good thing!
Anyways I'm going to keep meeting the folks, and maybe some cuddles here or there, If thats an anomaly, well gee willikers , I'm pretty happy with that!👍
Thanks @pmvines And it’s been made very clear to me that many people enjoy the comfort of being lazy and miserable.
@OhioMike I just don't have the energy to tell you to be quiet 😂
The biggest mistake people make on here is to assume they can just go messaging total strangers and immediately start cuddling with them. That's off putting and desperate to be honest. It comes across as super needy, in a what can you do for me instead of how can we connect and foster a friendship based on rapport and trust kind of way.
😁👍
@pmvines
I totally agree, even IF a friendship doesn't form from cuddling I STILL need to feel comfortable and build a trustworthy rapport with said cuddler FIRST before cuddling can even start.😁
Bravo! 👏👏👏
Well I have been active here going on 3 to 4 years now, and my experience of finding genuinely, reliable cuddle buddies have been a good and slow building experience.😁
As an Enthusiast, I am picky and very cautious of whom I am willing to cuddle and allow into my personal space. Therefore I DO reject cuddle offers more than I accept, so there's really no complaints on my end.😁👍
I am truly blessed with the few cuddle buds that I have gotten acquainted and befriended through out these short amount of years here through Cuddle Comfort!🫂😁
I have met some great cuddle friends on here And I'm in Alabama of all places so not really a huge cuddle community here.
😁🫂😁🫂😁🫂 @pmvines
I've exchanged messages with a local enthusiast here at CC, when she was 'testing the waters' to became a pro, but always acted as an enthusiast with me. Her journey here was really short after a couple of bad experiences with clients, but we've been in touch for the past 2 years. I've been also in contact with a couple of wonderful enthusiasts, although they live far from me.
Also important to note that, along with your profile, what you post here is your advertising. Before you hit that "Post" button, think about how your words are going to look to that female enthusiast you're so dead-set on attracting.