HELP! Lol. Advice Needed.

SquishyJackieSquishyJackie
in General

Ok, please don't beat on me too bad for this one, but I've never been great in social situations and could really use some advice. I did look through other discussions and found marginally helpful info, but almost all of it pertains to the professional / client relationship.

After having a couple crappy/disappointing cuddles, I have now had 2 amazing cuddles with someone who lives nearby. It turns out we have a lot in common too; like I secretly really want to become friends and hangout outside of just cuddling. Lol. I want to keep a solid separation between the dating sites and the cuddling but the problem is this guy gets playful. Like when my friends or family and I used to wrestle. Push me off the couch. Threaten to throw me. Annoy me by tapping on me. Pull my hair. All the kind of stuff that I would normally consider fun, flirty behavior and want very much to respond to. But I'm also old enough to know better; that's not what this is. So my question is this: do I tell him to stop being so playful bc I don't want to get things confused (which might make him try harder) or do I do nothing and deal with it internally? Cuz truth be told, if i had met him somewhere else this might be a different story (on my end, anyway.) I've already made it clear this is platonic only and he's respected that so I'm not worried about him being creepy pushy like some of the bad guys. I don't want to make him stop cuddling with me either because I love it so fricken much! 😂 So how do I handle this, besides find more people to cuddle with?

Comments

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

    If you like cuddling with him you don’t say anything and deal with it internally.

    If you feel at any time your boundaries are being crossed then you speak up.

  • ChrissyNoirChrissyNoir

    lol .. just have fun and cuddle .. keep boundaries because it’s platonic and if you want to keep him as a cuddler (think longterm) and not get to wrapped up in the moment .. 😀

  • SquishyJackieSquishyJackie

    @mavericklegend I'm glad I asked.

    @chrissynoir thanks for laughing with me lol

  • ChrissyNoirChrissyNoir

    @SquishyJackie of Course .. life is short … we deserve laughter 🤭

  • ChrissyNoirChrissyNoir

    @MaverickLegend good advice

  • AlpineCuddlesAlpineCuddles

    clearly defined boundaries are always important. I think if you set clear boundaries, and someone tries to cross them then that tells you all you need to know. Cuddles only work when you feel safe! Keep the cuddles going if you feel safe.

  • MrPaulMrPaul

    I suggest communicating your thoughts in a positive way to your cuddle partner so he knows what you’re looking for. He can’t read your mind. Ask him what he wants too. See where you both agree and let that inform your interactions so you’re both comfortable.

  • lovingspoonfulllovingspoonfull
    edited January 2025

    I think you should cuddle if you’re comfortable, and talk about it to fix it or stop if you’re not. Your entire post is details but from an outside perspective I’m not comfortable offering advice. Completely your call.

    But I do want to speak to the tone of your post; hopefully I’m reading something into it that’s not there, but it sounds like you’re giddy that you’ve finally had some positive experiences, and willing to overlook a few things because you don’t want to go back to “crappy cuddles”.

    Because of that you sound like you’re settling. I’d recommend that regardless of what you do with this specific cuddler, keep looking for additional cuddlers that are positive experiences, with hopefully fewer things you have to overlook.

    Ask yourself this: if the previous two experiences were really positive, would you overlook the issues you raised?

  • SquishyJackieSquishyJackie

    @lovingspoonfull thank you. You werent reading into it. I genuinely get excited thinking about our sessions and thats why i wasnt sure how to handle it; i was afraid my gut reaction (to say something) was going to be the wrong choice. You raise some good points and I have read that before, that it's always a good idea to not cuddle with the same person too often. I have a few more potentials in the works and hope that, as you said, if I get some more positive sessions, this particular partner won't seem so special (for lack of a better word).

  • lovingspoonfulllovingspoonfull

    @SquishyJackie I love how real your post was, and hope your cuddles are fantastic. Both the ones with this cuddle partner and any future ones.

  • tiffanybabytiffanybaby

    Let him know your boundaries and remind him you are not looking for a relationship even though you enjoy spending time with him. But tell him what bothers u as a person/ like standards but you can say it nicely !

  • susieq123susieq123

    He pushed you off the couch?

  • SquishyJackieSquishyJackie

    @lovingspoonfull aw, thanks, that was sweet! I'm about as real as it gets, whether people like it or not (just ask my co-workers.) Lol

    @susieq123 yeah, tried and unfortunately it's a narrow couch so he would have easily succeeded had the ottoman not been right there. Playful wrestling, not malicious. The first time we met we were spooning facing left and he tried throwing me up across his body to the right side. I'm a big girl and dont land gracefully, nor did i want to kill him if i landed on top, so i resisted. I think he took it as a challenge. It was surprising and funny, but he stopped once I hit my head on the windowsill. Lol.

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