Transparency

SolarisSolaris
edited December 2024 in General

So a very contentious thread just disappeared. And the person who started it has now been put on timeout (edit: I originally put banned - if I had realized it was just a timeout I may not have posted this at all - oh well).

I'm left wondering what happened. I know I'm not owed any answers. I'm just curious. Honestly, I was a little unsure of whether to post this even. I'm not calling out the mods and I don't want to start conspiracy theories. But as we know, nature doesn't leave vacuums for long. Lack of information will lead to some ungenerous theories. I prefer to be generous, but I'm feel uncomfortable about all of this.

After many threads and pages of posts that I (and many others) felt were posted in bad faith, with suspect agenda, the current instigator has been banned and the history removed.

I came to the site hoping to get cuddles. I came to the forums hoping for some cuddly talks. But this place... wow!

Some people here are sure that they can run 31mph (see clip). And there's just no point talking to them.

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Comments

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    I noticed that thread is completely gone. Sometimes that action feels weird. I think by the end people were enjoying memes and agreeing to disagree and I personally saw no reason to banish it. Didn’t realize OP was banned. That’s a shame.
    I don’t get personally offended by anything said here. It’s just someone else’s opinion and likely has zero impact on my life, other than being something interesting to read.

  • warm_embracewarm_embrace

    I was in the process of reading through the thread, when it disappeared. I think it was because it had devolved into name calling.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    Who was the OP? I don’t even remember. I think it was an interesting discussion, reading other’s comments & opinions.

  • AdragayleAdragayle
    edited December 2024

    .

  • [Deleted User]CharlesGrove (deleted user)

    Most forums have a moderation function that is basically the opposite of “Sticky”.

    I don’t know, because I am not bothering to dredge the bottom of the forums, because I presume that YEARS of locked threads are down there.

    Until the soundtrack switches to “Synchronicity II” and they fuse together, become sentient, drag themselves to the surface, and kill us all with their combined toxic rhetoric.

  • SoosonSooson

    @g_w_t_w @billiam
    OP of referenced thread was @brownglucose and she has not been banned. she has been timed out.

  • SolarisSolaris

    @Sooson
    Thank you. I will amend my post.

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    I am offended that that thread was gone. I'm offended that the person that started the discussion is banned or timed out. I was offended by all the unnecessary interruptions to constructive dialogue. Whatever reason you're coming up with to stop discussion that some don't like isn't good enough. I'm questioning my participation in all of this because of this. There are so many hot button issues among this group of people there isn't many things left for you to talk about.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesGrove (deleted user)

    This site is a business.

    If it doesn’t promote the business, why allow it?

    If it actively harms the business, including chasing away potential professionals and customers, of course they will be locked/deleted and the OP get warned/timed/banned.

  • Mike403Mike403

    I dont know what the thread in question was about but any controversial opinions will likely devolve into name calling which is why political and religious discussions aren't allowed here.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    Not sure how that thread was harming the business. It was a topic that has been brought up many times before on here (so at worst it was redundant), and there have been way more controversial threads than that which have not been closed down.

    Frankly, if the litmus test is all topics must promote the business, either shut down the General forum (which half the time is packed full of topics completely irrelevant to the business), or shut down the forums altogether since they are barely used and often contentious.

  • SolarisSolaris

    @ReltvlyCanshes
    I'm questioning things too. Which as I reflect on why I posted this at all, is what I was really getting at. If I knew why the other thread was deleted and the OP put in timeout, I would have some information with which to make a decision, or maybe learn if and how my actions may have contributed to the disappearance.

    I'm with you - let the conversation continue. If you don't like it, don't read it. I do think the thread was made in bad faith and was purposefully inflammatory - OP kind of admitted to it herself. But I am for leaving the discussions open. The forums will continue to be a mess as long as everyone is punished instead of just the perpetrators. The only way to clean things up is to clearly communicate the rules, put those who violate them in time out, ban them if they continue, and let the community see how the rules are being interpreted, how behaviors are leading to consequences. Imagine in sports if they canceled the game every time someone broke a rule. If they did that, you wouldn't have a sports league at all.

    It's easy and it's natural to improve the situation here on the boards. And I feel bad for mods having to continue to deal with this when it would be so easy to cut down on all the 'bad' behavior.

    I have already mostly stopped posting here. And I hadn't posted in the disappeared thread in many days. It's funny how hard it is to get any kind of warm, cuddly conversation here (or cuddles but that's another story). It's mostly not worth it to even chat here anymore. So many people whose opinions I actually value don't post here anymore either. Look back over time and see how many of the saner, more compassionate and CUDDLY voices are no longer posting.

    I posted that video because it shows a person so caught up in his ego that he can't see his completely delusional thinking. I often think of that clip when I interact with some people here. Or when I just read through the threads.

