I find that it is easy to find a pro that will do it for money but to just find others and be part of something is so damn impossible
@Expecting_Magic
"Maybe this is something that could be expanded into a system, where those with funds to spare can offset the cost of a cuddle appointment for so many folks where the cost is prohibitive. A donation system. Ever heard of "hanging coffee's"?? Let's hang some cuddle appointments out there for folks who really need them and can't afford it. We give away food and water to those who find challenges. Let's extend that compassionate charity into the world of platonic human touch?!? OK?!! 🤷🏼♂️"
As someone who also has offered to pay for a session for Healing, organizing a "hug fund" is not a good idea. Who is the arbiter of who deserves to receive funds? Who is responsible for holding the funds?
Healing has received at least 2 offers to cover expenses, and has had a pro reach out to him. The informal system we have going on worked and we are working to get him the hugs he needs.
I guess I could Google it, but I’m wondering if there are Meet Up groups in your area as a resource for finding a friend for mutual cuddling. I’m not talking about public cuddles at all - but not Pros or $$ exchange involved. Even through church group social activities. Not everyone’s religious, but there are non-denominational churches that aren’t preachy or judging, Just as a way to meet people in your community. But just to add even through any kind of social group. You have to be careful with who you trust to be alone with.
@Mr_Cuddle_Bear I honestly agree with this. I'm afraid that some people would take it vantage of it if it was offered to them. So it's good to keep it informal.
This is so true. I don’t know if this is an unpopular thing for a man to say, but I find myself missing hugs sometimes more than anything else.
@chriscuddles86 unpopular or not, I'm in that same boat.
Call it a “cuddle cup”.
Ever tried going to a festival or a crowded place with a "Free hugs" T-shirt?
Also: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_Hugs_Campaign (if there are none, try to organize one).
I'm in Wisconsin bro. I could definitely see myself touching you 🙂
I don’t know if this is an unpopular thing for a man to say, but I find myself missing hugs sometimes more than anything else.
It is an unpopular thing for a man to say, which is also why it's so often true.
I agree touch starvation is a real issue. I share your sentiment about "hallucinating" that someone touches me, I basically fall asleep having "directed dreams" of it.
It is.
@HealingSystem I totally empathize. I have a toxic narcissistic family structure where I was the pinata they beat up on. I've been stuck in my apartment and alone for years and am honestly kinda desperate to just feel cared about. I cannot travel, but I can certainly chip in on gas money. I'd love to cuddle, play games, talk, whatever.
I am glad more people are talking about touch starvation! This is why cuddling and platonic affection are so important, I've said the same for years, human contact is important, more so than people realize.
@atomicbearhug hey there!! I would be willing to chip in for @HealingSystem to be seen by you! One of my community cuddle participants paid for a ticket that could be gifted to someone in need while attending the event, but no one ended up needing those funds this past month. I'm certain she'd be ok with me donating them to @HealingSystem .
So so so many of us have been in that dire state of touch starvation where we can hardly stand to be alive. @Hugginghealer saw a client at our office a few weeks ago that hadn't been hugged in 11 or 12 years. That session with her was so incredibly healing. I have had clients who have felt suicidal and homicidal for not being able to receive touch. Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs includes love and belonging for a reason. You are SO completely valid in your feelings. I want you to get some touch that you so desperately need and desire. ALSO: if you ever find yourself in the Denver metro area, please reach out. I'd like to extend a complimentary ticket to one of our community cuddle events that I facilitate during the last Friday of every month.
Know that I am holding you closely and would hug you endlessly if I could!
@justjennn Thanks for saying that.
Was that tag meant for me, @justjennn ? If so, thank you very much! While i have had hugs from one friend, they are just the short one pat kind of hug thing --- My family is abusive and I don't see them anymore and I'm pretty isolated and very lonely. I've only just learned the terms 'touch starved' and 'skin hungry', but those definitely apply. If @HealingSystem could get to me, by bus plane what have you, I would definitely pay for a cab for him to get to me and back from where he gets dropped off at in Eau Claire.
@Expecting_Magic what you wrote is exactly why I decided to be a pro. I could literally feel this pain and starvation around me and I knew it would cause judgement that would be completely unfair because this is a human NEED. I wanted to help offset some of pain in any way I could. I am glad you are willing to stand up to the stigma. I wish more people would. If people made tik toks or whatever I feel like it would spread fast. You sound like you have a beautiful heart. I'm really glad @HealingSystem got some help. You all are good to each other and we need lots more of that in the world.
I was certainly touch-starved when I joined here about a year ago. I'm not in general now, though if I go too long those old feelings start to return and I don't like it.
