Birth Order Theory

[Deleted User]gem7 (deleted user)
in General

I recently read an article in Medical News Today where it is suggested that birth order affects the way a family sees and treats kids, which in turn affects the development of their personality. I am the 9th of nine kids and after seeing some of the characteristics of the youngest child it seems to describe me. I also talked to my oldest sibling and middle sibling and characteristics related to their birth order seem to align. However, after some googling it appears there is no scientific evidence to support a birth order theory. Just tossing this out for discussion.

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Comments

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

    There’s no one size fits all when it comes to personality development…too many variables ranging from socioeconomic status to cultural background plus people are unique in their own way

  • [Deleted User]gem7 (deleted user)

    @lonelytauros What you point out is mentioned in some of the articles I read.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesGrove (deleted user)

    The world is complex, culture is a constantly shifting delusion, and people are cRaZy.

    So, yeah.

    I mean, “one size fits all” is a lie when it comes to SOCKS.

    Whole people? Good luck!

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    There is some correlation between birth order and occupation. Famously, a disproportionate amount of airline pilots are firstborn or only children.

    In other words it looks like birth order is one factor amongst many. This makes sense, since the experience and circumstance of having a first child is very different from the experience and circumstance of the third.

  • [Deleted User]gem7 (deleted user)

    @CuddleDuncan Agreed

  • 1984joe1984joe

    My siblings would be a classic case study for the birth order theory. Oldest is a great provider very successful. Youngest went to the army and is very vain. Me and my older sister who is also middle are very much going with the flow.

  • [Deleted User]gem7 (deleted user)

    @1984joe Thanks for chiming in. Have you talked to your siblings about this?

  • sillysassysillysassy

    Such an interesting discussion. Thanks for posting @gem7

    I have read a lot about this and like others have mentioned…. It seems like a contributing factor to our personalities, as with so many other things.
    I was a middle of Three but my older sister didn’t fit the “first child” type. I kind of orchestrated and she had a little more “fly by the seat of her pants” style.

    @OhioMike was a middle of 8 children… he has lots of stories too.

    So many thoughts about personalities, parenting styles, birth order, nurture/nature, culture… I LOVE IT ALL!! 😊
    This will be fun to discuss in person!!

    (At least I think you’re coming to the Meet & Greet? YAY Colorado peeps!)

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    I’m curious about this but not reading the article yet. I need to get away from thinking about it.
    I’ve had lifelong effects of being the middle between 2 brothers, and it’s not good. The constant demeaning criticism, still a very unresolved problem for me. I love them both but never gotten over the hurt. The invalidation from them for nearly 8 decades - I will always be “less” to them.
    Is that typical towards a middle child?

  • WestsideMarcWestsideMarc
    edited December 2024

    Your poor mother! 9 kids? That’s insane. She and her uterus should be in the Smithsonian.

    I never really wanted kids and although I don’t know much about parenting, I can only imagine that by the 9th kid them saying something like “I’m sorry, but we are just too tired over here so we’re gonna just phone it in. Let 1-8 teach him or let him just figure it all out on his own”.

  • OliveGreenOliveGreen

    I'm the eldest of my siblings and was heavily relied on for caretaking of them. Even when I was older and could drive and started to have my own income. I was constantly expected to care for, taxi, provide and be motherly towards my siblings. They ran to me in the middle of the night when they had nightmares, cried to me when they were sick or hungry. I didn't mind it when I was younger but as an adult it would have been beneficial if I got to be a kid too. I'm positive if I was male I wouldn't have such responsibilities. Older sisters are never thanked, or rewarded (not that I was seeking anything of the sort.) We're just tired and over it. This is also a huge factor as to why I don't want kids of my own, I already raised some. 🤷‍♂️

  • [Deleted User]CharlesGrove (deleted user)

    @OliveGreen

    As the first born of my generation, on both sides of the family, I can assure you that all of what you did was on my plate too, even though I happen to be born male.

    And I was expected to beat up bullies, and protect the girls from strangers.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    @gem7
    Birth order theory has gone through 2 iterations. The initial iteration was simplistic, focusing almost exclusively on whether someone was a 1st child, middle child, or the youngest child. It explained a few things (nearly all U.S. Presidents and Apollo Astronauts were first male children in their respective families) but there were a whole lot of “exceptions to to the rule”.