    I did post this thread, but I don't know how much more I will post. Or even come to the site - which isn't good for business. I have hired pros here so I am actually a paying customer.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    I personally don’t care where the bar is set. All I want is for there to be just ONE clear bar / standard to be be applied to all threads.

    On several occasions over the past few months I have seen comments addressed to straight men saying “don’t get your panties in a bunch / wad.” Oh wow, what a well thought out, witty insult. You REALLY burned them. It is so hilarious to imply a man you disagree with wears panties. LOL. ROFL. 🙄

    What would the reaction be if someone told a woman to not get her jock strap in a wad? I’m guessing that would be considered misogynistic and saying that to the wrong person would at a minimum get earn a time out for intentional misgendering / hate speech.

    If the rule is no name calling / insults (which I would support) then it should apply to all name calling and insults.

  • SolarisSolaris

    I could see the forums going away if it cuts into the business. But if it wasn't for the forums, I would barely come here. That wouldn't be good for business either.

    @Mike403
    It was about men cuddling other men. The OP stated that we should. About the name calling, the site owners should just punish the people doing the name calling. It's insane that they don't.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @billiam - The forums increases visibility on search engines which brings people here. You dont need an account here to read the forums for that reason.

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes
    edited December 2024

    @JohnR1972 people behave like they are wearing [uncomfortable gender-neutral undergarments] is why i said it. When [uncomfortable gender-neutral undergarments] are in a bunch i assume you sensitive to things that have little significance or don't pertain to you. But i never wore [uncomfortable gender-neutral undergarments] so i wouldn't know. I also question the [certain qualities] of men who seem to be questioning because of discussions that wouldn't pertain to them if they were comfortable in [themselves]. But that's just me.

    If this was a business that was acting as a business why would they involve themselves with emotional behaviors. And if the forums affect the business how they treat the forums definitely will.

    Reported by a member of the community. Very slight edits (sarcasm) have been made that I am sure I will get grief over for being the PC police (despite being guilty of using in normal conversation myself, bad Charlie 😳👋). [CharlieBear]

  • IronicMaidenIronicMaiden

    @ReltvlyCanshes

    people behave like they are wearing panties

    What does this mean?

  • SolarisSolaris

    @Mike403
    Good point. Thank you for that!

  • MonkeyNeedsAHugMonkeyNeedsAHug

    Seriously,

    What the fuck does that mean?

    Equating femininity with weakness or excessive emotionality is a tired insult.

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)


    Looks like this one about to be locked up lol

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    @IronLemon is was an dumb attempt at offensiveness, i apologize all

  • SolarisSolaris

    @ReltvlyCanshes
    Thank you for owning up and not derailing the thread.

  • SolarisSolaris

    @IronLemon
    I appreciate the way you asked first before escalating.

  • IronicMaidenIronicMaiden

    @ReltvlyCanshes I'm not all, but apology accepted. :)

  • IronicMaidenIronicMaiden

    @billiam That's usually what I do. A lot of people will immediately double down, though, or have a history of immediately doubling down. The better ones at least try to understand.

    Simple open-ended questions are an escape for the good and a trap for the bad.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited December 2024

    My understanding is that sometimes a thread with multiple TOS violations and complaints and flags will be removed until there is an opportunity to properly deal with the multiple issues and complaints etc. I don't know if that's the case here but it's a possibility.

    Can't really blame the mods for wanting to enjoy a peaceful Christmas without having to deal with forum drama...

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    Really i was equating fragility to weakness and comparing it to something i think the fragile i was thinking of would find offensive. It was beneath me and i shouldn't let my irritation cause me to behave in such a stupid way. My bad. But this whole thing irritates me me and i think adults should behave better. I also think the mods shouldn't coddle such things because it interferes with growth. But what I've learned is the site has no interest in transparency or growth.

  • starrynitecudsstarrynitecuds
    edited December 2024

    The forums here won't go away for 2 major reasons and 1 important reason.
    1. They're a niche marketing tool, a community, and no other cuddle site has them.
    2. Good or bad, the forums also give credence to the site being platonic. The .5% of the site members that ever utilize them are almost always pushing that it's platonic ONLY (or else they get banned real quick!)
    As toxic as the forums may seem on the ground level, they lend necessary credibility and a sense of safety for newbies with rose-tinted glasses. The mods here are real people, who are also utilizing the site, not just AI/bots like other web communities.
    3. The forums improve the click count, which is important for any sale value.

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod

    I see the thread was moved and the member in question is in a time out for some comments made in that thread, but I haven’t looked into it more than that. I’m with family for Christmas so I won’t be reading much but another mod can chime in if they have more info.

  • achetocuddleachetocuddle

    It is telling how many sane, compassionate and cuddly members no longer forum post. Agreed OP.

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