Conflicts with other members

edited July 2018 in General

(Nothing in particular provoked this post, and I don't have any conflicts with anyone here! Just talking).

I find Cuddle Comfort to be a very encouraging and supportive place, and a safe place in general -- which is rare on the internet. It makes sense for cuddlers to be accepting and loving people!

So can I encourage anyone who develops a conflict with someone else here to resolve things directly with the person if possible, or if it has to be in public then not to be too harsh with them?

-- Own your emotions, e.g. "I feel/felt ..."

-- Avoid insults, e.g. "I disagree, but I can see where you are coming from" rather than "You're an idiot if you think ..."

-- It can be hard not to want to defend yourself when you feel criticized publicly, but think about talking to them privately first.

-- If you talk privately and they take it the right way, they will see it as wanting to resolve things peacefully and as a compliment that you want to improve your relationship with them.

-- There's always a way to disagree respectfully without having to compromise your own views. If they feel like they are under attack, they are much less likely to hear you; persuasion works best if people feel like they have been understood first.

-- Someone may disagree with an issue that is vitally important to you, but you may not be able to convince them no matter what you say. Remember to see them as a person who deserves to be treated well.

-- In the end, people are free to say stuff, and you have the right to ignore them if you like.

I didn't have many good examples of conflict resolution as a kid (never talk about it, passive aggression, bottle it up then explode ...) so these things have been helpful for me. It was a surprise for me to learn that conflicts could be resolved at all!

Any other thoughts on resolving issues that come up?

Comments

  • So constructive criticism without insulting? :) I agree lol

  • They say it's better to listen to understand, not to respond. we're too quick sometimes to listen to others only to respond.

  • [Deleted User]jdrawmer (deleted user)

    “we’re too quick sometimes to listen to others only to respond”

    I find this so much IRL. I can literally see people not taking in what I’m saying, purely to get their next shot off. If they’d listened, they wouldn’t have has to get that shot off at all.

  • edited July 2018

    I have thanked the mods for censorship in private. But that's cuz i'm not invested on my online words. And also, hoping we are all nice just because we want comfort... idk mang, even (censored) voters wanna be cuddled sometimes, who are we to judge.

    Safe spaces are fine and dandy, but when it comes to enforcing that, safe spaces are gonna leave out a LOT of people. Financially it makes sense to cater to everyone, and simply ignore or censor the assholes (like myself) so that the "positive" pool doesn't get tainted with our bullshit.

  • @stellarosass One of the best gifts you can give someone is your silence. We are programmed to feel like we have to fix something. A problem, a person, a relationship, etc. Sometimes the best thing to do for the person is to close your mouth and be present.

  • Unfortunately they are people out there that are quite pushy and condescending just trying to get you to meet and cuddle. And when you decline, they start making derogatory comments. The only way I have resolved this type of situation is by blocking them.

  • [Deleted User]choicesvital (deleted user)

    Well said @respectful ! I think we all (probably most of us) are dealing with so much at personal front that we are expecting this to be a venue where all our cuddle buddies are considerate, compassionate, and in a way empath towards each other! This should be like our cuddle zen zone where all are at peace, friendly, respectful, helpful :) oh boy, did I say or expect too much.. lol!

  • do y'all think its justifiable of a person blocking someone, they get a message from, that was not offensive? just asking :)

  • @rob241 Common decency and respect for others disappeared about the time of the 2016 primary elections. No, it’s not justified, but nobody has to justify being rude anymore.

  • @mickcuddle yeah i hear ya, i feel like when people are dicks, we can't let it get to us, or else we do it too to others, and the cycle keeps going.

  • @angela10 in those situations, that's the only kind of help we can give them anyway. actually, that's what I like about this site, at least when I send some messages out. A reminder to be civil and respectful, but there should be another one for when and especially, when invites to cuddling are denied or the other party is not interested in.

    @rob241 any lack in discomfort from the user is a good enough excuse for me. I don't put up with shit, so if you don't like mine, whether i'm being rude or not, you are welcome to block me. especially when it comes to women who don't feel respected, or have to deal with turning someone down and idk. it's an unnecessary hassle that blocking just solves instantly.

  • [Deleted User]galowglass (deleted user)

    You're not less of a person for deciding who you want to listen-to, and who-not. Life, liberty and the persuit of happiness includes my right to put my fingers in my ears and go, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. But, blocking is so much easier. grin

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