Support for violating experience

Comments

• GuyverGordon

  January 2025

  I'm so sorry your first experience was that bad. I'm glad that you reported him, at least.
• Mike403

  January 2025

  You have access to a "pros only" forum where you can get advice from other pros. I will say to take the money before the session begins and set hard boundaries. If they attempt to cross any of those, the session is over with no refunds. Some people will gradually test a boundary to see how much they can get away with. Don't play that game. If they're not completely on the same page for platonic cuddles, they're on the wrong site.
• Carrie_Anne

  January 2025 edited January 2025

  I’m also sorry you’ve had this experience, unfortunately it’s not uncommon here.
  State in your profile very prominently that payment is up front.
  Say it again and get them to verbally agree during screening and don’t continue until they say it.
  When you arrive, ask for it before starting the session…”let’s get the payment out of the way before we start “
  But if you’re a guest it’s not so easy. I only hosted as a Pro, so I could control the environment. I guess you put the payment in your purse right next to you? (Along with pepper spray?? and pray you never have to use it!)
  I seriously wouldn’t feel safe in a strange man’s home.
  Definitely get advice on the Pro forum!
• beaubliss

  January 2025

  Hi Lorette
  You look lovely, and your profile description is beautifully written.
  First, do not blame yourself; it is nothing you did, trust me.....second, understand that the title "pro" is simply a moniker given to a cuddler on CC who has been approved to charge money for cuddling. There is generally nothing "professional" about their training or preparation. This fact often leads to being taken advantage of......

  Sometimes, unfortunate and violating experiences are next to impossible to avoid. But in my experience in coaching and mentoring new "pros", much can be avoided during the vetting process. Most of those with whom I work require a phone or video chat prior, to better understand the energy of the other, as well as to establish the kind of connection that allows all parties to feel safe. There are other strategies to vet potential clients that I'm happy to share should you be interested.

  I hope your first experience doesn't dissuade you from venturing further into this remarkable work. There are certainly challenges but you can mitigate many of them. Best of luck to you; I have a feeling you'll end up doing really well should you choose to soldier on!
• CuddleDuncan Mod

  January 2025

  I'm really sorry this happened to you. Sadly, it's not uncommon. New professionals are targetted by the perpetrators, for obvious reasons. Well done for Reporting, it's the right thing to do and helps keep other professionals safe. And to reiterate, you did nothing to trigger or instigate this: he had it planned from the beginning.

  There is lots of advice in the sticky topics at the top of the professional cuddling board. Start with the first post in each case. There is a great deal more to professional cuddling than meets the eye.

  Yes, always collect payment in full before cuddling starts. It's not embarrassing: Walmart expect to get paid and so should you. Good clients will often bring it up themselves, but if they don't just say something like, "Let's do the payment so it's out of the way." If anybody argues or tries to discuss the point, then end the session immediately and Report them. Never give anybody the benefit of the doubt, or a second chance, until you have been doing this for at least a year. And even then, only do it once a year at the most. HIstory teaches us that the vast majority of bad actors know exactly what they are doing.

  Pepper spray and the like are not legal in many jurisdictions. If it is legal to carry such a thing where you are, get training in its use and practise using it frequently. Carrying weapons for self-defense can increase the risk of attack, and exposes you to the [very significant] risk of the weapon being used on you. In general, training in things like de-escalation techniques is a better investment and keeps you safer.

  Training to be a cuddle professional is available and I recommend it in the strongest possible terms.
• CuddlyKoala47

  January 2025

  @lorette I just want to say how sorry I am to hear this happened to you. Second what was stated above. You get to choose when and how you set those boundaries but collecting payment up front is pretty standard. Sometimes I have reminded clients if necessary before we get into cuddling in the actual session if they forget. If you want any support with boundary setting (and holding) I'd be glad to chat with you some.

  I'm pretty firm on mine with clients and as a result of my vetting don't see a higher volume of clients because I'm not a fit for everyone. But a felt sense of safety is #1 for my ability to show up and hold space for someone else in an attuned caring way. I'm a body based practitioner and I've done a lot of work in practicing both verbal and nonverbal boundary setting.

  I hope you have been able to find some trauma support for yourself. You can definitely find more info in the Pros Only forum about navigating and preventing situations like this.
• ironsolari (deleted user)

  January 2025

  That’s quite unfortunate, as a new pro I’ve been brainstorming about ideas to make first times as comfortable as possible or just an overall pleasant experience to help break nerves.