I became a pro not long after I joined, but among other reasons I decided to be an enthusiast because I realized that my own feelings that arise from a lack of platonic touch make me someone who seems to do fine in 50-50% enthusiast situations but poorly when where I'm having to hold energy and focus 90-100% on someone else's needs-issues. I sometimes find myself hiring a pro so I can experience that 90-100%.
So, circling back to the original point of the thread, yes, I have semi-regular access to touch thanks to people I met through this site (particularly one wonderfully kind person who knows who they are ... hi! 😊) but even so I feel touch scarcity day to day and still experience touch starvation if I go too long. I feel like going without touch for years and years changed me to where I have to have regular platonic touch or I feel badly if I go more than a month without it now. 😕
The last human to touch me with affection was more than three years ago, and that was the last hug I will ever have from my mother.
The last touch of affection, mom not included, was more than a decade ago.
(I did try one professional about six years ago, but it was not a positive experience, let alone affectionate. It honestly made my feelings of loneliness and isolation worse.)
Touch starvation is probably a bell curve, based on the individual.
Do I miss having affectionate friends? Of course.
Is it fatal, or even catastrophic? Not for me, so far.
I am not in the camp of affection being a necessary component of life or survival. People who say that, in my opinion, are catastrophizing things. Does it make things better and more enriching? Sure, exception being those who are touch aversed or have no desire for it. But this over generalization that we need it for survival and there is something horrifically wrong if you don't have touch is a fallacy, and is often a statement made by those who are stating their own truths about their personal touch needs and thoughts and opinions.
Absolutely, on founding point. 🤗
Have you thought about offering some type of trade and barter to pay for a session or part of a session.
I’ve done some cuddle sessions on trade and barter before.
Examples I have personally trader cuddles for:
Chiropractic care Mechanic work on my car Professional Massage therapy Professional detailing of my jeep inside/out
@pmvines Thank you! 👏👏👏👏
Yes, I agree. I think that could go for all of us, so that’s why we are here. I miss it in anyway if it be in a relationship or a cuddle partner, or in some other way. I miss having someone that will just come to me, if I be sitting or lying, and they just climb on me and we cuddle, hug. I miss the touch, someone laying against me, or even leaning against me if I’m sitting. Even just standing and someone walks up and just puts their arms around you. I had someone at one time that was very affectionate and we would cuddle often , and she said the same thing. She said she just wanted to be near me and lay against me and she wanted to feel someone’s arms around her. If you can find it, it can be fairy rewarding, satisfying. It does something to one’s mind and body.
You should do some research sometime on what touch starvation does to infants. Babies can literally DIE from not having touch. Your statement is objectively false, and I think even a bit of projection where you're stating your own truths about personal touch and asserting those as fact. Touch has a biological component and is necessary for human development. Look it up.
@fluffy_gamer Interesting study and I heard about it, but infants are also meant to be taken care of at all times. They need a specialized diet, can’t do work, can’t fend for themselves in any way, are fragile.
Adults are more independent and developed, so I don’t think that study is particularly helpful for adults. But adults also crave connection with other humans, at the end of the day.
Depression is complicated because there are a lot of things that can cause it, so I don’t doubt that for some it may be extremely beneficial and for others not so much.
We are adults ,not infants. And there are numerous variables and factors and reasons that even go into the need of touch for infants. As I said, there is a difference between wanting or craving something and your very survival depending on it. I get that there are a lot of extremely lonely and touch starved people on this site, however a personal feeling about something doesn't make it so.
And no, I am not projecting anything @fluffy_gamer. But it is what I think and believe and you are welcome to believe as you wish. Your reality isn't mine. We are certainly not the first of our kind to have these different opinions. Two camps.
I know that many people have deleted themselves due to a lack of love in their lives. And some people can only really feel loved with loving touch. I know in my distant past, I've come close and it was becuase of a lack of love and lack of the ability to love. And this lack came very much from lack of touch and from harmful touch.
I think it's more complicated than anyone can even know. My opinion, 100%.
Whether this is becuase of nature or nurture, I can't say. To survive in a vacuum, maybe it's not necessary. To survive on this planet, maybe it is necessary for some depending on their temperament and what they've been through.
I gotta say, the world is complicated. It's extremely difficult to walk past another in any kind of need for me. If I didn't have a family and commitments I would pick up everyone in need and carry their load until we worked out the issue, they got better or it got fixed. And of course by many, I would be labeled a sucker. (And believe me labels follow me around)
Touch starved is right up there with food starved. Emotions, no matter the context, separate us from being animals or things. There is a solution for all of our need starved issues. All of them. It is the reason I believe, that we are here, not to shuffle around plastic, metal and wooden trinkets, but to actually connect and help those that really want it.
One day, when we care for each other enough, we will find it.