    A few years ago an updated Birth Order Theory was suggested that not only examined birth order but spacing / timing between children, effects of blended families (you were an only child for 10 years then you became a middle child due to gaining an older and younger step sibling) and death (you were a middle child until your older sibling died and now you are the oldest living child).

    According the to the latest research, if there is 5 or more years between siblings, the younger sibling, is a “functional first child” and it there is 7 or more years between siblings, the younger one is a “functional only child”.

    After reading “The Birth Order Book” by Kevin Leman, I believe there is a lot of explanatory power / insight from Birth Order Theory 2.0. It certainly helped me piece some things together from my own childhood.

  • [Deleted User]gem7 (deleted user)

    @WestsideMarc You nailed it

  • [Deleted User]gem7 (deleted user)

    @OliveGreen What you described is exactly what my oldest sibling (female) told me.

  • [Deleted User]gem7 (deleted user)

    @CharlesGrove That seems to be the role of the first born.

  • [Deleted User]gem7 (deleted user)

    @JohnR1972 Thanks for that insight. I just ordered that book you referenced.

  • RedFox16RedFox16
    edited December 2024

    OMG! @gem7 ! I love birth order theory ❤️ I think we may have touched on this in person too? ☺️

    There is some insanely strong correlation for birth order characteristics. The only reason for no "proof" (as far as I know) is that there's no reliable scientific way to test this. This is much like the fact that there's no "proof" that weather affects people with arthritis, migraines or joint injuries....yet EVERYONE knows it's true (even my arthritis and migraine doctors)!

    From all my life experience, as well as a middle child of 5, I know that birth order does affect each of us, to some extent, in some extremely predictable and identical ways. It's even scary sometimes how much birth order plays into our personalities! 🤔

    There are definitely exceptions.... Like how the youngest in my family was born so long after #4 that she has characteristics of an only child AND a youngest child. Or if a family had extreme dysfunction, that could change some birth order characteristics in the kids. I have a nephew who was the youngest, but then their family adopted 2 younger kiddos and he's been struggling with feeling displaced (he's not aware of that, but his therapist is).

    I totally understand what you're talking about @OliveGreen and I'm so sorry you never felt you were able to be a kid 😔 I watched how hard it was for my oldest sister, and I'm pretty sure she has lasting issues from all that pressure to be perfect and a 3rd adult. I have always tried my best to make sure my oldest daughter never got that type of pressure put on her and was/is allowed to be a kid.

    Seriously look into it! It's fascinating 😎😜👀

  • AuroradreamAuroradream

    I'm surprised the OP didn't know of birth order theories in personality. I'm youngest of 11 and in my family it comes up often. Part of my childhood I was just referred to as "the baby" and somehow I still have a child like outlook at times.

  • [Deleted User]gem7 (deleted user)

    @RedFox16 I remember our discussion on this subject. We need to continue it soon. Thank you for participating. I never really gave thought to all the variables that come into play but now it has further intrigued me.

  • [Deleted User]gem7 (deleted user)

    It has dawned on me that even though I was the last born child I actually had a younger brother. My oldest sibling was my sister who was 18 years older than me married and had a son when I was two years old. Because my sister went to work a few years later her son practically lived at our house and became my playmate for many years.

  • CuddleHugs01234CuddleHugs01234

    I’m the baby out of two. My sister now has trouble making decisions and defers to her husband usually for decision making. I, on the other hand, can make decisions pretty easily. So, it would be interesting to know if the common traits usually follow through life, or depends on situations.

  • [Deleted User]gem7 (deleted user)

    @Auroradream I had heard of birth order theory before but never paid it any attention until recently. I totally understand "the baby" as I am reminded of it frequently.

  • starrynitecudsstarrynitecuds

    Can't say I agree with this, since I know too many divorced/blended families where a child has multiple birth orders, ie. the oldest child with one parent but the middle or youngest with the other parent. Maybe it more applies to the older generations, not the younger ones.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    An “only child” typically gets a disproportionate amount of love (or at least attention) from their parent(s). Every 1st child is by definition an only child, for a little while. If there is a long delay between a first child and 2nd child, the first child is likely to have more characteristics of an only child.

    An “only child” does not have to compete for love and attention. They USUALLY get as much love and attention as their parent(s) have to give because it is not split among multiple children.

    The last child is often viewed as “able to get away with anything”. This is usually not intentional but rather a ripple effect of parents basically being done parenting and tired of the job so they do not put the same level of effort into the supervision of the youngest child, especially if they have already raised several other children.

    You could argue the “worst case scenario” is a last child who is born 7 or more years after their nearest sibling which makes them a “functional only child” (due to the age gap they don’t have siblings to meaningfully play with) but because they are in reality the last child, their parent(s) may be checked out and not providing the love and attention a true only child would normally receive. In such case, that child is likely to grow up lonely and fiercely independent because they essentially raised themselves.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    @starrynitecuds
    In the book I referenced above (The Birth Order Book by Kevin Leman) he goes into great detail about the impact of both blended families and gender of siblings. A child may be 2nd or 3rd in birth order but still be the first male.

    The early version of Birth Order Theory, which only took absolute birth order into account and ignored gender, timing between births, and blended families, was not very useful because there were too many “exceptions to the rule”. However the newer iteration of Birth Order Theory that takes those variables into account, SEEMS much more accurate in predicting certain personality traits.

    Nothing is 100% as there are other variables at play (socio-economic factors, culture, etc.) but I found the insight in the book remarkably accurate in looking at my siblings.

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    Whatever the theory is I'm sure it's reasonable to try ink there is some validity to it. As the oldest of 3 i see the difference in how my siblings and i were raised. It makes sense because parents learn as they go. As a parent I've learned as much be gone and done things differently. I mean that little bit of information tells me it could matter. How much I'll leave that to the scientists.

  • SeekerInVASeekerInVA

    Birth order theory is interesting but, like Astrology, has little or nothing to do with your own behavior.

  • [Deleted User]Homesteader (deleted user)

    Ooh... @gem7 ~ One of my FAVORITE topics!! Thank you for posting this!!

    Birth order has sooo many pieces!! As someone who grew up in a large family, I've developed through a couple of different roles.. First as "baby," and I RULED WITH AN IRON FIST!!! lol Then, as a dethroned baby-turned-middle child (when my next youngest sibling was born), and finally, as an eldest child when the last batch/group was left behind by the older siblings when they left to raise families!!!

    There's this flip-flop thing that happens between the children AND parents of a family that I've always found fascinating.. If the same-sex parent is a ________, then the first-born child will adopt an OPPOSITE AND OPPOSING way of being... but the next child will revert to being an almost carbon-copy of that parent. Middle children usually find their sense of "belonging" outside of the family of origin---because they're bookmarked between the eldest golden child first-born and the beloved, spoiled last-born baby. The middles have to go outside of the family in order to be seen and valued as an individuated person.. They often make good spouses, in large part because the family they, themselves, create is the first one in which they feel fully seen and valued!

    It's interesting how each child's gender affects the next. If there are two girls, there's a first- and baby-born dynamic. If a son is then born, he's actually a "first-born," because he's the first of that particular gender in the family! Of course, he is also a last-born, and he could potentially "dethrone" the youngest daughter, causing allllll kinds of sibling rivalry between them, from the perspective of the "golden ph**s" perspective of a patriarchal society.. LOTS to investigate with this!! Kind of like the 5 Love Languages and the many combinations you can find with those! lol

    Looking forward to hearing thoughts on this! :)

  • RedFox16RedFox16

    Oh wow @JohnR1972 I have to admit to missing your first comment on this thread! 🤦‍♀️ But thank you for posting about the books.... I think one of my professors used material out of it/them (I'm sure the updated version)! And I found it so intriguing and complex 🧠

    And yes! Birth order and how it affects our personalities is quite varied with so many other things that factor into the development of our overall personality characteristics. So it's definitely not anything remotely close to set in stone rules and only 1 of a million other things that helps to make up our personalities.

    But it's entertaining & fascinating to learn about and identify some of the characteristics that occur in each of us and our families! 😎☺️😁

    @gem7 I'm game ANY time to chat with you more about nerdy psychology or neuroscience stuffs Haha 😉 It was fun talking about this too! 🤗

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